So, so true Augustine, thank you.
BPD behaviour, at least that of my ex, is literally just that... dichotomous. And it is so hard to resolve in your head. Because my brain doesn't work that way.
As I work towards more security in myself and my thinking, I feel confident I'll see it much clearer and feel a stronger resolve to step completely away from the madness and feel okay about there being some unresolved things between us. But I think the work then becomes dealing with the pain I feel from buying into the dream that he sold... and dissolving any type of hope that he could ever follow through with any of those promises.
As my psych said, everyone has hope and the ability to heal to some degree. But I'm the least likely person he's going to change for now - because he tried and it failed, multiple times... so I need to give up hope that even if we tried again, it would be any different. He's already laid down deep tracks of disrespect, betrayal and lies with me... so it needs to be a new person, someone he doesn't want to risk losing... coming back to me just keeps him stuck in his patterns... and it does look like he's trying to reconnect with his ex before me (the dangerous, abusive narcissist he monkey branched to from me and then back to me)... so it's clear he's not ready to face any of it yet.
Will definitely keep you updated as therapy progresses.