Films that depict BPD?

[rotgut]

My take on five things in April's life that failed to fill the void inside of her as she and Frank so desperately hoped they would.  I'll bet the idea and going through the motions, drunken on the new and exciting idea was some relief to both her and Frank, but inevitably always ended them back in the same distraught place, with April leading the way.

1.) Acting in community theater

2.) Marrying Frank, "the most interesting man she ever met."

3.) Buying the big house in the suburbs that she "loved".

4.) Getting drunk and having up sex with the neighbor.

5.) Moving to Paris

[BleedsOrange]

I know this is a little off topic, but theres an episode of 30 Rock where Alec Baldwin's character dates a woman played by Jeniffer Aniston. If you want a funny take on dating a high-conflict woman, check it out.

[rotgut]

Revolutionary Road really struck a chord with me. I think my mother is most probably NPD and being raised in a house where the main rule was "if mother is not happy, no one is happy" and it is a "husbands job to make sure his wife is happy", probably didn't help much.

My ubpw could have talked me into almost anything for a time, especially if I thought it meant she would look at me and treat me the way I so desperately wanted her to.  Going from "not being a man" lower than dirt status, instantly changed to "you are a man" and worshiped is kryptonite for a man with a fragile ego IMO.

While living with my upbw, I felt if she wasn't happy, then what kind of an insensitive pig would I be for being happy. I would only allow myself to truly relax and feel good about things, if my wife was in a good mood and mental place. I don't think she ever really understood this. Now, here I am feeling sorry for myself for months and feeling guilty and bad about life because I think she is an ocean away feeling depressed. I don't know that she is even feeling depressed.  She was the last time we spoke, but what if she is? Why should I base my emotions on her emotional barometer? Doesn't make sense anymore. Looking back it never should have made sense at all, not for an instant.

[Chihiro]

There is a scene in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" where Jim Carrey's character, Joel, is having Clementine erased from his memory, that speaks to the deep wounds that a relationship with a pwBPD reopens in us that is just brilliantly insightful.

Joel is trying to "hide" a memory of Clementine in a place where they won't think of looking for it - a childhood memory.  He is under the kitchen table in his childhood home, and his mother is busy talking to a friend.  At one point he says something to the effect of, "why do I have this incredible need for her to see me (meaning his mom)?  It's so powerful."  It's that same need, the need of a child for his mother's undistracted attention, that fuels our compulsive need for the love of our persons with BPD.  This was a lightbulb moment for me.

[rotgut]

2010 posted the below on the thread about NPD v. BPD. I had to post it here because to me, it describes the dysfunctional "dance" (what an appropriate word) of the couple in Revolutionary Road perfectly.

" Some therapists say that the mirroring behaviors of Borderline *compliance (*in the beginning stages) do really provide entrapment for a Narcissist.

Borderlines are chameleons, and they evaluate the *needs* of others in order to attach or “fuse” to them in enmeshment, but the Narcissist needs a safety zone of protection (control) that disallows for fusion unless it is done in perfection- which is realistically impossible.  Therefore the pathology exists in fantasy thinking that each objectifies the other in neediness that has nothing to do with reality.  The ideal person does not exist except in the ideal. Therefore the couple spends most of their time trying to dance around reality- a disaster waiting to happen.  Both people are trying to prevent their schemas from being triggered- and both people are choosing the other to work through the uncomfortable feelings about loss of control and re-work the compulsive coping mechanisms that were put into play from early childhood."

[rotgut]

Margot at the Wedding (2007)

Awesome Jim, Thank you for the recommendation. Nicole Kidman is incredible as bp Margot. After watching the film, I can't tell you how disgusted I am with myself for being so attracted to Margot and to the real women like her in my life. I have masturbated to the thought of her masturbating in a scene which shows her face down, alone in bed, and pleasuring herself (not my usual film reaction). If I knew where Margot lived I would somehow go and introduce myself. And this is why I am home alone watching films featuring folks with bp and not out dating. Why am I so drawn to these totally fukced up women? Did you see her climb that tree?

