DefinitionI have a undiagnosed BPD husband. Went away for two weeks... . and he pretty much almost lost his mind. I kept good boundaries and tried to be consistently loving while I was away. When I got back he stated that HE IS AN IDIOT and never realized how much I do for our family. Said that he needed to pull his weigh and learn to stand on his own two feet again. YIPPEE. Yes I realize that this is unlikely to last. This isn't my first rodeo but I'm still going to enjoy the good moments.
One of the things that the professional that I have seen a few times said is that he needs something to "be proud of." We moved to a new country three years ago. I got a killer professional job and he (formerly professionally successful) hasn't been able to find a good job. He works hard at the job that he has (he's way overqualified for it) but you know in his heart that not having a job worthy of him is a stress. So... . we have found a really great and time consuming volunteer activity for him. It requires extensive up front training but its something that he can be proud of.
The last few mornings have been difficult (he keeps losing it) but man oh man is he trying to get on track. I stay loving and after he loses it he comes back and says "it really is me." The recent success is only a result of some difficult boundary laying for the last couple months.
So... . finally to the question. This morning he wakes up on the war path. He has all day training for the volunteer activity and he hasn't slept well. He's yelling at me because I got up when the alarm went off to prepare his lunch (he's got lots of food issues). He's yelling at me because I am lazy. He asks how I manage to live with myself being so stupid. I just held my head high and carried on getting stuff ready but deep in my soul I am praying... . please, please, please don't lose it... . and to myself I am saying... . whatever you do... . do not put him over the edge with some stupid comment. This volunteer thing is important and they only train once a year (its three weekends).  :)esperately trying not to set him off smacks of the co-dependent behavior of past days which made him so much worse.
So the question is... . am I ok here. I don't do this anymore with anything else... . if he threatens not to go to work... . I just say ok and move on.
By the way, after slamming doors and yelling at me all morning... . he called 20 min after he left to say THANK YOU for putting his lunch together. He's in rough shape and his voice was totally flat but I appreciate the effort from him to call considering the mood.
Thanks in advance for your solid advice.