Did anyone feel invincible/ undumpable?

[Discarded26]

Yes. God, yes. For 12 years I heard that I was her soulmate and the love of her life... the one person she couldn't get over no matter how hard she tried, the one person she'd given everything to. She wrote hundreds of poems about me, kept mementos including random things I left behind when I moved out (like a nightgown, jewelry, an old MP3 of my voice, logs of old conversations), hurt her partner over her supposed inability to let me go.

Was I dumpable? Sure, for a time, when she couldn't stand being around me anymore. But she would always come back, and she said, "I need you to know that I'll always love you, even if we're not talking again, even if it seems like I hate you." She said, "You're my reason for being alive."

And yeah... .  I believed it. Never thought her "feelings" would change.

I get this post. Always thought I'd be that special one. But I wasn't

[mosaicbird]

I get this post. Always thought I'd be that special one. But I wasn't

Yeah.   "No one will ever replace you." Hah.

[trevjim]

The things they say to us "you always be the one" "ill never get over you" are the type of things that people say in teenage relationships, yet as the pwBPD is so convincing, we believe it. I guess I shouldnt be suprised as pwBPD havnt developeded properly since childhood.

[Discarded26]

I get this post. Always thought I'd be that special one. But I wasn't

Yeah.   "No one will ever replace you." Hah.

I was the one, lets go on holiday, I'm so happy with you, being in a relationship where I want to be and not settling for someone, changing my mind on marriage and kids, I love you so much, we're meant to be, I'll never leave you, I'll always be there for you, you've always been the one, so glad you feel the same about me as I do you           

In all, a load of ****

[mosaicbird]

The things they say to us "you always be the one" "ill never get over you" are the type of things that people say in teenage relationships, yet as the pwBPD is so convincing, we believe it. I guess I shouldnt be suprised as pwBPD havnt developeded properly since childhood.

Hm, that's an interesting way to look at it. I was 17 when I met her, and she was 22. (Neither of us past the 'brain finished developing' age.) I have often wondered if my own pattern of being so hopelessly stuck on her had to do with having met her in adolescence... .  As though part of me was flash-frozen at that age and has maintained that sort of strange attachment to her while the rest of me has grown.

[Scott44]

I felt invincible for a long time until she started idealizing her best female friend and devaluing me.  Then I felt very "dumpable".

[Seb]

I definitely felt undumpable. I was convinced she would never ever dump me. I used to think it would be me that would end it if it came down to it because she never would.

I was so naive looking back.

I constantly heard (and stupidly believed), "I'll never leave you"... .  this was her favourite quote, drilled in to me, and I bought it. It was always brought up by her, unprompted by me I want to add. I must have heard this a million times.

I also heard these classics on loop:

"I'd kill myself if anything ever happened to you";

"You're the love of my life";

"I'm completely in love with you";

"I'm crazy about you";

"I want to shout my love for you from the rooftops";

"I'm so happy I've finally found the one for me";

"It's a case of when I ask you to marry me";

"You're out of my league. I don't want to mess this up, I know how lucky I am to have you"

Of course, when I was dumped just before we moved in together, and 12 hours after being told she loved me "in every possible way", I asked her, in total disbelief, what happened to the person that would "never leave" me? She just replied, "I know I can't believe I'm saying it either".

[GustheDog]

I felt invincible for a long time until she started idealizing her best female friend and devaluing me.  Then I felt very "dumpable".

Yep, and that's all it takes.  Introduction of a new participant on the ole drama triangle and, et voila, you're not so special anymore. 

I didn't have the technical understanding of BPD at the time I was being triangulated and devalued that I have now - yet despite lacking the vocabulary to express this, I knew on some quasi-conscious level what was happening.  And I further think that this had been a deeply embedded fear of mine throughout the entire relationship; that is, that someone else could be elevated as quickly and easily as I had been and I'd be left behind.

[broken but not beaten]

I felt invincible like I was floating on clouds! I truly believed it at that time,of course I now realise I was in the midst of her idealization stage. That's why it hurt so bad first time she discarded me like garbage,as is said every action has an equal but opposite reaction so following the ultimate high was the ultimate low,it felt like I'd been hit by a train! I was lost begging crying and she thrived on it,we did get back together but during the time we were seperated she was with someone else and what do you know it was the same with him,I saw how she used him and cruelly discarded him,are we or were we special? I don't know but I do know its addictive and I won't allow myself to be treated that way again

[struggli]

I still have some stuff in written form that she gave to me about me being the best and the greatest and all that.  "My terror has turned to light with you".  I'm paraphrasing because I don't want to look through the stuff to get the exact wording.  Maybe "my terror" is a red flag.  I mean "fear" or something like that might be cool, but terror?  Of course I felt like a rock star instead, that we were both able to give each other what we needed without even trying all that much.

