How about revenge?

[Turkish]

 Yes... .  no. I  think if her now as my poor,  lost,  disordered D32,  despite what she did and continued to do.  her paramour, OTOH,  yes,  nothing illegal... .I  even thought about giving his name to the cops after we had our burglary... .  but nothing would come of it.  let it go.  let her go,  work on myself  and protecting our children,  the true innocents in all of this.

[Perfidy]

Perfidy... .now that's funny!  Did that actually happen to you?  I was trying to think of where I would even "hit him where it hurt"  and it would be his precious Mustang, his pick up truck or his stupid Harley... .  not that I would ever do any of this dumb stuff-can't blame a girl for imagination

    back atcha

Wow... Now I'm beginning to wonder... ! I have a roadking and a silverado... Umm...

[isseeu]

Wrong pick up truck Perfidy!  I was nervous for a minute too! 

[damage control]

perdy + isseeu need to get a room ... hehe

[Jonie]

Hee Isseeu, now there's a thought, slashing tyres... .! Could you come over and do his car as well? He's off to this Super-weekend we always shared together, hopefully on his own.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Guys, guys, this is not about my letter or my closure. Forget that please, I should not have mentioned that. It was just what got me thinking about this subject. I’ll rephrase my question:

You probably become angry with what your pwBPD has put you through. Did that ever give you any ideas on punishment, revenge or justice? It may be a wish to lash out to the one who hurt you, a whish to ‘get even’, but it may also be motivated by a wish for justice and honesty?

Without a doubt! human beings have an inherent need for justice when they are severely wronged and that sometimes can be misinterpreted as revenge. (Although I do have a lot of revenge fantasies)

And of course as everyone has said you can't do certain things HOWEVER... .I do not think there is anything wrong with telling him off for how he wronged you. To me it doesn't even matter if they twist it or misinterpret it. This is about you now. Will it help you heal? If yes do it. Frankly who cares what they think anymore! I don't.

For me telling my ex off by text since he vanished made a world of difference in allowing me to heal and disengage. The whole relationship was about how HE FELT! I never even really fought back. Never resorted to name calling or any of the stuff he did. It was my time to say how I felt. I'm glad I did it. He would have told everyone I was crazy either way! As lawyers in court say. I got it on the record! He wouldn't give me closure so I took it for myself.

Last time he left I was fairly polite and boy did I suffer for it for months. This time getting my say in made all the difference in the world. My recovery has been so much faster this time and I attribute it partially to that.

Plus. I believe they do hear it. Even when he doesn't respond I know from past experience he is reading and listening. They are just like kids who pretend they don't hear or understand because they just want to do what they want to do.

[Turkish]

Guys, guys, this is not about my letter or my closure. Forget that please, I should not have mentioned that. It was just what got me thinking about this subject. I’ll rephrase my question:

You probably become angry with what your pwBPD has put you through. Did that ever give you any ideas on punishment, revenge or justice? It may be a wish to lash out to the one who hurt you, a whish to ‘get even’, but it may also be motivated by a wish for justice and honesty?

Without a doubt! human beings have an inherent need for justice when they are severely wronged and that sometimes can be misinterpreted as revenge. (Although I do have a lot of revenge fantasies)

And of course as everyone has said you can't do certain things HOWEVER... .I do not think there is anything wrong with telling him off for how he wronged you. To me it doesn't even matter if they twist it or misinterpret it. This is about you now. Will it help you heal? If yes do it. Frankly who cares what they think anymore! I don't.

For me telling my ex off by text since he vanished made a world of difference in allowing me to heal and disengage. The whole relationship was about how HE FELT! I never even really fought back. Never resorted to name calling or any of the stuff he did. It was my time to say how I felt. I'm glad I did it. He would have told everyone I was crazy either way! As lawyers in court say. I got it on the record! He wouldn't give me closure so I took it for myself.

Last time he left I was fairly polite and boy did I suffer for it for months. This time getting my say in made all the difference in the world. My recovery has been so much faster this time and I attribute it partially to that.

