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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Quotes from the pwBPD in my life  (Read 12415 times)
FindingMe2011
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« on: February 19, 2011, 11:14:43 AM »

Had so much fun with this last time couldnt ressist. How about " i have given so much and you dont appreciate anything, your so selfish"  Lets look back and reflect. i supported her totally for 13 yrs, allowed her to have a job, spend her money on whatever she needed,( which amounted to nothing as it ened up in piles throughout the house) regaurdless if things were tough or not, did most of kids activities as she spent alot of time in bed, stating she was just having a bad day. did more than half of household choirs, bought her countless things for her hobbies, horses, goats, donkeys, trailers, trucks, barns, fenced in 10 acres, ect, ect, went on countless wonderful trips( of which she generally would say at some point " that was the worst vacation i have ever been on" never giving me what i needed from relationship, except in the begining( so i thought, which was also false) if you can put this in prespective, it actually is so over the top, funny how you cant see it for what it is until you get out, thank God. Another one" your a great father, a great provider, why cant u see what i need"( wanted to say sorry hit_ i forgot my crystal ball)  but i would say all you have to do is say something and she would reply " it shouldnt be this hard"  UNFLIPPIN REAL, LOL
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TheSomberlain
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« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2011, 11:22:18 AM »

This is simple.

"You hate me!"

How many heard this from their BPD SO?
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« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2011, 01:00:43 PM »

I heard that a lot of times. "so, you hate me".

Last thing I said, "I'll always love you but yes, I do hate you for all you've put me through".  He can deal with it in his own head, not my problem anymore.
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« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2011, 02:07:18 PM »

Yeah i got that "you hate me" alot or "you think im a terrible person",  OFC this is all black or whtie thinking, yes I am upset wiht you be never hated you.  Though she would tell me she hates me as much as she loves me.  Even to this day I dont hate her, infact i feel bad for her for dealign with this illness.
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« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2011, 02:25:16 PM »

Yeah i got that "you hate me" alot or "you think im a terrible person",  OFC this is all black or whtie thinking, yes I am upset wiht you be never hated you.  Though she would tell me she hates me as much as she loves me.  Even to this day I dont hate her, infact i feel bad for her for dealign with this illness.

I am so glad you wrote this. The last time she engaged me, I told her I was sick of her lies and she said "yes, I'm worst person ever, just leave me alone." No apology or even a come back, just a self-loathing response. Caught in blatant lies and never owned up to them.

Thing is, when she said you "hate me" I thought that was just some cute joke but she said it A LOT, to the point where even my family heard it relentlessly and scratched their heads about it. But with everyone on here saying they heard the same phrases, I think it was beyond a cute meaningless joke now... .
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louiseann17
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« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2011, 02:53:29 PM »

My exuBPDbf used to say things like... .'Even if you hate me... .I still love you' (unreal)

And 'why cant you just be simple'?... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .
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BraveTwoZero
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« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2011, 03:00:17 PM »

"Oh there you go with that martyr complex again." That was the quote that almost every argument ended on.

She would do something bad, she would not take ownership for her conduct, we would argue about it, I would finally throw my hands in the air and say, "ya, you must be right and I'm wrong... ." Then she'd hit me with, "Oh there you go with that martyr complex again."

It was a no-win situation.   If I called her on her bad behaviour I was a dick, if I gave up arguing I was a dick with a martyr complex.
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« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2011, 03:48:11 PM »

My ex used to say to me "Why are you are so broken inside that you can't have a 'normal' relationship?".

His other favorite thing to say was "That's what couples do". He ALWAYS said this when he was trying to convince me/guilt me into do something or go along with something I didn't want to do. for example... .he always wanted to come with me to the salon when I got my hair cut and coloured... .or he wanted to come with me to my appointments to get my nails done... .or he wanted me to help him rebuild his garage when he KNEW my back was bad... .he wanted me to sleep on HIS schedule (staying up later than I normally do and sleep later than I normally do)... .why? "Because that's what couples do". I used to think really hard about all of the other couples I knew to try and see if, in fact, they re-arranged their whole lives around each other... .guess what, no they don't. Not like this anyway.

Sometime he would reverse it and say "That's NOT what couples do"... .like if we were at a social gathering and I went and talked to a group of people in a different room or something, or if I made plans to do something for myself that didn't include him (like nails, or hair). He figured that I should be making plans to do stuff like this on HIS days off... .he works 4 on and 4 off... .it's not always convenient to schedule my life around that.
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« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2011, 04:54:03 PM »

My ex used to say "you there?" so much to me on the phone that she started saying it to people in person during conversations  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

This always threw people off. I can only imagine them standing in front of her thinking "uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I didn't turn invisible." Hahaha.
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« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2011, 06:02:33 PM »

Did anyone else get  "I dunno" alot?

And when you ask "What do you mean, I dunno"

you get "Im tired"


I got "You hate me" and "Everybody hates me" almost daily
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« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2011, 06:20:42 PM »

Did anyone else get  "I dunno" alot?

And when you ask "What do you mean, I dunno"

you get "Im tired"


I got "You hate me" and "Everybody hates me" almost daily

Yeah i would ask her about eating or doing stuff, i would always have to decide,

And you hate me is a projection, it means "I hate me"
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louiseann17
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« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2011, 06:28:13 PM »

Yes ! me nw... .

