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Author Topic: She deleted me from facebook  (Read 893 times)
seeking balance
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 7146



« Reply #30 on: April 17, 2013, 07:06:40 PM »

Seeking balance - I do love that you challenge me!  


I'm also not sure that people realise quite how far I have come. I guess reading my posts, you may think I'm still obsessed. But I can see the improvements I am making. Smiling (click to insert in post)

I do appreciate your ability to take a challenge... .   I am sincerely glad you are seeing improvement.

How's this - 431 posts now - there is a point, when the day in/day out postings of our ex are really keeping us tied to them... .   do you think it might be time to couple your detaching with some personal inventory?

Help me understand why knowing her mindset at this point helps you move on in your own life?  Honestly, I am trying to see it through your lens.

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Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
mango_flower
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 689


« Reply #31 on: April 18, 2013, 04:52:21 AM »

Well not all of the 431 posts are about me  Smiling (click to insert in post)  I have replied to loads too, trying to support other people and give advice, and just let them know that they're being heard.

I don't think it's that knowing what she's up to helps me move ON, but it reduces my anxiety in many ways.  Example -when she was down here this weekend, I was so anxious the whole time.  As soon as I could see from facebook that she was on her way home, I started to relax again.  No nasty surprises and no worries that she'd still have time to turn up at my door!

I just find it helpful to know her mindset as I honestly feel it keeps me one step ahead.  I am almost "prepared" I suppose.  If, for example, I know she's had a bad day, I am more prepared to toughen up and not buy into it if she sends me an email saying she was thinking about me.  As I know it's just cos she had a bad day, and tomorrow she'll forget I exist again.

If that makes sense.  Smiling (click to insert in post) I have a weird twisted logic sometimes. But one thing I will say is that I haven't hidden from any of this, I have faced it head on, and am slowly getting there, by working through.  I am so much less engaged now in caring than I was.  Which is good Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Mightyhammers
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 149


« Reply #32 on: April 18, 2013, 05:40:56 AM »

I haven’t looked on her ( albeit private ) page for a few days now, I think this can be a good gauge as to how well Im detaching?
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causticdork
formerly "snackrelatedmishap"
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Posts: 164



« Reply #33 on: April 18, 2013, 08:53:24 AM »

I got deleted from Facebook yesterday too, after telling my ex she couldn't come over when she was having car troubles because I had dinner plans already.  After a couple of super cold but vague texts that I didn't respond to she went off on a profanity filled tirade about how she couldn't believe I was going on a date already and I was awful and she wished she'd never met me.  And then she deleted me.

The funny thing is, I wasn't even going on a date.  I went out to dinner with an old friend that I just recently reconnected with.  There was no romance of any sort happening.  It was just nice to go out and have a long, fun conversation with someone who knew me but had never met my ex and wouldn't ask me questions about her and what had happened. 

I had been struggling with with wanting to delete her, but not wanting to deal with the drama that would have followed her realizing I'd deleted her, so this just made life a bit easier.  She's got me painted blacker than I've ever been painted in the entire time she's known me, so hopefully I get to go NC now without her calling me crying needing a rescue or threatening to hurt herself. 
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