he started making comments indicating he wasn't so committed to me, despite making contrary statements at other times and taking actions consistent with increasing attachment/commitment. It was like he was building in an escape route.
One minute he seemed to expect that we were practically married, the next he would push back on anything that implied an expectation.
So my experience: with the comments about not being committed (yes I know I ignored these flags):
... .after a pumpkin carving party she said that she saw another girl that might be good for me after she leaves town (she had to move for work but we had been planning to keep the r/s going);
... .telling me that I would have no problem getting another girl, so not to worry;
... .telling me (by text) that she would maybe get her sunglasses back "someday";
and then a near-breakup on a weekly basis, with lots of unempathetic narcissism in there (she would discuss leaving me by phone, interspersing giggles like it made her happy to be free of me).
etc. but interspersed
"I do want one boy. I have his name picked out"
"You're the best!"
... .and planning our life as a married couple, of course.
She began planning the escape route (and telling me about it) right after the start -- really, I think she had lots of emotional dysregulation and needed to get out so she could feel sane again.
For me, I have to say it hurt whenever Ms. Hyde came out, and I never felt safe -- physically I was safe, but I never felt like I could trust us to be together say a year from now. I kept hoping though.