Almost every other week... .I used to say to him... .after a million 'i dunno's' what do you mean?... .and he would say ' aw im just tired'

And the absolute amount of times he used to say ' you hate me... .dont you?' was unreal... .I mean i used to say back ' no no... .why on earth do you think that?'... .unreal... .also i got ' im a loser... .why would you be with me?'... .now im getting it... .
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« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2011, 07:35:49 PM »

I have to share... .I just love reading these sayings BPDer's say... .here are a few I have heard... .see if they ring a bell. Smiling (click to insert in post)

1. Do you hate me?

2. Do you still love me?

3. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this.

4. I prayed for someone like you.

5. You're the best.

6. You're so good looking, I'm glad you're mine.

7.You're flirting with her!

8. I don't know who I am.

9. You always have to have everything your way!

10. I love you googles and googles

11. Please don't ever leave me

12. You love your dogs more than me!

13. I need my privacy!

14. My mother is in "one of her moods" again.

Just to name a few. I have more. Just can't think of them now.
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« Reply #13 on: February 19, 2011, 08:16:26 PM »

I have to share... .I just love reading these sayings BPDer's say... .here are a few I have heard... .see if they ring a bell. Smiling (click to insert in post)

1. Do you hate me?

2. Do you still love me?

3. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this.

4. I prayed for someone like you.

5. You're the best.

6. You're so good looking, I'm glad you're mine.

7.You're flirting with her!

8. I don't know who I am.

9. You always have to have everything your way!

10. I love you googles and googles

11. Please don't ever leave me

12. You love your dogs more than me!

13. I need my privacy!

14. My mother is in "one of her moods" again.

Just to name a few. I have more. Just can't think of them now.

Bonus... .

- You're the best thing that ever happened to me

- I'd die without you

- If you hate me so much, then just leave me

- He's just a friend (gah, I hate that spineless statement)




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« Reply #14 on: February 19, 2011, 08:25:13 PM »

About any male she knows whether it's some guy she had sex with or some guy that just buys her a drink it's always

"WERE JUST FRIENDS'
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FindingMe2011
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« Reply #15 on: February 19, 2011, 08:59:36 PM »

i would get so feed up with the flip flop of, its ok to do that, its not ok to do that,its ok to do that, its not ok to do that, Jiminey crickets make up your mind, oh thats right your a BPD er. Or " Are you happy" translation = im not happy what the hell you going to do to make me happy. But this was before i understood. so i would just say " yeah im happy how bout you" she would say she was. both knowing damn well this was not the case. Or how bout the phone calls every 30 min or hour, while working and talking to me like we havent talked all day, repeating same conversations previously spoken. i remember saying to myself " what the hell is this ground hog day" but would disregaurd as another one of her bad days.   
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just_think
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« Reply #16 on: February 19, 2011, 09:22:40 PM »

"We have a 14,000 dimensional connection"
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louiseann17
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« Reply #17 on: February 19, 2011, 09:25:38 PM »

Oh yeah... .just thought of some more... .

' why do you always think the worst of me?'

and ' go get yourself a decent guy in

a suit'

' you always think wrong wrong wrong'
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TheSomberlain
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« Reply #18 on: February 19, 2011, 09:36:51 PM »

Also, the words ALWAYS and NEVER

"You NEVER showed me affection"

"I ALWAYS have to do [insert something dumb]"

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Im done
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« Reply #19 on: February 19, 2011, 09:38:42 PM »

"We have a 14,000 dimensional connection"

Huh?
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just_think
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« Reply #20 on: February 19, 2011, 10:33:42 PM »

"We have a 14,000 dimensional connection"

Huh?

It was poetic. And made my heart melt at the time... .
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« Reply #21 on: February 19, 2011, 10:38:04 PM »

"We have a 14,000 dimensional connection"

Huh?

It was poetic. And made my heart melt at the time... .

I'm trying to picture a world with 14,000 dimensions.  Can't quite get my mind around it. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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just_think
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« Reply #22 on: February 19, 2011, 10:47:56 PM »

"We have a 14,000 dimensional connection"

Huh?

It was poetic. And made my heart melt at the time... .

I'm trying to picture a world with 14,000 dimensions.  Can't quite get my mind around it. Smiling (click to insert in post)

I'm sure there are more than that
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« Reply #23 on: February 20, 2011, 01:55:24 AM »

"BEING RIGHT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN LOVING ME"

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orillia
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« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2011, 03:20:46 AM »

Yep. Or, "why do you hate me?"

This is simple.

"You hate me!"

How many heard this from their BPD SO?

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orillia
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« Reply #25 on: February 20, 2011, 03:22:20 AM »

"You think I'm a terrible person"

"You make me feel like an immature jerk" - I never called him a jerk. It was usually when talking about his drinking and how I wish he would stop. Or how he tends to associate with alcoholic losers. He thought I was judging HIM by pointing that out. Yet, at the same time, he admitted he hung out with losers to make himself look better.

Yeah i got that "you hate me" alot or "you think im a terrible person",  OFC this is all black or whtie thinking, yes I am upset wiht you be never hated you.  Though she would tell me she hates me as much as she loves me.  Even to this day I dont hate her, infact i feel bad for her for dealign with this illness.

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orillia
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« Reply #26 on: February 20, 2011, 03:23:47 AM »

Yup. "Why can't you just be simple" "Why can't you just let me do what I want"

"why can't things be more simple"... .

I'm sure he thinks if he finds someone else, that will solve the problem. Because I am so complicated. Granted, I am complicated, but the problems he brings to the rel'ship aint' gonna go away unless he gets therapy.

My exuBPDbf used to say things like... .'Even if you hate me... .I still love you' (unreal)

And 'why cant you just be simple'?... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .

