It's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You For Everything Author: Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Publisher: Janis Publications USA Inc. (April 25, 2008) Paperback: 372 pages ISBN-10: 0981509037 ISBN-13: 978-0981509037

Book Description
Bill Eddy, a therapist turned attorney, is uniquely qualified to address how to handle conflicts with personality disordered individuals (or those acting like personality disordered individuals). He's written a very practical guide on the subject - It's All YOUR Fault!

Eddy refers throughout the book to HCPs - High Conflict People. These are people who constantly get into conflicts with others, because they blame others and avoid responsibility. They find Targets of Blame - i.e. you - to wrongly blame for their problems. The process by which they do this is totally unconscious to them - they don't realize that they are thinking wrongly and sabotaging themselves by creating conflicts where none need exist. If that terminology seems unfamiliar, that's probably because it is  Eddy finds ways to put complex psychological concepts into simple, clear, everyday language. This is one strong reason that this is a very helpful book for understanding BPD - especially at a time of crisis when a lot of the psychological language in other resources can be a bit bewildering. The book is structured as 12 "tips" for dealing with HCPs. Each tip has its own chapter, which explains the concept and how to take action.

Part I: Understanding High Conflict People

Tip #1: Don't Take Their Personal Attacks Personally
Tip #2: Don't Give Them Negative Feedback
Tip #3: Don't Bend Boundaries With Borderlines                        
Tip #4: Don't Diss the Narcissists
Tip #5: Don't Get Hooked by Histrionics
Tip #6: Don't Get Conned by Antisocials
Tip #7: Don't Be a Negative Advocate

Part II: Managing High Conflict People

Tip #8: Connect Using Your E.A.R.
Tip #9: Analyze Your Realistic Options
Tip #10: Respond Quickly to Misinformation
Tip #11: Set Limits on Misbehavior
Tip #12: Choose Your Battles            

Several examples are referenced throughout the book - "The Neighbor From Hell", "The Arrogant Coworker", and "The Blaming Brother". As you can see, the book is not primarily focused on intimate relationships, though it useful for understanding and dealing with them.

One very nice feature is Eddy's obvious empathy for HCPs. He regularly cautions us not to label people, not to try to diagnose them, and to examine ourselves for signs of high conflict thinking. While he does not shy away from referring to personality disorders (and he addresses their varieties where relevant) his focus is on dealing with behaviors, not labels.

<--- HCP... .at times.

The mirror is a terrible thing.

*sigh*

It would be nice if some of these books were available via download format. Getting books here is over the top expensive.

Try here:

www.unhookedbooks.com/It-s-All-Your-Fault-p/book104.htm