How is everyone doing here?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Am I shouting in a an empty desert well all the frequent users have gone and continued their life or are there still a few who are out here?

[HarmKrakow]

Am I shouting in a an empty desert well all the frequent users have gone and continued their life or are there still a few who are out here?

[Want2know]

Perhaps a little of both. 

I saw your comments in your Leaving thread today.  Anything in particular that you want to discuss here on PI now that you've had some time to process things?

[MaybeSo]

We're around!

[turtle]

Just returned recently after a much needed break!

turtle

[qkslvrgirl]

Hi back... .I'm on a trip to Thailand: Needed to do something significant to shake up the old paradigm.

I started out about 6 months ago telling people at my work that I was going to go visit my son this year. With that intension set, I managed to steer myself into position and actually made the trip over. I've been here in Bangkok for 11 days now. It's been good for me to know that I can be happy and centered in totally different surroundings.

It also makes me appreciate my life back home - but I have substantially cleared the fog (haha)!

[Surnia]

 

Yes, we are around. 

Others are gone for whatever reasons.

What about you? What exactly brought you back?

[HarmKrakow]

Yes, we are around. 

Others are gone for whatever reasons.

What about you? What exactly brought you back?

What brought me back?

Confirmation of having changed, improved, or slightly adjusted myself consider reading my own post how I felt back then and now.

Reading other people's pain, and not feeling the same about it as I used too.

And current issues with a girl i'm dating which in a sense freak me out as she is coming up with quite a few red flags of her own at the moment, although she is fully aware of the BPD story of my ex.

I am starting to have major doubts again, and felt flashback after flashback, and therefore a return.

Other than that I became so much more bitter in life, and still see everything through a grey vision, as I felt a connection with many when I shared my pain once half a year ago, I was wondering maybe I can read someone stories here who share those issues as well.

[Want2know]

Life doesn't get better. Life will change. You only live once.

This is something you posted back in June... .I can see that this outlook (life doesn't get better) equates with the grey feeling you are describing. 

I can relate, but am starting to realize that perhaps life can be better.  There is a lot of baggage, battle wounds, scars that many of us have... .not just from our ex-relationships, but from the life that lead up to the moment we entered those relationships.  As we detach from our ex's, this becomes apparent, and then it's time to do the hard work to get to a better place.

I think we hit plateaus in our healing.  It is probably a life long process, but hopefully a steady slope upwards.  I have made some changes in my life that are continuing my climb upwards.  It's not easy.  So for me, I believe that life can get better.  It's about persistence and peeling back the onion, working on changing perspective, and finding practical solutions that ground me so I can make my life better.  Ok, enough with the speech. 

You have mentioned before that the issues that occur in relationships are from both partners.  Can you tell us a little more about why you think you are with someone that is exhibiting red flags, and what that means exactly?

[HarmKrakow]

Life doesn't get better. Life will change. You only live once.

This is something you posted back in June... .I can see that this outlook (life doesn't get better) equates with the grey feeling you are describing. 

I can relate, but am starting to realize that perhaps life can be better.  There is a lot of baggage, battle wounds, scars that many of us have... .not just from our ex-relationships, but from the life that lead up to the moment we entered those relationships.  As we detach from our ex's, this becomes apparent, and then it's time to do the hard work to get to a better place.

I think we hit plateaus in our healing.  It is probably a life long process, but hopefully a steady slope upwards.  I have made some changes in my life that are continuing my climb upwards.  It's not easy.  So for me, I believe that life can get better.  It's about persistence and peeling back the onion, working on changing perspective, and finding practical solutions that ground me so I can make my life better.  Ok, enough with the speech. 

You have mentioned before that the issues that occur in relationships are from both partners.  Can you tell us a little more about why you think you are with someone that is exhibiting red flags, and what that means exactly?

Thx mom .

I also think I hit a certain level in my healing. Now i'm just walking around daily in the Netherlands with grey eye glasses on. No spark, no dark or black color, no just grey. All I gotta do is finish my MSc thesis and I can walk around and start working wherever I want. New York, Asia, I feel a little 'yay' on that. Not big, but just a little. As I still gotta do a lot of stuff before I get to that level.

In between those periods, lets say April - August I had a long period of not giving a sh**. Walking around with a huge, I get hit by a car? I don't care. The airplane would crash? Couldn't care. Not that I wanted to die, not that I wanted life to be over, not that I wanted to just 'be dead'. It's just, whatever I was doing, no spark. Sex, alcohol, party, going to friends. I did it, but not the 'wow it is cool to do this, no, nothing like that'.  I never did drugs, nor will do so. Now, just a week in, I moved to a little studio of my own in a small place. Gotta prepare my thesis, as I really gotta finish that thing but in regards of my memory and all, it's swiss goat cheese. Memory & sleep is really not as it used to be as during the first periods of the relationship or before.

This might sound silly, but i have been watching a lot of 'locked up abroad' episodes. Often people do 'dumb' things out of financial trouble, but also a significant part goes about doing things to seek thrill in life. To seek that spark. To seek the yellow rabbit. Life got bored after a 'sudden shock'. When I see someone telling so passionate about how he felt at certain exciting moments I get SO excited. Like euphoria, like i'm getting sucked into it. It's been months, almost years, since I felt that 'being sucked into' something feeling I also feel like that. I want to 'feel' alive. I don't feel alive. My death wish slowly changed into a mixture of "I don't want to carry the mental pain anymore" and "I don't want to die, but I don't like life either wtf am I supposed to do?". I want to feel alive Want2Know!

