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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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maria1
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« Reply #120 on: April 16, 2013, 02:01:05 PM »

Just thinking about my dog- I loved him! He had this way of looking at me. Maybe I'm really looking for a man who can live me like my dog did! 
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maria1
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« Reply #121 on: April 16, 2013, 02:01:50 PM »

Actually maybe I just need a dog!  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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laelle
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« Reply #122 on: April 17, 2013, 04:28:48 AM »

Just left my therapist. She thinks I am insightful and making remarkable progress.  I have my exbf to thank for that.

No, I did not send this.   Smiling (click to insert in post)  Its for me.

Thank you my dear ex.  I am very sorry that you are ill, and that you were unloved.  You should have been.  You didnt deserve what was done to you.  You deserved love.  You were a kind and loving child and through no fault of your own now have problems relating to the world.  If I could have had any wish answered, I would have loved for it to have been used to make you well.  However, I am not being offered any free wishes, and you have already used the three I gave to you.  You are on your own now.  How you choose to see and live your life are your choices.  I am not responsible for them.

I have told you how I wished it could be, but it is not, and I am worth more than how it is.  I have repeated my past relationship with my mom through us.  It would never have ended.  I could never have pleased either of you.  I will just have to be content with living my own happy life without either of your approval.

I hope the love and care that I have had for you will stay with you somehow, and will help you to feel worthy of yourself and to allow yourself a happy tomorrow.

I am done fighting to keep a fantasy, Its time to live my life, and it deserves to be a happy one.  Indian Food and all.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #123 on: April 17, 2013, 10:36:33 AM »

That's beautiful, Laelle.  You are taking the high road.  It is painful, but the most rewarding, I believe.  Let go with love.  Take care of yourself.

On a side note, we can sure learn a lot from animals.  If people treated each other with the love our animals show us, the world would be a better place.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
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LetItBe
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« Reply #124 on: April 17, 2013, 11:17:43 AM »

That's beautifully expressed, laelle.  I could say the same things.  I'm soo happy to hear that your healing is progressing. 
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laelle
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« Reply #125 on: April 17, 2013, 11:29:00 AM »

Thanks Stinky Feet  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I wouldnt say I am taking the high road, but being mean and ugly to him only reinforces how he feels about himself and the world around him.  It hurts him, I dont want him to hurt.

How do you hate someone who is wounded?  I have done some things that I am not proud of in my life influenced by my FOO.  I cant really fault him for me letting him walk over me.

I have to take the blame where it is due, so I can remove the blame from where it is not.

I let him and in some sick way I liked it until I didnt.  I failed the trauma contract.  Thank Goodness.
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laelle
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« Reply #126 on: April 17, 2013, 11:32:09 AM »

That's beautifully expressed, laelle.  I could say the same things.  I'm soo happy to hear that your healing is progressing. 

Thank you NonGF, you are not stinky feet, btw.  Im sure your feet smell awesome.  I am healing.  I gain two steps, lose one and then gain two steps more.  Im a work in progress.

I notice that as each time frame passes, I change how I see things.  I gain clarity, insight and hopefully soon, real peace.

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laelle
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« Reply #127 on: April 17, 2013, 11:34:57 AM »

Actually maybe I just need a dog!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

LOL, Maria... .   you dont want a man as a lap dog.     But, I know what your saying.  Dogs know instinctively that your hurting and offer love and empathy.

Except my dog.  LOL, he cant remember a few minutes ago.  He is also a work in progress.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #128 on: April 17, 2013, 01:18:34 PM »

... . but being mean and ugly to him only reinforces how he feels about himself and the world around him.  It hurts him, I dont want him to hurt.

To me, this is taking the high road.  You are not lashing out in your pain and you are showing him respect and expressing empathy.


Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!  Where's that cookie?  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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laelle
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« Reply #129 on: April 17, 2013, 01:35:27 PM »

I ate it, sorry.  I made peach cobbler today, you can have some of it.  Was nice, it reminded me of home.
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Grey Kitty
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« Reply #130 on: April 17, 2013, 08:59:58 PM »

Taking the high road is also writing it for yourself as you need to say it... .   and then not sending it because it will just cause hurt and/or dysregulation if he receives it.

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) 
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arabella
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« Reply #131 on: April 17, 2013, 10:21:38 PM »

I really like that note that you didn't send. It really shows how much you've processed and how far you've come in healing yourself. Inspiring!

My feet have started to smell significantly better since I converted to merino wool socks (light ones, not those hot thick ones of the past)!

I now have a HUGE craving for peach cobbler. I  peach cobbler. And pie. Also, it doesn't necessarily have to be peach, but peach is a favourite. The more I think about this the hungrier I get. I may actually have to bake (and eat the entire thing myself *oink*)!

If people treated each other with the love our animals show us, the world would be a better place.

Phoenix.Rising, you have clearly never met my cat. She really only sees me as a kibble dispenser. Good thing she's cute! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #132 on: April 18, 2013, 10:34:30 AM »

Phoenix.Rising, you have clearly never met my cat. She really only sees me as a kibble dispenser. Good thing she's cute! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Haha! 

I'm sure she feels the love for you.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
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laelle
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« Reply #133 on: April 18, 2013, 11:52:09 AM »

Grey Kitty, I could not say I ever loved him if I turn around and try to hurt him.  It gives him more reason to mistrust relationships.  I wont be one of those people that leaves with anger and venom.  Im not mad, just disappointed and hurt.

Arabella, LOL, you gave me a good laugh there.  If you could tell Phoenix where you got those wool socks, it would help him out.  Dont tell him that I said so tho.

I really enjoyed that cobbler.  Added vanilla bean ice cream to it.  I cant eat much sugar because I release too much insulin when I do, so I end up falling asleep.  I was sleeping like a baby.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Phoenix, Arabella says you have stinky feet and she has some socks you might want to try. 

