Crossed boundaries and rage

[dillan6241]

So my exBPDgf of five years brobroke up with me over a month ago. It really hurts at first and it still does now especially since I suffer frfrom anxiety. I was gone on business for a week and she broke up with me via text claiming I'm a great guy but after five years ans telling me she wants to get married and have a family, says she doesn't want that and wants to expierence life and party without regret or being judge and not being committed... . wanwants to be alone.

So she moves out EVERYRHING by the time I come back. After she moves out and I'm still gone she has a party at my house. I get so angry but she lies at first says it didn't happen but then says well we shared the house even though I owned the lease. Whatever... . I change the locks and she gets so ANGRY because her cat is still there and she has no place to bring the cat because she's bouncing from place tp plave. I tell her ill take care of the cat and we end it there, but after I hear of the things she's doing with other guys only two weeks after thr breakup I can't deal and demand that I need to move on and grt the cat out. So i tell her its outside on theporch in a box along with th rest of her stuff.  She gets rhe MOST ANGRTY IVE EVER SEEN HER and says youre not a friend calls me nasty names and she is forced to grt an apartment since she had no place for it ... .

I just don't get it and I feel ao bad about this. I never forced her to move out I never demanded it... . she did it on her own but expexted me to watch her cat. She couldnt talk to me because she said she needed to move on ... . but yet your cat is here?  She picked it up so were done ... . haven't talked in a while. Why so I feel bad about this? I don't understand her and how she could hurt me so much and just ... . what does anyoke think?

[dillan6241]

Also after the bu and her moving out she had asked what to do with the cat ... . she still had a key before I changed the locks because I wasn't staying there and said shed go to the house when I was gone and feed it and litter so I wouldn't hsve to worry about it . I mean its MY house I don't get it she has no underatanding of boundaries. She should habe taken the cst when she moved out . The hurt is so one sided its so bizzarre I'd understand I hurt someone if I bu with them and give them epace ... . not go to their house and feed their cst on a daily basis!

[Want2know]

Sorry you are going through this - it's not easy.  

Regarding the cat... . it seems that you realized she didn't have a place for it, however you are blaming her for leaving you to take care of it.  Put the cat aside, for a moment.  It's not about the cat, really.

I could see where you may be thinking that she's leaving her cat to fend for itself, as she is leaving you, too.  That hurts.  

Why do you think you feel bad about it?

[Turkish]

 Maybe the cat was left as an attachment  avatar.  you abandoned it,  thus triggering her core abandonment wound further.  The fact that she abandoned you first doesn't compute with the disorder.

[AwakenedOne]

After she moves out and I'm still gone she has a party at my house.

Maybe she should of spent the time finding the cat a home instead of having a party at your house.

[willy45]

Dude. You should absolutely not feel bad. At all. What does should she expect? She left. Went to party around town and sticks you with the cat? That's nuts. You absolutely did the right thing. You don't need that thing in your life walking around like a constant reminder of her and a constant fear that she is one day going to have to come and get it. Forget that. If she wants to act like that, she needs to deal with the consequences and the responsibility.

Good for you for what you did. That is awesome. A good start in creating new boundaries.