So who else was "lucky" enough to get a Christmas message?

[Waifed]

I don't think the two things are necessarily mutually exclusive... .they can be in another relationship yet still have the unresolved feelings - they just block them whilst they're with that person. My ex is now engaged to a new girl, yet when they were first together, she'd be emailing me loads, ranting, apologizing, being sweet, sentimental, being upset... .the works.  Of course, when her new gf was around, she was distracted, so I never heard from her at those times... .

That makes sense... .I was blocked when replacement 1 was around. He was around 5 months. I think I've been 6 weeks maybe more unblocked and another replacement is around.

I have a feeling my ex BPD is scared of me finding out. She percieves me as a threat maybe... .A threat to the replacements.

She knows me very well, as well as I know her. I have the feeling I am the only ex who has really unravelled her beyond the just "shes crazy"... .I have put the pieces together and found that she is disordered.

I think the threat of exposure might worry her... .and to be honest I can see why. I have some unhealthy traits myself. I am a bit ADD, very punishment resistant, fearless, and my narcissism can go beyond healthy at times if I truly believe something. At those times I can be "pig headed"... .I have questioned whether I am a narc/psychopath loads. And although there are some traits there, I love and empathize... .If I didn't empathise I wouldn't have worked this out, looked into myself, and I would have completely devalued and blamed her, and I am definitely not a narc. I hate praise, tend to keep a lot of my achievements quiet, and I am also in the top 2% of intellect, which is something only me, and ed psychologist, and now you know.

Whats unhealthy though, is I loved her so much partly because I found her fascinating and would never have grown tired of her, had we had healthy boundaries.

Pretty sure that if you think you are a narcissist, then you are not one.

[Spartan999]

  I am almost at the ONE YEAR demarcation of no contact,  the last of the special occasions to have such false expectations of validation will have passed once New Years eclipses... .  we were finished,  the last death roll, just after what seemed like a last hurrah last new years.    But yes, privately,  I was yearning to get a message or card at Christmas,  everyday I had hoped one of the cards in the mail would be her,   but felt deep nervousness at the thought at the same time.    No contact,  and I knew the ball could no longer be in my court.   3 unexpected random text/phone contacts by her within first six months ended each one in abrupt disconnect,  peeling off scab all three times... .after June, her birthday,  all contact has permanently ended.    I still yearn for it... .  Still healing.    The only regret is how solitary my life is,  and that amplifies the ruminations... .so I believe it will be a subconscious battle that is gonna haunt me for quite some time... .   I must say,  as normal as I am,  I'd never believe these dynamics of borderline existed had I not lived it and become affected it by it.   I call it the perfect storm.    No other girl every had the power to pull me in,  beat me up,  discard me,  and left me yearning for them ...   at least I understand the psychology at play, on both sides.       Damn, I wanted a simple text... .just ONE... .  and I believe this holiday was indeed the last hurrah of unhealthy HOPE.    Someone come smack me.   

[SicMDawgs]

I got nothing from him... .he comes and goes. I did not hear from him for 23 years.  The last year of my life with him back in it ( by text) has been hell. His sister even unfriended me on Facebook this morning... .she has made my life hell too. I should be happy to be rid of two very disorded people. Maybe I am upset at the venom she is spreading about me since I stopped texting her about her brother texting me and pulled back from the situation.

My husband is a saint to put with me after my last year with these two back in my life. I guess I should be thankful they are gone.

[vangirl60]

Spartan999- I hear you. I was kinda hoping I'd hear and then as soon as I did I realized he wasn't doing it out of the goodness of his heart. I think he was probably overwhelmed with feelings and looking for someone he could engage with and then paint black (triangulate). I'm glad I realized what was up this time. Previously I would have responded and eventually asked him how things were going, he would of said great and then made me feel bad by saying something mean. He probably doesn't want to be negative with the replacement so he's looking for someone to vent his frustrations out on. He's with a new woman and her whole family (about 8-10 months now) and I'm sure it was a challenge to hold it together all day.

Starlight607- Please remain NC! I didn't- I thought I could stay in contact and all it did was prolong the healing. It's really true what everyone here says- they are right! When they contact it is only to serve some purpose of their own, meet some need they have, it's never about us. NEVER. The faster and earlier you accept that the better off you'll be. I'm now resenting that I took so long to see this because I've wasted a lot of time when I could of been moving forward. It's taken soo long to move forward because of intermittent contact. I was with mine for 3 years and I've been out for 2 and it's just recently I'm beginning to make solid steps forward. I really see that his Merry Xmas : ) yesterday eve was merely he looking for a cat to kick. Mean son of a b…… really! I would guess he's trying to keep new replacement as saviour by having others to devalue/paint black. Well, I'm not going to be that person anymore! As soon as they pull you back in, even in the smallest way, you're shot at again.

And ya, they'll pull you back in when there's no solid replacement in hand. But don't kid yourself, they're definitely working on it- testing out various candidates/possibilities till they find one that fills the bill!

[Tincanmike]

I had made it clear to her not to contact me anymore, that I'm having a hard time moving on and that no contact would be the best for me. I told her if it's an emergency to leave a message.  About two weeks she texted me, "How ru doing?" I didn't reply.  Then on Christmas day I thought for sure that she would message me something. I don't get many messages on my phone.  Late in the day it came. "Merry xmas Mikey".  And for some reason, it just ticked me off royally!  To use a term of endearment while she's sitting in her new boyfriend's house that she moved into a week or so after proclaiming her "love" for him.  I really wanted to text her back the first time with "how the "f" do you think I'm doing?" and the one on Christmas I just wanted to tell her and her new boyfriend to go straight to hell.  I guess I've moved into the anger stage.  I guess it's better than the sad ruminating.  Merry xmas. Yeah, right.

[Starlight607]

Thanks  Vangirl60

I have taken on board your advice and will remain NC. That part of my life is over and like you still healing. Thank you for confirming what my head says. My heart does weaken but so far thank goodness it is losing!

[vangirl60]

Haha TinCanMike- that's EXACTLY how I felt yesterday when I got the text-angry! Here he is about to sit down to xmas dinner with replacement and her family and he sends text? F….You! God, I wonder how much that new chick and her family know…

[TakingWingAtLast]

Mine was:

Merry Christmas.  I truly hope we can be friend when your anger subsides

Just reengagement yet again.   NOT happening.

D

[Naddred369]

Just got mine.

"hope you had a nice christmas. All the best."

Now what do I do?

Was just gonna put "thanks"

Ive been through hell these last few days, so down its unreal.

What should I do?

HELP!

[Ironmanrises]

Naddred,

Do not reply. As much as you are aching to, do not reply.

[ucmeicu2]

i got one letter that covered Thanksgiving, Christmas, AND New Year's!  

icu2  

[TakingWingAtLast]

Just got mine.

"hope you had a nice christmas. All the best."

Now what do I do?

Was just gonna put "thanks"

Ive been through hell these last few days, so down its unreal.

What should I do?

HELP!

Naddred,

Do what you must!  Be free!

D

[happylogist]

Does New Year count? If yes, then I also got one.

He asks since a year passed can we start chatting again, he understands if I do not want to. Adds X at the end.

Nothing about him starting NC 6 months ago even after I asked him to stay in my life. It is a new year - so we can start again "chatting" - pretty neutral word given the situation I was in and him. 

Not sure whether it is worth replying or leaving like this. Maybe leaving better?

[strikeforce]

I got nothing from her at Christmas or New Year.

Woohoo!