Family wise, I basically have no contact with any of the sides (mum & dad) anymore, as I have zero brothers or sisters it's just me. I do feel alone. And then during that April-August period that 'girl' came. She had the characteristics I sought for in a girl, quite the opposite of my ex, and quite pretty. But also the ___*d up youth. I traveled a bit in Europe and she joined me on those occasions. However she became more attached than I did. Now when I just got my own place again, she sort of settled in my place as in, THIS IS MY PLACE NOW 2!, and she added my best friends on FB (dafuq :/). She is very clingy and now I got myself in a situation I have a girl clinging around me, very jealous, clawing to everyone who is getting 2 close at me and basically living in my place. Now when I feel 'reality' coming around the corner, as in passing my MSc's in Maths... I feel like I need to focus and I can't seem to get rid of this girl.

Don't get me wrong, she is nice, I wouldn't mind trying anything long term out with her, seriously, I'm open for that, but that hugely clingeling behavior of her, the 'strange' fights and discussions they remind me you know. I'm scared of this girl as I don't know what she will do if I say, let's take it slower... .". Want2know, I AM SCARED(!) of telling her let's take it easy.  That's dumb no?

in a month time i've hit a year of therapy, which ended (sort of) with the EMDR therapy in regards of my traumatic events with my ex.

Gosh this post is SO fragmented  

Bareeeuh : ( I just still don't feel particularly awesome or cool. I've had my moments, but that's all

[Want2know]

Thx mom

You're welcome, my son.   

New York, Asia, I feel a little 'yay' on that. Not big, but just a little.

A little 'yay' is better than no yay.  I'm guessing that when you get to this point, the yay will become bigger, and although you will probably have some 'work' to do on yourself, the grey may have a shade of blue, perhaps some green and purple, too.  I have faith that eventually your colors will come back.   

My death wish slowly changed into a mixture of "I don't want to carry the mental pain anymore" and "I don't want to die, but I don't like life either wtf am I supposed to do?". I want to feel alive Want2Know!

I have been going to church since I moved to the city I live in now.  I am one of those people who poo-pooed religion as something that people hold on to out of fear of the unknown.  I have always been the science/math 'girl', there had to be a logic and reason for everything.  Once I finally got out of my relationship, and had detached significantly, I had an event occur that made me question everything I knew about the physical world, and I started looking more at the world through a more spiritual realm.  That lead me to religion.  I wouldn't say I'm a full blown believer, but there are some things that occur in this world that science cannot answer.  One of those questions for me is 'what is my purpose in life?', or an even bigger question is 'what is the purpose for the universe being created?' - not how, but why?

This may sound unrelated to your wanting to feel alive, but it's really not.  It's about believing that you have a purpose in your life.  You may not know what it is yet, but there is one.  Seeking this out, leads to creation - creativity, feeling alive again.  I'm not sure where your thesis related work will take you, but it seems like a key that may help you open the door to feeling alive again, reminding you that you have choices and there is a huge world out there to explore.

I'm scared of this girl as I don't know what she will do if I say, let's take it slower... .". Want2know, I AM SCARED(!) of telling her let's take it easy.  That's dumb no?

It's not dumb.  Not at all.  I stayed with my ex-H and my ex-bf for much of the same reason - not wanting to confront them and instead putting my needs aside. 

Here's my thought on telling her you want to take it slower and need some of your space back... .if she can't accept that, then she's not worth your time.  Sounds simple, but as I quoted you earlier "you only live once".  It may be a difficult conversation to have, but it can be done in a kind and compassionate way. 

I know this is hard, HK... we're here to stick it out with you.  Can't get rid of old mum too easily. 

[willtimeheal]

I am around. Don't log on as much. Trying to take a break from all this BPD stuff. I feel like it has consumed so much of my life over the last six months. Concentrating on myself and trying to move forward.

[Emelie Emelie]

Hi - I'm new to this board.  Had a message moved over here so here I am. 

[HarmKrakow]

I am around. Don't log on as much. Trying to take a break from all this BPD stuff. I feel like it has consumed so much of my life over the last six months. Concentrating on myself and trying to move forward.

That's also one of the reasons to move away from places like this 

[Grey Kitty]

  I'm still here. Mostly 'cuz I find a bunch of really good wise and kind people here who can help set me straight when I need it.

I'm glad that you survived the black moods you were in last I remember you being here, and are moving forward with your life.

I'm scared of this girl as I don't know what she will do if I say, let's take it slower... .". Want2know, I AM SCARED(!) of telling her let's take it easy.  That's dumb no?

It's not dumb.  Not at all.  I stayed with my ex-H and my ex-bf for much of the same reason - not wanting to confront them and instead putting my needs aside. 

Ya know, I spent some months in a long-distance relationship that really didn't seem to be doing me any good for not very different reasons too.

Dealing with stuff like that really *IS* tough. I do feel better for it, at least after all is done.

 GK

[Rose Tiger]

Hi Ham 

I'm getting my house in order, you can't believe how things fall apart when you are in trauma living.  Got the roof redone!  Right before the historic rains that finally ended yesterday in Colorado.  I got the carpets cleaned, the guy said I had the dirtiest carpets he has ever seen, whoo hoo, gotta love having a dog.  He's coming back to patch the hole the dog chewed through the carpet when he was a pup.  I bought new drapes and trying to figure the exhaust fan in the bathroom that no longer works... .?

It feels good to get things back to B.H. (before husband).  I've been chatting with guys on match.com but not real gungho about it.  I feel like, I am not giving up everything to have someone that will be mean to me. Not.gonna.do.it!  Oh, I also lost 15 pounds and clothes are fun again, YAY!

Life is too short to spend any time with mean people, that goes for your new gal if she starts showing the 'signs'.  Never go back to that place.