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« Reply #27 on: February 20, 2011, 03:25:28 AM »

Or how about, in explaining some lame behavior: "My heart is a mess." I replied: "Your heart is a mess, so you have to break mine?"

I have to share... .I just love reading these sayings BPDer's say... .here are a few I have heard... .see if they ring a bell. Smiling (click to insert in post)

1. Do you hate me?

2. Do you still love me?

3. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this.

4. I prayed for someone like you.

5. You're the best.

6. You're so good looking, I'm glad you're mine.

7.You're flirting with her!

8. I don't know who I am.

9. You always have to have everything your way!

10. I love you googles and googles

11. Please don't ever leave me

12. You love your dogs more than me!

13. I need my privacy!

14. My mother is in "one of her moods" again.

Just to name a few. I have more. Just can't think of them now.

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orillia
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« Reply #28 on: February 20, 2011, 03:26:23 AM »

YUP. Even the ex who he slept with 2 days after I broke up with him for doing cocaine.

About any male she knows whether it's some guy she had sex with or some guy that just buys her a drink it's always

"WERE JUST FRIENDS'

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Scupper
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« Reply #29 on: February 20, 2011, 04:00:44 AM »

My attention belongs to me.

I am incapable of loving another human being.

I’m a negative person.

People see me as bubbly and friendly but I’m dark.

It’s all about me.

I've never loved you.

That love letter (that Scupper just produced) must have been just after we met.

We're just like flatmates.

Because my expectations were too high, I started imagining you were my flatmate so that my expectations would be lower.

I care about (BPDW's son) so why do I need to show affection to him?

I spoke to ………(BPDW's friend overseas)…... and she said everyone has Borderline Personality.

Can’t you just accept that some people are different? Can’t I just be myself?

 

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« Reply #30 on: February 20, 2011, 06:27:13 AM »

I hate you , i love you... .repeat for 5 years Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

You only see the worst in me... .repeat for 5 years  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I cant get anything right... .repeat for 5 years  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

You control me and are a bully... .umm dont think so.

I dont cheat and i dont lie... .err here is the proof

And everyones fave... .He is just a friend and you are paranoid, you are my soul mate... .the classic!
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jalk
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« Reply #31 on: February 20, 2011, 08:24:51 AM »

I have to share... .I just love reading these sayings BPDer's say... .here are a few I have heard... .see if they ring a bell. Smiling (click to insert in post)

1. Do you hate me?

2. Do you still love me?

3. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this.

4. I prayed for someone like you.

5. You're the best.

6. You're so good looking, I'm glad you're mine.

7.You're flirting with her!

8. I don't know who I am.

9. You always have to have everything your way!

10. I love you googles and googles

11. Please don't ever leave me

12. You love your dogs more than me!

13. I need my privacy!

14. My mother is in "one of her moods" again.

Just to name a few. I have more. Just can't think of them now.

Bonus... .

- You're the best thing that ever happened to me

- I'd die without you

- If you hate me so much, then just leave me

- He's just a friend (gah, I hate that spineless statement)


Oh yeah... .

1. They are "just a friend"  (this means... she's having an affair)

2. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me

3. You're my rock

4. I can always depend on you

5. Leave me alone!

6. Quit looking over my shoulder! (when she is on computer, which was most of the time. She kept separate e-mail account. When I made my own e-mail account, she became threatened)

7. This is fate. We are meant to be.

8. We never do anything together!

9 You are always making me late! I'm sick of this! ( we were not late... .her fling was at this function and she wanted to get there a.s.a.p)

10. This relationship is in trouble! a couple days later after her fling broke off relationship my ex told me... .WE ARE THROUGH!  A couple weeks prior... .I was the best thing since chocolate. Then she lied about her fling.

11. We are just friends! We watch each others backs.

12. When asked if she is seeing X... her reply... "Of course I see X... we are friends and its none of your business who I am interested in."  (wow! she was still living with me until she found her "own place"... .I should have kicked her cheating lying ars out right then and there. She moved in with X when she walked out my door)
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OnceConfused
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« Reply #32 on: February 20, 2011, 09:19:04 AM »

After reading a book on Zen, she proudly said to me:

" I am way beyond Zen!".

That is beyong profound - bordering arrogance and cockiness
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« Reply #33 on: February 20, 2011, 10:31:38 AM »

Always/never always/never always/never... .     
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muddychicken
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« Reply #34 on: February 20, 2011, 10:35:00 AM »

I do everything around here, I feel like a single mom. What do you do around here for me? (Gee I don't know... .put up with your abusive mouth for 17 years)
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« Reply #35 on: February 20, 2011, 11:25:51 AM »

After reading a book on Zen, she proudly said to me:

" I am way beyond Zen!".

That is beyong profound - bordering arrogance and cockiness

I can taste the irony across the internet.

Interestingly, DBT is rooted in zen meditation I believe.
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« Reply #36 on: February 20, 2011, 12:39:52 PM »

After I told her I was filing - "I spent my whole life caring for you and the kids I can't believe you're doing this to me!"  "The kids will now get what they want - you all to themselves."  "I'll never be able to see my children or grandkids again".  etc, etc
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« Reply #37 on: February 20, 2011, 01:43:20 PM »

after many of her nighttime rages:

"now youre not gonna make love to me... .i cant believe you would neglect your wife like that"

there were many nights  where i had to make a choice... .either have sex and get it over with and get to sleep, or listen to her rage for a few more hours, and be up most of the night.

what a life!
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« Reply #38 on: February 20, 2011, 02:33:41 PM »

after many of her nighttime rages:

"now youre not gonna make love to me... .i cant believe you would neglect your wife like that"

there were many nights  where i had to make a choice... .either have sex and get it over with and get to sleep, or listen to her rage for a few more hours, and be up most of the night.

what a life!