When she started devaluing me, I pulled out these written things and asked her "what about what you said here?"  She got mad at me for bringing up the past and "using it against her."

Sometimes I wish I had a sh-tty memory. 

[broken but not beaten]

I spent new year sat discussing wedding plans with her and her daughter to be discarded 3 wk later for something so minor,we have a 12 year age gap me being younger so her loss,just hated the fact she allowed me to bond with her daughter and put both of us through that bs,funny you mention having a good memory,I also remember the classic lines she pulled... .  don't leave me... .  I've never felt this way before,you know how it goes,then when you question them they got a blank look on their face and blame you for it,being castrated with 2 house bricks and having them stamped on for good measure would be less painful than the joke of an unsupporive fake fantasy of a r/ship we was in

[Wimowe]

Ohhhh, yes, did I ever feel invincible/undumpable! My delusions of invincibility/ undumpability were several:

Idealization and My Delusions of Grandeur.  My uBPDxgf as much as said that she'd never loved anyone like she loved me or felt so deeply connected to anyone (and I felt the same).  My first delusion of invincibility:  I was her unique true love and soulmate, etc.; our relationship was 'special'.  My own low self-esteem and self-loathing, manifested as grandiosity, encouraged this delusion.

More Idealization and My Delusion of Superiority to Other Men.  She often told me how extraordinarily loving, kind, considerate, etc. she thought I was. At the same time she complained -- often bitterly -- about some (not all) of her past relationships, how crazy her partners were, how badly they had treated her.  Thus, my second delusion of invincibility: Not only was I her true love and soulmate, but I considered myself vastly superior to her previous partners, probably the best deal she had ever had, or could ever get.  I was susceptible to this delusion due to my self-loathing and low self-esteem, manifested as arrogance.

Clinging and My Delusion of Indispensability/Irreplaceability.  My uBPDxgf is quite waiflike and also does a pretty good damsel-in-distress. She constantly asked for my advice and counsel or wanted me to listen to her obsess and vent about her problems (and her general victimhood).  I felt like she had confided so much in me, that everything she shared with me was like an investment in trust and intimacy, creating an ever increasing barrier to exit (abandonment of me). My self-loathing and fear of abandonment manifested as a belief that one could love me for who I am but only what I can do.

More Clinging and My Delusion of Control.  I considered that each assist I gave her further obligated her to me and entangled her with me.  I felt she owed me.  I thought I could keep her indebted to me.  Classic: attempts at codependent control, savior behavior, rescuing.  My desperate fear of abandonment manifested as a need to entrap and control her through obligation.

Still More Clinging and My Delusion of Superiority to Her. Because she was waiflike and frequently a damsel in distress and especially because she had stopped reciprocating, I insidiously started to feel superior to her. My "help" became one upping her.  I started regarding myself as the "sane" member of the rs.  (This is a delusion I was appalled to catch myself out on while still in the rs.)  (Although the idealization is addictive, as a self-loathing codependent, the clinging phase is really my favorite.  )

Hatred and My Delusion of Nonexistence Without Her.  Part of me could not -- or refused to -- imagine our not being together or that I could exist (or at least be happy and fulfilled) without her.

I can see now that the progression of my delusional state reflected an increasingly disordered person (that would be me).  Each successive delusion is more troubling and appalling.  I am so deeply grateful to be able to perceive these.

[struggli]

Nice analysis wimowe

Some of those things sounded familiar to my "script."

[GustheDog]

Nice analysis wimowe

Some of those things sounded familiar to my "script."

Yeah, mine too.  Guess it wouldn't be a script otherwise, though.

[Truth in Ruin]

TrevJim, you always have good questions. Yes, same thing. shes was single for 10 years. I thought that was why she was crazy about me. Turns out she wasnt crazy about me. Just crazy in general.

[OTH]

That is a pretty good summary. I think you are my long lost twin.

Ohhhh, yes, did I ever feel invincible/undumpable! My delusions of invincibility/ undumpability were several:

Idealization and My Delusions of Grandeur.  My uBPDxgf as much as said that she'd never loved anyone like she loved me or felt so deeply connected to anyone (and I felt the same).  My first delusion of invincibility:  I was her unique true love and soulmate, etc.; our relationship was 'special'.  My own low self-esteem and self-loathing, manifested as grandiosity, encouraged this delusion.

