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Author Topic: You win Ever get that?  (Read 846 times)
cal644
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« on: May 23, 2013, 05:38:23 PM »

Every time something doesn't go the was my stbexBPDf wants to I get this - You Win! Hope your happy!  It's funny - I don't look at this as a game - but I do look at it as people have consequences for their actions.  If I get to keep the house (I Win!) no I get what is rightfully mine.  Since I get to keep the business which was gifted to me (I Win!) no I get to keep the gift that was given to me.  We she is suffering and doesn't have any money (I Win!) no you chose to have the affair and not try on this.  Is it a game of I win , I lose with BPD - with their childish emotional state maybe life is just a game of wins and loses to them - not like real life that has actions and consequences.  And even when they win the giant toy at the carnival (me - Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)) they trade in in for the bottom prize (him-lol) and they still go around I won, I won, I won - we'll yes - but you traded in the great big loving prize for the small slithering snake 
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MontyD
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« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2013, 06:05:27 PM »

You won't believe this, and I won't give too much away here, but my ex altered her signature, slightly, and truncated, so that it read

"I Win".


Monty
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Bananas
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« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2013, 06:31:57 PM »

I only got "I win".  And "I like winning".  And "I hate losing". 

If I even beat him at anything that could be competitive, a sport, game or football bet, there was an excuse like "you only won because I wasn't really trying", "i felt sorry for you because you suck so bad", etc... .    

My ex used to gamble a lot.  When he lost he would get so angry and the entire day/night would be ruined.
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lifesentence

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Posts: 8


« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2013, 07:06:50 PM »

I don't think I ever "won" with my BPD wife. Anytime, it looked like I would "win", she would just rage and it would my job to soothe her and give in to her. Such a screwed up relationship.
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Newton
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2013, 07:27:35 PM »

cal... . I know where you are coming from with this, I heard the same... . people with an unstable sense of self need to control their environment... . (codependents can sometimes strive for this too as well as pwBPD or NPD)... .

The key word here is "control"... . which can equate to winning... . (making the world fit to your criteria)

Healthy relationships shouldn't be a battle or a game to be won... . they are about mutual understanding, trust, respect and love. Finding the middle way... . compromise.

Remember the disorder... . their feelings equal facts... . so they will "choose" whatever ridiculous situation that helps them feel in control, and avoid negative or challenging feelings... . even if it is the worst rational possible choice from an outside observers point of view.

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confetti
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« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2013, 09:50:17 PM »

I only got "I win".  And "I like winning".  And "I hate losing". 

If I even beat him at anything that could be competitive, a sport, game or football bet, there was an excuse like "you only won because I wasn't really trying", "i felt sorry for you because you suck so bad", etc... .    

My ex used to gamble a lot.  When he lost he would get so angry and the entire day/night would be ruined.

mine ALWAYS did this to small things even videogames. let me tell you, he was very bad at virtually every playstation fighting game we'd play, as an example.

funny thing is, he'd stay up all night practicing one of them and ask me to play as soon as i'd get up. he could not emotionally handle losing at anything and if he won a game or an argument he'd never let it go and make very slight (sometimes kinda funny) jokes about how he's the best the rest of the day. or sometimes for a week.

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seeking balance
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: divorced
Posts: 7147



« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2013, 10:16:15 PM »



Yep, I heard it too - and looking from the BPD lens - my ex was expressing how she felt, which was a fact for her.  I certainly didn't have the skill set to depersonalize and communication tools to handle those times in the best possible way.

Well, looking at BPD as the mental illness that it is - we know that a validating environment is important as are communication tools that make someone feel heard - they work on these things on the staying board for a reason.

Can you see how this is actually a pretty reasonable response based on the FACTS of the disorder?

I can tell you are hurt that your wife has a new love interest, lashing out at her faults or lack of empathy towards you may feel temporarily better.  I do hope you are taking good care of yourself and letting yourself work past the anger and feel the hurt.  It hurts when our marriage ends.   

Take care,

SB

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Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
charred
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« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2013, 10:37:07 PM »

cal... . I know where you are coming from with this, I heard the same... . people with an unstable sense of self need to control their environment... . (codependents can sometimes strive for this too as well as pwBPD or NPD)... .

The key word here is "control"... . which can equate to winning... . (making the world fit to your criteria)

Healthy relationships shouldn't be a battle or a game to be won... . they are about mutual understanding, trust, respect and love. Finding the middle way... . compromise.

Remember the disorder... . their feelings equal facts... . so they will "choose" whatever ridiculous situation that helps them feel in control, and avoid negative or challenging feelings... . even if it is the worst rational possible choice from an outside observers point of view.

Well put. Any time I was told "You Win!"... . I could expect hell on earth for a while. She was super competitive... . and happy so long as she always won... . didn't take long to figure out it was a no win situation, playing games... . come to think of it, the whole r/s was no win.

Been about a year apart now, about 6 months NC, and I am feeling over her though. Been seeing my exwife and went out with a few other sane women, and it didn't have the electricity... . or insanity, afterwords I just felt like I had a nice time... . didn't have to second guess my sanity or worry what they would do next. It is like the old "War Game" movie... . the only way to win was not play.
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Changed4safety
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Relationship status: Living together, three and a half years
Posts: 517



« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2013, 11:36:08 PM »

I was thinking about that line!  I remember we were arguing once and I said, "I'm trying to find common ground--some way we can both feel okay with this.  You don't look for a compromise, you just fight to win."  His response was, "You bet I do!" and a litany of how the world had trodden him down so much that he was going to fight for every damn thing he felt he deserved. 
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KellyO
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Posts: 174



« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2013, 04:34:33 AM »

My ex got angry at me because I made a very good dinner. How sick is that?

This person likes to tell everyone he is unable to feel envy. Buahahahah!



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