Plus. I believe they do hear it. Even when he doesn't respond I know from past experience he is reading and listening. They are just like kids who pretend they don't hear or understand because they just want to do what they want to do.

the few times in recent months I've had a chance to have my day,  mine just puts her head down and is silent.  previously when we were together  she'd rise and argue.  this time it feels like scolding a small child. I  know she listens.  one,  it didn't make a difference,  two, I  get nothing it of it.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Guys, guys, this is not about my letter or my closure. Forget that please, I should not have mentioned that. It was just what got me thinking about this subject. I’ll rephrase my question:

You probably become angry with what your pwBPD has put you through. Did that ever give you any ideas on punishment, revenge or justice? It may be a wish to lash out to the one who hurt you, a whish to ‘get even’, but it may also be motivated by a wish for justice and honesty?

Without a doubt! human beings have an inherent need for justice when they are severely wronged and that sometimes can be misinterpreted as revenge. (Although I do have a lot of revenge fantasies)

And of course as everyone has said you can't do certain things HOWEVER... .I do not think there is anything wrong with telling him off for how he wronged you. To me it doesn't even matter if they twist it or misinterpret it. This is about you now. Will it help you heal? If yes do it. Frankly who cares what they think anymore! I don't.

For me telling my ex off by text since he vanished made a world of difference in allowing me to heal and disengage. The whole relationship was about how HE FELT! I never even really fought back. Never resorted to name calling or any of the stuff he did. It was my time to say how I felt. I'm glad I did it. He would have told everyone I was crazy either way! As lawyers in court say. I got it on the record! He wouldn't give me closure so I took it for myself.

Last time he left I was fairly polite and boy did I suffer for it for months. This time getting my say in made all the difference in the world. My recovery has been so much faster this time and I attribute it partially to that.

Plus. I believe they do hear it. Even when he doesn't respond I know from past experience he is reading and listening. They are just like kids who pretend they don't hear or understand because they just want to do what they want to do.

the few times in recent months I've had a chance to have my day,  mine just puts her head down and is silent.  previously when we were together  she'd rise and argue.  this time it feels like scolding a small child. I  know she listens.  one,  it didn't make a difference,  two, I  get nothing it of it.

Yea. Turkish I think your situation and any others here who still have to engage because they have children together are different. Your methods have to be different. Using the tools etc. for the sake of the children is necessary. I feel for you having to do that. You are doing a really good job from reading your posts. That takes a lot of restraint and I would take that approach too if we had kids together.

My situation is a different mindset. I'm not looking to get any results from him. I know that won't happen. I know I may sound harsh but I needed to build up my wall and harden myself almost like a cast so he can't damage what is healing. For some reason it has helped me to at least let him know I couldn't be manipulated anymore. In the least I think it let him know he can't reengage me anymore and that is worth it's weight in gold. If I didn't do that I guarantee he would still be coming back for more like in the past and I can't say I would have been strong enough to resist him because I did love him very much and part of me does feel sorry for him but I do think they know what they do.

I have never had the opportunity to say those things to him in person he would never have have sat and listened to anything I had to say like your did. He would be out the door for even the most minor disagreement. I always had to stuff my real feelings so I think this just gave me the voice that I never got to have. Even if it was from a one sided text.

When the time is right my cast will come off and I will be stronger and softer again. Although my toughness is only towards him thank God. I am not a vengeful person at all but boy do they bring out the absolute worst in a person.

[LilMissSunshine]

When someone is vicious towards you, the first thing you want is revenge.  It's a natural response. I think about it all the time and there are many ways I could hurt him.  The difference is whether or not you actually do it.  However, the thought of purposely hurting someone regardless of the reason, is something I don't have in me and can't act on.  In other words, I refuse to let him (indirectly) bring me down to his level.  I'll admit, I do enjoy the "fantasy" of it though.

