should forget past or face the true world ?

[lifeshouldlive]

Finally before i want to talk with him that i found you have BPD, he finally told me he think he also have that ,and that is why he used to buy two books about BPD and also Paranoia, actually i feel good inside he finally can tell me that by himself, as if a kind of release. Then I asked him whether you think i will leave you when we quarrel ? he said yes sometimes, so i try to confirm him now we are family I will not leave you ,but it does not means you can do whatever you want ,it simple because i love you and when we meet problem in life we should avoid or give up ,instead of that we should have responsibility for that and help the one we love become better one, i have confidence for you and me, and you ? He said i will and also i promise him all our close talk i will keep as secret between us and not tell our parents. 

it is a little step for me but i know there are too many steps in the coming, and i do not know i should always talk him unhappy childhood story for he can release those things or try to forget ,or i should more creat some actual situation for he realize the life is normal to have problem or stress soemtimes and ask him to see how i face or solve those sitiauion instead of what he always did with not propre way as he think ? And also it is good for BPD more close to the soecity to have new friends or it is better make their life more peaceful ?now he told me he only trust me .

welcome all the suggestion with thanks in advance.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[briefcase]

 

Can you tell us a little more about your relationship?  Are you dating? Married?  How long have you been together and what have some of the problems been. 

In answer to your question, there is no "better" place to live.  If he has BPD, he will take things out the worst on the people he's closest to, no matter where you live.

[lifeshouldlive]

hello, thanks for attention.

we are one-year married couple and now live in my country .

I was infomred that people can read all my past post by click on my profile ,so could you please try to click there then you will know more of our story.

Yes seems the BPD closest people it is only one can know their true side and "luckly" i am his closest people but feel not so close to his mind.

[waverider]

You can't forget the past. The past is there to learn from, and is your own reference to compare against for your own personal growth and progress.

The important thing is not to be stuck in the past. The past creates who you are now, but does not hold you in that role. Life is not static.

pwBPD have difficulty coming to grips with this as they tend to live in the now, rewriting their recollections of the past to validate how they feel in this moment. Likewise future plans are based on the now and ambition and goals are hard to achieve if you keep changing your plans based on the mood of now, when you have unstable moods.

If the mood of now feels like it always has been that way and always will be that is when the feelings of hopelessness set in, or conversely extreme unrealistic "can do" plans.

I find with a pwBPDs past it is best not to block it, as that is invalidating, they struggle to let go of it, but dont get bogged down in it as it will be twisted. It is best simply to try to keep the past in perspective and center their perspective, and above all dont judge.

As far as being close is concerned it can seem surreal at times, you feel bonded, but there always seems to be secrets and things that dont seem quite right.

Trying to involve third parties and families usually ends up a mess, as they are not you in your perspective.

Your true world and their true world is likely to be different, this is a constant source of conflict, almost like a colour blindness