Not only can she climb the shti out of a tree, but she is physically beautiful, highly sexual, and creative too. Meeting her reality equivalent at this point in my recovery would be like setting a syringe full of heroin in front of Keith Richards. Even with all my new found knowledge about pb, at this point, I would still go for it.

I have been alone for months and have only really seriously thought about dating one woman. After finding this site and discovering bp, I see that she too is a good candidate for bp. She is a good friend of my niece (currently living on my sofa) and my niece has told me of her railing at her ex bf for hours due to her dreaming that he had cheated on her... .

[diotima]

"Notes On A Scandal."

Don't let this one get lost. Really nasty! I haven't seen Rev Road but will get it. This is a great thread. I am teaching a course on Evil in the spring and want to do a segment on psychological evil and may use a film... .So, lots of viewing "pleasure" ahead of me.

Diotima

[juner]

Margot at the Wedding (2007) - yes, directed by Noah Baumbach, who also did Greenberg - featuring another pwBPD in the Ben Stiller character. I hate to add this one, because the info is essentially the spoiler. Suddenly it's... .uh-huh,

[rotgut]

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

Thanks for the recommendation Diotima. Right on about this one being particularly “nasty”.

I once saw a cat batting around a half-dead mouse. The unfortunate mouse would play dead in an attempt to get the cat to lose interest, but the cat would invariably and methodically slap the mouse with its huge paws until the mouse was rendered unconscious. The cat would then patiently wait until the mouse would come to and try to run away. The cat would then violently engulf the mouse in its mouth, and the mouse would instinctively freeze in terror. This would continue, again-and-again, until the mouse's life was finally extinguished.

It seems to me that the cat, which was extremely well fed, was not killing out of need or hunger, but simply for the thrill of this torturous dance. Watching “Notes on a Scandal” was like watching a house cat (BP Barbara) toy with her latest and most unfortunate mouse (Sheba).

A scene early in the movie depicts Barbara (Judi Dench) passing by Sheba's Art class,  witnessing Sheba (Cate Blanchett) having trouble breaking up a fight between two of her male students. Barbara sees this as her chance to rescue/engage Sheba and seizes the opportunity.  As a sign of gratitude, Sheba reaches out to Barbara by asking her out for coffee, thus beginning their long and tragic bp dance.

[Sofie]

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

It seems to me that the cat, which was extremely well fed, was not killing out of need or hunger, but simply for the thrill of this torturous dance. Watching “Notes on a Scandal” was like watching a house cat (BP Barbara) toy with her latest and most unfortunate mouse (Sheba).

Interesting analysis. I guess I saw it more along the lines of Barbara (the BPD played by Judi Dench) as being a deeply tragic figure - she so desperately longs to enter into a loving relationship with another person, but does not know how to do it without being too much/consuming and controlling her "host."  I find the film to be a very interesting - and rare - portrait of an aging BPD, who can no longer user her good looks and charm to lure people in. It was great to see as an alternative depiction of this illness to all of the sassy BPD vixens we've seen in the guise of Sharon Stone, Glenn Close, etc.

I'll never forget the scene where we hear that Barbara's ex (or ex fantasy?) filed a restraining order against her and that the ex's new partner got sent a burial wreath by Barbara - must be one of the most chilling moments I've ever seen on film. Go see this movie, everyone!

[rotgut]

Sofie, I agree with you completely about Barbara being an excellent portrait of an older woman with bp. Definitely not your typical femme fatale. Thanks for the recommendation. I would like to see a film or two depicting a male bp. Seems like all of the films thus far have featured female bp's. I know it is not as common, but surely enough to warrant a film or two.

[MaybeSo]

Watch the Talented Mr. Ripley for a high functioning male BPD in love with a NPD male, and the web of triangles and tragedy he spins. It's a very well done film. BPD male played by Matt Damon, NPD male played by Jude Law, both are superb.

