One liners from your exBPD that blew your mind.

[Hiloguy]

Just wondering if any of you had your ex say something (one liner) that just blew your mind.

These are two examples from my ex:

1. "You don't know what its like to be in love with two guys at the same time"

2. "It hurts me to hurt you"

[Want2know]

Yes, there were a number of things my ex said that blew my mind.  After a while, I almost expected them.

1. "You don't know what its like to be in love with two guys at the same time"

2. "It hurts me to hurt you"

Just curious... .  how did you respond to these statements?  :)id they anger you at the time, and do they still bother you when you think of comments like these that she said?

[VeryFree]

The worst, before going off to take a swim:

"I hope you drown".

In my ten years with this woman I had some terrible moments. I've been both verbally and physcially abused, but this one has hurt me the most. Even more than her false accusations of DV, although those stand firmly on a second place.

My reaction to the deathwish: I didn't react. I went away, did go for a swim, did not have a good time and later on I told her I was very upset by her words.

Her reaction: "you have said things to me too"... .     

[GaGrl]

This was rather a strung-out sentence, but on the topic of her constant infidelities, my DH heard from his then-wife (the uNPD/BPD we call The Dark Princess)... .  

"I know it's wrong, and I know it hurts you, but it's what I want to do, so I'm going to do it."

[VeryFree]

On number three:

"Why don't you move out and go live with one of your friends? Oh no, you don't have any friends anymore. (laughter)"

And why was that? Yes: because we couldn't have anyone over to our house and I couldn't go away without her making a big fuss.

[Bananas]

here's mine, it's actually a two liner:

"everything is always on my terms.  thats what works for me and if people dont want to be on my terms i dont have a problem with distancing them."

[lhd981]

"Just like your friends said, I'm going to eat your brains... . like soup" (A brief acknowledgement to how crazy she was making my feel)

"It's not like we're in a real relationship. We're more like friends." (Very nonchalantly and almost sweet sounding; this after being lovey-dovey to each other all the time, holding hands, kissing, saying "I love you" and engaging in lots of passionate, romantic lovemaking)

"If you get a new cat, I'll strangle it while you sleep." (When I wouldn't adopt her old cat)

"Oh, that's just my ex texting me. I haven't slept with him in a while but we made out a couple of times since them. I'm going to tell him that I'm seeing somebody now because I don't want to lead him on." (maybe not so sinister sounding, but it really hit a nerve with me for some reason)

[hellokitty4]

Here are just a couple:

When I asked her if she wanted me to go away, her response was:

"No, no, no I don't want you to go away because I'm going to miss you. I would rather be mad at you and know that you will be there."

"You were ignoring me so I'm going to do the same."

"I want to see you but I don't want to see you."

"I don't want you to go." Said in tears [sobbing actually] before I left on a cruise with my family and also said when I was to attend a district meeting with other instructors. She would have been one of them if she didn't resign.

[GreenMango]

About a year ago when I came to this site I was part if a thread like this.  I wrote a few choice comments.

At the heart of it was a person will tell you-and I didn't listen.

they will tell you

... .  earlier than when they told you they met a new "friend" that they are leaving or were never really available to us.  I believe if we had really "listened" they told us from the beginning in the things they do and say.  These little messages that told me who he was, thought, believed, or did should have told me who he was from the beginning.  Whether it was the contradictory communication or my choosing to ignore the caution signs didn't change the fact that he had always told me... .  

Looking back he told me in alot of ways... .  as I reflect and laugh a little, some of them were... .  

when he told me he wanted to be a pirate and have a baby in the same sentence... .    really is that even possible?  33 years old my friends.

when he told me he thought he would be a really bad boyfriend when we were just friends.

when he told me I act like his mom... .  his mother is an abadoning alcoholic, alas I am not.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that staying with him might have made me one  .

when he told me I get more attention than he does... .  I didn't realize there was a competition going on and thought dinner was fun.  

Anyways, I look back now and think they have always told us... .  but maybe I need to listen when someone tells me exactly who they are and leave if I don't like it.  

-GM

Staying through crazy comments, minimizing them and rationalizing it was me.  All me... .  it took a long time to not be angry with myself for not listening to my gut.

And ask myself why I stayed?

[mrclear]

This is good thread to see the amount of abuse we tolerated... .  

Here's a couple of mine:

After my first opening-night as a director (I am in the theater-business): "You're the big man now. Everybody loves you. You're selfish and work in a disgusting, superficial business! You don't need me anymore. I'm leaving you.' (She was a performer herself, but didn't make it... .  )

'You're a pathetic, selfish, old alcoholic.' (I am 48 and she was drunk at the time!)

'When you're away I want you, but when you're here, I don't.' (That's a classic... .  )

We have to remember that we allowed this to happen to us... .  

mrclear

[Changed4safety]

Oh gawd... .  too many... .  here are some favorites:

1. "You are my significant other, therefore, you are the enemy."