More Idealization and My Delusion of Superiority to Other Men.  She often told me how extraordinarily loving, kind, considerate, etc. she thought I was. At the same time she complained -- often bitterly -- about some (not all) of her past relationships, how crazy her partners were, how badly they had treated her.  Thus, my second delusion of invincibility: Not only was I her true love and soulmate, but I considered myself vastly superior to her previous partners, probably the best deal she had ever had, or could ever get.  I was susceptible to this delusion due to my self-loathing and low self-esteem, manifested as arrogance.

Clinging and My Delusion of Indispensability/Irreplaceability.  My uBPDxgf is quite waiflike and also does a pretty good damsel-in-distress. She constantly asked for my advice and counsel or wanted me to listen to her obsess and vent about her problems (and her general victimhood).  I felt like she had confided so much in me, that everything she shared with me was like an investment in trust and intimacy, creating an ever increasing barrier to exit (abandonment of me). My self-loathing and fear of abandonment manifested as a belief that one could love me for who I am but only what I can do.

More Clinging and My Delusion of Control.  I considered that each assist I gave her further obligated her to me and entangled her with me.  I felt she owed me.  I thought I could keep her indebted to me.  Classic: attempts at codependent control, savior behavior, rescuing.  My desperate fear of abandonment manifested as a need to entrap and control her through obligation.

Still More Clinging and My Delusion of Superiority to Her. Because she was waiflike and frequently a damsel in distress and especially because she had stopped reciprocating, I insidiously started to feel superior to her. My "help" became one upping her.  I started regarding myself as the "sane" member of the rs.  (This is a delusion I was appalled to catch myself out on while still in the rs.)  (Although the idealization is addictive, as a self-loathing codependent, the clinging phase is really my favorite.  )

Hatred and My Delusion of Nonexistence Without Her.  Part of me could not -- or refused to -- imagine our not being together or that I could exist (or at least be happy and fulfilled) without her.

I can see now that the progression of my delusional state reflected an increasingly disordered person (that would be me).  Each successive delusion is more troubling and appalling.  I am so deeply grateful to be able to perceive these.

[jaird]

That is a pretty good summary. I think you are my long lost twin.

Ohhhh, yes, did I ever feel invincible/undumpable! My delusions of invincibility/ undumpability were several:

Idealization and My Delusions of Grandeur.  My uBPDxgf as much as said that she'd never loved anyone like she loved me or felt so deeply connected to anyone (and I felt the same).  My first delusion of invincibility:  I was her unique true love and soulmate, etc.; our relationship was 'special'.  My own low self-esteem and self-loathing, manifested as grandiosity, encouraged this delusion.

More Idealization and My Delusion of Superiority to Other Men.  She often told me how extraordinarily loving, kind, considerate, etc. she thought I was. At the same time she complained -- often bitterly -- about some (not all) of her past relationships, how crazy her partners were, how badly they had treated her.  Thus, my second delusion of invincibility: Not only was I her true love and soulmate, but I considered myself vastly superior to her previous partners, probably the best deal she had ever had, or could ever get.  I was susceptible to this delusion due to my self-loathing and low self-esteem, manifested as arrogance.

Clinging and My Delusion of Indispensability/Irreplaceability.  My uBPDxgf is quite waiflike and also does a pretty good damsel-in-distress. She constantly asked for my advice and counsel or wanted me to listen to her obsess and vent about her problems (and her general victimhood).  I felt like she had confided so much in me, that everything she shared with me was like an investment in trust and intimacy, creating an ever increasing barrier to exit (abandonment of me). My self-loathing and fear of abandonment manifested as a belief that one could love me for who I am but only what I can do.

More Clinging and My Delusion of Control.  I considered that each assist I gave her further obligated her to me and entangled her with me.  I felt she owed me.  I thought I could keep her indebted to me.  Classic: attempts at codependent control, savior behavior, rescuing.  My desperate fear of abandonment manifested as a need to entrap and control her through obligation.

Still More Clinging and My Delusion of Superiority to Her. Because she was waiflike and frequently a damsel in distress and especially because she had stopped reciprocating, I insidiously started to feel superior to her. My "help" became one upping her.  I started regarding myself as the "sane" member of the rs.  (This is a delusion I was appalled to catch myself out on while still in the rs.)  (Although the idealization is addictive, as a self-loathing codependent, the clinging phase is really my favorite.  )

Hatred and My Delusion of Nonexistence Without Her.  Part of me could not -- or refused to -- imagine our not being together or that I could exist (or at least be happy and fulfilled) without her.