[rotgut]

Vicky, Christiana, Barcelona (2008)

Thanks for the recommendation UpNorth. I'm also planning to watch "Gun Crazy" as soon as I can locate a copy.

This film was a refreshing break from the stark heaviness of “Notes on a Scandal”. Leave it to Woody Allen to write a slap stick dramedy about BPD, because nothing says funny like a bp women with a gun... .Three women in Spain, two American tourists, and one volatile bp “genius” artist played by Penelope Cruz (wonderful in the film), all competing for the affection of one sensitive Spanish painter, Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem).

Up until about a week ago I assumed all of my relationship problems could be chalked up to bad luck, but  after watching these films featuring so many women suffering with bp, I am beginning to see  that bp is, and has been my preferred type of woman for a very long time. Even now when watching a bp women on film, I feel an excitement stir within me. In retrospect, I never really went for conventional women like the character Vicky in the film, I guess I always found them dull and boring or just plain not volatile/passionate enough for my liking.

My mother who exhibits strong NPD and her Golden Boy, my older brother,  I think played a big role in  shaping my  now life-long preference for bp women.  Growing up I always wanted to be like my mother's golden boy, who was five years my senior. I saw him as bigger, smarter, and better looking than me in every way. And my mother was always there to reinforce this concept in her subtle as a sledge hammer type manner. My older brother's gf, now wife,  is definitely a high-functioning bp.  This SIL has looked at me with contempt and utter disdain since I was a kid. Still unsure as to why I constantly seek approval from these women? Looking back, her approval has always been very important to me, yet I think she is an asshoel in many ways. I even went to the same Uni. as my SIL, where I found my very own wife with bp.

Looking at this honestly, It is like I have unconsciously aspired to be like some kind of horse whisperer, but for bp women. Arrogantly thinking: Yes I know they leave a trail of devastated men in their wake, but I am so sensitive and insightful, I will be able to break through, calm her down, and she will love me for it. Need to stop thinking this way and remember how unromantic and truly hellish everyday life was with my estranged ubpw.

And also stop thinking that a r/s with a women with bp is a good trade-off. Tolerating the rages and outbursts so you can enjoy the intense love and love making. Used to think it was a matter of strength and not one of personal boundaries. As if somehow the other guys weren't strong/smart enough for their bp women, but since I am like my gb brother,  could handle it.

I appreciated the scene, near  the end  of the film, when Juan is trying to describe his feelings toward Maria Helena, his estranged uwbp. “We are meant for each other, and not meant for each other. It's a contradiction. In order to understand it, you need to be a poet like my father, because I don't.”  If I knew Juan's email address, I would send him a link to this wonderful forum so he could begin to understand it. 

[rotgut]

I am submitting  "B. Monkey" (1998) to the list of films featuring pwBPD.  Excellent cast and great music in this one. Has anyone else seen this film?

[Munch]

My mother who exhibits strong NPD and her Golden Boy, my older brother

This just gave me a    What about Mary Tyler Moore in Ordinary people... .not so ordinary!

Munchxo

[MaybeSo]

Ordinary People is one of my all time favorite movies, it is so well done.  And yes, the mother's role played by Mary Tyler Moore is so NPD, it's chilling.  Greg Lester trains clinicians in personality disorders and specializes in treating PD... .he also pegged this role as a NPD example, with the father (Donald Sutherland) who just lets it go and refuses to see how dysfunctional his wife is and what it's doing to his son (until the end) as avoidant personality.  The mother is like ice in this movie, but with a finely honed and very pleasant exterior that passes very well in polite society, making the boy feel all the more 'nutz' for not being 'comfortable' around her or having his own feelings... .this has many similarities to stuff in my family, and the family I first married into also... . ugh... .I found myself identifying very strongly with the son in this movie... .who would have likely ended up dead if not for his therapist played by Judd Hirsch.  Such a fantastic move. This movie is one of the reasons why I was so interested when I was young in becoming a therapist. This movie is a gem.

Rotgut, have you seen this? 

