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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Did you notice a smile or a creepy look of satisfaction?  (Read 8535 times)
AwakenedOne
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« on: June 04, 2014, 08:35:22 PM »

Do BPD's get some sick joy, entertainment or a satisfaction out of cheating, lying and physical violence on us? I keep reading comments from members here that seem to express that they do.

Did you notice a smile when hit, a smile when lied too, a look of enjoyment of getting even with you/revenge or a smile in delight as they demeaned you in an attempt to mentally break you or a look of satisfaction that you found out they cheated?

In my case I noticed many times my (uBPDstbxw) went out of her way to try to break me (for example: saying my dead family members who I loved actually hated me when they were alive etc... . )and while doing this she seemed so relaxed (It was a look like a person would have if they just ate a nice dinner and had a relaxed smile on their face) while verbally abusing me and telling me I am a worthless speck of dust. I looked in her eyes and saw what I believe to be what I would call a relaxed enjoyment.

I noticed she seemed at some points to get some form of satisfaction and relief/enjoyment(?) out of hitting me.

I noticed when she got caught in lies she would have this smile, it wasn't a deer in the headlights or hand in cookie jar being caught smile, it was weirder, like a relaxed satisfaction smile.

It wasn't over the top obvious but I feel it was really there.

Any of you all experience anything like this?

Peace,

AO
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BacknthSaddle
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« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2014, 08:43:48 PM »

I didn't get this so much while in the relationship.  But, after I got out, my ex went out of her way to smile or chuckle whenever I brought up something that she knew was painful to me.  I don't know whether she got joy out of it, or whether the chuckling was just a defense against the shame she felt.  I tend to believe it was the latter.  But, regardless, she was not able to confront in a healthy way the fact that she had hurt me and others, despite how much she did so. 
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Cardinals in Flight
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« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2014, 09:01:02 PM »

I got a certain body part pierced early in the "r/s", the look of shear delight on my Xs face while I was temporarily in great pain was disturbing.  I later saw that same look many times when she knew I was in emotional pain. 

Wow, if I knew then, what I know now... .

CiF
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« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2014, 09:07:28 PM »

Duper's delight... . from my pwBPD you bet, many times.

My NPD father was worse person I have seen about doing it. When his mother died, he turned and grinned a big grin at his family... truly sick.
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« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2014, 11:15:02 PM »

yes!

my ex never hit me, but she abused me plenty through gas lighting, projecting, belitteling me.  Also in this way I don't know how to describe maybe its the walking on eggshells feeling. I was under a spell of sorts a puppet she manipulated through nonverbal behaviors.  The little smirk she would make sometimes so faint it was undetectable but in her eyes. she always had a smirk when she manipulated me. eventualy the smirk itself would cause me pain... . How could someone do that to someone they love?
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« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2014, 11:27:36 PM »

The little smirk she would make sometimes so faint it was undetectable but in her eyes. she always had a smirk when she manipulated me. eventualy the smirk itself would cause me pain... . How could someone do that to someone they love?

You have described perfectly what I saw. Same thing about the smirk causing pain too.

All my good memories of my ex are overshadowed now by this creepy horror movie stuff. She didn't love me even though she married me. "I love you", ya right. She is the queen of lies. Queen/Witch.
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« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2014, 11:31:31 PM »

I saw a sort of smirk once, when he'd baited me with the quick vision of a certain someone's name at the top of his text messages... . I teared up and he noticed, but when he asked me if I was crying, I lied and said no. His son was sitting with us, and I didn't want to get into it just then.  When we got off the train, he had an air of self-satisfaction and did this thing he would do when he was upset where he'd point his finger into my cheek. That's when he started telling me that he loves me and blah blah blah... .

I always took these moments of intentional hurt as him trying to make me leave voluntarily so that he could absolve himself of a certain amount of guilt due to the fact that I would have been leaving on my own accord, not because he had done anything wrong. Does that make sense? His self-fulfilling prophecy of everyone he loves leaving him would always be intact, especially if they left willingly. It's almost as though his fears of abandonment had to be true or he had nothing else... . So he always made sure it happened.
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« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2014, 11:55:39 PM »

  I don't know whether she got joy out of it, or whether the chuckling was just a defense against the shame she felt. 