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Phoenix.Rising
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« Reply #134 on: April 18, 2013, 01:08:22 PM »

Soaking feet in Jell-O?  Um, ok.

www.voices.yahoo.com/10-ways-cure-stinky-rotten-smelly-feet-592500.html?cat=70

Maybe one should just drink the vodka.  That might 'cure' it as well.

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arabella
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« Reply #135 on: April 18, 2013, 01:33:11 PM »

Laelle, your take-home message from your r/s is so positive - I love it! I think you're heading into a really healthy and comfortable place. Good for you!

Obviously you added vanilla ice cream - that's how it's done! Smiling (click to insert in post) I only wish sugar put me to sleep, usually I end up wired for sound if I eat a lot of sugar late at night. Such are the trials of life. *sigh* Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

What a waste of Jello and vodka! Also, I can't help but think that I might end up with stained feet? Sticking with the fancy socks (covered in cat fur - maybe it's the cat fur that's helping and I'm not giving kitty enough credit here?) hehe!
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laelle
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« Reply #136 on: April 18, 2013, 01:49:44 PM »

"What would you like to drink Madame?"  "Um, give me one of those Vodka and Jello foot shooter's please."

Arabella - I bounce back and forth.  The mind can only call them like they see them.  Your feelings dont care about the facts.  They just "feel"  Thats their job.  Its ok that I hurt tho. 

Its quiet, I'm enjoying my kids and my french classes.  I got to go look at some apartments this afternoon.  Its still about 6 months off, but I have worked really hard these past

few months trying to get every thing set up to be able to have the resources to get my own place.  I was hoping that he was going to maybe share it with me, but his loss.

Looking at that emotionally available article this morning, I dont think i'd be much good for anyone.  I'm jealous and insecure.  When I meet a guy I really like, I get weird.
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laelle
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« Reply #137 on: April 19, 2013, 03:03:12 PM »

One month today since we broke up.  I have heard no word from him.

I feel good today.  I am starting to remember certain things that happened and say to myself "something wasnt right about that"  i am more secure in myself and that what I

saw was the truth vs his distorted reality.

I went to join a gym today.  Got all the info, and will join when I get back from the states.

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maria1
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« Reply #138 on: April 19, 2013, 03:54:10 PM »

You are doing absolutely brilliantly Laelle. I bet you love the gym  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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laelle
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« Reply #139 on: April 19, 2013, 04:05:15 PM »

You are doing absolutely brilliantly Laelle. I bet you love the gym  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

LOL, not alot, no.
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maria1
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« Reply #140 on: April 19, 2013, 04:06:52 PM »

No- me neither  Smiling (click to insert in post) love the idea of it though!
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laelle
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« Reply #141 on: April 19, 2013, 04:11:58 PM »

Yeah, I have thought about just getting a stationary bike too.   
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laelle
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« Reply #142 on: April 19, 2013, 04:13:59 PM »

I cant believe I denied myself so much trying to give my ex the things he needed and wanted.  All that to just get deserted.

Its quite a bitter pill to take.
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maria1
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« Reply #143 on: April 19, 2013, 04:26:50 PM »

It's a very hard pill to swallow. I think that's why it's so lovely when they come back again. The reality of the situation is very painful to get your head around.

Time for you now though. Your time is coming. I try and think of my ex as the start. The actual relationship was good for me, not just the end of it. You are properly discovering you now?
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laelle
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« Reply #144 on: April 19, 2013, 04:37:11 PM »

I spent most of my time trying to figure out how to make things better for him.  It left me feeling bitter that everything always had to be about him and his needs and wants.

I wasnt allowed any, or they werent taken seriously, or I was told that everything was not about me of all things.

Without him to worry about, I am extremely bored, but less depressed.  I am not eating as much sweets.  My nerves are alot better.  I feel more self control.

Doesnt mean I dont miss him tho.  Miss who I thought he was anyway.
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laelle
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« Reply #145 on: April 19, 2013, 04:38:56 PM »

Just had to make my 1000th post. 
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maria1
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« Reply #146 on: April 19, 2013, 04:42:29 PM »

Can you explore new things for you? Is the gym a way of doing that? I always wonder with me and my women friends whether eating is the only way we get our needs met. We hide ourselves away in relationships and in our weight. I have anyway. Learning how to sit and be still with myself is hard.
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arabella
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« Reply #147 on: April 19, 2013, 09:08:06 PM »

Can you explore new things for you? Is the gym a way of doing that? I always wonder with me and my women friends whether eating is the only way we get our needs met. We hide ourselves away in relationships and in our weight. I have anyway. Learning how to sit and be still with myself is hard.

I used to have this exact thing with my friends. It was like eating was our only social activity (I think it's a cultural thing too). I met new friends at the gym, and through work, who like to get together for walks or yoga or fitness classes. It's made a big difference! (Okay, so we sometimes go out for coffee or ice cream afterward - it's still an improvement!) So I'm throwing my hat into the ring to say that joining a gym has additional benefits beyond those provided by a stationary bike. Smiling (click to insert in post) Oh, and yoga is teaching me how to meditate and be still. Who knew being calm was so much work? Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Grey Kitty
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« Reply #148 on: April 19, 2013, 09:28:40 PM »

Anybody who thinks being (mentally) still is easy obviously hasn't tried it Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  That sort of yoga and/or meditation practice has always done me a lot of good... .   despite how badly I do it  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Wow laelle, 1000 posts! I guess I've still got a long way to go!
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maria1
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« Reply #149 on: April 19, 2013, 10:53:51 PM »

The eating I referred to wasn't a social activity- this is stuffing your face eating all alone! Not something we ever do together  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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