Having a bad week

[Cloudy Days]

My husband has been awful lately. He's going off about crap that isn't even an issue. He keeps telling me he hates my family and that is the reason he is leaving me. Just to turn around and say he loves me. Then today he went to the Doctor. Not his usual doctor, he doesn't like them any more. So I made an appointment with the person he asked for. He's having problems at that office and has now disowned me again saying I will never see him again. I don't even know what is going on, he sends short non descriptive texts so basically I know he's having a problem but I have no idea what the problem is or how to help him. But somehow he makes it my fault and he's disowned me once again. I just don't understand how he can blame me for things that have nothing to do with me. It's really driving me insane.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Cloudy Days, I'm sorry to hear that, it must be hard on you 

[briefcase]

Might this be a reaction to some of the changes you're making in yourself?  Boundaries, communication, etc. 

It's normal to get a reaction like this when we make changes.  The drama gets ramped up because the old levels aren't working any more.  Just a thought.

[Cloudy Days]

Actually no, he was triggered on Sunday by something my mother said. He's stuck on it and stuck on the idea that he hates my family. He actually figured out the doctors visit and it was successful. He has such a low tolerance for problems he just attacks me as soon as it happens before it is even a problem.

He just takes everything everyone says as a personal attack when they aren't even talking about him. He thinks every one is playing games with him, trying to piss him off on purpose. This includes me, doctors, my family, you name it he thinks you are playing games with him to mess with him. Is this Paranoia normal? I know my husband has more issues than just the BPD. It's just exhausting when his mood goes bad.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi again Cloudy Days, are you able to do something for yourself, to get your stress levels down a little?

[Stamp]

I just don't understand how he can blame me for things that have nothing to do with me. It's really driving me insane.

I SO hear you!  My partner has gotten upset with me, to the point of raging at me, because my mother made a couple of not great medical decisions and ended up nearly dying from a mega bacteria infection.  Somehow it became my fault.  During the time that we thought my mom was going to die, my partner had several huge rage episodes, including one at a restaurant that was just awful.  Now, over a year later, she doesn't remember them at all and remembers that she was very supportive of me when my mom was sick.  In truth, most of the time that my mom was sick, my partner WAS supportive, but when things were really bad, when it really looked like my mom was going to die, she could not handle it and was unbearable.

Take care of yourself!

[Cloudy Days]

Last night he was totally standoffish, at one point telling me to leave him alone rudely (which I did as soon as he asked). Kept snapping at me and then he would apologize. He then tells me that he feels distant with me. Well why the hell wouldn't he, he was pushing me away the entire night. Of course it's not his fault he feels distant. It was because I was less than chipper and wasn't talking a lot due to his grumpy mood.

He creates a depressing atmosphere and then blames me for it. He will start talking about depressing things or things he gets really worked up about. I try to distract with a different subject and he will disown me because I didn't want to hear him talk. He will start a line of questioning and then ask me why I get so defensive about something when he is clearly fishing for something to get mad about. He actually started asking me about pictures that I ordered for my mom and my grandma, like I ordered pictures for someone else. Then he decided he was going to tag along to my next therapy appointment and sit in the waiting area. He wants to make sure I'm not cheating on him! I was about to explode at this point. I will not be a prisoner having my husband tag along to my therapy appointments because he doesn't trust me.

I have been trying really hard to do some things for myself. Actually I've been in good spirits until this last weekend and that was coming from a really stressful month, not because of my husband but because of some obligations we had to take care of. It's getting to the point that 8 hours of sleep doesn't cut it. I just feel so blah!