I always assumed it was a defense mechanism to mask the absolute shame they felt for something they did. Every time I caught my exBPDw in a lie she would laugh each time and follow up with an insulting jab at me. Usually the way she was insulting me had something to do with how SHE was acting which is projection ON TOP of projection.
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« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2014, 12:09:45 AM »

The little smirk she would make sometimes so faint it was undetectable but in her eyes. she always had a smirk when she manipulated me. eventualy the smirk itself would cause me pain... . How could someone do that to someone they love?

You have described perfectly what I saw. Same thing about the smirk causing pain too.

All my good memories of my ex are overshadowed now by this creepy horror movie stuff. She didn't love me even though she married me. "I love you", ya right. She is the queen of lies. Queen/Witch.

It got to a point that through the subltest of her nonverbal communications she could completely destroy me then with her words gaslight me.  :)estroyed me completely and utterly.

I think for her it became a game to see if she could completely brainwash me.  I have no idea of her awareness level though.
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« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2014, 06:51:54 AM »

AO...

Mine never was abusive when we were together ... . she was mirroring and (I guess), building up resentment (oh... . and cheating on me?)... . it was not until she made her decision to go wit my replacement that the switch was thrown... . and in an instant she was someone else. Vindictive, smug, condescending and I was always talked to in the past tense, and just abused. She treated me as if I had acted like Tiger Woods. ... . but... . I had been trusting, faithful and honest?

She would go out of her way (and still does if she is with this guy... he participates as well) to do childishly mean things in public... . and then I can see she is gloating and getting off on it. First and foremost... . IT'S REALLY CREEPY! (Also psychotic)... . who the FU€K acts this way?

Two people?  It's super immature... but it goes past that ... . it is psychotic, truly.  It's very effective at upsetting me,too.  I guess I cannot ever get used to it because this is NOT the person that I lived with for 5 years. (Of course it is... . but I had no clue... . she really had some tight compartments to separate her behaviors.).  I guess when she was mirroring me... she must have treated her ex that way... .

I can never get used to seeing that smug enjoyment on her face. ... . but now if she is alone she tries to approach me like "hi... how are you?" ... . very... . very SICK LITTLE GIRL.

I just run... . like it was Charles Manson with a hatchet... . self preservation kicked in at some point... . but damn the aftershocks. Why do that have so much power with us?
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« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2014, 07:02:27 AM »

Yep I saw that smug satisfied smile whenever he knew he'd hurt me, or others. When he told me his ex gf had cried when he split for good with her, he recalled that with a look if pleasure/ enjoyment. I'm sure he had narc traits, I told him that and he laughed. He often got a weird creepy smile when he was deliberately creating drama. Like a naughty little boy... . Chucky 
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« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2014, 07:22:34 AM »

Yes!  I am so glad i read this.  It was horrible to feel that unsettled.  Like watching a horror movie.  Except i was in it.  My wife would go to great lengths. She would call me horrible things,  a failure, horrible dad, horrible husband,  would delight in sending me texts purportedly for other men, "accidentally", I blocked her email and cell so she would borrow her co-workers phones so i would answer and she could tell me about the latest guy... .  

I wish i could see inside her twisted mind and understand how she truly feels when this splitting thing is going on...

tomorrow is my one week with no contact.
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« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2014, 07:30:59 AM »

 " Like watching a horror movie.  Except i was in it.  " literally LOL... .

Thanks for posting Ross O. And well done on NC! You're doing a great job x
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« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2014, 08:23:10 AM »

Yep I saw that smug satisfied smile whenever he knew he'd hurt me, or others. When he told me his ex gf had cried when he split for good with her, he recalled that with a look if pleasure/ enjoyment. I'm sure he had narc traits, I told him that and he laughed. He often got a weird creepy smile when he was deliberately creating drama. Like a naughty little boy... . Chucky  

As Kernberg and others pointed out, all borderlines show "narc traits".

