I hope I can squeeze In a few more posts about the subject before my post gets locked.
No worries Iamdizzy, you can start a new thread once this one reaches the full 4 page mark.
I try as often as possible to think about how I will be different so I won't get caught up in this again.
It is great to self analyze. We all evolve over time, the more we know about ourselves the more we can ascertain about another. It's an interesting side effect of self awareness.
I want to know why I stayed, why i, despite her behavior, stayed. Was it because she was raped and that alone tore down any boundary I had, is it something else? Deeply ingrained in me?
When someone idolizes you it feels good. It speaks to our self worth and makes us feel worthy. Did you feel a need to make her life better? Did this need to make her life better give your life purpose?
How do I stop missing her?the more I think about her, as time passes, I panic because I'm still thinkin about her. I have some Sort of imaginary clock in my head that makes me think after x amount of time, I need to stop thinking about her and my feelings will go away.
First of all Iamdizzy you are being really hard on yourself. You are an individual and your grieving is yours and you will be done with your grief when you are done. There is no time frame that fits everyone. Go easy on you here.
Typically we fall in love with the person we think they are. An image of the "perfect" partner and realistically there is no such thing as a perfect partner, everyone has flaws. In other words, you are focusing on the good stuff. Integrating the good behaviors with the not so good behaviors makes her who she was/is.
That goes the same for us. We tend to focus on how great we were "I always did this or that for her, why did things go so wrong?" The great things we did triggered the fears in our exs. That is the disorder. We in turn may have had some not so good behaviors that inflamed their fears.
For me, my ex and her children triggered my need for a "family", the one I never had. The desire for the concept of a nuclear family was deeply ingrained in me. It gave me purpose once I had it.
Questioning ourselves and outright having conversations with ourselves with an open mind about what we got, the payoff, from all of our relationships helps us to look within at what's missing in our lives. What was missing for you? What void did she fill for you?