2. (We had an open relationship and he got engaged, even though he moved from living with HER to be with ME, and said I was the great love of his life.  I asked him repeatedly if he was swapping her out for me, she lived 1,000 miles away and I was spending $2K a month on all his needs.  He said "There is no heirarchy in my heart" and that it was largely for legal/insurance reasons.  When they broke up and were considering getting back together, I was stricken.  He saw how hurt I was:)  ":)on't you dare look at me like that.   You knew what this was, what we are.  We're dear friends who love each other."  

3. "I cut myself--the first time I've done that since I broke up with the ex.  That's how upset I am about how you're making me feel."  (This after I broke down when I learned he had been cheating on me and lying to me.)

4.  (He choked me on three separate occasions.)  "Remembering that is giving me flashbacks and PTSD."  

There's more, but you get the idea.  

 

[Bananas]

About a year ago when I came to this site I was part if a thread like this.  I wrote a few choice comments.

At the heart of it was a person will tell you-and I didn't listen.

Staying through crazy comments, minimizing them and rationalizing it was me.  All me... .  it took a long time to not be angry with myself for not listening to my gut.

And ask myself why I stayed?

EXACTLY!  I did a little exercise for myself.  I wrote down all the red flags, and there was a lot!  Seeing them on paper and reading them back was an eye openeing experience for me.  Why did I stay so long?  Why did I go back? What the heck was I thinking? 

[Billa]

a lot... .  among them:

"you've made another mistake", said while I was giving him the Christmas gifts I had bought to him (on the 20th January, because, after the death of his mother, some days before Christmas, he didn't let me to go and stay with him for a month -as we were living in different towns, two hours by car).

[clairedair]

At the heart of it was a person will tell you-and I didn't listen.

... .  

Staying through crazy comments, minimizing them and rationalizing it was me.  All me... .  it took a long time to not be angry with myself for not listening to my gut.

And ask myself why I stayed?

I feel that since our last break-up at the end of last year, the floodgates have opened and I am reliving all sorts of words and actions that were abusive.  I am more angry with him than I have been (or rather, the anger has lingered whereas before I always started to feel bad about being angry and very quickly excused his behaviours).  However, I am also angry with myself for CHOOSING to live with hurt and chaos and ashamed of this.  I minimised the crazy things and horrible words - "he's ill" "can't help it" "I am stronger so it's up to me to stick with this" etc.  I enabled him and in doing so did not model healthy behaviours to our children.  

He told me "I don't think I'll ever settle" and I still stayed and he left a couple of months later (now he is getting married 6 months after first date so I'm guessing he's now sure he'll settle!)

We got back together after our divorce early last year (my bad).  When he started withdrawing again, I told him "I feel like you're not here with me".  His reply "I'm not here - we're divorced"  (we were together in bed at the time).

I've gone over and over the things that were said but this time I am also really questioning myself.  Now the things I said and did are blowing my mind!

[Dire Wolf]

While we were together: "The reason I have to hit you and throw things at you is because you make me so mad! It is all your fault."

While we were negotiating money during divorce process: "Yes, that is correct... .  I do believe that my 401K should be left in my name and his 401K be split 50/50. My money should be mine and his money is ours to split."

Most recently via email, almost 7 years post split: "You should step up and be a man. I don't care what we agreed upon... .  you should be paying for all of college for the kids."

And the classic post divorce email that pops up now and again: "I know you don't care what I say, but you should, so I am telling you!"

We should write a book!

[Rocknut]

My ex with BPD was a "wake n bake" marijuana addict. He consistently blamed me for it. One day I snapped and said, "you're a coward! Want to blame somebody for your drug use? LOOK IN THE MIRROR! Blame yourself!"

he then looked at me and said "when I look in the mirror I see you."... .  shazam

[cska]

My BPD gf told me:

"The only reason why I was ever with you was b/c of my issues. I don't know why you feel so important nowadays."

Yea, that stung me

[haliewa1]

My exBPDgf said, "this isn't working, I can't do the two of us anymore.  Don't call or talk to me".  She then proceeded to kick me out of her place in the middle of the night.  I went to a local hotel and finally had to turn off my phone at 2:00am because she was calling me every five minutes.  I woke up at up at 800am, turned the phone on and found the voicemail full with her pleas to return.  I caught a flight out of town that afternoon!

[Mark2430]

"You make me treat you this way". "What I feel is real, I wish you felt the same way" , "lets just get through the night and go our own ways" my response: "ok" her response "so you are ready to give up on what we have" ... .  "you made me say all those horrible things to you when you changed your plans and didnt come see me" of course I changed my plans because she dumped me three days earlier and then cussed me out and in the middle of being cussed out I told her I wasn't coming to see her ... .  "now looking back I don't think I was ever in love with you, I think it was the challenge" still not sure what that means ... .  

[spaceace]

Man, I have a few... . but the biggest mind blower was one night talking to her about  her 3 boys while we were separated.

She actually said, I wish I had another penis in their lives!

