How they react when they find out you have a new partner?

[shatra]

Hi

   My partner broke up with me this month. I am planning to begin dating others at some point, and he lives in the same city I do, and will likely find out I'm dating.

  He  is definitely not dangerous... .anyone care to share the BPs typical reaction when they find out you are dating new people? I'd feel better knowing and being prepared for what I might be in for.

Have a nice day

Shatra

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[Rapt Reader]

... .anyone care to share the BPs typical reaction when they find out you are dating new people? I'd feel better knowing and being prepared for what I might be in for.

I bet that there probably isn't an exact "typical" reaction that everyone with BPD has when they find out their Ex is dating again, or in any situation for that matter. Everyone--BPD or not--is unique and different. Some people are distraught and jealous when an Ex starts dating again, some have moved on and don't really get too upset. Some might feel hurt and in pain, and will get depressed and cry all day. Some will be sad and upset, but will suck it up and move on with their lives.

I guess none of us ever really know for sure what our loved ones (or Ex loved ones) will or will not do in stressful situations... .How do you feel about starting to date again? Are you ready for a new relationship? Are you happy and excited? I would start there, and give him the space to figure it out on his own, and yourself the time to grieve the loss of that other relationship and the chance for a new life. I wish you well when you begin anew, shatra 

[Hawk Ridge]

I too have heard of a myriad of responses including a 6th sense. After 7 months, I started dating. She was in love with my replacement within 2.  I have been wondering this too.

[Grey Kitty]

I would expect him to handle it as about as badly as he does to other challenging things from you.

He's still reaching into the same emotional toolbox full of damaged tools when he has to cope with it.

[Infern0]

Mine found out I went on a date and reacted with rage.

You ass,  you never loved meeeeeeee

She devalued and dumped me ftr

[shatra]

Thank you for the replies---

  Rapt, I feel nervous about dating, since he will find out about it and I am unsure about his reaction.

  Hawk wrote

I too have heard of a myriad of responses including a 6th sense.

----Does this mean the person had a 6th sense and picked up the fact that

you began dating someone else?

  Grey, sounds like you think it would be a "challenging thing" to him to find out when I start dating?  The damaged tools he has is a good analogy... .the tools I see BPD's have access to are substance abuse, denial and blocking out feelings while keeping a mask of indifference and coldness on his outside, and projecting faults onto others.

   Inferno, she devalued and dumped you for the record... .does that mean you were still with her when you dated someone else?

Shatra

[Grey Kitty]

  Grey, sounds like you think it would be a "challenging thing" to him to find out when I start dating?  The damaged tools he has is a good analogy... .the tools I see BPD's have access to are substance abuse, denial and blocking out feelings while keeping a mask of indifference and coldness on his outside, and projecting faults onto others.

I believe that he would react to it as a challenge / difficulty / conflict... .and yes, reach for tools like those most likely.

Wouldn't you feel crappy upon hearing about him dating somebody else?

You would reach for your own tools to deal with it... .and you have some in better tools than he does!

[Hawk Ridge]

Shatra, I am still trying to figure this out myself.  It could be explained by the heightened level of sensitivity or perhaps that emotional development halts at such a young age due trauma.  I'm hoping members of this board can enlighten us.

[shatra]

Hi

  Yes perhaps someone can enlighten us. It may be what you said---they are extra sensitive (to their feelings and ours, and the environment, etc).  Their emotional development does halt at a young age------wonder how this affects their sensitivity, and their ability to keep tabs on us when we're out of sight... .

Shatra