She also said something about how 85% of divorces are settled in mediation, which I think made her sound unrealistically optimistic. I got the feeling like she might underestimate how crazy my husband might get during the process.
William Eddy (mediator, lawyer, author and lecturer) states that 10-15% of divorce cases involve Personality Disordered spouses. And most of us here found that mediation typically fails in our cases because the problem parent is too entitled and controlling to genuinely negotiate so early in the process. No wonder that she stated "85% of divorces are settled in mediation"... that 85% is the portion not seriously disordered.
When I described some of the threats my husband has made, threats that he's going get full custody of my daughter and I'll never see her again etc., she shook her head and rolled her eyes...
I asked her if I can move out right away, or if I have to stay living with him, and she said after what I told her she thinks I should move out right away, and I should take my daughter and my cats with me. She said my daughter needs to "be in [my] possession," when he finds out I'm divorcing him. And she told me if he calls the cops while she's "in my possession" they probably won't do anything.
I asked her if I can move out right away, or if I have to stay living with him, and she said after what I told her she thinks I should move out right away, and I should take my daughter and my cats with me. She said my daughter needs to "be in [my] possession," when he finds out I'm divorcing him. And she told me if he calls the cops while she's "in my possession" they probably won't do anything.
That's what I discovered. When there were no court orders my police limited themselves to defusing incidents (by separating the spouses) and not who had the child. My police consistently told me to "fix it in court". They did not force a child transfer.
I would suggest that you seek some way, perhaps in a preemptive protection order or residency order that states your preschooler resides with you in the meantime. Any visitation can be by phone, video chat or supervised by a trained professional until the court has its initial hearing where it listens (warning: probably quite briefly) to each side and a temp order is made.
Remember, forget your inclination to "be fair". Court doesn't care about fairness or niceness. While it doesn't want either side to be blocking just to block, as long as you're not nasty or aggravating the situation, you can stick to what's best for both you and your young preschooler.