I can see now that the progression of my delusional state reflected an increasingly disordered person (that would be me).  Each successive delusion is more troubling and appalling.  I am so deeply grateful to be able to perceive these.

I think we are all twins here. We all bought the story of "greatest man ever, ruined me for all other men, I'll never get over you, you're my twin, touched me like no other man". Then we all got dumped (excuse me ladies for referring to our exes as all female). Now we are all in shock.

They should have these BPDs all working as used car salespeople 

[Scott44]

Wimowe,

The stages that led you to feel invincible really hit home to me.  I went through eeach and every one of them.  Thanks for sharing your insight.

[SarahinMA]

The more I think about it, the more I feel that this has been one of the main reasons I haven't been able to move completely on from him.  I was walking in the snowy city today and it reminded me of the times we spent together.   Everything we did together was easy.  We rarely argued , we traveled so well together.  I had never felt this level of comfort with anyone. The two years we were together, things seemed too perfect.  Maybe that's why my self-esteem took a huge blow at the end.  I just couldn't believe that he could leave me so easily.  It had taken me 28 years to find someone I connected with like him and he was just able to throw it away. 

Friends do not understand the level of closeness that I felt with him.  Yes, relationships end and some people are able to walk away, but I NEVER saw this coming.  He made me feel like I was his world.  He alleviated any doubts I ever had in the relationship and told me exactly what I wanted to hear.  When I thought about moving for a job, he told me that he would start looking for new jobs there too.  When I was sick, he stayed by my side. 

With all that being said, I now see him for what he is.  The level of his manipulation is amazing and I know I dodged a bullet when he walked ran away.  I have mutual friends who once empathized with me and the hurt he caused, now becoming closer with him.  He has the uncanny ability of playing victim and attaching himself to charming, stronger people.  He will mirror them, draw them in, and then will push them away, devalue them like he did to me. 

[mango_flower]

The more I think about it, the more I feel that this has been one of the main reasons I haven't been able to move completely on from him.  I was walking in the snowy city today and it reminded me of the times we spent together.   Everything we did together was easy.  We rarely argued , we traveled so well together.  I had never felt this level of comfort with anyone. The two years we were together, things seemed too perfect.  Maybe that's why my self-esteem took a huge blow at the end.  I just couldn't believe that he could leave me so easily.  It had taken me 28 years to find someone I connected with like him and he was just able to throw it away. 

Friends do not understand the level of closeness that I felt with him.  Yes, relationships end and some people are able to walk away, but I NEVER saw this coming.  He made me feel like I was his world.  He alleviated any doubts I ever had in the relationship and told me exactly what I wanted to hear.  When I thought about moving for a job, he told me that he would start looking for new jobs there too.  When I was sick, he stayed by my side. 

Could totally relate to all of this... .  I'm terrified I'll never love somebody like that again!  I had such barriers before I met her, she helped me break them all down. Now they're up higher than ever, and I don't see them coming down any time soon... .  

[GustheDog]

The more I think about it, the more I feel that this has been one of the main reasons I haven't been able to move completely on from him.  I was walking in the snowy city today and it reminded me of the times we spent together.   Everything we did together was easy.  We rarely argued , we traveled so well together.  I had never felt this level of comfort with anyone. The two years we were together, things seemed too perfect.  Maybe that's why my self-esteem took a huge blow at the end.  I just couldn't believe that he could leave me so easily.  It had taken me 28 years to find someone I connected with like him and he was just able to throw it away. 

Friends do not understand the level of closeness that I felt with him.  Yes, relationships end and some people are able to walk away, but I NEVER saw this coming.  He made me feel like I was his world.  He alleviated any doubts I ever had in the relationship and told me exactly what I wanted to hear.  When I thought about moving for a job, he told me that he would start looking for new jobs there too.  When I was sick, he stayed by my side. 

With all that being said, I now see him for what he is.  The level of his manipulation is amazing and I know I dodged a bullet when he walked ran away.  I have mutual friends who once empathized with me and the hurt he caused, now becoming closer with him.  He has the uncanny ability of playing victim and attaching himself to charming, stronger people.  He will mirror them, draw them in, and then will push them away, devalue them like he did to me. 

