anyone truely got over their pwBPDex?

[trevjim]

I'm worried I never will, I know its early days (3 months since break up).

I had one other LTR before her, well about a year, we worked together and she left me for another co worker, at first I was distraught, but I eventualy did get over her, and I've seen her a few times since and feel nothing for her.

however this just feels so much deeper from what i remember with that ex, someone fill me with encouragment

[Rose Tiger]

Of course you will!  3 months out isn't very long.  I'm 6 months out the good days outweigh the bad days.  On the other side of pain, is peace.  We might go two steps forward, one step back but it gets better a little every day.  Food won't always taste like cardboard.  Weddings on tv won't make us wince.  We get bored with all this eventually and other life stuff fills up the emptiness feelings.

In the five stages to the right, which one do you think you fit into right now? 

[trevjim]

Of course you will!  3 months out isn't very long.  I'm 6 months out the good days outweigh the bad days.  On the other side of pain, is peace.  We might go two steps forward, one step back but it gets better a little every day.  Food won't always taste like cardboard.  Weddings on tv won't make us wince.  We get bored with all this eventually and other life stuff fills up the emptiness feelings.

In the five stages to the right, which one do you think you fit into right now? 

if say probably somewhere around 3 and 4

[Rose Tiger]

That is a good place to be, sometimes I can see glimmers of 5.  For the longest time, nothing sounded good, nothing sounded exciting.  Now I am finding some things semi-interesting. 

[Dave44]

In the five stages to the right, which one do you think you fit into right now? 

if say probably somewhere around 3 and 4

I'm 2 months out and probably -1 or -2 steadily going backwards and finding it harder and harder. All over a 4 month relationship. Medication, therapy, CODA meetings... .  all doing nothing. She really messed me up.

[Rose Tiger]

   You didn't have enough time to see her annoying faults.  Did you get the three month honeymoon before the claws came out?  Or did you not see the claws at all?

[Dave44]

No not at all. She was a quiet borderline. Never raged or was mean to me at all. She treated me like a king up until the day she decided to end it and kick me out a month after I had gotten rid of all my possessions to move in with her.

[Rose Tiger]

Oh no, I'm so sorry.  That is some rough going.  Is there any way to get some of your stuff back?

[Clearmind]

I promise you it really does get better. I feel better about myself, life and my future than I ever have before.

The interesting thing about these break-ups is that they hit at our very core - we find our own fear of abandonment - your ex was a catalyst for what was already apparent - you just hadn't realised it just yet!

Want a jolt into the reality - date a Borderline for a while - you may not realize it now but your ex is a blessing in disguise!

[KellyO]

Don't resist any feelings you may have. Let them come, feel them, and let them go. Sit down with them. Cry, shout, and vent. You might find some interesting stuff. You might find out that whatever you feel because of your ex, it has deeper roots, and it takes power from those roots. You find the roots, feel them, face them, and you know what, you don't feel them anymore. You have the memory, but feelings and anxiety are gone. After  you have done this, and seen how it really works, you might want to do it more actively, ask yourself questions: why I did bring this thing in to my life, what it is I wanted to show myself? Pain can be almost unbeareable, but you know what, relief is even better, and it is a relief you give to yourself.

I'm half way there, and it really gets better 

[cbcrna1]

Absolutely you will get over it.  Take care of yourself.  Completely detach.  Educate yourself.  Worked for me.  It has been many years, one of the best things I ever did.  I also had to forgive him, that was way down the line.

[Discarded26]

Absolutely you will get over it.  Take care of yourself.  Completely detach.  Educate yourself.  Worked for me.  It has been many years, one of the

best things I ever did.  I also had to forgive him, that was way down the line.

I don't think I could ever forgive, he picked me up and threw me away, 3 weeks in and I just feel such a fool. I feel rubbish about myself. The discarding is hurting more than I thought it was, just shows I mean nothing at all. Really hard to come to terms with that

[waitaminute]

If you apply the lessons learned that you can find here, there is a very good chance that this event will become mortar between the bricks of your structure.

There was a psychologist by the name of Jung. One of the things he wrote about was the inner image of a woman inside a man (and likewise the inner image of a man inside a woman.) Often we find a woman who gives life to these inner partners. As such, these women are a living breathing part of our deepest core. We even overlook the parts that do quite fit because we value so much this person who is the essence of our version of "woman". Jung categorized these inner images into a few different archetypes. For those women that have the characteristics described by most of the posts here, he did not judge. But he noted that they can bring a man down. And he said that they have purpose if they cause a man to go deep within himself and understand his own psyche.

While it's very very painful, don't let this event go without a purpose. Dig deep, accept the difficulty as one that is training for a marathon. Go to therapy. Understand how you were caught unaware of your own yearnings. And grow. There will be more opportunities for love, even true love. Be ready.

[Mountaineagle]

Thank you waitaminute for reminding me of anima. I was contemplating Jung earlier today, because the events I have been through has led me by synchronissity to the myth of Lilith. But my brain is working so slow at the moment that i had forgotten about anima. This was what i was looking for right now, and i didnt think that i would find it here

[waitaminute]

Mountaineagle,

You're welcome. I tend to limit my discussion of these things here because, for me, they tie into the very archetypal world of earth, air, fire, and water. Not exactly the stuff of medicine and modern psychology. Given how much my BPD exgf lived by the guidance of the stars, i'd have to say the benefits are questionable. But the Jungian models can be understood without reference to the metaphysical. So... .   It's a useful view. In fact, the other mythological characters are useful too because, in my opinion, they capture hundreds/thousands of years of observation of human experience into essential stories that we can relate to in order to understand our own journey... .  And maybe even avoid the worst tragedies. I myself contemplate the story of Orpheus, wondering if I'm out of the tunnel to the underworld or if that upwards walk has even begun. And most of all... .  Trying to make sure I handle the loss better than Orpheus.