Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 18, 2021, 11:17:43 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Were you ever threatened with being given away?  (Read 2818 times)
Mom2MyKids
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2428



« Reply #30 on: April 16, 2010, 03:27:42 PM »

So sorry to hear of such horrible threats with orphanages.  I never had that experience, but my younger brother was threatened with boarding school so many times I could never have counted.  He argued with my parents A LOT.  Now he is an attorney!  He still enjoys arguing, but he argues for things he is in favor of, more like a debate.  He loves a good political discussion or a discussion about who is his favorite baseball/football player and why they should be on which team, etc... .  He still thinks he was a bad kid and still is very angry about stuff.

My younger brother and sister also had many many threats from my mom that SHE would pack her bags and leave for good.  I am 7yrs older than brother and 8.5 yrs older than sister, so I was already 18 or so when I remember these constant threats.  She threatened this usually after a fight with brother or with endad.  One time I told him to let her go and that she was only saying that to get attention and that she would never actually leave.  You can imagine how much worse I made life for endad at that comment.  I didn't believe in my heart that she would, but I found out from my sister (who was only 9 or 10 at the time) that SHE believed it and was terrified that my mom would actually abandon her.  She emotionally detached early on as did my brother.  I only learned this as an adult.  Poor kids. 

We decided that her headstone will say "She finally packed her bags and left for good."
Logged
Jenk
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1019



« Reply #31 on: April 16, 2010, 03:56:17 PM »

We decided that her headstone will say "She finally packed her bags and left for good."

I hope this doesn't come across as mean-spirited, but this (potential) epitaph made me laugh aloud.  I couldn't help myself. 


Jenk
Logged
Mom2MyKids
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 2428



« Reply #32 on: April 16, 2010, 05:34:07 PM »

No, sometimes we have to laugh to keep from crying.  That's a saying I got from my mother.


Kathryn
Logged
WhyAskWhy
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single, seeing wonderful man.
Posts: 322



« Reply #33 on: April 17, 2010, 06:41:11 PM »

I was to be given away to the Indians, when I was small.  I have no idea what I could have done to have such a threat hurled at me in such frustration, as I was a very quiet child.



Logged
LOAnnie
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 1678


« Reply #34 on: April 17, 2010, 07:12:24 PM »

Exactly.  I think the point is that there is no rational reason to threaten a child in such an abusive way.   All the reasons are irrational, or cruel and sadistic.

Making such a threat (in all of its various permutations: I'm giving you away, I'm selling you, you're going to be taken away, I'm leaving the family and never coming back, your family are all going to move away and leave you here alone, etc., etc.) shows an appalling lack of empathy, because a child has no choice but to believe whatever their parent or caregiver tells them.  A small child can't determine whether an adult is lying to them and manipulating them or not.

A child's innocence and inexperience makes him or her abjectly vulnerable to manipulation, particularly from those they love the most.

That's why it is such a reprehensible act to mistreat, abuse, lie to, corrupt, or torture a child; children are so utterly helpless and trusting.

The truth is, unfortunately, that a lot of us were raised by sadistic bullies who got off on messing with our heads, for fun, just because they could.

-LOAnnie



Logged
2010
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 808


« Reply #35 on: April 17, 2010, 07:42:04 PM »

I still AM being threatened. To this very day- but now that I am an adult- the threat has transferred to her last WILL and testament.  I think my Mother has been dying for about all of my life- but now that I am away from her she threatens to kick me out of the Will when I dont acquiesce to her demands.

When I was younger, I didn't know any better- and I thought that this was my inheritance- and so I should guard it thoughtfully.  Now that I have made my own money by working hard and having a career- I realize that the pull to this inheritance doesn't affect me as much. It's only money.  Before, I felt it was money, honor, family code, respect. Now I realize it's manipulation- bargaining, dishonor and madness.  I no longer care. What a relief to be free.
Logged
Backtome09
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: New mate (non)
Posts: 710


« Reply #36 on: April 20, 2010, 06:54:34 PM »

2010,     Yes it is.
Logged
velvetfish
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 665



« Reply #37 on: April 20, 2010, 07:33:41 PM »

OH yes-

Mother constantly threatened that, and stopped doing so when she realized that... .that is exactly what I wished for... .

When I was five I told my mother that my father and I were moving into another house, and she could 'stay here'. (Wishful thinking)

I lived with my grandparents and uncle/aunt for extended periods of time, sometimes months... .until my mother became too embarrassed about the situation. It threatened her label as, 'Good mother'.

Children who aren't liked by a parent, should not be forced to live with them, and parents who do not like a child,... .there really is no hope besides giving that child up to someone else to raise... .there is no 'faking it'.

At 33, I found an older, childless woman (63), who just loves getting a visit almost every morning at her assisted living center. She loves flowers once a week, and breakfast cooked for her most mornings. She loves her pet cared for and her flowers watered when she is on travel. When I see my BPD mother 4X/year, and she alludes to replacing me with my sister-in-law, or alienating me from the family... .I just smile and think silently... ., "Well, I rejected YOU... .I replaced YOU... .I found someone kinder, smarter, more interesting... .and I don't need you and I don't want you." When she offers some servitude action to, 'get me into the family's good graces', I tell her, Nope... .too busy!

As adults, when mothers say they don't want you, take them seriously and find a GREAT LIFE elsewhere! My father left a 4MD estate that I walked away from. NO amount of $ is worth being tortured, and in the end, even though you were the best little ki--a-- to mommy, the sadist will probably leave all to her maid or cat. BPD's love getting the last say, particularly when that say is sadistic.

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!