[Johan]

When someone is vicious towards you, the first thing you want is revenge.  It's a natural response. I think about it all the time and there are many ways I could hurt him.  The difference is whether or not you actually do it.  However, the thought of purposely hurting someone regardless of the reason, is something I don't have in me and can't act on.  In other words, I refuse to let him (indirectly) bring me down to his level.  I'll admit, I do enjoy the "fantasy" of it though.

This!

I even have certain things could destroy her whole life and I just not that person. I'd let myself down but I really would love to sometimes. Just can't. Sometimes I wish I was like her with no consideration for others feelings.

[LilMissSunshine]

Johan    ... .no, no, no... .gotta pull you back in a bit... .don't EVER wish to be like her.  

I think it's normal to want to hurt someone that's hurt us.  We talk about it, admit our fantasies but (unlike them) don't actually take that next step.  We don't lower ourselves to their level. 

[Waifed]

Perfidy... .now that's funny!  :)id that actually happen to you?  I was trying to think of where I would even "hit him where it hurt"  and it would be his precious Mustang, his pick up truck or his stupid Harley... . not that I would ever do any of this dumb stuff-can't blame a girl for imagination

   back atcha

I have had more than one dream about painting on the passenger side of her car "I am a Cheating, Lying Slut".  I would pay a lot of money to watch her drive 30 minutes down the freeway with people staring at her.  

I guess I can't do it now that I posted on a social media site  

I did get my revenge doing something else, but I won't post it on here. I wouldn't have done it if I had it to do again, but I was pretty crazy a week after we were done. 

[damage control]

I did get my revenge doing something else, but I won't post it on here. I wouldn't have done it if I had it to do again, but I was pretty crazy a week after we were done. 

Awww ... c'mon ... .I confessed my crazy ...

[Waifed]

I did get my revenge doing something else, but I won't post it on here. I wouldn't have done it if I had it to do again, but I was pretty crazy a week after we were done.  

Awww ... c'mon ... .I confessed my crazy ...

Well, it involved graphic photos of the two of us and an email to the guy she cheated on me with.  I also explained to him how she had slept with her last 2 bosses and probably wouldn't keep her new job unless she slept with the new boss too. I then sent a follow up email about BPD.

[toomanytears]

Plus. I believe they do hear it. Even when he doesn't respond I know from past experience he is reading and listening. They are just like kids who pretend they don't hear or understand because they just want to do what they want to do.

Yes, I've had enough stuff quoted back at me to know this is spot on. They DO hear and it sometimes does get logged. What they then do with it is anyone's guess... .

But the main thing is, be true to yourself.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

One of my revenge fantasies is ( now let's be clear I would never act on it )that he is tied to a chair like in the movies and I get to interrogate him and he has to answer all the questions I have that are unresolved. I mean it was my relationship too! He has always wielded all the power and control by running out every time I disagreed or stated his views them shut me up. I never felt like I got the respect to have a final say. I don't know why but this is one of my biggest problems with closure.

I'd also like to do it to a couple of his family members who treated me poorly and gave him advice to break up with me because of course they believed everything he told them in smear campaigns. One of which I believe is a BPD queen!

That I think would give me great pleasure. Not too bad of a thing. Right? There are others too. nothing horrible just enough that he would feel some of the same pain he inflicted on me. I don't know but I think it is healthy to get those feelings out.

[Mutt]

Maybe it's the Christmas spirit  : i was wondering if you had any (serious) thoughts about revenge.

And did you do anything with it? Or did you do anything which you later realised was out of revenge?

I was angry at her and the replacement for the pain that they have caused me.

My revenge is focusing on the kids, moving past her and finding someone else.

