email from my ex says "?"

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Why are u saying this Waifed? It's like we're around the campfire telling Kaiser Sose stories!

[arn131arn]

Why are u saying this Waifed? It's like we're around the campfire telling Kaiser Sose stories!

[Turkish]

This is what scares the devil out of me! Pretty, I always read ur threads, and I too, think my ex has painted me black forever. How long have u been NC? Maybe I this P can put me on some BPD steroids for the next few months, huh? Hang in there, girl. U da woo-MAN!

Wrong my friend. You have definitely not heard the last from yours. Just prepare yourself for the moment it comes. It will likely be out of the blue.

I  looked up borderline Casanova complex based  on something someone said here yesterday.  I'm pretty sure that's what's mine's got,  down to the " forbidden fruit"  Chase and the stupid nicknames/ personas  they put out as well as making themselves out to be spiritual gurus working  on themselves and being wise ( in their minds),  and borderline waifs  can be attracted to them.  yes,  the odds of a recycle attempt increase... .   seeing me several times a week might lessen that chance though.

[Hellothere]

Yep my BPD ex tried to contact me at 2 in the morn a few days ago. Just one missed call and a text to say sorry for the call, although when I woke up in the morn for work I accidently called the number (as I have deleted every trace of her) and then hung as I realised I was calling them, and then she rang me straight back! Ha no accident, so compltetly seethru- she's done exactly what she intended to tho, got me thinking about her.

At least I didn't reply after I asked who the person who rang me was ans she replied it was her, so hopefully got the message. Anyone got any advice for me? Such a cruel game to be played with my heart after I've already dealt with so much at a young age  

[Pretty Woman]

Hello There,

    Ignore it. But I do advise removing all info from your phone and blocking her if you can.

It's hard, it sucks. We know. 

[Pretty Woman]

Arn,

  Our last contact was via email where she blocked me after I told her she was incapable of love... . and I had talked to her ex.

She proceeded to accuse me of talking to all her exes which I did not do.

Our last contact was November 20th. She sent that ridiculous email two months to the exact day and then unblocked me on Facebook a day later. Now she has added more mutual friends.

I am not sure what is happening. The curious side of me finds this facinating and now that I know about BPD I am spotting signs/patterns.

I actually have a call in to my therapist that is world renowned in BPD and treating both them and nons that have been affected. I am thinking she will say to block her, I just want some advice since I am afraid my blocking her now will only perpetuate things.  I'll update once I am advised.

[growing_wings]

UPDATE: I have now been unblocked on Facebook. Was on a mutual friend's page and can see her info.

This is in less than 24hrs since the "accidental" emails.

See. Patterns. Ironman, not that I doubted you but wow.

Waiting for the text to be next and then showing up on my doorstep.

tahnks ironman and PW... . this helps me... . arrggh challenges

PW... are you prepared for when she "shows up" at your doorstep?

[Pretty Woman]

Growing Wings,

     I guess I will take it as it comes.  She has such a lack of boundaries I am sure I will see her somewhere. She knows my schedule and she knows I am planning a huge Superbowl Party for a meetup group with 800 lesbians. I can't ban her from that. If she wants to appear she will.

I have the support of my friends and the new girl I am dating. I am not worried. If she shows up at my house I will not answer the door. It's that simple. If she persists I will call the police.

This is a woman that threatened a restraining order on me last year. How dare she bully me into giving her any more of my precious time and energy.

She is a waste of space.

[Pretty Woman]

UPDATE: Spoke to my therapist and I blocked the ex five minutes ago. She said it sends a clear message I am not playing the game with her and if she is craving the drama she needs to find a new victim. 

I blocked her but after seeing she added about 4 mutual friends to her Facebook arsenal. Not sure what she is thinking. Don't care anymore.

[Ironmanrises]

UPDATE: Spoke to my therapist and I blocked the ex five minutes ago. She said it sends a clear message I am not playing the game with her and if she is craving the drama she needs to find a new victim. 

I blocked her but after seeing she added about 4 mutual friends to her Facebook arsenal. Not sure what she is thinking. Don't care anymore.

