Grieving Process

[ts919]

So I've been spending some time in the Lessons and I've discovered that I'm currently in the "Withdrawal" stage of the abandonment cycle as well as the "Bargaining" stage of Grieving.  I divorced my exuBPDw about a month ago and she had only moved out 2 weeks prior to the divorce - so it all happened very quickly.  2 years of craziness, a few months of super awkward living, lots of lag time... . and then BOOM, she's moved out and our divorce is final. Keep in mind, I filed, I "wanted" the divorce... . but then in the aftermath I've done nothing but second guess myself, feel sick, cry... . wow.  I feel like a walking train wreck. 

Where are you guys in the stages?

[woodsposse]

 

Well, since you asked - I'm totally 100% complete and out and happier than I have ever been.  The stress levels have decreased to basically none.  As well as having come here and learing about the disorder, it helped me finally integrate my FOO issues and understand why I would subject myself to r/s with any abusive person.

My happiness isn't because I'm no longer attached to my ex... . but because I am happy with who I am as well as understand that a lot of the self doubt was an illusion brought about by my childhood issues (which carried into my adult life).

All that is to say this - I worked very hard to make the detachment work as well as understand who/what I am in the process as well.

I hope you get to that point because your happiness starts and ends with you, as well.

[going places]

So I've been spending some time in the Lessons and I've discovered that I'm currently in the "Withdrawal" stage of the abandonment cycle as well as the "Bargaining" stage of Grieving.  I divorced my exuBPDw about a month ago and she had only moved out 2 weeks prior to the divorce - so it all happened very quickly.  2 years of craziness, a few months of super awkward living, lots of lag time... . and then BOOM, she's moved out and our divorce is final. Keep in mind, I filed, I "wanted" the divorce... . but then in the aftermath I've done nothing but second guess myself, feel sick, cry... . wow.  I feel like a walking train wreck. 

Where are you guys in the stages?

Where are the "Lessons"?

[Mutt]

Where are the "Lessons"?

Look at the sidebar to the right of the board.

[thinkingthinking]

Keep in mind, I filed, I "wanted" the divorce... . but then in the aftermath I've done nothing but second guess myself, feel sick, cry... . wow.  I feel like a walking train wreck. 

Right with you.  I was so preoccupied over the past year with the divorce, selling the house, moving, resettling kids, etc. that I was just plowing through.  Now the chaos is gone, and I'm second guessing everything.  My mind knows it was the right thing to do, but I'm heartsick and struggling.  I just have to keep believing that time will heal.

[Popcorn71]

I was so preoccupied over the past year with the divorce, selling the house, moving, resettling kids, etc. that I was just plowing through.  Now the chaos is gone, and I'm second guessing everything.  My mind knows it was the right thing to do, but I'm heartsick and struggling.  I just have to keep believing that time will heal.

I think this may be true for so many of us.  Things have been chaotic for me during the past few months and now it is fairly quiet, I am feeling more alone than ever.  I have been struggling with NC and thoughts of the past quite a bit lately.

It seems to be that while we have a lot to deal with we don't have time to think and process our feelings properly.  Then suddenly, just when we expect to be feeling better, it all hits us again and we feel worse than before.

I hope time does heal and I hope that time comes soon.  I hate feeling like this.

[Jb101]

I've been silly enough to second guess a million times...

I'm a mess, want her back do badly despite the pain.

I want to reach out, but she told me not to contact. Spoke yesterday, I ended up crying... .

Half way through the day at work and all I can do is hang on right and hope the day ends soon. Was near to sobbing at my desk earlier...