I had no way to respond to that... .  it took me 3 days before I told her, your children have me, but the only reason I am not there for them is because you won't allow me to be there... . Then I said, I don't know what that comment meant, but it does not sit well with me... . I never heard a woman, a mother, actually say about a male figure in her kids life as, wishing she had another penis in their lives... .

Totally mind blowing a woman would reference a man this way.

[egribkb]

Paraphrasing, but it was basically this coming out of my stbxBPDw ... .  

"You aren't someone I'd choose to have another child with but we need to have another kid so our daughter won't be alone when she grows up."

This after a long discussion on how I felt we shouldn't be bringing another child into the massive rage filled dysfunction of our relationship and that any child needs an environment that is safe, stable, and where the parents actually love each other. She also completely ignored how she barely speaks to her own siblings as an adult, .

[slimmiller]

We should write a book!

I said that to mine once half kiddingly (shes in college yet again at 33 to be a counselor... .  lmao... .  seriously)  Her without skipping a beat said, "And we could share the profits" 

Say wha... .  

[Hopeliveshere]

BPDh asked "What's wrong with you ?

[TheDude]

Without any intention of being critical here, I do have to wonder - is there any particularly healthy benefit to subjects like this? What I mean is, ex-bashing seems to me more in the direction of ruminating as opposed to detaching. I do, however, understand it (and have done plenty of it myself), but I'm also to the point of indifference enough that rear-view minutia serves less and less purpose in moving forward.

I was half expecting to find a reply citing "I do" as the one-liner. 

Carry on.

[Hurt llama]

"I went with him to prove to myself that I loved you"

[Hurt llama]

Upon learning of an ex lover's death in a small plane crash and that his body was eaten by sharks exclaimed, "He's shark bait".

No. Not making this up.

[Want2know]

Without any intention of being critical here, I do have to wonder - is there any particularly healthy benefit to subjects like this? What I mean is, ex-bashing seems to me more in the direction of ruminating as opposed to detaching.

I agree there is the potential for it to be more of a venting thread than a real productive one.  

There can be some benefit to those who need assurance that they made the right decision to detach from their pwBPD.  By writing out and reading what seem to be ridiculous comments, it may help a bit with the detachment process in some way.

Plus, we all know not to participate in ex-bashing, right?   A little venting is ok, as long as it's not demonstrating excessive anger or other potential guideline issues.

[chuckstrong]

My favorite I heard more than once:

"You are so so close to perfect but not perfect enough for me."

My friends all said run for the hills when hey heard that one!... .  that was almost a year ago. Ugh.

Chuck

PS another favorite: " You treated me like a princess no one will ever treat me as good as you did"

[AllyCat7]

This is a fun topic . Some BPDs, especially the waifs, communicate so infrequently that the reactive one-liners are all we have to figure them out.

One in particular that told me a lot about him was when he saw this other guy around town that I'm just friends with and who he was threatened by. On the phone, he said he bumped into him the previous night and then said "He isn't even that good-looking!" That told me all I needed to know about how he viewed himself. He was super hot, but always acted so humble about it that I figured he didn't know how hot he was. But when he said that, I realized he knew just how hot he was and not only thought it would let him get away with all sorts of nonsense with girls, but he actually did get away with lots of nonsense and he knew very well how powerful his looks were as a tool. He didn't seem so innocent to me after that. I retorted to that statement that looks aren't all that matters. Meanwhile, I think the guy in question is adorable with a great personality to match. We're still just friends but he's someone I would consider later on once I'm ready for a r'ship again.

Oh my exBPD also used to say this one thing every time he would pseudo break up with me and claim we were just friends (he usually said it when he was afraid I would leave him). He'd go ":)on't get me wrong. I'm attracted to you. But we're just friends." It wasn't the second part that bothered me b/c I eventually realized he pulled the friends line when he was afraid of abandonment. So I honestly stopped taking it seriously . But the first part always got me. I think I'm pretty attractive and don't need ego stroking like that. But when he would say that, it got me wondering "Is he trying to convince me or himself?" I'd consider myself around an 8 out of 10 (not to sound superficial), but I guess he's trying to marry a 9 or 10... .  because I honestly think he was saying that to convince himself (and some of the girls he was talking to on the side were 10s). Whatever. I'm so over his looks at this point. It was never what attracted me to him in the first place, but, ironically, it added to his crazy-making ways that have turned me off majorly. I didn't realize how superficial he was until I thought further about these one-liners.

Anyway, good question

[asher2]

2 odd lines for me... .  

When she was talking non-stop about a guy in her past she was friends with, I finally asked if she ever had sex with him. Her response, "Yeah we had sex. We were such good friends we had to." Huh?

Another odd line was after she told me that she had an affair in her past with a married man. I was blown away by this and quite upset. I asked her how she could do something like that and her response was something along the lines of "I'm not sure why I should feel bad, he was the one who was married." Yeah, that's a red flag... .