[MaybeSo]

I'm watching The Holiday right now.  Kate Winslett as the long suffering co-dep to her creepy NPD ex  who keeps leading her on.  This movie is pretty light hearted fair over all, but that relationship is painful to watch and strikes some very sad and familiar chordes.  In the end she stops with the Codep bullsh**... .thank GOD!  Basically by immersing herself with normal, loving people... .something I try to do all the time now... .it is a very important part of healing. 

[rotgut]

The War of the Roses (1989)

Thanks for the recommendation pallavirajsingh.

I initially saw this movie as a kid in the theater and thought it was hilarious. Watched it again tonight and did not find it funny in the least. To me it was like a comedic version of Revolutionary Road, which to me would be as funny as a comedic version of Shindler's List.

The husband (Michael Douglas) strikes me as NPD and the wife (Kathleen Turner) as BPD. That is until midway into the film at least, when they are both raging BPD. This movie just made me sad and I don't think I'll be watching anymore “comedies” that deal with bp r/s. A smart dramady fine,  but no more bp “comedies”.

When the wife wakes her husband up at 3 am to verbally & pysically abuse him, that jarred some very unpleasant memories in me. What is it about pwbp that motivates them to attack their partner at their most vulnerable? While we are sleeping, showering, making love to them.  BAM BAM BAM ATTAACKATTACKATTACK.

[rotgut]

Mabyeso,

Ordinary People is definitely on my Watch List. I can picture the characters , but do not really remember the film all that well. When I watch OP, it will probably definitely be a more frightening experience than a good horror film like Psycho, or The Shining.

The funny thing is, before I got with my estranged ubpw, I liked films like the ones we've listed, but during my ten year r/s my SO would not watch dramas. She did not like them at all. I was supposed to be the lucky guy whose SO didn't drag her husband to see a sappy chic flick drama   , but I don't happen to share this mentality.

I think maybe she didn't like them b/c, like has been said on many other threads, she didn't have room for anyone else's emotional drama. She was all filled up with her own. After seeing the opening scenes of Melancholia, I can imagine her hands were indeed quite full at the time.

[Beach_Babe]

I heard the movie "Rachel getting married" depicts a BPD.

[Awesome Jim]

Awesome Jim, Thank you for the recommendation. Nicole Kidman is incredible as bp Margot. After watching the film, I can't tell you how disgusted I am with myself for being so attracted to Margot and to the real women like her in my life. I have masturbated to the thought of her masturbating in a scene which shows her face down, alone in bed, and pleasuring herself (not my usual film reaction). If I knew where Margot lived I would somehow go and introduce myself. And this is why I am home alone watching films featuring folks with bp and not out dating. Why am I so drawn to these totally fukced up women? Did you see her climb that tree?

Not only can she climb the shti out of a tree, but she is physically beautiful, highly sexual, and creative too. Meeting her reality equivalent at this point in my recovery would be like setting a syringe full of heroin in front of Keith Richards. Even with all my new found knowledge about pb, at this point, I would still go for it.

No sweat rotgut - glad I could help. I found Nicole Kindman's portrayal of a BPD the most realistic because she pays the role so subtly - the way most PDs are in reality.  It's like how TV and Hollywood portray sociopaths as serial killers or organized crime leaders etc. when in reality they are mostly harmless self serving "dime store hoods" and pains in the ass.  The book "The Sociopath Next Door" highlights this and the danger that most of society isn't able to recognize or identify these potentially dangerous triats because of what they expect based on the above mentioned extreme portrayals in media.

I too find her character incredibly attractive.  I too am drawn to these types of women far more than normal "boring" types - and this is a damn shame .  I remember going to pay for one of my many speeding tickets and being instantly attracted to this woman who was playing with her shoe in a very sexy way while trying to sweet talk her way out of a ticket.  So as she and I are beside each other filling out paper work I ask her about the half dozen tickets she appears to be holding.  She instantly just started talking to me about them and how many she gets and what her fastest speed was and how she'd lost her license several times.

