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Author Topic: Inviting you to a Christmas party at this board  (Read 12280 times)
Jonie
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« on: December 08, 2013, 11:24:05 AM »

Hi there!

I’m really dreading the upcoming holidays, Christmas and New Years Eve, and I expect some of you will feel the same way. So this is my plan: I’ve invited my family over for 1st Christmas Day to have dinner at my place, and 2nd Christmas Day I would like to spend with you on this board. Sounds a bit lonely and pathetic perhaps, but I think it’s the best for me.

I'm in a no-closure case, and the past weeks I’ve been gathering strenght to write a That’s-It letter to my (almost)ex-pwBPD and I will mail it to him after New Years Eve - there are some reasons I would like to wait till then. Instead of a flight away from the holidays, I prefer to be all on my own, feel depressed, down and out and mourn, so that I can rise and try to make a fresh start in the new year.

Anyone like to join me?

- Ever had such an inspiring Christmas invitation?   Smiling (click to insert in post)

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Nearlybroken
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« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2013, 12:51:55 PM »

Sounds great.I would love to come  .NB.xxxx

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State85
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« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2013, 01:00:44 PM »

Count me in... .
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maxen
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« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2013, 01:05:44 PM »

i'll be dropping by   
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Jonie
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« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2013, 01:07:30 PM »

Great! Looking forward to seeing you!   

By the way I'm in central European time

Nearlybroken, great! I've just been reading one of your posts, and can very much relate to your despair and bleak outlook on the future.  


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Learning_curve74
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« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2013, 01:12:00 PM »

   <-- my RSVP

 
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2013, 01:24:42 PM »

Good for you!  I'll play too.

There's an opportunity here too.  Instead of deciding now you'll be depressed and down and out on Christmas, how about deciding it will be for YOU, and you're going to feel the way you decide to.  The Holidays can be stressful because they exaggerate emotions and come with obligations, but I've decided I'm going to do exactly what I want to do this season, and nothing I'm 'obligated' to do, unless I also want to; it's a next step in taking care of me, since I've been the only one who will lately, especially after borderline hell.

So instead of waiting till the new year to feel good, how about starting now?  It's just a calendar.  Just sayin'.
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Jonie
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« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2013, 02:04:38 PM »

Hi Fromheeltoheal, indeed, this 2nd Day is for me!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

These celebrations are not just marks on a calender, they are the very things that make the calender. They are part of the fabric of social life. One can’t simply not-join; withdrawal from social activities at these occasions is not neutral, but a negative statement towards the people that expect you to celebrate it with them. Some will take it lightly, others will feel puzzled, insulted or hurt. Or perhaps this is different in  your country? In mine, it’s simply not possible to evade Christmas.

So, although I’m not looking forward to it at all, I’ve decided to invite my parents and brother for the first day. My parents are mid-70, and you never know, it might be their last Christmas. They know my pwBPD left me (haven’t told them any details about this whole mess), and invited me to their place for the 2nd Day. They feel terrible that I declined and that I prefer to stay at home by myself! But I need that to heal. They are good people and they love me, but it’s just too complicated to be with them the entire Christmas.

So, I’d rather have a toast with all of you here!

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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2013, 02:25:46 PM »

Hi Fromheeltoheal, indeed, this 2nd Day is for me!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

These celebrations are not just marks on a calender, they are the very things that make the calender. They are part of the fabric of social life. One can’t simply not-join; withdrawal from social activities at these occasions is not neutral, but a negative statement towards the people that expect you to celebrate it with them. Some will take it lightly, others will feel puzzled, insulted or hurt. Or perhaps this is different in  your country? In mine, it’s simply not possible to evade Christmas.

So, although I’m not looking forward to it at all, I’ve decided to invite my parents and brother for the first day. My parents are mid-70, and you never know, it might be their last Christmas. They know my pwBPD left me (haven’t told them any details about this whole mess), and invited me to their place for the 2nd Day. They feel terrible that I declined and that I prefer to stay at home by myself! But I need that to heal. They are good people and they love me, but it’s just too complicated to be with them the entire Christmas.

So, I’d rather have a toast with all of you here!

Yes, Christmas is a significant holiday with lots of meaning, and is supposed to be a day of love, laughter and family.  My point is there are people who expect us to celebrate it with them, but doing so solely because of that obligation, when I don't want to, is no longer OK.  I will be spending Christmas with supportive people who I consider my family, and engaging in connection and 'family', which is the point.  That mindset is new for me, as I'm finally learning to stand up for myself, as a result of lessons learned in borderline hell.

Two Christmases!  Very nice, enjoy them both!
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Soldier Of Sorrow
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« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2013, 02:41:34 PM »

So instead of waiting till the new year to feel good, how about starting now? 

Jonie, I agree with fromheeltoheal. Once that you have determined to disengage, you are free to "start anew", at least, starting from your internal state of mind, at anytime of the year.

I also dread the the fast-approaching X'mas and New Year's Eve.

There will be soo many environmental cues to remind me of the previous holiday seasons that I have spent with my uBPDexgf.

I am bracing myself and diligently doing my journal-writing to record all the negative, abusive memories that greatly outweigh all the sentimental, over-romanticization of my past BPD relationship.

The greatest gift that I will receive this year is the irreversible disengagement from my BPDex.

And the New Year resolution, for this year, and many years to come, will be to better my own life, treat myself right while staying AWAY from the gloom of the BPD storm cloud that has been ruining raining, snowing, hailing, thunder-striking on my parade.

Having said all that, yes, I am more than happy to accept your invitation.
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TakingWingAtLast
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« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2013, 03:11:58 PM »

Soldier of Sorrow,

I love your New Years Resolution!  Right on!

