I have been hanging around the boards, reading posts and workshops for a while now. I have been putting a lot of the information into practice and he is a lot more regulated now. This is my first post... . We even had a successful camping trip where he was social!
Well I am having problems with what to say when he is dis regulated. If I ignore him he takes that as invalidating. So I have used a lot of
validation of his feelings, and acknowledging the mistakes I am making... .
We had an incident when we were camping and this is an example of similar instances that happen all the time... . I packed up the camp stuff for the night, it was late and I had minimal light so the items were not put back neat. In the morning he was angry and I validated his feelings, apologised and tried to explain... .
He told me
'if u were sorry, then u wouldn't do it'
also
'U must be trying to make me angry. It's cause and effect. You don't put it back neat, then u know I get angry, so u r making me angry on purpose'
Now obviously neither is true. Things get messy and out of place and need to be tidied, things happen and I can't do it straight away (like this instance). I am genuinely sorry for how it makes him feel, but I also don't want to run around all the time and 'walk on egg shells' anymore. And obviously I am not trying to make him angry either. He is projecting his feelings onto me... .
So how else can I respond?
How can I still acknowledge his feelings, acknowledge the parts I did wrong, but keep my boundaries and have a better outcome for this type of scenario?
