Out of the blue

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Got re engaged by my ex after 7 weeks NC. 

literally she jumped out from behind a postbox.

Conversation action went like this me hear you're in a new r/s'. Her, it's all over. Me why? Her, because I love you etc

kissed her. Managed to avoid seeing her tonight. She texted 15 times in one hour.

Arranged to see her Sunday lunch.

as far as I know she's still in an R/S on Facebook.

I got dumped loads on Facebook... .then picked back up.  brings up memories.

Anyway need help as was slowly turning a corner.  now in danger of being sucked back in.

[Front runner]

Got re engaged by my ex after 7 weeks NC. 

literally she jumped out from behind a postbox.

Conversation action went like this me hear you're in a new r/s'. Her, it's all over. Me why? Her, because I love you etc

kissed her. Managed to avoid seeing her tonight. She texted 15 times in one hour.

Arranged to see her Sunday lunch.

as far as I know she's still in an R/S on Facebook.

I got dumped loads on Facebook... .then picked back up.  brings up memories.

Anyway need help as was slowly turning a corner.  now in danger of being sucked back in.

[fromheeltoheal]

There's an opportunity here for you to take control of your life and decide what YOU want.  When you say you are in danger of being sucked back in, you are giving her all the power.  If she is respectful of and responsive to your needs maybe she's a keeper, but if she's anything like mine, it's all about her, and I was just feeding my own unhealthy addiction; opportunity for growth.

[Learning_curve74]

Sorry to hear that Front runner. If my BPDex jumped out of nowhere, I'd probably run away screaming, "stay the hell away from me!"  

I looked at your old posts, your exBPDgf is a violent physically abusive drug user who is very sexually promiscuous, gave you an STD, and hates your 4 year old child, correct?

What are you expecting from her? Do you think anything will be different from the other times? What do you think will happen if you meet her for lunch? What is wrong with cancelling?

[heartandwhole]

Hi Front runner,

I'm sorry that you are in this position again.  It's hard to stay strong.  I remember reengaging with my pwBPD after 3 months and coming out the other side hurting more than I did the first time.  :'(

You've been through this before.  What do you think will be different this time?

Do you have supportive friends and family you can turn to to keep you on track?  

Hang in there.  We're here to keep you on track, too.  

heart

[bauers220]

Just my 2 cent but "because I still love you"... .woman you better give me a whole lot more to go on than that!  At least that is how I would feel today.  I understand the confusion and pain they bring.

Actions are really all you can ever trust - words - they are VERY skilled with their words.  I once had a friend tell me "she seduced you with her words"... .and boy was I mad - but in the end... .she was RIGHT... .the actions showed a VERY different language - NO WONDER we end up confused!

[Front runner]

yes, it's like I have no control over the situation.  but I do.

it's like Lord of the Rings and I'm $ucking Frodo Baggins.

toss her into Mount Doom? not easy.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi Front runner, Agree w/learning curve.  What are expectations about lunch w/her?  In a normal r/s, it's OK to cancel.  Yet in a BPD r/s, there's hell to pay when you cancel.  You might think about which of these statements applies to your situation.  If the latter, then you might ask yourself why you want to get drawn back in?  Lucky Jim

[willbegood]

It's very easy, for me, to sit here and tell you, you shouldn't meet up with her. If I were in your shoes I'd prob feel the same as you. But it's not just you. Do you want someone like that coming back into your son's life? Even if she doesn't see him much. He will still see the emotional stress you'll go through.

[BeHappyAgain]

"toss her into Mount Doom? not easy."

I just wanted to say what a great analogy that is Front runner

Of course, in the books, the ring promises power, and every new 'ring bearer' gets seduced by the ring. Every new ring bearer thinks they can 'wield' that power because they are unique, but the ring has the last laugh and extracts its terrible price...

For us the BPD promises love, and every new ring bearer partner gets seduced by the pbd. Every new [or recycled] partner thinks they can 'make it work this time' because they are unique, but the pbd has the last laugh and extracts a terrible price...

