New place, new career

[Forestaken]

I was married 24 years to an abusive uBPD-dOCDw.  Divorce started 15 months ago, our 2 college age kids live with me. I have the house.

Everywhere in the city I live has painful memories, where she hit me, created a scene, made us miserable,etc. 

When my S talks about me dating, I told him I don't want a r/s in this area.  I want to leave this place, it's too painful.

Does this make sense? 

[Want2know]

Yes, it makes sense.  I moved far away from the town where I was with my ex.  It took me about a year to realize that remaining in that town was a detriment. 

It did make it easier on me to move, as I no longer am running in the same crowd of mutual friends, but I have to admit, some of the issues that I left there with are still with me.  My crap that I still am dealing with, and that were part of the reason I found myself in a r/s like that in the first place.

What would your kids think if you up and moved?  I'm guessing their college is local, so it would effect them.  Has your divorce been finalized?

[CyanideSiren]

I'm very sorry to hear about this... .

A good idea would definitely be to move into a new apartment that you can make your own.  If you stay at the house where the marriage went bad, you'll constantly be reminded of it.

As for not wanting a relationship--That's probably for the best until you heal from said marriage and all.

I wish you luck!

[Changed4safety]

Totally understandable--I moved 1,000 miles away, basically to make sure I didn't recycle, also to have a whole state that had no associations with my ex.  (I did end up recycling, and he did come to visit before I finally ended things permanently, but it's still "my" place." 

[ComoLu]

After my 32 yr. marriage broke up, I actually moved back to the city we where we met.  I did not plan it.  It just worked out this way.  I only knew that I wanted to get away from the house we had shared and the place where everyone knew us as a couple.  I am in a different area of the city, away from the places we knew when we were dating and 1st married, but I still have to go to those places from time to time, and it isn't always easy.  Even if you can't move far away, could you go to a different area in your city and start over?  As for the r/s, trust your heart.  I did, and I am happy now.  I wasn't sure I was ready when it started, but I knew I was tired of being alone and sad.  I took a chance and trusted my instincts.  So far it is working for me.

[Forestaken]

My S23 wants to move to the new place. Like me, he chose a profession that is required anywhere.  He'll be done with college by the time all of this is over.  My D19 is looking to go to school out of state bc her career choice is geographically constrainted.  There are no opportunities for her, here.  She'll be close but not in the same area.

I planning 2-4 years to move. 

[oolia]

Makes lots of sense to me.  I was married to a BPD almost 10 years, and our house and our city were minefields of traumatic memories.  If we hadn't had a small child together, I certainly would have considered getting out of this house and this city.  It took a long time for the house to start to feel safe and like it was my house again... . and in some ways for my city to feel safe again, too.  I am now divorced 6 months, and I separated from my BPD 34 months ago (who's counting? ha!).  I can say from this vantage that it took a long time, but I have reclaimed my home and my city from the haunting bad memories for the most part.  So, it can happen, but there's also something to be said for a fresh start if it's doable.  Best to you.

[Forestaken]

Planning on moving as this place has too many painfui memories, Same career, different area (IT banking to IT Healthcare). comments?

[Changed4safety]

I am reading a wonderful book called "Soul Space."  www.amazon.com/SoulSpace-Transform-Creating-Clutter-Inspired/dp/1608680371/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373731792&sr=1-1&keywords=soul+space

A lot of wisdom about letting go of things via letting go of clutter, changing things around, reevaluating what you have.  You could look at this move as a true fresh start for you.  I wish I'd known about this book when I moved about a year ago, but at least I have it now!  It might help you as well.  I think you're making a wise choice.

[Forestaken]

The book review seems to be on target to what I want to do with my life. thanks! My library system doesn't have however, they have another book listed along with it "The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living".  !  I've requested a hold on it.

Tomorrow I will be going to a community college info session on a career program that I am interest in.  Things are coming together not effortlessly but nothing worth having is easy. Isn't it?

[Grey Kitty]

Dunno about the big questions on moving, but I can recommend this short book despite its lame title:

www.amazon.com/Here-Somewhere-Alice-Fulton-Osborne-Pauline-Hatch/dp/1932898395/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374022200&sr=1-1&keywords=its+here+somewhere

The book is a very simple (not easy!) process for getting the physical things you don't need out of your life. Perhaps your library will have it?

[Forestaken]

My community college info session didn't go too well. The classes are taught during the day when I work. So, I decided on my second choice and am now enrolled in 1 night class and 1 online class.

I gotta think forward.