SarainMA - I've commented on your posts before as resonating with my experience.  I mean, I find many similarities in all the stories I read here, but you express my precise thoughts and experiences with my ex.  So, once again, I have lived this entire account. ^^^

[AllyCat7]

The level of manipulation (conscious or not) in my exBPDgf's deliberate actions and explicit statements to make me feel secure in the r/s are truly maddening.

I'm sure almost everyone felt relatively secure because of the intensity of the idealization - the constant fawning over you, the nonstop "I love you's," etc.  I got all that as well, of course, but I got some other stuff, too:

~9 months into the r/s, she starts using the phrases "I'm committed to this," "I'm invested in us,'" and she would refer to the furniture (hers) in our apartment as "our things."  We went back and forth between living together and being LD a few times due to school/jobs (not because of r/s problems), and sometimes I'd ask her if it was "okay" if I used/moved some of the furniture (e.g., I put a chair and a table in my office at work, took the rest with me to a new apartment when I moved, etc.).

Each time she'd say, "Of course, honey, those are our things.  You know that."  These sorts of statements/assurances were made regularly for the following 2 years almost.  The day before she dumped me we had an argument.  I was upset, but she said, "I'm not going anywhere.  We're just going through a rough patch."  In the same conversation, I also heard: "I just don't think I could love anyone this much."

All the way up until the end - and I mean *all* the way - there was chipper talk of where we'd live, the wedding we've have, the dog we'd get (which, by the way, would be a golden-retriever puppy that we'd name "Gus", the trips we'd take, etc.

I didn't have a clue this would happen.  Not a clue.  It is a fantasy.

From 2010:

"Fantasy is their driving force, - it means a swing on the pendulum towards good (reward) to feel good. Borderlines seek reward to feel better about themselves but fear it's withdrawal, so they do what they can to prevent "good’s" withdrawal from happening. They do this by mirroring you- as you respond to this mirroring with good (reward.) Good feelings come to the Borderline in the mirroring of their attachment icon (that's you,) and those temporary feelings then become inflated by the enthusiastic projection of the partner's (that's you) wishes, hopes and dreams. This enthusiasm of yours lands back onto the Borderline- who runs with the reward and feels better about themselves. (Those wishes, hopes and dreams are your expectations for the two of you in the future- not really the Borderlines- there is only NOW.)"

. . .

"Borderline compulsion is a frantic desire to attain the fantasy of safety. It is longing for that safety by recreating a "fix" to end anxiety. The safety they seek is within the fantasy of the "fix" (the fantasy of the object.)

"When the object is a person- the fantasy becomes unrewarding to the Borderline and a reminder of earlier conflicts. Trying to live on the edge there in fantasy land by controlling another human (us) doesn't work- because two people cannot live in fantasy all the time and someone always tries to negotiate reality, and that someone is each one of us here. A Borderline anticipates this and fears your withdrawal from the fantasy. (Only one thing left to do for the Borderline and that is to find a new fantasy partner.)

"Showing a Borderline how valuable you are in reality wont make them realize your value. Your value actually was in the fantasy chase to get your attention. It was the longing for your admiration that the Borderline craved.

"Are they ever invested in the relationship? Yes. But eventually they destabilize the bond they have with others by acting-out behaviors. Their entire focus is on the return to the fantasy World where a better reward awaits- one they can invest energy into by mirroring and reflecting and culling their fantasy persona. But be aware, that anytime you dress up a Borderline Man in a suit/tie or tell a Borderline woman what to wear- you are now going to pay dearly in unexpected ways- because you've just turned fantasy into what they want to escape from-the reality of their controlling hyper-critical parent.

"New people are rewarding. That new person doesn't tell them what to do- but rather, just sits in awe- like we all once did. A better reward can easily be found on the Internet. . . ."

Wow. I love this. Thanks for sharing!

[Southern_Belle]

When we lived together - no. We had our problems and he could have easily left, but he didn't. After July when he left (I initiated it) then I felt the vulnerability.

[HarmKrakow]

Ohhhh, yes, did I ever feel invincible/undumpable! My delusions of invincibility/ undumpability were several:

Idealization and My Delusions of Grandeur.  My uBPDxgf as much as said that she'd never loved anyone like she loved me or felt so deeply connected to anyone (and I felt the same).  My first delusion of invincibility:  I was her unique true love and soulmate, etc.; our relationship was 'special'.  My own low self-esteem and self-loathing, manifested as grandiosity, encouraged this delusion.