I was so attracted to this woman I can remember starting to get aroused as I was talking to her.  I was so tempted to ask for her number but I stopped myself - since I already had a high drama BPD in my life.  I can remember driving back to the office with this ridiculous smile on my face.  I later called my BPD gf at work and she could tell I was distracted about something or in a strangely good mood or something.  I think it was the fact that I realized right then and there that this is the type of woman I am most attracted to - and you can't manufacture that - it just is what it is.  Other people don't get it.   Other guys think I am nuts for putting up with her nonsense.

Mostly women think I am "too nice" (her own mother being one of them) but as I said to my buddy the other night at dinner who said I'm too nice, "I don't think I'm too nice at all, it's much more complicated than that".  What you have described is what I mean by being much more complicated because the real issue is us and why we are attracted to this type of person.  My therapist knows this inherently about me.  I have likened her to heroin many times myself because of my addiction to her and funny enough my ex even gets it wrong - she thinks I am "obsessive compulsive" for example because I work out so much.  I know my personality type well though and my type generally, like myself, are prone to addiction - I have just mostly chosen healthy addictions myself.  The irony is I am mostly addicted to her - I go out to her place for the weekend and get my "fix" from her - we aren't even sexual any more but I still get some kind of pleasure stimulation just from being around her.  I mostly like the fact it feels like a normal family and that I somehow fit in.  She even said recently that I can't leave her because I am "part of the family" (I truly have been indoctrinated into her highly dysfunctional family).

Up until about a week ago I assumed all of my relationship problems could be chalked up to bad luck, but  after watching these films featuring so many women suffering with bp, I am beginning to see  that bp is, and has been my preferred type of woman for a very long time. Even now when watching a bp women on film, I feel an excitement stir within me. In retrospect, I never really went for conventional women like the character Vicky in the film, I guess I always found them dull and boring or just plain not volatile/passionate enough for my liking.

My first marriage I'm certain failed because my ex wife ultimately didn't excite me.  I loved her dearly but I was bored by her I think.  I didn't respect her because she wasn't tough or btchy or strong.  She was so needy and I resented my role as leader and quaid father figure because of that.  I believe I am a fairly dominant male (not bossy or pushy but tough and calm when others freak out and not afraid of authority and not afraid of conflict).  With my BPD ex gf she is so alpha female that I feel like I can relax when I'm with her and I do.  I don't mind (in fact I think I like it) when she her goes off on her nutty rages with her mom (and me be the one who is calm and defuses the situation) or getting into conflict with someone in public (especially if the person deserves it ).  That's pretty warped I suppose huh?

Looking at this honestly, It is like I have unconsciously aspired to be like some kind of horse whisperer, but for bp women. Arrogantly thinking: Yes I know they leave a trail of devastated men in their wake, but I am so sensitive and insightful, I will be able to break through, calm her down, and she will love me for it. Need to stop thinking this way and remember how unromantic and truly hellish everyday life was with my estranged ubpw.

And also stop thinking that a r/s with a women with bp is a good trade-off. Tolerating the rages and outbursts so you can enjoy the intense love and love making. Used to think it was a matter of strength and not one of personal boundaries. As if somehow the other guys weren't strong/smart enough for their bp women, but since I am like my gb brother,  could handle it.

This is EXACLTY how I feel.  I also don't know many others who do and even within non BPD circles I feel alone in that regard.  I often think of myself as the "BPD Whisperer" and I often believe that I am one of the only men strong enough or accepting or open or forgiving enough to deal with her craziness.  I think she does too but neither of us seems to know how to get that sexual and intimate chemistry back.  It's like we don't trust each other to not hurt one another.  I said to her one time "I feel like we are two alpha tigers who don't know whether to fight or ".  So we just kind of have this "relationship detente" going on.  I don't know how to fix it.  

