Let me welcome you here to the bpdfamily, and wish for you as much help and support as I have received. There are a lot of parallels in what you wrote and what has been written by other members here, myself included, and this is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful.
I can relate to the being overwhelmed, confused, frustrated, and depression that you wrote about. It is a situation that would be hard for anyone. It takes a lot of personal strength to be in a relationship with a person who suffers from BPD. You have to define and maintain healthy
Boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt. Maintaining your composure and communicating in a healthier manner will also serve you well. There are some basic tools in the sidebar to the right that will likely be a good place for you to start.
There is some good news in what you wrote however. She told you some things that are very useful, and probably very true. As I just mentioned, it takes a great deal of personal strength to be in one of these relationships, and she told you as much when she said that you'd surprise yourself if you tried something different in your life when it comes to dealing with your emotions.
Repeated attempts at contact show fear and weakness. It is a natural response to the situation though when we go through the cycle of idealization and devaluation. We miss the high that we get from the idealization phase. Our worlds feel like they have been vaporized and we want nothing more than to experience the good again.
But, weakness, clingyness, and neediness are unattractive qualities. When we pursue the other person more than they pursue us, we tell that person that they are in control of us and our lives. The object of our desire loses respect for us. This pretty much applies to any person, not just a person with BPD.
If you want a relationship with her, then perhaps, it's best to not try to date anyone else for a while. Use the time when she is quiet to work on yourself to make yourself a stronger, more attractive person.
Try not to worry about what she may or may not be doing and focus on yourself. You said that historically you over-pursue her. She told you that is predictable behavior. Stop being predictable. Change the dynamic and get a different outcome.
What are you doing for you and to make yourself a stronger, less predictable, and more interesting person?
I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you.