Oh yea can identify with this. It wasn't even make up sex, it was sick.  And yes like you, better to get it over with and stare out the window into the darkness wondering what my life had become. Div. in 7/10.
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ItsAboutTime
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« Reply #39 on: February 20, 2011, 03:05:32 PM »

Had anyone else noticed that the word 'always' as in, I will always love you, doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary?
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« Reply #40 on: February 20, 2011, 03:15:43 PM »

Had anyone else noticed that the word 'always' as in, I will always love you, doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary?

On the contrary, that is a word frequently used by my ex. That goes along with black and white thinking. It was either always or never, love or hate, best or worst, etc.
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« Reply #41 on: February 20, 2011, 03:17:20 PM »

Had anyone else noticed that the word 'always' as in, I will always love you, doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary?

Pearly

As my ex freely admitted ' i dont put all my eggs in one basket'... .think that might answer your question on the word ' always'... .always needs to be substituted for today or in this moment i love you
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« Reply #42 on: February 20, 2011, 05:09:43 PM »

Hmmm my pbdh uses always all the time!

"I will always love you"

"Why do you always have to have the last word"

Why do you always hammer me in an argument"

Ugh!
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« Reply #43 on: February 20, 2011, 05:46:50 PM »

Love that eggs in one basket quote-exNPDgf used to say it when we were reaching our breaking point and she wanted to exert control... .my response "ok, sorry you feel that way, how do you want this r/s to look." Well that would throw her for a loop cuz I really felt that way. I was on the way out.  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #44 on: February 20, 2011, 06:05:46 PM »

This is simple.

"You hate me!"

How many heard this from their BPD SO?

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #45 on: February 20, 2011, 06:51:06 PM »

one time at night, i had just woken up, he whispered to me

"i could never push you away" ... this has been spinning in my had for quite a while.

Its so hard to let these words go. I had put so much meaning into them and to now realize that they were just easy words he probably cant even recall, is very hard for me.

He also used to tell me: "by now you should know me well enough to know that I... ."  justifying his behaviour.

Another thing I noticed was that when he didnt like how somebody else was acting he would usually say "they're still kids... they need to grow up" He told me how he hated when his exgf started crying (in front of others and in front of him - I guess mostly when they were going out) because she "ruined the evening" and that she's still a "child" for doing that. (a red flag that I skillfully ignored) Back then I thought she was the one overreacting... now I can see what most likely happened. he would also always speak about how we have an "adult relationship" now and how were supposed to act accordingly and then went and ignored me for almost a week, oh well.
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« Reply #46 on: February 20, 2011, 07:48:02 PM »

Yes... .the "you hate me"  is  a keeper of sayings. Also... .my ex BPDer said to me, after she left me referring to her new flavor of the moment... ."I've got the BEST now!"   Nice huh?  I used to be the best. Now she says " You're mean and nasty!" AGHHHHH!    
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« Reply #47 on: February 20, 2011, 08:00:36 PM »

I hate / love you!  Don’t leave me!

Why does everyone always lie about me?

You should have stopped me from ……

It’s not me/you it’s you/me.

You never take responsibility for anything.

I’ll never binge / drink / gamble / get arrested again.

I don’t need your money, help or anything else.

You can fool everyone else but I know how evil you are.

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« Reply #48 on: February 20, 2011, 10:39:13 PM »

Excerpt
"i could never push you away"

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I bet you could... .
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« Reply #49 on: February 21, 2011, 05:21:07 AM »

A quote from BPDex


"I don't know where this is coming from. I'm not a nasty person. This is me attacking you and I can see that. I do love you and sorry for being horrible to you. On reflection I can see that you are creating a monster in me and I am sorry."

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« Reply #50 on: February 21, 2011, 05:21:20 AM »

I think I have some good ones:  Smiling (click to insert in post)

- "I do what I want" (please tell it with a 6 year-old girl tone)

- "you're paranoid", because I told her she was distant while giving me the silent treament

- "I want you to marry me as soon as possible. But I'll stop with my new bf when I am better". No comment.

- "I never lied in my life"

- "I'm sorry I don't know why I'm like this"

- "You'd better leave me for your own sake"

- "We can't anymore understand each other"

- "it's not my fault if he's weak", answering if she felt any guilt having led the father of her Ds to attempt suicide after months of tortures, cheatings and lies.

- "I'll call you next week" after I told her it was finished between us.

- "don't worry, it's nothing, it's not gonna last" about her cheating on me with her new bf

- "you're the best lover that I ever slept with", speaking about our sexual relations

- "I cheated on you because of all the awful things I had to put up with while I was with you". No comment.

- ":)on't worry for the STD I gave you. It's nothing serious". And the winner of the STD is : me   

- "I don't know how you can put up with me"

- "I know I'm not crazy"   ;p
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« Reply #51 on: February 21, 2011, 07:44:00 AM »

I'm like no one youv'e ever been with... .ummm if you mean an ahole. I have!
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« Reply #52 on: February 21, 2011, 08:14:17 AM »

"Get over it!"  - This could be after a 3-4 day rage, or finding my stuff strewn out all over the floor.

