Sick of tolerating being treated badly.

[thisyoungdad]

I am really having a difficult time with the difference excusing the behavior of my ex because of this illness or whatever other issue, and at the same time being at all understanding that she can't function as I do or other non's do.

She treats me like crap, almost 100% of the time as of recently. In fact it has not been this bad in a year. It has been rough for me especially since we are not totally divorced yet, she still pays me spousal support, we have a daughter, etc so we have more contact than I prefer even when we try to limit it. I take responsibility for my part in that.

I mean, how much self control do they really have over their behaviors? Lately I generally just seriously dislike the woman, and think things about her I have not thought a lot. I have no real desire to even have compassion or understanding. I am just fed up with the BS and being treating like crap all the time at every turn. Especially since I have more support and self confidence than a year ago.

I feel like I should be able to find a middle ground of understanding and not tolerating/excusing the behavior  but I either swing to one side or the other... .mostly the side of I am sick of this BS and not going to tolerate it which of course doesn't matter and just makes me more frustrated because she doesn't change. That is what is most frustrating is that I can't stop her and no one can stop her from making me the target of her aggressions. So how do I not just almost hate the mother of my child?

[DragoN]

Not a ton of answers here, as I am navigating a strange mine field myself.

I am just fed up with the BS and being treating like crap all the time at every turn. Especially since I have more support and self confidence than a year ago.

That is a great start though.

[Learning_curve74]

Hi thisyoungdad, it sounds like you're trying to avoid the feelings of anger and resentment. Remember that feelings aren't wrong, they just are. So maybe you need to feel angry and resentful right now, it may be a part of your journey that you have to get through. As long as you don't take any action on your emotions that would go against your values, it's okay to feel these emotions.

I get where you're coming from. A mutual friend of my exBPDgf and I were talking tonight and he brought her up. I said that I  really wasn't interested in her even as a friend anymore. In fact, I said that she is a crappy "friend", and this is borne out in how she treats all her "friends". I do have compassion for her though, as I know she suffers a lot, but just because I have compassion for her as a person, I don't have to rent space to her in my head. She must be occupying a lot of space in your head with the divorce and co-parenting of your kid.

[mywifecrazy]

Hi thisyoungdad, it sounds like you're trying to avoid the feelings of anger and resentment. Remember that feelings aren't wrong, they just are. So maybe you need to feel angry and resentful right now, it may be a part of your journey that you have to get through. As long as you don't take any action on your emotions that would go against your values, it's okay to feel these emotions.

I get where you're coming from. A mutual friend of my exBPDgf and I were talking tonight and he brought her up. I said that I  really wasn't interested in her even as a friend anymore. In fact, I said that she is a crappy "friend", and this is borne out in how she treats all her "friends". I do have compassion for her though, as I know she suffers a lot, but just because I have compassion for her as a person, I don't have to rent space to her in my head. She must be occupying a lot of space in your head with the divorce and co-parenting of your kid.