What time is the Xmas party?

D
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Jbt857
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« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2013, 05:35:12 PM »

Yes, I am dreading Christmas - my first in a decade without my husband. I'm rather trapped at home with a diabetic cat who needs insulin shots every 12 hours (not that I resent her for it). Otherwise I'd' be on a plane somewhere outta here.

My Mom and her husband are here for Xmas day, I have no plans for new year as yet. But I do plan to allow myself to grieve this year, but 2014 will be a line in the sand for me. I'm sure it won't be quite as linear as I'd like, but I do aim to try as much as i can to put the year, my divorce and all the rest into my past.

So I'll be around for the party. Please make it a time that works for us folks in Europe/the UK.   
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2013, 05:45:56 PM »

Yes, I am dreading Christmas - my first in a decade without my husband. I'm rather trapped at home with a diabetic cat who needs insulin shots every 12 hours (not that I resent her for it). Otherwise I'd' be on a plane somewhere outta here.

Ah yes, I had a diabetic dog who lived to 12 1/2, and needed insulin shots twice a day, and that was OK, I loved her and would have done anything, I get it.  I did create an insulin network of diabetic pet owners for a while, and we would trade off injecting each other's pets when one of us would travel, and her vet was diabetic, so they compared notes.  I hope you and your cat have a wonderful Christmas!
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Jbt857
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« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2013, 06:20:29 PM »

Yes, I am dreading Christmas - my first in a decade without my husband. I'm rather trapped at home with a diabetic cat who needs insulin shots every 12 hours (not that I resent her for it). Otherwise I'd' be on a plane somewhere outta here.

Ah yes, I had a diabetic dog who lived to 12 1/2, and needed insulin shots twice a day, and that was OK, I loved her and would have done anything, I get it.  I did create an insulin network of diabetic pet owners for a while, and we would trade off injecting each other's pets when one of us would travel, and her vet was diabetic, so they compared notes.  I hope you and your cat have a wonderful Christmas!

Thanks! She's 18 - nearly 19, but still doing pretty good, considering.

I have found a former vet nurse to take care of her when I need someone, but she is away over Christmas. Besides, it wouldn't feel right to be without my cat. We've been through so much together. I don't have kids, so she means the world to me.
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Pretty Woman
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« Reply #14 on: December 08, 2013, 10:24:06 PM »

Ill try to pop by for awhile. Thanks for the invite!
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Ironmanrises
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« Reply #15 on: December 08, 2013, 10:43:27 PM »

I will probably be too ___ing depressed on the days leading up to that to join. Gratitude for the invitation, nonetheless.
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maxen
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« Reply #16 on: December 08, 2013, 11:18:18 PM »

i think you should come anyway. we'll all have a toast, feel better with each other.
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Jonie
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« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2013, 12:37:53 AM »

Hey, we have a crowd!

Remember that Christmas is held on the darkest day (in our northern hemisphere),

to celebrate the return of the light, in whichever way you like to see it, so let us toast to that!   
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PuzzledMate

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« Reply #18 on: December 11, 2013, 04:04:28 PM »

Hey, we have a crowd!

Remember that Christmas is held on the darkest day (in our northern hemisphere),

to celebrate the return of the light
, in whichever way you like to see it, so let us toast to that!   

Jonie, exactly what it is!  I will be there since you put it that way.  This will be a way to celebrate ourselves and who we are as humans.  We don't need anything else but each other and being the strongest humans possible.

To new beginnings!
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santa
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« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2013, 04:54:39 PM »

I'll probably be there.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It's not going to be the same if Ironmanfalls doesn't join in though.
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Cardinals in Flight
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« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2013, 10:43:30 PM »

My 3rd Christmas here!     I'll be in and out too  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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isseeu
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« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2013, 11:03:33 PM »

I'll be there!  What a great idea.  And Ironmanfalls... .we want you with us.  and that's that.     
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Nearlybroken
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« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2013, 03:32:23 PM »

Ironmanfalls... .I think the best place for you to be is with people who you know you can trust,who will not judge and,most importantly know what you are going through.Christmas is a time for family and we are a family,albeit a cyber family from a range of backgrounds.I would like to say range of experiences  but that's not the case.We are all going to be mournful and depressed but why dont we all do it together.Please come IMF... .I have taken the day off work specially :-)NB.xxxx
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willtimeheal
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« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2013, 05:08:14 PM »

I am in
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RecycledNoMore
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« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2013, 08:18:44 PM »

ExuBPD did it because he knew it would hurt me, 2 days after we broke up, I called him, he asked " who is this", I said " its me R***", " who?"

Prick.
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willtimeheal
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« Reply #25 on: December 13, 2013, 03:32:40 PM »

Ironman,

We need you!
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TakingWingAtLast
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« Reply #26 on: December 25, 2013, 04:22:41 PM »

Merry Christmas.  Everyone.  Please be well.  We are all thinking of you whether you are down or up or somewhere in between.  We are here for you!

For me, better than expected!

So grateful to all you all for keeping me sane.  I swear you all actually did that for me.
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Ironmanrises
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« Reply #27 on: December 25, 2013, 04:33:14 PM »

Just for you guys, I have stayed on here today posting.   to all.
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Naddred369
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« Reply #28 on: December 25, 2013, 04:48:51 PM »

Yay!

Merry christmas ironman falls!

Welcome to the last refuge of the doomed!

Only joking. Glad your ok.

Hope and peace to all tonight!

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Perfidy
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« Reply #29 on: December 25, 2013, 04:58:55 PM »

Merry Christmas group
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