Overestimating BPD's Good Looks

[goldylamont]

my ex, unfortunately was quite the looker. the first time i met her briefly i thought she was one of the best looking women i'd seen. i didn't see her again for three years and when i did (just before we started dating) she was still just as good looking. wasn't just me, everybody refers to her looks, even gay men would be like "where's that gorgeous gf of yours", bosses, friends, strangers, passersby. i dunno i'm sure she wouldn't be somebody's bag of tea but no i don't think i overestimated her beauty. she could hang with the best of them as far as looks, but she is also a very very ugly person. people that don't know her well describe her as gorgeous, beautiful, nice. people that do know her ugly side call her every low name in the book, even an old roomate of hers said the C-word was much too high of a compliment for her. it hurts me too to hear this but i know she deserves it. and now i'm letting this reality pour all over any remnant memory of her looks. b/c she was also nasty, mean and stupid

[VeryFree]

I had a wonderful experience this week, that I want to post in this topic:

I was talking to a womanfriend, who has been a big help the last months. This woman isn't good-looking, but during our conversation it just hit me: maybe your not good-looking, but you are a beautiful person.

Something to think about... .  

[bb12]

This is an awesome topic!

yeah - I guess when we are dissecting the spell we have been under, the physical is one of those areas that leaves us perplexed.

I thought my ex was so extraordinary, that not being a part of his amazing future, was one of the main things I was grieving. But now, I look at the one or two photos I have of him (the rest went in a burning ceremony at Christmas time LOL), and can not see anything attractive about him at all. He is plain. No two ways about it.

The devaluation or maltreatment does something to our view of them. Our pride demands a return to the halcyon days and in pursuing that, our mind tricks us into believing they are the one; amazing; unique; the hottest thing on the planet.

When the dust settles and their greatness has not become evident to the world and they are not the successful, rich, famous, acclaimed person we were duped into believg they would be... .  that same reality check against their physicality also happens. We buy into the narcissistic aspirations they had for themselves, but when we drop that completely and lift our own self-esteem, these folks become as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside!

bb12

[Surnia]

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