"I always get my way"

"I do/say what I want, when I want. If you don't like it, get out"

"If you just saw things my way everything would be perfect between us"

"I'm not fun. If you want someone that is fun you picked the wrong girl"

"I hate you"

"You have a life and a great job and do whatever you want. I feel like a spectator in your life"

"Stop psychoanalyzing me with your psychobabble"

"You don't have the capacity to love. You don't know what love is"

"I don't trust you. I trust you less today than the first day we met"

"You constantly disappoint me. If I knew you weren't perfect I wouldn't be with you" (of course when I asked her if she was perfect she would rage about something else)

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« Reply #53 on: February 21, 2011, 08:19:17 AM »

My uBPD husband would accuse:

"You NEVER LISTEN to me!"

If I brought up something that he considered negative about him, he would say;

"So, you think I'm a 'LOUSE' ?"

And, last but not least,

"I can't LIVE LIKE THIS!"

If asked what "like this" meant, he could not provide an answer.
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« Reply #54 on: February 21, 2011, 08:34:40 AM »

"Stop psychoanalyzing me with your psychobabble"  Triggered my memory for an all time classic from a time when I was begging her to get help.

Her – I took an abnormal psych class in college.  The prof told us on day one that at some point during the semester we would all recognize ourselves as having one or another of the diseases.  But in fact we are normal.  Since he knows a hell of a lot more than you do, he must be right about me and since you never took a psych class it must be you that has the problem!

Me – If that were true for everyone then taking a class would be instantly cured of any problems.  We could fix all mental health problems in this country one semester at a time.  Since you are sure everything is my fault and you are fine then let’s both get tested and treated.

Her – (Raging stopped instantly) Silence (for about a week).

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« Reply #55 on: February 21, 2011, 09:14:53 AM »

Yes! Yes! Absolutely! LOL... .I have heard:

1. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this. (that came after one of her meltdowns.)

     then followed with:

2. Do you still love me?

     and

3. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. You don't hate me do you?

Also... ."I can't live like this!"

She always had trust issues with me as she always distorted any contact I had with other people. She always felt that either I was flirting or the other person was flirting.  Totally insane. Then she would complain that she had no friends. In actuality, she didn't. Mainly aquaintances.
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« Reply #56 on: February 21, 2011, 10:27:25 AM »

Someone slashed my tires. I'm a single mom and I live alone. I would feel better if I knew it was you.

And then I go on FB to see that her tires weren't slashed. It was her exes that she ended their relationship in 2007 by punching him in the face.

You're his problem now sweetheart!  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #57 on: February 21, 2011, 10:48:26 AM »

Yes! Yes! Absolutely! LOL... .I have heard:

1. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this. (that came after one of her meltdowns.)

     then followed with:

2. Do you still love me?

     and

3. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. You don't hate me do you?

Also... ."I can't live like this!"

She always had trust issues with me as she always distorted any contact I had with other people. She always felt that either I was flirting or the other person was flirting.  Totally insane. Then she would complain that she had no friends. In actuality, she didn't. Mainly aquaintances.

Oh god, the irrational jealousy. She could hang with guys whenever she wanted. One day some girl from class recognized me and waved hello and my ex let go of my hand and ran away from me crying. Embarrassing as hell. I was so pissed.
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« Reply #58 on: February 21, 2011, 06:26:41 PM »

"You're my world."
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« Reply #59 on: February 21, 2011, 07:08:34 PM »

I need to be start being selfish and focus on me (LOL... .Our world revolved 100 percent around her needs and her mood swings)

I don't like the way you talk down to me. (Ummm... .just trying to get answers for your outragous behaviour.)

I had this only once... .after we were broke up but before I went NC for the first time. We actually spent a pleasent day together and this was shortly before she left to go to her place.  I still have no idea what she met. It came out of no where and didn't seem to apply to anything we were talking about. She once told me "why do you have to be so good?" Anybody ever get that one? I still scratch my head about it because it didn't fit. Not to give myself an ego trip... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)... .but did she have a moment of clarity?

I don't want us to become just roomates (I never understood that one either... .I see Scupper might have helped me out... .I never heard the next one he has on his list... .I guess that explains it).

I should be able to express my feelings to you (always said after I protest to some rage)
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« Reply #60 on: February 21, 2011, 07:13:10 PM »

A quote from BPDex


"I don't know where this is coming from. I'm not a nasty person. This is me attacking you and I can see that. I do love you and sorry for being horrible to you. On reflection I can see that you are creating a monster in me and I am sorry."


Are you sure my ex BPDH isn't the one who said that? That is almost word for word he would act like what he knew he was doing was wrong but still it was my fault for said wrong doing... .
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« Reply #61 on: February 21, 2011, 08:51:31 PM »

Another classisc is "Can I ask you one simple question?"  And then the simple question is "Why don't you love me anymore?"  "Why do you and the kids hate me?" etc etc
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« Reply #62 on: February 21, 2011, 09:01:22 PM »

"I don't know where this is coming from. I'm not a nasty person. This is me attacking you and I can see that. I do love you and sorry for being horrible to you. On reflection I can see that you are creating a monster in me and I am sorry."

They are showing a big degree of self awareness here. When they say you are creating a monster in me... .They are not lying. Intimacy triggers their worst symptoms. You are indeed causing them to act out. 

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« Reply #63 on: February 22, 2011, 02:37:47 AM »

Why do you always argue with me?

Why do you always create chaos?

You're the first girlfriend I've felt completely comfortable with ... .like I can be myself and not be afraid.

You don't love me like I love you.

(in the early stages of the relationship) You'll leave me one day, I know it.

You just dont get it... .you don't get me... .my girlfriend needs to understand me 100 percent of the time, otherwise were not right for each other.

I need to be with someone more soft-spoken and sensitive, you're too aggressive for me.


