wonder what stage im at.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

me an dmy BPDgf has been broken up for about 65 months now. Im doing well. for a while was NC with her. In the past weeks I have been light contact. IM past the relationship and her contact with me cause very minimal hurt or pain anymore. Thanks to these boards, my T, my own common sense and the book stop wlaking on eggshells I see most everything she does for what it is. Most of her behaviors is like straight from a BPD play book or something. Its almost predictable. sometimes I still get sad and I do ponder on what she is up to and why did it have to be this way. and I sometimes feel bad like Im treating her bad by not being there for her. its like I cna feel her pain at times.

But the other day she came by my place of work, she works near by. She was very nice and pleasant. She had made some lunch and wanted me to eat with her. I agreed to. She said so we can talk. Which in the past has alwasy been loaded for just as soon as I told her my side of something or opposed her point of view she woudl rage and accuse me of always wantinig to argue. The lunch for the most part was pleasant, I still saw bits a piecese of her old self there. She wnated me to forgive her and she apoligized. I told her I accpeted her apology but fogivenss was along way away. and with out her telling me the truth and admitting things it was very hard for me to reach that point. She wasnt to just give a blanket Im sorry. and all is suppsoed to be well. She told me how she missed me and had been dating but she didnt find anybody that compared to me. complete BS as far as Im concerned. anyway it ended on fairly good terms. The next day I get a text from her accusing me of being involved with some other girl since we have been apart. Im like WTH. and accusing me of of a bunch of crap and then saying our relationship had so many double standards. which is what I always told her about our relationhsip. I brushed of her text with a smart remark. The next one was an aoplogy text. I ignored that one and just went on my business. Havent heard from her since. I guess what Im wanting to figure out was they her way of painting me black again. or just another form of manipulation? Not that it matters becasue Im moving on but it does intrigue me.

[mitchell16]

me an dmy BPDgf has been broken up for about 65 months now. Im doing well. for a while was NC with her. In the past weeks I have been light contact. IM past the relationship and her contact with me cause very minimal hurt or pain anymore. Thanks to these boards, my T, my own common sense and the book stop wlaking on eggshells I see most everything she does for what it is. Most of her behaviors is like straight from a BPD play book or something. Its almost predictable. sometimes I still get sad and I do ponder on what she is up to and why did it have to be this way. and I sometimes feel bad like Im treating her bad by not being there for her. its like I cna feel her pain at times.

But the other day she came by my place of work, she works near by. She was very nice and pleasant. She had made some lunch and wanted me to eat with her. I agreed to. She said so we can talk. Which in the past has alwasy been loaded for just as soon as I told her my side of something or opposed her point of view she woudl rage and accuse me of always wantinig to argue. The lunch for the most part was pleasant, I still saw bits a piecese of her old self there. She wnated me to forgive her and she apoligized. I told her I accpeted her apology but fogivenss was along way away. and with out her telling me the truth and admitting things it was very hard for me to reach that point. She wasnt to just give a blanket Im sorry. and all is suppsoed to be well. She told me how she missed me and had been dating but she didnt find anybody that compared to me. complete BS as far as Im concerned. anyway it ended on fairly good terms. The next day I get a text from her accusing me of being involved with some other girl since we have been apart. Im like WTH. and accusing me of of a bunch of crap and then saying our relationship had so many double standards. which is what I always told her about our relationhsip. I brushed of her text with a smart remark. The next one was an aoplogy text. I ignored that one and just went on my business. Havent heard from her since. I guess what Im wanting to figure out was they her way of painting me black again. or just another form of manipulation? Not that it matters becasue Im moving on but it does intrigue me.

[UnLuckyLady]

First of all, it sounds like you are at a fairly healthy stage... .but need to really stress NC.  Any form of contact such as what you have may only confuse you and set you back some.  You do not have to engage with her, and you shouldn't let guilt get in the way.

And I also believe that her engaging you is simply her not wanting to fully cut you loose. She probably has no idea what she wants. But the fact is:  you are holding the pair of scissors. 

Be well

ULL

[Turkish]

 She just had to tell you she was  dating... .  in an  attempt to further hurt you.  thanks for the story and the reminder never to meet mine for a similar lunch,  which knowing mine,  would include similar conversation.

Sounds like you are in a good place  mentally.  curiosity,  intellectual or otherwise is understandable,  but don't give her anymore openings.  She will never change.

[heartandwhole]

Havent heard from her since. I guess what Im wanting to figure out was they her way of painting me black again. or just another form of manipulation? Not that it matters becasue Im moving on but it does intrigue me.

Sounds like she got a bit emotionally dysregulated and acted on that, then maybe felt remorse for the blaming text and acted on that.  Could be some push-pull.

It sounds like the lunch apology was sincere.  Did that feel like closure for you? What stage do you think you are at, mitchell16?

[fromheeltoheal]

65 months?  Is that a typo?  That's over 5 years, and if you're still here talking to us and mentioning things like NC, painting black, manipulation, you're stuck, no other way to put it.  Don't know how old you are, but you weren't married, and I wonder what's really going on?

[mitchell16]

65 was a typo. NO we have been split up for 5 months. My bad. The computer I use has key board issues. Im in a very good place. I just was wondering of I had was for a few moments painted white and then a day later painted black. Im know Im in a good place becasue if I wasnt I would have been recycled during that lunch. I could tell she wanted me to chase her a little and validate her a bit but didnt budge. we had some pleasant conversation. No I dont beleive her apology was sincer, not at all. I think it was just a last ditch effort to get me to let my guard down. Nothing else had worked so she broke out the big guns. I told her i accpeted ehr apology BUt I dont forgive her nor will I ever I believe.

[mitchell16]

as far telling me about dating, yep. It was justa nother attempt to hurt me. Thats her MO. she will get me to talk to her underth epretense of us working it out or she needs to talk to e baout something important and thens he will casual tell me about how many guys want her or how she been out on dates but then she will say but I didnt want any of them but you, MItchell16. of course its just to get under my skin. she is sick