More Idealization and My Delusion of Superiority to Other Men.  She often told me how extraordinarily loving, kind, considerate, etc. she thought I was. At the same time she complained -- often bitterly -- about some (not all) of her past relationships, how crazy her partners were, how badly they had treated her.  Thus, my second delusion of invincibility: Not only was I her true love and soulmate, but I considered myself vastly superior to her previous partners, probably the best deal she had ever had, or could ever get.  I was susceptible to this delusion due to my self-loathing and low self-esteem, manifested as arrogance.

Clinging and My Delusion of Indispensability/Irreplaceability.  My uBPDxgf is quite waiflike and also does a pretty good damsel-in-distress. She constantly asked for my advice and counsel or wanted me to listen to her obsess and vent about her problems (and her general victimhood).  I felt like she had confided so much in me, that everything she shared with me was like an investment in trust and intimacy, creating an ever increasing barrier to exit (abandonment of me). My self-loathing and fear of abandonment manifested as a belief that one could love me for who I am but only what I can do.

More Clinging and My Delusion of Control.  I considered that each assist I gave her further obligated her to me and entangled her with me.  I felt she owed me.  I thought I could keep her indebted to me.  Classic: attempts at codependent control, savior behavior, rescuing.  My desperate fear of abandonment manifested as a need to entrap and control her through obligation.

Still More Clinging and My Delusion of Superiority to Her. Because she was waiflike and frequently a damsel in distress and especially because she had stopped reciprocating, I insidiously started to feel superior to her. My "help" became one upping her.  I started regarding myself as the "sane" member of the rs.  (This is a delusion I was appalled to catch myself out on while still in the rs.)  (Although the idealization is addictive, as a self-loathing codependent, the clinging phase is really my favorite.  )

Hatred and My Delusion of Nonexistence Without Her.  Part of me could not -- or refused to -- imagine our not being together or that I could exist (or at least be happy and fulfilled) without her.

I can see now that the progression of my delusional state reflected an increasingly disordered person (that would be me).  Each successive delusion is more troubling and appalling.  I am so deeply grateful to be able to perceive these.

Wanted to put this post to attention again, this, was a ground breaking post for me

[Whichwayisup]

Thanks for bumping Harm,

I missed this when it was created as I was at crisis point back then, some really valuable lessons and honest admissions that I'm sure we can all reflect on.  Sometimes we find the right things at the right time for us, this thread makes me feel like it has added significance now than if I hadv'e seen it back then.

I always thought idealisation was about being put on a pedal stool, I have just realised its the insidious comments of being good, that grind away to form a belief rather than an out and out manipulation... .Better late then never!

Whichwayisup

[Emelie Emelie]

No.  There was always push/pull.  I always felt a little insecure in the relationship.  I remember expressing this to a good friend early on (before I knew about BPD).  She was like are you crazy?  He adores you.  A friend of his, the wife of a couple, told me the night I first met her, "I've never seen him with someone like you.  He's crazy about you.  Please don't break his heart."  Everyone thought I had the proverbial upper hand in the relationship.  Never did.  His friends were absolutely shocked when they learned he broke up with me.  They were sure he had "finally" met "the one".  I thought if you only knew.

[houseofswans]

I think it also made me 'lazy' with the relationship towards the end, I almost took her for granted, which is maybe what caused a few triggers for her

I can so relate to that... .

[Ironmanrises]

I felt invincible in round 1... .

And then she RAGED at me... .

And then discarded me.

In round 2... .

After she returned to me... .

That feeling of invincible... .

Lasted... .

Not at all.

I already knew of her BPD... .

So I already knew... .

That it was... .

Only a matter of time... .

Before... .

The rain of fire... .

Would eclipse my world.

The idealization felt great... .

But I knew... .

What was coming.

Just not the intensity... .

Of the barrages.

[leftbehind]

Friends do not understand the level of closeness that I felt with him.  Yes, relationships end and some people are able to walk away, but I NEVER saw this coming.  He made me feel like I was his world.  He alleviated any doubts I ever had in the relationship and told me exactly what I wanted to hear. When I thought about moving for a job, he told me that he would start looking for new jobs there too.  When I was sick, he stayed by my side.

With all that being said, I now see him for what he is.  The level of his manipulation is amazing and I know I dodged a bullet when he walked ran away.  I have mutual friends who once empathized with me and the hurt he caused, now becoming closer with him.  He has the uncanny ability of playing victim and attaching himself to charming, stronger people.  He will mirror them, draw them in, and then will push them away, devalue them like he did to me.

My God, SarahinMA, I think we dated the same man!