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« Reply #64 on: February 22, 2011, 02:38:53 AM »

::gag me:: yickkkkk!
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« Reply #65 on: February 22, 2011, 03:20:46 AM »

I need to be start being selfish and focus on me (LOL... .Our world revolved 100 percent around her needs and her mood swings)

They are the world. They don't need to start being selfish. They already ARE.

She once told me "why do you have to be so good?" Anybody ever get that one?

Oh yes, regularly. I am too nice ... .I prefer being too nice than too cruel... .
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« Reply #66 on: February 22, 2011, 05:53:08 AM »

"how much do you love me on a scale of 1 to 1.7?"

"do you miss me?"

"you cast a spell on me"

"I want you in my life forever"

"the only way we will part is if you leave me"

"am I in trouble?"

"is that a bad thing?"

"accept me warts and all"

"the best part about kids is making them"

" Sorry, I want to be alone, sorry"

"I'm gonna be all over you like a cheap suit"

"I love you"

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« Reply #67 on: February 22, 2011, 08:11:04 AM »

Why do you always argue with me?

Why do you always create chaos?

You're the first girlfriend I've felt completely comfortable with ... .like I can be myself and not be afraid.

You don't love me like I love you.

(in the early stages of the relationship) You'll leave me one day, I know it.

You just dont get it... .you don't get me... .my girlfriend needs to understand me 100 percent of the time, otherwise were not right for each other.

I need to be with someone more soft-spoken and sensitive, you're too aggressive for me.

Woah! Exact... Word for word... "You just don't get me"... Heard that many times, but it stung the worst when I would do something nice like buy her a gift that she "hated" because I "didn't get her" or "understand" exactly what she wanted.
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« Reply #68 on: February 22, 2011, 11:10:03 AM »

Woah... .Similar kind of thing to me... my ex used to say ' Your the only one who gets me'... .Once before i found out he may have BPD... .He was acting strangely (nothing new there really) and was all unusal on the phone and texts so I text ( which i realised i shouldnt have done that now ) ' I dont get you at all'... .all hell broke lose... .
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« Reply #69 on: February 22, 2011, 01:49:18 PM »

"why is this so difficult " yep, many times.

"are you upset with me "?  after telling me she cheated .In fact she used that one several times, usually after being caught in a lie.  Crazy nonsense , glad to be free. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #70 on: February 22, 2011, 02:19:04 PM »

"why is this so difficult " yep, many times.

"are you upset with me "?  after telling me she cheated .In fact she used that one several times, usually after being caught in a lie.  Crazy nonsense , glad to be free. Smiling (click to insert in post)

OMG! He would say things (he called blurts) to my face and then send me a text message "Am I in trouble?" and I was sitting right next to him.

Example: We are parked in his car and he tells me that he cheated on his ex-wife 2 weeks before they were married. I go into pick up my dry cleaning and come back in the car 2 minutes later and he asks, ":)id you read my text?" I look at my phone and it just showed up "Am I in trouble?" THIS GUY IS OUT OF HIS FREAKING MIND!
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« Reply #71 on: February 22, 2011, 05:39:44 PM »

I do everything around here, I feel like a single mom. What do you do around here for me? (Gee I don't know... .put up with your abusive mouth for 17 years)

... .25 years.

Otherwise, word for word with most of this thread.
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« Reply #72 on: February 22, 2011, 07:10:09 PM »

"Why do you always get to be the nice guy"
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« Reply #73 on: February 22, 2011, 07:21:59 PM »

"You are my whole world.  I'm nothing without you."

"I'm so stupid.  I don't even know why you're with me."

"I wish I could be just like you."

"Why don't you get as upset about all this stuff like I do?"

"I wish I could be an emotionless robot just like you."

"Nobody understands what I'm going through."

"It's you & me against the world"

I used to look at him in disbelief when I heard these things.  I thought they were just stupid sayings he'd use to get his way, or flip an argument.  Now that I understand BPD a lot better, I see his truth in all of them.
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« Reply #74 on: February 23, 2011, 06:11:53 AM »

Last November my UBPDW said, "I've been going to counseling for almost 16 years and you still won't change."
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« Reply #75 on: February 23, 2011, 06:46:34 AM »

Hi all,

     One day, standing in the kitchen with my wife I told her:

  " I love you so much I would Kill for you,

           I love you so much I would Die for you"

   and she replied:

               ' I don't know what to do with that information '


        cadaver
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« Reply #76 on: February 23, 2011, 06:50:46 AM »

Her favorite text "How r u?"

I should have just said "fed up" in response.

Her favorite let's get back together line. "I don't want to lose you."

Ok. Why don't you quit doing stuff that will cause you to lose me?

Her favorite idealizing line, "You're the best I've ever seen in the whole wide world."

I can't do any more or I will throw up. Don't have to stick my finger down my throat to do it. Just thinking about her lame lines is enough.

Sunny Skies
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« Reply #77 on: February 23, 2011, 06:52:58 AM »

A quote from BPDex


"I don't know where this is coming from. I'm not a nasty person. This is me attacking you and I can see that. I do love you and sorry for being horrible to you. On reflection I can see that you are creating a monster in me and I am sorry."

--- HA!

Had to laugh! - I'm sure you've been a fly on the wall in OUR relationship! I can feel my mind warping and my heart sinking as MY wife said those words to me!-Bizarre


  TOO funny.