[Front runner]

I think in my case there's a strong sado/massochistic pull.

Even as I'm writing this I'm not really believing it!

My head understands but my heart is stronger. It pulls you toward the flame

And literally someone needs to tear your wings off to stop you going there

[Front runner]

Sorry to hear that Front runner. If my BPDex jumped out of nowhere, I'd probably run away screaming, "stay the hell away from me!"  

I looked at your old posts, your exBPDgf is a violent physically abusive drug user who is very sexually promiscuous, gave you an STD, and hates your 4 year old child, correct?

What are you expecting from her? Do you think anything will be different from the other times? What do you think will happen if you meet her for lunch? What is wrong with cancelling?

Thanks Learning curve, you are so right. She just seemed so lucid and cool today

Like someone from the Waltons (if it wasn't for the pink hair) . But in a couple of weeks

The same mad dance would begin again- drugs bender extraordinaire.

This is the problem. I'm writing this, ecstatic and getting off on the fact she has made contact.

In fact, never been so enthusiastic re posting on these boards. Deep down I know this is

A dead end but I can not see that thoroughly. Maybe lacking a sense of self I am drawn to something that I know is not right for me. God this is self centred

[turtle]

This is the problem. I'm writing this, ecstatic and getting off on the fact she has made contact.

In fact, never been so enthusiastic re posting on these boards. Deep down I know this is

A dead end but I can not see that thoroughly. Maybe lacking a sense of self I am drawn to something that I know is not right for me. God this is self centred

This is quite the insight into yourself, Front runner.  Read these words that YOU wrote.  Read them 10 times.  Let them sink in.  Really grasp what you've said here. 

turtle

[peas]

Front Runner, I too, would dance a jig if my exBPD guy contacted me. I'm slogging through 2.5 months so far of mutual NC and man is it a bummer. Lately I've had stronger feelings about breaking NC than before. Some triggers have shown up and fighting NC has been harder than usual. However, I am sticking to it. I keep thinking he will contact me, but he doesn't. He was always the one to contact me, usually within a few days, after he would break up with me, but the last time was different. I could tell he wanted me gone for good.

[fromheeltoheal]

This is the problem. I'm writing this, ecstatic and getting off on the fact she has made contact.

In fact, never been so enthusiastic re posting on these boards. Deep down I know this is

A dead end but I can not see that thoroughly. Maybe lacking a sense of self I am drawn to something that I know is not right for me. God this is self centred

This is quite the insight into yourself, Front runner.  Read these words that YOU wrote.  Read them 10 times.  Let them sink in.  Really grasp what you've said here. 

turtle

Yeah, I agree, and a good way to lose any sense of self we did have is to stay enmeshed with BPD pathology.  For me the whole experience was a wake-up call and the good news, eventually; how cool is it to have someone shine a spotlight on areas that still need some work?

[pallavirajsinghani]

It sound like stockholm syndrome to me.  Please do consider counseling for yourself... .for the sake of your child. 

[Ironmanrises]

Frontrunner,

If you allow her back in, she will hurt you again.

And again and again.

She has a disorder whose very proviso... .

Is to hurt those whom are closest to them.

Idealization is not worth the hurt that will follow in its wake.

We cannot protect you.

But we will be here for you.

[DragoN]

A dead end but I can not see that thoroughly. Maybe lacking a sense of self I am drawn to something that I know is not right for me. God this is self centred

Self centered? No. It is healthy. It's what we can lose when being tossed about on the waves of chaos in a BPD r/s.

This woman reads extremely toxic. And is it not strange to you, that such a toxic human can by her simply deciding to recycle you give you such a wonderful sense of validation?

Conversation action went like this me hear you're in a new r/s'. Her, it's all over. Me why? Her, because I love you

Another quick flash in the pan BPD love affair r/s that went belly up and now she loves you again? Wonder what she told the other fellow... .but not really. BPD cannot love for more than a few minutes at a time and only if you are being "perfect" whatever that really is to them.