My revenge on the replacement is the hell he's going to experience with the ex

[pecia]

Ah revenge. A couple years back- I caught him cheating on me again. I had texted the girl all day pretending to be him. By the time he got home from work, I was drunk and had contacted my emotional affair from several years ago (knowin that would hurt him). I brandished a gun around. I was a tad upset. Finally passed out. The next 3 months were hell. I tried to run away with my affair but couldn't do it (I actually love my h, even tho I frequently want to kill him). But in the interim- I said some pretty mean things to my husband - such as implying my affair was better than him in every way (his words twisting mine). In the end, I stopped the affair and stayed. I have not gone many days in the past 2 yrs without hearing about how horrible that was of me. And I feel bad about it (because I am not BPD). It wasn't in line with my values. He, on the other hand, hardly shows remorse for his countless physical affairs on me. My next revenge will be to leave and think of him no more. - pecia

[Pearl55]

Well pre planned LEAVING is the best revenge you can do to a borderline. Of course this revenge triggers theirs fear of abandonment for a short period because they are emotionally detached for years in long relationships but still is the best revenge. 

[TakingWingAtLast]

My ex stole $24,000 from me.  If I could exact revenge I would do it in a heartbeat.

[Cardinals in Flight]

I'm still goin with tire spikes, under all 4   

In all seriousness, I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around, no revenge necessary.

CiF

[TakingWingAtLast]

I know I probably shouldn't want revenge, but she has a $1,000,000 in the bank that she got from her ex husband.  Wasn't even hers in the first place.   She takes $24000 from me, hardly a drop to her, but for a middle class guy that lives paycheck to paycheck essentially, it's a lot of money to me.   It REALLY grates my soul.   

D

[Turkish]

I know I probably shouldn't want revenge, but she has a $1,000,000 in the bank that she got from her ex husband.  Wasn't even hers in the first place.   She takes $24000 from me, hardly a drop to her, but for a middle class guy that lives paycheck to paycheck essentially, it's a lot of money to me.   It REALLY grates my soul.   

D

There seems to be no justice when it comes to dealing with a BPD. I could add up a lot of money too. Including supporting her working part time for two years while she took classes, not to mention the nice suv  I bought her two weeks before she ended our r/s. Bad timing. We had to get rid of it anyway not long after. It was a fine vehicle too. What a waste over a BPD tantrum.

[santa]

The best revenge is living well. It's a cliche, but it's true. They want to make you miserable, so when they can't and your life goes well, they hate it.

I wouldn't mind if something bad happened to her, but it won't be because of me. I'm not doing battle with her any more. It's pointless and I'm tired of it.

[TakingWingAtLast]

Turkish,

I hear you!   But I can hope that what goes around DOES indeed come around... . It's been hard to let this one go.

David

[TakingWingAtLast]

The best revenge is living well. It's a cliche, but it's true. They want to make you miserable, so when they can't and your life goes well, they hate it.

I wouldn't mind if something bad happened to her, but it won't be because of me. I'm not doing battle with her any more. It's pointless and I'm tired of it.

Santa, you are right, of course.   I want justice!  That's not too much to ask is it?

D

[santa]

The best revenge is living well. It's a cliche, but it's true. They want to make you miserable, so when they can't and your life goes well, they hate it.

I wouldn't mind if something bad happened to her, but it won't be because of me. I'm not doing battle with her any more. It's pointless and I'm tired of it.

Santa, you are right, of course.   I want justice!  That's not too much to ask is it?

D

LOL

I'd love some justice too!

I'm sure there's a straight jacket out there somewhere with her name on it. It's only a matter of time. 

[TakingWingAtLast]

One can hope certainly!

d

[letmeout]

I'm glad I stumbled onto this topic first tonight. I come to the board to reaffirm myself and clear my thoughts by reading the posts.

Boy, I was wanting revenge tonight, but after reading I realize it wouldn't do no good. Two years divorced from my BPD ex and he still adheres to a smear campaign.

I ran into an acquaintance tonight who said her son had just met my nephew, and he asked if we were related since we have the same unusual surname.

My ex's nephew then repeats the horrible lies and stories that my ex tells everyone about me, and he tells the stories so much that he convinces people that they must be true. I hear them from people I barely know, or have newly met but these stories are outright lies.

Forcryingoutloud... .does the smear champagne ever ever end?

Why is he still beating a dead horse after all this time.

I've got to ignore it because I can't change it. Even if I sued him for slander it wouldn't be worth going anywhere near him again.