Feelings back ? I think I must be nuts.

[jpounce]

Hi all,

     Maybe I'm just nuts. After leaving these boards some time back, I thought I was free of the spell my uBPD x gf once had on me. I was finally able to look at the relationship as a whole, with her leaving with no explanation... .  and returning some months later... .  only to leave again.I saw clearly that while the good times were beyond description wonderful, she could also be so cold and hurtful it was almost inhuman. Turning her feelings on and off and on and off for me like a light switch for no reason That I could figure out. She was never willing to discuss what any problems were. Then I was split black for good a few years ago. I was for many months , crushed and hurting like nothing I'd ever felt in my life, then with the help of the good folks on this site i thought    " I'm over her " and Life went on.

     I recently was laid off due to the economy, and one of many things I've done in trying to get a new position, was to join some social network sites, Linkedin, Facebook, though I never had an interest in them up to this point. The other day just to take a break from the online job search I decided to search for people I knew. One of the names I typed in was hers, it's a fairly common one so there were a lot of hits, I chose one at random and yup, it was her. I looked at it for a couple minutes,closed it and went on.

    That was about 2 days ago and though I've been fighting it, all the feelings from when we were together have resurfaced. I've been unable to get her off my mind for the last day or so.  That's just crazy.  Yes, this person had an absolute spell over me while we were together. no one else ever made me feel that way, not even close. But it's been a few YEARS.  Now I've been fighting the desperate urge to text her, call her, whatever.

    I really cant believe it... .  just from looking at her stupid facebook page for a minute. Thought I was over her, now... .  I'm wondering if all I ever really got over was the hurt? I'm hoping this feeling will pass, quickly.  Any thoughts would be very much welcomed.

 

[Changed4safety]

What I think you will find is that it will hurt for a while, then subside again.  Social media has a dark side--in the "old days" (a decade or two ago, !) if you broke up with someone, you could avoid them altogether.  We relied on phone calls and letters, especially if it was an LDR.  Now, you can be in constant touch with someone... .  and find them where you don't want to. 

This is a process, the wound went deep, and if you poke it, it's still going to hurt.  Go ahead and block her.  Since you're already "in" the space now, I might "track her down" on whatever other sites you are using and block her on them, too.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Don't beat yourself up.  Just realize that now you've entered a place where this could happen, and take proactive steps for it not to as much as you can.   

[trouble11]

Jpounce,  I like your light switch analogy.  C4S is right ... .  consider blocking her everywhere flipping off the breaker.  Once you do that the switch is useless.  Note: Don't delete their contact info ie email address until you have blocked them.  I got ahead of my self and deleted phone and email contact info first ... DUH.  Had to put info back in to set up the blocks. 

C4S,  Ever wonder what BPDs did before text messaging and private email?  Mine just stayed drunk, but I often wonder about the others.  Technology has sure made it easier for them to find hosts.

[lockedout]

I would block her, but step it up one more notch: find a distraction. Call up a friend or some friends and plan something. Instead of seeking her out online, go online and seek someone else and try to get a date going. Since only 10% of women are BPD, there's a 90% chance you will find someone who is normal. Even if you don't find a new love (or get laid). Even if she's not really interested in you, a normal woman will still treat you with kindness and respect that goes far beyond anything your ex gave you.

[jpounce]

Good morning guys. Thanks all for your support and advice in the midst of what could have been my relapse back into the crazy dance with a often very sweet, but without a doubt  BPD, woman. Thanks for helping me to succeed in NOT contacting her on valentines day. I know it would have been a big mistake. You guys are the best!

Jpounce

[turtle]

Feelings are feelings only -- they are fleeting and they can betray you.

Facts are facts.  They are solid and unchangable.  The facts you outlined here about her and your relationship with here are more compelling than your feelings, yes?

turtle

[jpounce]

Hi turtle,

Feelings are feelings only -- they are fleeting and they can betray you.

Facts are facts.  They are solid and unchangable.  The facts you outlined here about her and your relationship with here are more compelling than your feelings, yes?

turtle

    Yes you're right. and well put I might add. The thing is, though she made me have (once I was split black), some of the worst feelings, and most pain I've ever felt. She without question, before that time, was the most loving, sweet, and lovable person I had ever known. She could make me feel absolutely high, feeling better than I ever even knew was possable. Then "poof"... .  I got split black big time. She wouldn't ever have a conversation as to why. Believe me I tried to get her to talk with me about it but she absolutely would not do it. From that point on, she went from being at first absolutely hatefull towards me, to then I guess complete indifference right down to this day. Still I can honestly say, the good times were SOO good, I wouldn't trade my memories of them for anything.

    Life goes on, and its actualy very good, but I know I'll never forget her, and ya know... .  I wouldnt want to.

  Clearly though, got to avoid seeing her facebook page anymore.

Jpounce  

[lockedout]

glad you caught it before I had to pull it again. Hopefully I'll be able to find out what the right guidelines are for posting it.