Having a rough day... it's his birthday -- No contact is so difficult

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for letting me vent in advance.

I have been NC for two months today and it's his birthday. My heart just wishes he didn't have BPD and I could wish him happy wishes on his b-day, even if we are no longer together.

I have come so far and I will never contact him, but it hurts to think about how I threw him an amazing surprise party last year at this time. We were so happy and gushing about our wedding plans.

I'm sure he will be sharing his special day with the new woman he's in a relationship with now and I shouldn't even be giving this a second thought. I have moved on, but it shocks me sometimes how my mind still wants to be nice to this man when he deserves nothing.

I bet I'm not the only person that feels this way. I'm searching for inner peace today and if that doesn't work, I have a kickboxing class tonight.

[Sunshinegirl3275]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for letting me vent in advance.

I have been NC for two months today and it's his birthday. My heart just wishes he didn't have BPD and I could wish him happy wishes on his b-day, even if we are no longer together.

I have come so far and I will never contact him, but it hurts to think about how I threw him an amazing surprise party last year at this time. We were so happy and gushing about our wedding plans.

I'm sure he will be sharing his special day with the new woman he's in a relationship with now and I shouldn't even be giving this a second thought. I have moved on, but it shocks me sometimes how my mind still wants to be nice to this man when he deserves nothing.

I bet I'm not the only person that feels this way. I'm searching for inner peace today and if that doesn't work, I have a kickboxing class tonight.

[sad but wiser]

hey sunshine!  Yeah, it stinks that you are able to drum up these remarkably generous feelings for this person who added so much poison into your life, but then can't act on them.  I guess it is part of the general situation - you are a sweet, giving person, but you know the truth and you can't get around it.  Kickboxing - a great solution!

[seeking balance]

yeah - the firsts are all hard... .  

what I told myself to help was "there only has to be one first if I can keep on track healing myself".

The day will be over soon enough - hang in there.

SB

[Sunshinegirl3275]

Thanks for the support! I have been reading other posts and I really see how far I have come. It feels so good to be free and I am going to focus on that for the rest of my day!

Peace, Love and Happiness 

[WT]

I sort of had the reverse problem that you had.  I've been almost NC with my ex since late Jan (she called me once in Feb) but she emailed me and wished me a happy birthday earlier this month and told me how I deserve to be happy (I should inform you that she left me for another man).  I had to try really hard to not just tell her off.  I ended up just thanking her.  Her birthday is coming up in a few months, so I'm not sure how I'll handle that yet.