I pulled away from her recently when she complained about her gf setting her up on a dinner date with her and her new bf.  But then she went out with him again! - and then had the neighbour over for dinner a few nights later (the one she complained to me about - probably to make me jealous - in the summer and that she was glad I was there as a good excuse to not do dinner) and then another one later that we week with this guy who would call every now and then who is a chiropractic client of her dad's.  I expected this though -it's one of her sudden impulsive episodes where I guess she is suddenly grasping for that identiy she so craves but clearly doesn't seem to have.  She wasn't dating anyone all summer and was having me out almost every weekend and sometimes during the week (we live about an hour apart at opposite ends of the megalopolis ) and then all of a sudden this.

So I told her I can't do this anymore - it's not fair to her son, to me, to her, etc.  She then got so upset that she wouldn't have me in her life anymore.  I don't understand how she thinks she can have me around as her "pretend boyfriend", as my massage therapist calls it, and date other guys. So I've been out a few times since then because I am a sucker (as I said addiction is a hard thing to break away from) but I've also been trying very hard to get my "fix" elsewhere.  Last Thursday I went out with a group of coworkers when we were on training - our director took us out for a night on the town at the end of it.  I was getting hit on by a female coworker and flirted back and then also later in the night I was up dancing with lots of ladies who eventually started grinding on me two at a time.  I ended up making out with one on the dancefloor in front of a female manager and coworkers - oops - there goes my impulses.

Last night I went out because a bunch of the staff from my local pub, mostly university aged females, invited me out for another girl's bday.  I ended up dancing with this super hot Russian girl who is way too young for me but somehow really seems to dig me (I seriously don't get it).  She kept texting me to come to the after party but I wisely went home.  This is tough on me but it is helping break away and I know this.  It really hurts.  I love her and want to have a family with her but I also know how impossible that is and then me out being a "player" with all these girls half my age (even the one from Thursday night had to be a 20 something) is so awkward and unhealthy and a bit dangerous.  I feel guilty too because I have gotten really good at the seduction game - but it's really the only thing that works.  "Going for coffee" doesn't create sexual tension or intimacy and I know this - so I am trying to make that happen first and then work towards long term if it starts to work.  I've tried the other way for years and now know how unsuccessful that way is.  Clearly I'm a mess right now though.

I do know that I am the one with as much of a problem as she as - as you are also keenly aware of with yourself.  I can't want to settle down and have a family on one hand (I really do - and I'm now 43 - even though the young girls often think I am in my late 20s or early 30s) and then pursue crazy, dysfunctional, and unstable women on the other and be able to achieve both.  I need to work on that somehow (I don't know how to change who and what I am attracted to - it's kinda built in to your personality type which I believe is mostly innate).

[harlemgurl]

Awesome Jim,

Thanks for your candid honesty. I had an intense world wind affair with the zaniest, craziest BP male I could ever find and I miss the hell out of him. I too was married to a wonderfully balanced man: attractive, tall, funny, a hard worker bee, and responsible but in many ways he bored the hell out of me. I couldn't get excited about him and ultimately our sex life went to ___.

I love my ex-hubby as friend and roommate but the sexual spark was what was missing from my otherwise fulfilling life. When BPD ex came into the picture it was like a sleeping dragon awakening. I've never felt more alive being with that crazy fool. I've been in therapy for over 6 months, I've cried, mourned and grieved and yet I still long for my BPDex.    ? ? ? I think of him everyday as I do my best to move on with my life. I know he isn't good for me, but we had a lot of fun and shared a lot of love and I can't seem to shake the ruminating over what was. He was the biggest loser and the world's worst boyfriend ever but the sexual chemistry was really unlike anything I've ever experienced.

I really hate myself for longing for someone who not only treated me like crap but I hate myself for not appreciating the healthy wonderful person that I had in my ex-husband. I want great sex but I won't ever forget the BPD crazy; it broke my heart into a million pieces to realize actualize how sick the ex really was... .

I want to believe that its possible to find unbelievable sex and emotionally grounded balance... .but I don't know... .life seems like one or the other... .

