Figured out why it hurt/s do much

[nolisan]

4+ month out - NC. Saw my Hakomi T yesterday. I was having luck and reading newspaper article on "how to end a relationship". It recommended "telling the partner WHY".

Well I didn't get that. Sudden abandonment. No closure. Huge mystery. I'll never really know.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. That's WHY it hurts so freaking bad!

Might sound obvious to others here but this was a big realization for me. It healing in a weird way.

[Want2know]

I think we all look for some kind of closure, and most of the time, it's going to have to come from ourselves.  Glad you had this realization.

Knowing what you know now about persons with BPD, do you understand the 'why' a little better?  There are factors on both sides why a BPD relationship ends - first, because of the great obstacles that a pwBPD faces regarding maintaining healthy relationships, and second, because of something in each of us that drew us to a mentally imbalanced person in the first place.  For example, I was in a super vulnerable state when I met my pwBPD.  Had I been mentally healthy, I most likely wouldn't have fallen for him.

[mosaicbird]

I'm in the same boat. I just want some honesty, and some answers that I'm never going to get. I want her to say to my face what she said to others about me and her feelings. It stinks.

[blecker]

Yes, I know your feelings. We are raised for resolution. Books and movies have ends. When we hit a button on our remotes something happens. The switch turns the lights off.

But in these relationships the last chapter has been ripped from the cover. We are hung out waiting for the last chord of our favorite song. And it don't get played!

For me the resolution came from understanding my part in this dance of desparation. I was a major player in this tragedy. I too, had secrets to tell about my need to fix, my want for Love and my hope for control.

If I worked on these issues I could write the last chapter on my own.