Tell me, what is the hardest part?

[tvda]

The hardest part for me? Two things:

First, getting her big declarations of love in the never-ending push-pull cycles. Hearing her say how she misses me, can't live without me, doesn't want to lose me etc... That never failed to catapult me back into giving it another chance. Because I figured: "well, if I'm hurting and want to be with you, and you're hurting and want to be with me, then what's the point in not being together?" Of course her resolve would wane quickly, and pull would turn to push.

Second, the realisation that ultimately I would have to be the one to break off things. This was immensely hard for me because it went against everything I wanted. I wanted a life with her, but still I needed to tell her to get out of my life. It felt so nonsensical, so tragic and so paradoxical.

In the end she sort of solved this problem for me. All I did was stick to my boundaries and little more, and she discarded me without even blinking. That last time I just went along with it, instead of telling her I loved her etc... I accepted her decision. And were before she'd pop-up for a next cycle, in the end she just disappeared.

[ljwin]

The hardest part for me was being on the phone to her knowing I could say don’t worry we can sort it all out and be together again and she would come back. Instead I said this is the last time we can talk, she cried a lot and told me how sorry she was that of all people she couldn’t believe she would ever hurt it was me. She apologised for bringing me down for the last 2.5 years, apologised for all her behaviour, for everything my children had seen. I could have said don’t worry we’ll fix this but I just couldn’t do it. Even though I know her life is now going down hill fast, I still cannot do it.

The next hardest part was speaking to her ex husband. I thought everything she told me was lies, couldn’t have sex with anyone unless drunk, she truly loved me like no other etc etc. He confirmed that it was true, no sex unless drunk from the day they met for 10yrs, she never loved him or anyone else before, no apology for cheating and blamed it all on him. I then met the guy shes with now very briefly as I was leaving her house and he happened to turn up, he said I’m not an idiot she never stops talking about you and says she still loves you and attacks him every night he’s there!.

Knowing all this, I still know it’s the right choice for me.. and yet she still keeps calling!