Any1 experienced a BPD who was way too open too fast?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My exBPD after just a month and half of meeting me, told me extremely personal issues such as coming from a broken home, horrible ex boyfriends who scarred her, traumatic experiences. I was beyond shocked and it as my first and biggest  . I was beyond foolish and naive for staying and thinking I could help her. I'm just curious if anyone else on here experienced a BPD who was way too open way too fast.

I also noticed that on any social networking sites she was way too sexual in her comments, fotos, statuses etc. on those sites kinda seemed as if she was throwing bait out there in the form of sex to lure anyone or some sort of self advertisement.

Has anyone experienced this? Just curious.

[Deleted]

My exBPD after just a month and half of meeting me, told me extremely personal issues such as coming from a broken home, horrible ex boyfriends who scarred her, traumatic experiences. I was beyond shocked and it as my first and biggest  . I was beyond foolish and naive for staying and thinking I could help her. I'm just curious if anyone else on here experienced a BPD who was way too open way too fast.

I also noticed that on any social networking sites she was way too sexual in her comments, fotos, statuses etc. on those sites kinda seemed as if she was throwing bait out there in the form of sex to lure anyone or some sort of self advertisement.

Has anyone experienced this? Just curious.

[pessim-optimist]

Good observation, Deleted, that seems to be fairly common in certain pwBPD.

[Deleted]

Yeah, it's embarrassing  sometimes knowing I dated that . i would think that's more common with waif BPD and a helping Hint of narcissism.

[paperlung]

Yes. The first time I met my ex-girlfriend in person was when she invited me over to her place to visit (we met off the internet) and she showed me pictures of all her ex-boyfriends.

Just weeks later she was telling me about her past as well; how she was in a foster home for two years, mom was a drug addict, how she had an eating disorder, would cut herself, bad ex-boyfriends, ect. Her sob story was what truly lured me in. I felt so sorry for her that I wanted to help so that she could have a better, more happier life with me.

[paperlung]

double post

[Scott72]

First date I was told of sexual abuse and family issues as well as exs. I was really taken aback but didn't know what to make of it

[Deleted]

Wow,

Paper lung & Scott, that's crazy. I too was lured in. I was way too naive thinking well I'm a nice guy this and that boy was I an idiot.

Do you both assume perhaps this is their identity, being a victim? Or is this a script?

I can't for the life of me throw my personal information and past to someone I've just met month and half ago. To be honest, it makes me question and Doubt the validity of their past or at least some portions of their past. Perhaps that makes me cold hearted but if I was painted black which is all nonsense, their deep dark past could just be BPD distortion? Who knows.

[Deleted]

I think I might start a new topic on that subject.

[BorderlineMagnet]

First night that I had met my first BPD ex, we had sex AND she had a tearful, drunken fight with the married man she was cheating on her BF with at the time. Oh, and she was cheating with me too. what the heck was I thinking... .  Oh yeah, she was hot. The second BPD ex just started out as a fwb I met online, but from the get go the way she would talk about what she did, I wondered if she was a prostitute (she was a massage therapist, but the way she talked about her clients was odd). I'm pretty sure now that she granted some kind of sexual favors to her clients like being topless... .  or worse. And the first day we met of course we had sex and she told me about all the kids she has had and why she had to give a few up. what the heck was I thinking again... .  oh yeah, she was my fantasy come to life.

[Deleted]

BPD magnet,

Crazy my exBPD had sex with guys within a month or less of knowing them. Crazy because I valued her much more than that. Anyways, I'm glad in some crazy effed up way I dated her due to the fact that I encountered two BPDs after her and after the same  red-flags popped up I left. We can all learn frm it. IMHO no man or woman should have sex with someone after the first day of meeting or date, not that I'm old fashioned its just you don't know what and who your dealing with. Too risky! But I understand she's hot I totally get it.

[lhd981]

Deleted,

My recent BPD exgf (the reason I'm here) accused me of being gay when, 6 weeks into the relationship, I hadn't had sex with her yet. I believe in being a gentleman. Especially when hearing her AWFUL relationship stories, I wanted to show her how much I cared for her before we made love. She took it as a rejection.

On our "true" first date, she brought up sex and mentioned how an ex boyfriend accidentally hurt her during a sex act (and he subsequently started crying). Because I was so utterly enamored by her, I let that slide (which would be the pattern for a lot of her behavior), as I let slide the text message she got from her mother towards the end of the date, which she showed me; it said something to the effect of "Make sure he's not a psycho or anything. No s*****g or f*****g on the first date!".

In fact, she brought up a lot of past relationship stories and such within our first few dates. It seemed as if she was talking about lessons learned, but after reading articles and stories on this site, I realize it more had to do with "keeping me on my toes". She was a hermit/waif (though, interestingly, she called herself a narcissist a few times and certainly had some of those traits), so the waif-ish backstory certainly pulled at my heart strings.