                   Cadaver
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« Reply #78 on: February 23, 2011, 09:35:16 AM »

Excerpt
Her favorite text "How r u?"

lucky you... .I just get updates. Have to bring car into shop. Having trouble with the bank. Have to move again. I've been having a strange week. etc. At least she actually asks you a question! LOL. She is prodding me to start a conversation. She can't be the one to do it apparantly. How bizarre is that?
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« Reply #79 on: February 23, 2011, 01:23:42 PM »

OtH,

She doesn't care how I am. It was an attempt to see if I can be reengaged or if I have gotten over the last bizarre situation. There was never anything more than fake concern.

Sunny Skies
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« Reply #80 on: February 23, 2011, 01:36:52 PM »

Yes... .I know... .same as me... .at least she has the decency to actually pose a question to you. I get statements.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #81 on: February 23, 2011, 01:52:43 PM »

OtH,

She doesn't care how I am. It was an attempt to see if I can be reengaged or if I have gotten over the last bizarre situation. There was never anything more than fake concern.

Sunny Skies

I can relate to this. Seems to be a pattern for them all.
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« Reply #82 on: February 23, 2011, 01:53:10 PM »

H said "I know I love you more than you love me"  never made any sense to me at all.
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« Reply #83 on: February 23, 2011, 02:11:57 PM »

H said "I know I love you more than you love me"  never made any sense to me at all.

I got that too along with "No one will ever love you as much as I do"
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« Reply #84 on: February 23, 2011, 02:15:59 PM »

The last time I saw her we went out to diner with two of her drink swilling friends.

When the check came she said to them"don't worry I'll take care of it"

That meant she was sticking me with their drinks and food... Afterward she was supposed to meet me at her house after diner (we had 2 cars.)Instead she stopped at her bar hangout.   -I obviously was upset and hurt.

Her take on the night" I picked out a pizza at the restaurant I thought you would like". Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So insult to injury I dropped$60 for 2 slices of bad pizza and got stood up.
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« Reply #85 on: February 23, 2011, 02:22:21 PM »

It is all lost in translation any way. I got very tired after I learned BPD "speak" of finding out the ugly truth behind the words that were being served up to me. It was usually a projection if it spoke about me, and if they talked about themselves it usually meant that was what they thought I felt. So, I love you more meant you love me more, or I can't love like you can. I am not a word twister and I really prefer to look at things at face value. I called it the Duh Vinci Code for it's complexity and hidden meanings. It was both helpful and painful to crack what their words really meant.

Sunny Skies
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« Reply #86 on: March 05, 2011, 12:51:00 PM »

Here are some of mine... .I'm sure there are more, but I can't recall them all at once.

“Once people get hypersensitive the relationship is usually over”  “What he really meant was “once I start to devalue you the relationship is over”.

“They diagnosed me with bipolar”  What he really meant was “I’m telling you there is something wrong with me, so listen to me”

“I’ve never felt this way before” (about you)

“I feel like I’ve known you all of my life” (no boundaries)

“Are you afraid of being alone” He was really afraid of being alone.

“You’ll leave me before I leave you” (what a crock)

“I’m losing you” (crying when I wouldn’t stay on the phone with him all day) Meant I was losing him.

“I don’t know what to say” (After I told him a friend of mine died)

"No one will ever love you as much as I do" (what another crock, abusive too, that's like saying I don't deserve to be loved by anyone else or am not loveable, sheesh)

“I’m so confused”  (that's no lie and so am I)

“I give up”  He would say this right before the good ole relationship recycle routine... .

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world"  Flattering and what woman wouldn't want to hear or believe this from the one she loves? Sucka

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« Reply #87 on: March 05, 2011, 01:03:54 PM »

the ride, it sounds like you dated the exact male version of my ex. does this mean you are my exact version? Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #88 on: March 05, 2011, 01:12:34 PM »

"I never stopped loving you, I just stopped my relationship with you"



   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   
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« Reply #89 on: March 05, 2011, 01:15:34 PM »

the ride, it sounds like you dated the exact male version of my ex. does this mean you are my exact version? Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Lol, Thinkpensive,

Aren't the similarities amazing?  And all this time I thought my ex was so special.  I'm definitely looking forward to meeting nice,normal people.  
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snappybrowneyes
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« Reply #90 on: March 05, 2011, 02:32:29 PM »

These were some gems from the pbdx-friend:

"I deserve to be happy" (said to justify giving her kids up for her 2nd husband)

"I will just ask my dad for my inheritance early" (talking about the 40,000 in credit card debt she wanted him to pay off)

"What about me?" ( When we were together and I received a compliment)

"As soon as he heard I was separated he called my mother for my phone number" ( Actually she called HIS mother for his number, he was still married, she was still married to her 1st husband, in the process of stealing her 2nd husband from his wife)

"I can be a b*tch as long as I look nice, he will put up with it"

"I can't stand that man" ( translationne guy that wasn't responding to her affections)

"I DESERVE this cause he... ." ( insert any excuse for her to blow 800$ in a few hours at the mall)

"Women in this town are just jealous of me"
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As the legend goes, when the Pheonix resurrects from the flames, she is even more beautiful than before. Danielle LaPorte

And God help you if you are a Pheonix, and you dare rise up from the ash. A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just  flying past. Ani DeFranco
canucky
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« Reply #91 on: March 06, 2011, 01:32:43 AM »

I got alot more of the "you betrayed me" everytime when I left. Also since sometime we would make agreements like I would pay her rent if she would go to work (of course she never did). Then I would get you are a liar. I think my exbpfgf was pretty NPD also though so I would get more the painting black comment like "I hated you and always have". Kinda the opposite of what I am hearing here. Also quite often would be "i never loved you"

Makes you never want to turn back even if they did for those "moments" that were brief.