She is escalating her attempts by adding those people. She may very well ask directly/indirectly those mutual friends information on you.

[Pretty Woman]

Ironman,

   You are correct, my friend.

The thing is this... . I plan events in my spare time for area groups. This is how I met her. She hated how I planned so much but now she sees all the friends I have that used to be hers too. We all hang out and have fun. Every 2nd Weds there is a bar by me that does $5 buckets... .

yes $1 beers! and 1/2 price appetizers. It is not uncommon for me to get 20-25 people together for a night out. So now she is out of her funk and there is no one around. No one calling her to do anything. She has one friend and I am the one who put our plans together.

I am not sure how she will react to the blocking. My therapist thinks it sends a clear message. She just is not one for any boundaries so I have no idea what to expect... . that crazy scene from "Say Anything" or she might boil a rabbit and leave it on my doorstep "Fatal Attraction" style. Who knows. Just being cautious and keeping close friends and family in the loop.

[Ironmanrises]

Ironman,

   You are correct, my friend.

The thing is this... . I plan events in my spare time for area groups. This is how I met her. She hated how I planned so much but now she sees all the friends I have that used to be hers too. We all hang out and have fun. Every 2nd Weds there is a bar by me that does $5 buckets... .

yes $1 beers! and 1/2 price appetizers. It is not uncommon for me to get 20-25 people together for a night out. So now she is out of her funk and there is no one around. No one calling her to do anything. She has one friend and I am the one who put our plans together.

I am not sure how she will react to the blocking. My therapist thinks it sends a clear message. She just is not one for any boundaries so I have no idea what to expect... . that crazy scene from "Say Anything" or she might boil a rabbit and leave it on my doorstep "Fatal Attraction" style. Who knows. Just being cautious and keeping close friends and family in the loop.

She is looking for narcissistic supply. You have literally supplied that for her in all those recycles. It takes a lot of work to get it elsewhere, so in her mind, what better and easier way to obtain that, then by returning to Pretty woman who has given me that so many times. I know it sounds dastardly and heinous, but that is the unfortunate reality behind that. Keep us updated. 

[Pretty Woman]

Ironman,

  Will do.  Here's hoping I won't have anything to update... .

although realistically you will prob hear from me again... .

[delusionalxox]

Oh PrettyWoman this is funny... . in that awful black-comedy world of BPD... .

You may know by now from my frequent stories that ex dumped me to move in with another woman he had been dating a month while still keeping me dangling and abjectly paying for everything. I got the same treatment, total silence, blocking, 'I will never reply to you again, you are sick, you need help' blah blah blah.

What made me laugh re your ex was the TOTAL similarity of approach to 'fishing'... . ex's first email three months after disappearing was 'hi'... . just hi. Pathetic.

The next one pretended to offer an explanation for his disappearance... . neglecting to mention the other girlfriend, whom I found out about on Facebook shortly after :D

Ex deleted me from FB years ago because I am a 'dangerous stalker' (projection anyone?). In fact it was to conceal his affair(s) etc. Very convenient.

I am currently blocked on everything having offered a calm and forgiving attempt at closure. He didn't like that much :D The last email graciously forgave me for all my evil acts and said that 'we will be great friends in a few years'... . my ass.

I have had the 'NEVER EVER AGAIN' messages so many times too... . he might well be back in touch in three months, three years or never. God knows. And the only way is to block him because he is poison.

[Pretty Woman]

Delusional,

   Hell I can relate. This last time I got dumped after a weekend where I felt bad. She said we should see other people.  I knew immediately who this other person was.

Same day I saw a gas receipt to this chicks house.  She had her all lined up.  Caught my ex in so much garbage.  If you read my posts from November you will see how I caught the other woman in a lie.  This woman was friends with both of us (I thought). She even had the audacity to throw me a birthday party a week after my ex dumped me. At that time I was suspect but had no proof. 

Over the holidays the other woman's mother died.  My ex cannot cope with another's stress and leaves you when you need someone the most. All of a sudden I see her on match describing all the qualities I have.  She even checked out my profile.  I immediately posted I was taking a break and found my match (I am dating someone) and haven't checked match for over three weeks. 

