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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: Spouse is BPD waif. New here is this term known?  (Read 3496 times)
Grey Kitty
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 7182



« Reply #60 on: February 27, 2013, 01:24:51 PM »

Now my question to you all is what can I ask him to determine if he can and will help her overcome the BPD coping mechanisms she has and begin to react to life, me, others more reasonably?

You said that he established that she had BPD 6 years ago.

If he is vaguely competent at his job, then he is already doing this the best that he can.

YOU react to her BPD coping mechanisms. They are awful, so this is understandable.

Spend your energy working on finding more constructive ways for YOU to react to her poor coping mechanisms. The "natural" reactions you have make things worse. Change what you can easily change: your own behavior.

Read the lessons here and work on the ways you can help the situation by changing your own behavior.
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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

NotPerfect
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 56


« Reply #61 on: March 04, 2013, 09:58:30 AM »

I know, I know, I know. 

and I know this sounds lame as hell, but I can't bring myself to read them.  I don't know why. 

Often I find myself procrastinating until the last possible moment or until I get one thing out of the way.

I really appreciate your patience and advice.

I have this online training I need to do to continue making a living and I think I can get it done in the next day or so. Then I have no excuse not to read them.

As far as him not doing a good job, he is about the only adult figure that she trusts that is a voice of reason.  It would be totally devastating to her to not see him anymore. 

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briefcase
Retired Staff
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married 18 years, together 20 years, still living together
Posts: 2150



« Reply #62 on: March 04, 2013, 12:22:33 PM »

We have reached our maximum 4 page limit on this topic so I will be locking it up now.  If you want to continue the discussion you can feel free start a new topic.
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