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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
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Topic: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials] (Read 3946 times)
RomanticFool
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1076
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #60 on:
May 24, 2017, 02:30:41 PM »
I've learnt when you point the finger at somebody there are three pointing back at you! In my situation I was subjected to mainly ST and a lack of commitment. Since we are both married it was a difficult situation and I did not handle it well. Since I have read more about BPD I would say that she has BPD traits rather than fully fledged. I have learnt firstly not to get involved with another person with these traits, secondly perhaps to be a little more empathic to the emotional dysfunction that goes on with a BPD and thirdly to protect myself by keeping my boundaries up until I know if a person is able to meet me on an emotional level.
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troisette
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 443
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #61 on:
August 16, 2017, 05:30:54 AM »
I learned:
To value my resilience.
That I was attracted to men who denigrate me. I learned why this was a repeating compulsion.
I learned that I was attracted to ex because of the repetitive compulsion. That we were not in love with each other: that we were locked in a mutually unhealthy addiction for power and control.
I learned that the things that attracted me to ex, and other PDs, were rooted in childhood experiences, FOO attitudes that I had adopted as normal.
I learned to set boundaries: that I cannot heal others' wounds, that my primary responsibility is to myself.
I learned self worth.
I learned to quickly see red flags.
I learned that although my experience with ex was incredibly painful, it provided the means to greater self-understanding. And, despite the misery, that made it worthwhile.
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JaxDK
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 85
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #62 on:
August 16, 2017, 06:03:19 AM »
If things look too good to be true, they usually are
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Everything is transient. Nothing stays the same.
spacecadet
formerly Wisedup22
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 136
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #63 on:
August 18, 2017, 07:10:29 AM »
The great extent to which we view one another through the lens of how WE are. Non's do it, BPs do it. It's the source of so much misunderstanding. I want to become more transparent with myself, and a by-product of that is the ability to see others more acutely for who they really are, not who I want them to be or think they are using myself as the reference point. That's what I've always wanted really.
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Harley Quinn
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2839
I am exactly where I need to be, right now.
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #64 on:
August 18, 2017, 06:13:59 PM »
I've learned that in my darkest hour lies the opportunity to shine my brightest
Not everyone wants to be helped, and that's OK
There's a difference between giving up and saying enough is enough
I've learned to love myself, and that I am enough
Sometimes moving forwards in life means going right back to the beginning and starting over
I may not be proud of everything in my past but I can choose to be proud of what I do with my future
I'm worth the effort I have invested in others and deserving of having my own needs met
The power of validation for myself, others and in particular my son, which is a priceless lesson to have learned
I'm absolutely pants at upholding boundaries and this is something I must work on daily
That my silver lining outlook on life is what makes me strong, not weak or crazy and that the only opinion of me that matters is my own
That everything I have experienced, endured, learned and gained in my life to date has given me the tools and ability to handle what I must now face - the journey that lies ahead
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We are stars wrapped in skin. The light you are looking for has always been within.
caughtnreleased
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 631
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #65 on:
August 18, 2017, 08:39:08 PM »
I've learned that I am much stronger and powerful than I ever imagined I was.
That all those clichés of reaping what you sow, and loving yourself, are actually kind of true,
That the world is filled with illusions and magicians so you need to trust your gut,
That the most effective way to bring about change is to change yourself,
That it's hard to see the big picture, but the more you pay attention the more you'll see,
That pain has a purpose,
That social media set me back more times than I can count,
That I decide how people treat me,
That I still have work to do.
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The crumbs of love that you offer me, they're the crumbs I've left behind. - L. Cohen
Panda39
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: SO and I have been together 9 years and have just moved in together this summer.
Posts: 3462
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #66 on:
August 19, 2017, 12:15:04 PM »
Quote from: Harley Quinn on August 18, 2017, 06:13:59 PM
There's a difference between giving up and saying enough is enough
Love This!
Panda39
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"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
Harley Quinn
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2839
I am exactly where I need to be, right now.
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #67 on:
August 19, 2017, 12:25:32 PM »
Missed (quite a big) one!
I have learned that I have PD traits, and although I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, I did when I was younger. That's probably worth remembering as a notable learning!
Love and light x
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We are stars wrapped in skin. The light you are looking for has always been within.
Brokenmind
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 106
Re: What Have You Learned? [Testimonials]
«
Reply #68 on:
January 23, 2024, 05:17:21 PM »
I’ve learned or learning the following (sorry I’ve only just started the healing process)
1) It’s not my fault
2) what toxic behaviour is (it was disguised by my childhood as love)
3) I have codependency issues (yaay)
4) it’s not my fault
I know I repeated 1 and 4, but I only got discarded 5 weeks ago after 12 years so I hope in time I can add to the list. Now going to read everyone else’s to see what’s possible.
(Yes I’m in that after crying for ages delirium mode where I’m trying to force humour - sorry everyone!
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