The first time we actually met up together, outside of our initial meeting, we spent a good 2-3 hours making out in my car. She also showed me all of her piercings. When we finally decided to part ways, we said our goodbyes and she went back to her car. I kind of sat there in euphoric disbelief of what just happened, then I noticed she was sitting in her car and, well, touching herself. That's why I don't consider it a true first date. Yep, perfectly normal stuff.

[Deleted]

lhd981,

WOW touched herself afterwards, thats just f**king crazy.

It's mind blowing how much we value and respect them as a person, partners/sexual partners. It seems to me that we have more respect for them that they have for themselves.   and that confuses and scares them.

[BorderlineMagnet]

I'm actually pretty worried a girl I met last Wed. might be BPD. We had talked on a dating site for 2 or 3 days (I'm doing my best to get the current BPD ex out of my head... .  but I still think about her all the time), then met for the first time Wed. night. And guess what? We had sex. She was the aggressor in that category. I really didn't want to as I want to have a real relationship for a change, but it's my own fault for being weak. Either I'm a lot sexier than I give myself credit for , or I've found another one. She has been trying to get me to come over daily since then. I'm pretty confused. I'm getting a big red flag alert, so I'm trying to back off from her. But I don't if she's just normal (and horny) I don't wanna look like I used her (even though she was the aggressive one). Please don't be a 3rd pwBPD... .  I don't think my heart and my mind could take that reality.

[GreenMango]

I think you are probably going to notice a theme that the lack of appropriate boundaries in one way shape or form is common. 

One of the criteria of the disorder is an impairment on indentity and self direction this applies to personal boundaries and having a well defined set.  With the other criteria of intimacy and empathy impairments it can affect how a person deals with intimate sharing both appropriate and inappropriate.  Sometimes its a need to establish intimacy but done in an appropriate, or less pro social, way.

[Deleted]

Hey BPD magnet,

In my opinion, perhaps she's not BPD but there are other numerous PD that people suffer from. I don't want to come off as raining on your parade but I myself, have been with those women whom would always initiate sex with me first. In high school I loved it and throughout my college years (just a horny nerdy charismatic guy ) i didnt think much of it other than great another girl wants to f**k me awesome! but I realized that its empty and generally they're usually crazy. People who have sex right way are running from something. They're not emotionally ok. I've done it after my first ex (non-BPD) and I broke up due to differences I had a one nightstand and i regretted it. Look at BPDs - who find someone right after they break up, it's  a void they Are trying to fill and/or they're running from themselves. Bottomline is- the motives behind it are never good imho. Be careful! And good luck!

[BorderlineMagnet]

Thanks, it's just, my BPD radar is on high alert right now. I'm probably wrong about her, but I don't think I'd wanna continue with her. Just do to the fact I want a real relationship where we date and grow to care for each other before sex is involved.

[Deleted]

Totally, I'm looking for that too I've learned my lesson with my exBPD. I want something healthy and meaningful. If you're not ready it's ok cut it off focus on you and what's best for you 

[lhd981]

I'm on mega high alert now. It's difficult, as I'm attracted to "quirky free spirits", which my BPD ex definitely came across as. I'm generalizing a bit (though I speak from truth) when I say that the professional type women are usually put off by my long hair and love of rock music, while the rocker/free spirit women are put off by my workaholic "corporate" tendencies and somewhat opulent lifestyle. It was nice to find a balance for a change with my ex.

Unfortunately, as my good friend points out to me, quirky doesn't always mean what I think it does, and I should be careful when it starts becoming an explanation for increasingly strange or erratic behavior.

I also have a few good female friends who slept have with a LOT of guys, most of which were either on the first date or close to it. I wouldn't call any of them BPD, especially with what I know now, but I do know that they have some self esteem issues, not to mention the "daddy issues" as well (with missing or emotionally distant fathers). But that's about where it ends. I've seen them through relationships before and everything seemed pretty healthy.

Of course, if anything seems like it's too good to be true... .  well... .  you know the rest.

[Deleted]

Of course, i do not believe women who sleep with men in the first few dates have BPD. In my opinion I just think that anyone who sleeps with someone right away, there has to be something missing. Self esteem, some sort of void, anger, and any other issues that they might be running from. There are so many unknown risk factors, that I personally wouldn't take my chances.

I think that that's a problem many of us had. We tried to explain their "quirky" behavior and it kicked us right in our behinds in the end.

[lhd981]

Deleted,

I'm totally with you on not taking any chances!

I've been sort of "seeing" a woman on these frequent business trips to a city 200 miles away; she's the sister of a good friend of mine and while I don't think I'm her type, we spend a lot of time together when I'm up there. She's very much a "quirky free spirit", but the big, huge distinction is that she has BOUNDARIES. When I'm done meeting with my clients, I'll often go to her place and we'll spend the rest of the day (I mean 8-12 hours!) talking about anything and everything, laughing with our demented senses of humor, and so on. We've hung out a good 6 times by now.

