It's wrong to warn future date of what I know right?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

She's met this new guy, who is completely in love with her, actually it makes me feel better on some level because he seems like a good guy with a rocky past(npd mom), he's already going down hill fast. I just would like to give him some insight, this sight really, she's ended up bad mouthing me(surprise, surprise) and I'm sure his views on me are already warped but that doesnt matter to me. I promised her I wouldn't out of respect for her, and her privacy, but I really other then I'm very much someone who keeps my word, what respect I have for her doesn't even come close to the crap I've been through with her, is it really that wrong to slip a note under the door so to speak?... all I want is for him to have  an outlet  which was something I never had, so that maybe he stands a chance, maybe they both will, because he's very over sensitive and the second last guy she was with killed himself... so I'm afraid for him. But on the other hand I hope it all works out for the both of them, though she's still a BPD so I guess it'll never work in her favour in the long run, one or both of them will lose.

[qwaszx]

She's met this new guy, who is completely in love with her, actually it makes me feel better on some level because he seems like a good guy with a rocky past(npd mom), he's already going down hill fast. I just would like to give him some insight, this sight really, she's ended up bad mouthing me(surprise, surprise) and I'm sure his views on me are already warped but that doesnt matter to me. I promised her I wouldn't out of respect for her, and her privacy, but I really other then I'm very much someone who keeps my word, what respect I have for her doesn't even come close to the crap I've been through with her, is it really that wrong to slip a note under the door so to speak?... all I want is for him to have  an outlet  which was something I never had, so that maybe he stands a chance, maybe they both will, because he's very over sensitive and the second last guy she was with killed himself... so I'm afraid for him. But on the other hand I hope it all works out for the both of them, though she's still a BPD so I guess it'll never work in her favour in the long run, one or both of them will lose.

[LuckyNicki]

I would just stay out of it if i were you.  I'm in a similar boat as my ex is now with this guy and I used to be his sister's friend. 

I don't know him but I know his sister.   

Doing something like that will potentially just cause more drama for you.  You may be regarded as a "hater" etc.   It's usually a lose-lose situation.   

Let it be in God's hands.   

[Mutt]

You may be regarded as a "hater" etc.

3 people makes a triangle and you could be persecutor.

You know her history and the pitfalls and I can see you care and would like to help and warn him. That shows that you are a compassionate person.

If anyone in my family or a friend said anything about my wife, I would of resented it and told them it's none of their business. I wouldn't of listened. I was in FOG and couldn't see the forest for the trees, no matter how meaningful someone outside of the r/s is. My ex and her boyfriend's committed relationship is none of my business. No one knows how the relationship will unfold, maybe this new person will leave before things get out of hand.

It's their path and he has to discover the road ahead on his own. If he didn't heed the  ', it was his choice.

[qwaszx]

Ya, it's best left unsaid, I just hope he reaches the point where he's ready to start looking for out let's for himself faster then I did. Guess he's there for a reason, I was. honestly nothing anyone could have said would have pulled me out any faster, I was something I needed to do. But I still feel for the both of them.

[arjay]

I wrote all kinds of letters during my detaching phase.  I just never sent them.  I kept my dignity and self-respect.  In the long run you will glad you didn't.

Peace

[Narellan]

I agree with the other replies. Stay away from it. In my experience with my BPD ex my family all knew of him as a "weirdo" due to a brain injury he sustained in a car accident 30 years ago. I knew this too. But I fell for him anyway. My family were devastated and sent awful derogatory texts to me about him. Wed only been together a few months. I completely backed him. I told my parents to stay out of my life with their acid tongues. I told my sister (who referred to him as Forrest Gump and I was his Jenny) that she was so wrong and he wasn't simple minded just had a simply beautiful heart. My family refused to speak to me for several weeks.

And then he split. And I was black. And I'd defended him to everyone. I lost my best friend too, but that's another story.

The truth is, they were right but as much as I loved and respected them, I still chose him above them. And so will this guy, and it will only be bad for you.

It's taken me a month to try to rectify things with my family. I'm almost there .

[Pecator]

Oh this is a hard one Q,

And timely.

My replacement is a very jealous person. My ex is too. She resented that I am not the jealous type because, "having a partner that is jealous makes me feel normal." I suffered tremendously from her jealousy. Transparency, she would say, is the number one thing she needs in a partner.

This Saturday, she is planning to go drinking and dancing with friends, two male and one female. The replacement hates (jealousy) one of the males. The replacement does not like going out drinking and dancing. She is telling him that she is helping her brother that night.

My replacement is a good guy. He is a humanitarian who dedicated his life's work to fight the evils of this world (sex slavery). He has no idea what he has gotten into.

I think one anonymous note, with evidence, would save him from a world of hurt.

But, truly I cannot say how much of my desire to tell him is to help him or to help me seek vengeance.

So I cling to this quote from Nelson Mandela

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”


Thanks Q, I am going to put that as my motto!

[Emelie Emelie]

Someone did try to warn me!  A friend of mine was dating a guy who grew up with him.  My friend's BF's brother knew him pretty well.  He said I have to tell you I've heard the guy is really kind of a "douche bag".  Runs through a lot of women and treats them all like $hit.  Told me a couple of "stories".  Stories I thought I had heard the other side of.  I completely ignored him.  Got kind of angry and defensive about it. 

I didn't want to hear it.

[qwaszx]

Ya I hear u, I wouldn't go telling him he what he "needs" to do, or how much of a dick she is because honestly she's not, she's just got more problems then he can solve, and ya he needs to be the one to figure it all out. I'm not someone who fights fire with fire, and I'm way to passive to "get into it" with either of them. I don't like conflict. All I would say it something along the lines of "hey, I've been where your at, it's not easy, if you ever want some insight or support hears where to find it(and give him the sight and walk away) I'm not out to hurt anyone, I'm not so angry that I hate her and need to seek some sorta revenge, she doesn't deserve that ___ either. I'd just like him to know he has somewhere to turn, with people who can understand when he's ready.

[Mutt]

I've pondered the same question a few times qwaszx. There's no right or wrong here. I was lucky that someone in my life tipped me to borderline personality disorder. Had I not known, it would of been more difficult to deal with ex after having been split black. I also understand that when I was in a committed relationship, I wouldn't of listened. Even though he had an affair with my wife, I've considered anonymously sending him a copy of Stop Walking On Eggshells, after all is said and done. Who knows, I have kids with my ex and maybe we'll all be on the same page someday, and I can tell him face to face. But only when it's over. That's the choice I made. It's your choice, no one is telling you what to do.

[qwaszx]

Thanks:)

[Narellan]

Yes Mutt, my thoughts are to support him if you can when it's over. Then you can provide info and resources.

[Pecator]

That is perfect Mutt!

Sending him the book anonymously, but I would be tempted to get a picture of her on one of her times out. I just can't help but taste a little of the resentment poison

But really the best thing to do. If I am around when it blows up, perhaps I will have to integrity to support him too (but probably with the book and this place).