I know this peaked her curiosity and I am sure me not caring is driving her mad.  I really don't want that but to be honest don't care.

[delusionalxox]

Pretty, your ex sounds a lot like a female version of mine :D Yeah, when he had started sleeping with this woman I started getting a lot of sexual fantasy email and texts about threesomes... . he neglected to tell me who the third person in his fantasy was... .  

Yeah I read all your posts and related all the way. My ex has a similar 'romantic' history if you can call it romantic... . 150 odd women slept with, constant hunting for new prey. All girlfriends left him cos he is a nightmare despite being bloody gorgeous, sexy and on the surface very sensitive and caring. All except one idealised one are awful, faithless bhites (according to him, of course).

I win the bhit prize, I am a dangerous, money-obsessed stalker psychopath apparently :D Odd that, as he spent the last three months begging me to come back to him :D

She will TOTALLY be jealous of your new relationship. It will drive her nuts, she wants the control and the option to have you back without having to make any effort. I told ex I was seeing someone else and he went NUTS and started pursuing me much harder. It was when I finally outright refused even his offer of sex that he got nasty again and blocked me FOREVER. LOL.

He may well be back in a few months or years or whatever. He can stick it!  

Thats so sad re the bereavement and how vile she was. God, they are all the same. Ex described with great bitterness how awful it had been FOR HIM when his ex lost her brother, in his 20s, when she was only 20 herself. Eerily enough he had taken all the deceased brothers old clothes and wore them quite a lot... . that made me quite queasy, as he was always broke and trying to take what he could. He also told me another chilling story, that he had had her mastercard number and used it 'for revenge' after they split up... . but of course she was the 'bhit'.

Recently of course, he admitted to me he 'still  had feelings' for her. What a freakshow this lot really are.

[Moonie75]

I'm starting to form the opinion that, in our efforts to get the message over that we're truly done, they get that 'thrill of the chase' feeling? Like at the very beginning?

It's almost like our efforts to get em to well & truly ___ off, forever, be gone etc etc, makes them think we're playing hard to get & it turns them on? Possibly making us even more desired & fuelling their idealisation again?

For the 'Non' it's loose loose loose all the way! When you want them they ignore you & hurt you! And later down the line when you just want em to ___ off for ever, they decide we're 'The Second Coming of Christ!

Bewildering & SO FRUSTRATING!  The more you signal the last sequel ended & no more being made, the more they turn to the beginning! You want it all to go away after years of abuse for falling from grace. You came off your pedestal & they battered you in every way conceivable for trying to get back!

Then once you fecking hate the thought of being worshipped by a mentally ill person, out comes the pedestal & you're nailed to it!

I'm going to end up as mental as my ex! I know it!

[arn131arn]

Growing Wings,

     I guess I will take it as it comes.  She has such a lack of boundaries I am sure I will see her somewhere. She knows my schedule and she knows I am planning a huge Superbowl Party for a meetup group with 800 lesbians. I can't ban her from that. If she wants to appear she will.

I have the support of my friends and the new girl I am dating. I am not worried. If she shows up at my house I will not answer the door. It's that simple. If she persists I will call the police.

This is a woman that threatened a restraining order on me last year. How dare she bully me into giving her any more of my precious time and energy.

She is a waste of space.

HOLY CRAP, PW... . Can I come?  Pretty pretty please, pretty woman?

[Pretty Woman]

Lol Arn, I should add a majority of these women are pretty butch. I think you are out of their league . 

[arn131arn]

Yeah, just interested in the ones with lipstick and long hair, but the butch ones tip great! Lol. Take care

[Pretty Woman]

Arn, forgot you were a bartender. That's funny!

[Pretty Woman]

Day two since I blocked her and I have mixed emotions.  I know deep down this is a game and any reply from me only sets me up for more hurt. At the same time I still care about this person who has "0" care for me. I am wondering at what point I will get past this part.

I do admit had she emailed me a few weeks into leaving me to "date others" I would have bent and replied. Now a few months out and a few $1000 worth of counseling sessions it's made it easier.