Canucky
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henk2
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« Reply #92 on: March 06, 2011, 02:39:27 AM »

i love you, i love you, i love you

i hate you so much

i´m going to destroy you

you are a lazy, old, no fun, depressed cheater and a lyer and i will never forgive you for what you´ve done to me

you`re so much better than other men, so much more normal, nicer, a good father, i simply love you

we don´t belong together, i love life, you don´t

you´re so booring

you´re a lousy kisser

i´m not attracted to you anymore, in fact i´m not sure i ever was, you know, like it should be

i want a relationship as in the movies and in books, i never felt that kind of passion for you

i´m so glad that you behave normally during sex, most men are freaks

thanks so much for all you did for me

you´re my best friend

i never want to see you again

i hope you will be happy one day, with somone else

go see your f... .girlfriends!

me jealous? i`m never jealous

you are a borderliner, i´m perfectly sane, everybody loves me and people think you´re weird

you need therapy

i feel lost, completely, so dark, i can´t even breath anymore, help me

hey, people think i´m great! what´s up, why are you always depressed?

sex is overrated, i can have sex with any man

sex has nothing to do with love

he´s just a friend and i can meet him whenever i want

you always cheat on me, i feel it

etc. etc. etc.



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Im done
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« Reply #93 on: March 06, 2011, 10:22:22 AM »

"I have never lied to you."  (after being caught lying)


and on another occasion:

"Just because I didn't tell the truth, doesn't mean I lied to you."
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snappybrowneyes
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« Reply #94 on: March 06, 2011, 03:57:38 PM »

"I have never lied to you."  (after being caught lying)


and on another occasion:

"Just because I didn't tell the truth, doesn't mean I lied to you."

That is a crazy making statement for sure! LOL Reminds me of a parent of my daycare that was upset their child had to sit in time out. When I told the parent what the child did (physically hurting another child) they said "well punish the BEHAVIOR not the CHILD! Good grief... .we wonder why we get SO frustrated talking to them!

Just curious victimnomore2010, what exactly is it called then if it isn't lying?
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As the legend goes, when the Pheonix resurrects from the flames, she is even more beautiful than before. Danielle LaPorte

And God help you if you are a Pheonix, and you dare rise up from the ash. A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just  flying past. Ani DeFranco
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« Reply #95 on: March 06, 2011, 03:59:27 PM »

"I have never lied to you."  (after being caught lying)


and on another occasion:

"Just because I didn't tell the truth, doesn't mean I lied to you."

That is a crazy making statement for sure! LOL Reminds me of a parent of my daycare that was upset their child had to sit in time out. When I told the parent what the child did (physically hurting another child) they said "well punish the BEHAVIOR not the CHILD! Good grief... .we wonder why we get SO frustrated talking to them!

Just curious victimnomore2010, what exactly is it called then if it isn't lying?

I'm not sure what it was called - he wasn't entirely clear on that... .
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learnedtolaugh
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« Reply #96 on: March 06, 2011, 05:09:59 PM »

It is called pathological denial.
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sad_panda

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« Reply #97 on: July 30, 2014, 12:57:38 AM »

Why her surprising me with divorce isn't breaking the vows we made 9 months earlier: "There was nothing in our vows about divorce"

When saying why she can't stop going through with the divorce:

- "But everyone already knows"

- "I don't miss you, never did [since I left]" (5 year relationship)
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Infared
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« Reply #98 on: July 30, 2014, 02:01:45 AM »

After my pwBPD lied and cheated and abandoned  my baggage me for her new hero a week before Christmas, I had irrefutable information that exposed some of her lies. Her response was:

"Those were lies  that I told you after I left you!"?

... .as if this the fact that she abandoned me gave her immunity, and therefore she was free and clear to lie all she wanted to me?    

... .ahhhhhhh... .the mind of a selfish 5-year-old is such a joy to try and reason with.
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hergestridge
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« Reply #99 on: July 30, 2014, 03:29:14 AM »

"If I'm such a terrible person, then why do you want to be with me?"

This was her standard response when wanted to end a discussion about something she had done. I had never said that she was a terrible person, that was her own conclusion.

When she had said this, you even had to start list things that you like about her so that she doesn't become all suicidal.

Makes me furious when I think about it. The pattern was that she verbally attacked me for no reason, and when I confronted her she pulled the above mentioned trick out of her hat and in ten seconds she had turned the tables on me. I had to apologize and comfort.
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Infared
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« Reply #100 on: July 30, 2014, 06:44:33 AM »

"If I'm such a terrible person, then why do you want to be with me?"

This was her standard response when wanted to end a discussion about something she had done. I had never said that she was a terrible person, that was her own conclusion.

When she had said this, you even had to start list things that you like about her so that she doesn't become all suicidal.

Makes me furious when I think about it. The pattern was that she verbally attacked me for no reason, and when I confronted her she pulled the above mentioned trick out of her hat and in ten seconds she had turned the tables on me. I had to apologize and comfort.

EVERYTHING is a manipulation.
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Warpy

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« Reply #101 on: July 30, 2014, 07:36:02 AM »

"When I met you it felt like the first day of the rest of my life."  A mistress of the grand statement.  Spare me.

I used to get "I dunno" regularly also.

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WhatJustHappened

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« Reply #102 on: July 30, 2014, 08:06:25 AM »

'THINGS WOULD BE BETTER if you just did what i said'

knowing that there is no way in hell of doing them 'the right way' because i'll be criticized every step of the way

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LettingGo14
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« Reply #103 on: July 30, 2014, 08:45:59 AM »

Staff only

This thread has reached its page limit, and had been locked.  If anyone would like to start a new thread, feel free to so so.

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