HG

HG

[Awesome Jim]

Yeah today and yesterday I got to hear all about her anxieties surrounding her changing jobs (she just handed in her resignation yesterday and her coworkers had it announced today).  She didn't think anyone liked her but is finding out the opposite today.  I think she will live to regret this decision but maybe I'm wrong.  I hope so.

I do love crazy women.  Strangely I've always respected women who are sexually promiscuous when others hold them in disdain.  Obviously I respect mothers and family oriented women but I don't hold the two as tied together.  I don't respect prudish people in general.  I am a very open person and I hate having to sensor myself or watch my Ps and Qs per se.  I love women who are very sexual.  I don't know why.  Life is short, why should people feel guilty for being the human animals we are.  I think people who control every impulse and watch everything they say and pretend not to be sexual beings or have sexual needs are so messed up and allow themselves to be victims of social conditioning.

I guess I don't see supposed crazy women as crazy then - perhaps I respect them because they are real and honest.  Yes I am certain that's the truth.  The girl I made out with the other night I respect her so much for being so natural and just letting herself live in the moment.  We just kissed for a few minutes, parted ways, and that was it - but so what, it was fun and nobody got hurt.  I'm sure it was good for her too .

[rotgut]

Thank you all for your input and recommendations. Watching these films is going along way to help me understand and recognize BPD behavior. Watching them also stirs many memories of my own r/s with my uBPD W.  It is amazing to now see this behavior for what it is, and no longer take it so damn personally. Below is the latest list of films that depict characters with BPD, in no particular order except for Betty Blue is still on top.  Some have been omitted, due to my belief that they exhibit primarily sociopath behavior more than BPD, Basic Instinct or Angilena Jolie's Character in Girl Interrupted. . Also if they are predominantly NPD they too have been deleted from this particular list, Joan Crawford/Mommy Dearest. The month  of October is still fairly young and I am slowly, but steadily making my way through the remainder of these films. Next on my watch list is Ordinary People (1980), Factory Girl (2006), and Gaslight (1944). If you know of a film that depicts a pwBPD, and its not on the list, please add it. If you do I will watch it. Many thanks.

1.) Betty Blue (1986) Lovely Betty

2.) Girl Interrupted (1999) Wynona Ryder's character

3.) My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) Uma Thurman's character

4.) Vicky, Christina, Barcelona (2008) Penelope Cruz's character

5.) Margot at the Wedding (2007) The incredible Nicole Kidman

6.) Melancholia (2011) Kirsten Dunst

7.) Gia (1998) Angelina Jolie

8.) Notes on a Scandal (2006) Judi Dench

9.) Revolutionary Road (2008) Kate Winslet

10.) The Virgin Suicides (1999) Kathleen Turner

11.) Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind  (2004) Kate Winslet

12.) Blue Sky (1994) Jessica Lange

13.) Coraline (Mother in the Alternate/Shtty Realm)

[MaybeSo]

My ex male fiancee and I watched Blue Sky together.  He told me at the end of the movie that he felt uncomfortable watching Jessica Lange's performance because she actually reminded him of some of his own behaviors... .

[rotgut]

Which of the films on this list depict waif BPD? My uBPD W is most definitely a waif, and since this distinction is very new to me, I would appreciate any input here.

I think I am attracted to both types of wwBPD. In the past I had r/s with a least three BPD women.  When in college I thought I was breaking my streak by dating my now uBPD waif W. She was not like my normal preference, which was very much like the Kate Winslet character in Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind. She was much more like the high functioning Margot Character n Margot at the Wedding, (but also physically violent). Why would I be attracted to different shades of the same disorder ? Intensity?

[MaybeSo]

I have not seen all on this list yet... .I need to start going through them... .  I would assume Jessica Lange in Blue Sky is classic BPD waif.  She is about as waify as they get.

[rotgut]

maybe so, I can't tell you how attracted I was to Jessica Lange's character in Blue Sky. Jessica Lange is beautiful anyway, but her character's single mindedness, intensity, and hyper-sexuality was just my cup of tea.