I want to read her mind but I can't and thinking I can is just my narcissism talking.

[Ironmanrises]

Even if you could read her mind, you would be reading a hailstorm of contradictory messages interlaced with contrasting realities weaving in abd out and morphing to fit the image her brain is receiving through the lens she is currently looking at you through. It would drive you to madness and leave you with sadness as you would be left without words trying to translate and make sense of that.

[Turkish]

Even if you could read her mind, you would be reading a hailstorm of contradictory messages interlaced with contrasting realities weaving in abd out and morphing to fit the image her brain is receiving through the lens she is currently looking at you through. It would drive you to madness and leave you with sadness as you would be left without words trying to translate and make sense of that.

Having read quite a few things mine has written, I can attest to that, despite her high functioning exterior.

[arn131arn]

Even if you could read her mind, you would be reading a hailstorm of contradictory messages interlaced with contrasting realities weaving in abd out and morphing to fit the image her brain is receiving through the lens she is currently looking at you through. It would drive you to madness and leave you with sadness as you would be left without words trying to translate and make sense of that.

Exactly!

Like a fish who gains speed, jumps out of the water.  Sees the world.  The trees, the sun, the beaches, people, buildings, automobiles, birds.

Then the fish that jumped out of the water goes to his other fish friends to tries to explain to them what he just saw; but he cannot.  The fish, himself, has no idea what he just saw.

[Pretty Woman]

All points well taken. I am just frustrated. It's like she knows that one little email "mistake" would gnaw at me.  It IS but I am not biting. I am glad I blocked her. I am sort of hoping she dates someone in the community. It is so small. Last I was on match.com more that 1/2 the lesbians I know were on there. We were winking at each other as a joke.  I sort of want to see her f up with someone else so I don't look crazy. . She is known for moving a lot, probably because she out wears her welcome after awhile dating everyone in the area and being an ass. Best thing would be if she eventually moved. A girl can only hope.

[growing_wings]

At the same time I still care about this person who has "0" care for me. I am wondering at what point I will get past this part.

sighh... . PW... . i am in the same boat as you are...   is good to see i am not the only one

Ironman and others say nothing but the truth. i wish it could be easier to digest.

stay strong! and keep us posted.

i know i will face the same dilema as you are facing now sooner or later. and in true honesty, i dont know how I will react.  In my view, blocking etc is the right direction, but does not mean is the easy one.

[Pretty Woman]

None of this sits well with me anymore. Someone just dropped me like a piece of shyt and now wants to bother me. Really? After telling me they will never speak to me again and I betrayed them.

I am sick to my stomach. Physically ill. She is dating people, still talking with the person she left me for and has the audacity of trying to still haunt me.

At this moment I am actually angry. My therapist likes it when I am angry. I am just angry and dissapointed I meant nothing to this person other than the fact they needed someone to hurt and dump on.

[Ironmanrises]

None of this sits well with me anymore. Someone just dropped me like a piece of shyt and now wants to bother me. Really? After telling me they will never speak to me again and I betrayed them.

I am sick to my stomach. Physically ill. She is dating people, still talking with the person she left me for and has the audacity of trying to still haunt me.

At this moment I am actually angry. My therapist likes it when I am angry. I am just angry and dissapointed I meant nothing to this person other than the fact they needed someone to hurt and dump on.

I felt the same when my Medusa returned in round 2. The same dropping me like a piece of sh¥t. And now, after being dropped like a mountain of sh¥t when she left me again at end of round 2, it only makes me wonder what nonsense she would literally tell me when she makes her reappearance on x day in future. I totally understand your anger. 

[willtimeheal]

At this moment I am actually angry.

Good!  Angry is a step in the right direction. The direction towards healing. One that will keep you focused and in control.

[Turkish]

At this moment I am actually angry.

Good!  Angry is a step in the right direction. The direction towards healing. One that will keep you focused and in control.

My T loved it when I finally got angry, too. He actually gave me a mini-lecture on anger. I wish I had taken notes, as it was darn good. Anger is a manifestation of pain. Manifesting it is the first step in letting it go. Unless you're a BPD, and then you're always angry :^\