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Author Topic: email from my ex says "?"  (Read 5073 times)
delusionalxox
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 352



« Reply #60 on: January 25, 2014, 09:51:30 AM »

Audacity, yes PrettyWoman that's quite the word.

I felt it was actually part of the dehumanisation and devaluation... . to be b*tched at, gaslit, dropped, ignored at my lowest ebb when I really needed him, then picked up again by a f***ed up freak who is STILL lying his head off... . and then has the further audacity to blame me for his lies, when I find out... . I really must have been nothing but a sort of avatar to him... . some actress in his own surreal drama. The one in his head, where I don't want to be any more.

Keep strong and ignore her. xx
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Notthesame64
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 87



« Reply #61 on: January 25, 2014, 10:35:40 AM »

My exBPD has learned to play on my caring personality.  6 months ago he texted me saying his father died.  The recycle trap worked.  I responded with sympathy. Stupid me,  after my gut feeling of being lied to I did my own investigation.  It was a lie... . my gut feeling was right.  After confronting his lie, he stated he wanted to intentionally hurt me... after 6 months of no contact?  Why?

Anyways, a week ago I got another text... my father has emphysema and the found a lung nodule... most likely he has lung cancer.  What?  .   I'm weak and I responded, only to endure another week of textes bantering back and forth about his self loathing, accusations and how mean I am for leaving him... . he did it again! He reeled me in to his twisted insanity to once again take his abusiveness.  When I respond and defend myself... I'm accused of having to have the last word... even though he's the one that has the last word, because he just wrote "you have to have the last word and I don't respond"   . It's a game! A narcissistic supply that I keep feeding.  So I realize this now and I HAVE to not respond... even though I know another lie, another fishing trip is on it's way... it's just a matter of time.
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growing_wings
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 529



« Reply #62 on: January 25, 2014, 11:01:26 AM »

My exBPD has learned to play on my caring personality.  6 months ago he texted me saying his father died.  The recycle trap worked.  I responded with sympathy. Stupid me,  after my gut feeling of being lied to I did my own investigation.  It was a lie... . my gut feeling was right.  After confronting his lie, he stated he wanted to intentionally hurt me... after 6 months of no contact?  Why?

Anyways, a week ago I got another text... my father has emphysema and the found a lung nodule... most likely he has lung cancer.  What?  .   I'm weak and I responded, only to endure another week of textes bantering back and forth about his self loathing, accusations and how mean I am for leaving him... . he did it again! He reeled me in to his twisted insanity to once again take his abusiveness.  When I respond and defend myself... I'm accused of having to have the last word... even though he's the one that has the last word, because he just wrote "you have to have the last word and I don't respond"   . It's a game! A narcissistic supply that I keep feeding.  So I realize this now and I HAVE to not respond... even though I know another lie, another fishing trip is on it's way... it's just a matter of time.

i relate to this alot. I get a first text that is sweet in nature, i reply with a short message to then receive 2 - 3 texts that devalue me once again. i dont respond to those anymore. i fall in the trap as you do.
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Notthesame64
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Posts: 87



« Reply #63 on: January 25, 2014, 11:21:42 AM »

Growing_wing,

What baffles me the most is how they can switch from nice to nasty within a text.  When he devalues me, I go into defense mode.  I guess because he's very good at blame and deviating his portion of responsibility on me.   Something I'm starting to see and has been a game changer for me is, he's an extremely unhappy man who has very low self esteem who has to project that negativity and unhappiness on me to feel superior.  He views me as strong successful woman that has left him in misery.  He's not close with his family, he has very few friends and he will insult anyone that he deems unworthy or being a lowlife.  I will never understand his world, but I do understand I have a choice to live in it or not.  I've been working on not.
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Pretty Woman
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1682


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #64 on: January 25, 2014, 11:49:38 AM »

Mine would always dump me when I was sad about something.  I guess she thought I was going to dump her first or perceived my sadness as rejection. 

What kills me is when she'd leave she'd tell me all these reasons why... . things she never told me in the relationship. 

If I told her this or tried to talk she would shut down and totally ignore me. If I pressed further she would block all forms of communication. 

I've had nightmares about her the last two nights.  It's been hard.  Clearly the emails brought back some PTSD in me. 

I know she sent them on purpose.  If she didn't she was clearly searching for old emails from me because this was from Jan 2013.  The fact she in blocked me on FB a day after getting no response is a clear sign she is wondering why I didn't bite.  She is actively on a dating site.  I really hope she finds someone soon.  The gay community is small and since I plan events I know a ton of people.  Not that I would wish crazy on anyone but I hope someone else gets to deal with this. 

Again, I know not nice but I'm feeling today. 
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growing_wings
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 529



« Reply #65 on: January 25, 2014, 11:53:41 AM »

Growing_wing,

What baffles me the most is how they can switch from nice to nasty within a text.  When he devalues me, I go into defense mode.  I guess because he's very good at blame and deviating his portion of responsibility on me.   Something I'm starting to see and has been a game changer for me is, he's an extremely unhappy man who has very low self esteem who has to project that negativity and unhappiness on me to feel superior.  He views me as strong successful woman that has left him in misery.  He's not close with his family, he has very few friends and he will insult anyone that he deems unworthy or being a lowlife.  I will never understand his world, but I do understand I have a choice to live in it or not.  I've been working on not.

Notthesame... . yes, they flip within minutes (In my experience). i think they KNOW how to get you, for me, it seems like she knows waht to say to get a reaction from me...   sometimes i respond if i get a nice message (still cant be doing NC arrggghh) but the minute she gets nasty, i dont respond anymore. i disengage from the message, but i agree, it still gets me (same as you). you have good coping technique indeed, but i think is best to do what others soo recommend: We should not answer to them at all, NC Smiling (click to insert in post) (i am working to get there)
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Notthesame64
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 87



« Reply #66 on: January 25, 2014, 01:56:20 PM »

Excerpt
We should not answer to them at all, NC (i am working to get there)

I've been trying to do that forever it seems... but after his last lie of his fathers death, my whole perception of him has shifted and the NC is getting to be easier as time passes.
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Lol4fun
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 78


« Reply #67 on: January 25, 2014, 02:01:07 PM »

Pretty Woman tried to send you a message but it says your inbox is full
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