I've been thinking a lot about the origins of my attraction to these type of women, and remembered something that I think may be significant. I recently remembered that as a young teenager, I was watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off with my older brother. I remember watching his face light up as he watched Ferris's overtly btchy sister berate anyone unfortunate enough to be in her path. I remember my brother saying, "she's so hot". And I was surprised by this, b/c I personally thought she was kind of scary. He went on to say, "I bet she's a great lay". I found this intriguing and in hindsight m/b this is when I unconsciously began to associate bp behavior with sex.  And began looking for these traits in potential gfs b/c in my twisted mind btchy/crazy=great in bed. 

[MaybeSo]

Jessica Lange is gorgeous, when I first saw her in Tootsie I got a crush on her and I'm not even gay.  Some people actually have said I look like her ... .YEAH!

However... .her role as a BPD waif in Blue Sky is a hot mess.  Yes she's sultry and always hot to trot,

but omg... .she is a spectacle and an embarrassment to her husband and her daughter's, she's destructive and volatile, her husband almost ends up confined to mental ward,  she is self absorbed and incredibly immature. She seeks constant attention from anything with a penis.  Since it's a movie all works out okay in the end for the storyline,  but you know in real life that this character would wreak havoc with her family and others for years to come and that the damage would be considerable.

Is the hot sex really worth all that? 

OMG, I wouldn't think so! 

Hey... .why don't you find a normal woman that will 'play act' the 'bad girl' ... .for fun, in the bedroom... .and because it's hot and sexy... .but stay away from the real thing in real life! 

[rotgut]

Election (1999)

Starring: Mathew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, & Chris Klein.

Don't know how this one stayed off the BPD film list for this long.

The StorylineBP)"Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon)is running unopposed for this year's high school student election. But school civics teacher Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) has a different plan. Partly to establish a more democratic election, and partly to satisfy some deep personal anger toward Tracy, Jim talks popular varsity football player Paul Metzler (Chris Klein) to run for president as well. Chaos ensues."

This movie is like a study in the BPD/NPD r/s. Tracy seems to exhibit many BPD traits, and her mother the classic NPD/Pageant/Stage Mom. Tracy is an only child, and her single NPD mother seems to be living out her ambitions through Tracy. Telling her: "Very few people are destined to be special. And if your going to be great, you've got to be lonely”.

To Tracy, “winning is the most important thing”. I loved her opening line in the film. "None of this would have happened if Mr.McAllister wouldn't have done what he did. You can't mess with destiny. And if you try, you only get hurt."  She seems to realize that any outward acts of bad behavior would jeopardize her overall “winning” of the election. This keeping up with societal norms, seems to be the prime motivator in keeping her dysregulation in check.  Tracy also has victim mentality and paints her classmate Paul(Chris Klein) black, as soon as she realizes he is competition in the election, she rages "these spoiled rich kids have no idea how hard I have to work,sacrifices, etc.,etc... ."

Midway through the film, when Tracy feels that she is losing control of the election, she dysregulates. She goes completely ape sht and violently tears up all of the candidates campaign posters. Riddling her hands with paper cuts in the process.

Tracy's sexual affair with Dave, her man-child/NPD/HS teacher, is hilarious. He is that HS teacher who only teaches so he could stay in HS. He tells Tracy how "special" she is and how "only he can understand her". NPD Dave is even going to let Tracy read his novel (that he hasn't written yet).

The other pwBPD I see is Susan, Dave's wife.  She seduces Mr.McAllister  only to destroy his family later that afternoon with a phone call to his wife. And later Susan tells Mr. McAllister her very different version of their short affair, telling him “I was lonely and you took advantage”. BPD: Feelings=Facts.

This is a very fun film. Much of the behavior seems very familiar. I would love to hear your thoughts on this film and what BPD traits you see. If anyone agrees that Tracy is BPD. What type is she? And what type of BPD would  Susan, Dave's wife be considered?