She's even been opening up to me about her life, but it's not a tale of tragedy. When she does talk about relationships, there are certain boundaries in place. She doesn't go into graphic detail about hookups or one night stands. It feels very... .  cordial? There's no hyper sexual connection or draw, we're just close. Even though I don't see things going anywhere, it's given me hope that I can find someone with her quirkiness and love of life/nature and such, but without the PD. We shall see!

[Deleted]

Lhd981,

that must be a breath of fresh air from the banal tales of tragedy and the common NO boundaries in almost every aspect. It's insane. By the end of the week our heads are spinning   

[GreenMango]

It feels a little different when you meet someone and they have boundaries and take things slow.  I like it.  It feels safer for me when its like this.  I like it better than the intensity and overwhelming need that seemed to be part of my last relationship. 

If nothing else I found I learned a lot about what I needed and how to discern a healthy relationship.  That's a bonus-the price was a little high but I figure is probably be getting this lesson until it I actually got it.

[Deleted]

Hey GreenMango,

It does. I'm currently too busy to engage in a new relationship but when I am ready and fully recovered I will. I do not long for an intense relationship in which we engage in sex after a month or so. I don't want that, to me after my exBPD, I dont want that intensity and sex so soon. It's empty and meaningless. I'd rather wait and if that partner and open up whenever we feel comfortable. That would feel safe and good, that's how it's suppose to be. Not dropping the I LOVE YOU bomb within 5-6 months of the relationship. That's absurd! well I'm going off on a tangent here but thanks for your input!

[youdontknow]

This is an interesting point and as someone with BPD, I must confess that with my ex-husband, after we had only been dating a very short time, I really opened up about my past to him.  For me, it was a 'confession' (as opposed to trying to get him to feel sorry for me) as I felt so guilty and in a way, it was also a test to see if he would still accept me and still wanted me or if he would reject me and reinforce my self-belief that I was worthless.  As for 'intimacy', some people with BPD use this as a way to 'connect' with a significant other.  To me, it was the one thing that 'we' did together that wasn't shared with anyone else.  It was during intimacy that I felt closest to him and I don't just mean in a physical sense.  I am guessing your exBPD was quite young?  My symptoms were far worse in my late teens and early to mid 20s, before I had a diagnosis or treatment.  They say that people with BPD see a reduction in symptoms as they get older,or, it could be that we just find better ways to cope with things but generally, things tend to calm down (that is if the BPD doesn't kill themself first).  I'm sorry you've had a bad experience and i can only speak from my own, all BPDs may share a lot of the same behaviours but we are all still different.  Good luck!

[paperlung]

Hey GreenMango,

It does. I'm currently too busy to engage in a new relationship but when I am ready and fully recovered I will. I do not long for an intense relationship in which we engage in sex after a month or so. I don't want that, to me after my exBPD, I dont want that intensity and sex so soon. It's empty and meaningless. I'd rather wait and if that partner and open up whenever we feel comfortable. That would feel safe and good, that's how it's suppose to be. Not dropping the I LOVE YOU bomb within 5-6 months of the relationship. That's absurd! well I'm going off on a tangent here but thanks for your input!

5-6 months? Hah. My ex told me she loved me not even a month in.

[GreenMango]

I think it takes time to get to know someone and really see how they handle life.  You need time to see this.  A lot can happen in a year for anyone.  It gets you past the typical honeymoon most relationships have to the real life part-past the euphoric fantasy.  It's okay to temper our attachment to someone.  If they are too pushy too soon it can be a real sign of other things - doesn't always have to BPD but could be just general neediness and high maintenance thinga like a person who is uncomfortable with interdependence.  I didn't see a lot of this until after.

Pick carefully a partner.  I feel its one of the major influencing factors in your life. 

[spaceace]

Yes, I did as well. And to boot, after our first date, her response when we next spoke was, she could finally breathe, now that we have met!

Then shortly thereafter, I was told, I was her knight in shining armor. Boy, did that feel overwhelmingly awesome! I was a knight in shinning armor! Who knew?

Within the first month, I was told all sorts of unbelievable stories that I had no idea what to make of. I felt so sorry for her and her past and experiences. But I was told, I am the knight in shining armor and I can be the one guy (because every other guy treated her terribly and she always had to dump them they were so abusive... .  (hmmm... .  ain't I experiencing the same thing right now?)  who would never do a thing to hurt her poor soul and heart... .  I would always be there for her and love her totally and unconditionally!

Phew... . boy oh boy... . and when you are no longer the knight, but become Satan's understudy, things go wrong quickly and get ugly. 3 recycles... . and just today, I finally filed the divorce papers... . What a nightmare... .          it's time to let it all go... .   ... .