For the OP. I saw that cheshire cat smile many times, the most memorable moment was when she was lying about her paramour and for first time, managed to got away with it. Normal people would feel guilty and emberassed. She had that cruel smirk on her face.



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« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2014, 08:39:01 AM »

Oh, that sinister smirk that would come across her face... . when I saw it I knew she was effectively possessed. It was like her facial light switch. When I saw the smirk I knew she was splitting, painting me black, and the chances that a rage was coming on were high. When the smirk was gone and she had calmed down, it was if nothing had happened. The facial light switch was back off, except all the hate and anger and rage that had come at me was now projected, as I was the one who had raged at her!

Just thinking about it gives me the shakes. It has been over 5 months since she left and I am finally at a place where I can say, thank the good Lord she is gone. Amen.
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« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2014, 09:15:13 AM »

My ex had more of an appearance of calm and detachment when caught in a lie or he did something hurtful . I found it strange how he could just stand back from it and watch it play out like he wasn't even involved.  He seemed to separate himself from it.  He would sit and watch me be upset and sometimes put on his counselor/guru/ hat. If it was verbal abuse from a drunken rage the night before, in the morning he would apologize when he first woke up but i couldn't spring back so quickly.I would spend the day struggling internally, trying to figure out  how i was going to deal with it. If i would bring it up he would act resentful that i couldn't just let it go. He would usually turn his lie or behavior and the reason for it as something he had to do to protect me or himself.  If it wasn't something he needed to do because of me, then it was about his fear of my reaction because of his mother issues.  Fear that i would freak on him like his mother.  He would often tell me that i had no idea of how much women have hurt him in the past.

Then i would get the story that i hold onto things and that was MY problem.

In the end he acted like  the whole problem about our relationship not working was about me not being able to move past issues and that he had changed. My fear, i was a coward.  He still calls me a coward. He said i did not believe in him but he believed in me.  I was punishing myself constantly for not being able to be ok and move past the hurt and pain.
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« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2014, 02:07:05 PM »

The horror movie analogy accurately describes what I observed.  I don't know about you, but I concluded that my ex is a sadist. 

He laughed/smiled at inappropriate times. He had inappropriate reactions to (or took inappropriate action) when he observed pain and suffering.

He took great pride in duping others.

He loved movies with poorly written scripts, and lots of violence (the more shallow the better) eerily smiling, sneering, and chuckling all the way through it.  Conversely, films that won oscars (good writing, excellent acting) bored him.  (He usually fell asleep during those.)

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« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2014, 02:31:53 PM »

My exbf couldn't seem to hold back a smile while speaking about me having less money than him when I had to take a lesser paying job.

The look and smile on his face while explaining how I wouldn't  have so much for groceries,clothes and extras that my previous job provided was that of a child that had an ice cream while the other less fortunate kids did not.

I can really hate him most days
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« Reply #18 on: June 05, 2014, 02:44:12 PM »

I think the worse for me was when she got her next boyfriend, and stated that he/we were only puppets, with her stupid smirk, and the way she gets off when she knows someone is concerned about her and she is giving them the silent treatment, because of all then control she clearly has over there emotions, and how any concern they express just makes her feel powerful. I remember another time when she talked about one of her other ex's meeting her messed up family, and them making him feel so upset he started to cry, so she dumped him because he was "weak".
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« Reply #19 on: June 05, 2014, 10:05:19 PM »

Yes, a very strange fake-sounding chuckle and an odd smirk - usually when she was winning through lying -- "dupers delight" indeed.  For example, I caught her cheating, evidenced in email.  She denied it vigorously in a day-long fight.  I finally gave up.  I meekly apologized just so the circular raging would stop.  Then in a heartbeat, out comes the horror show chuckle and odd smirk.
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« Reply #20 on: June 30, 2014, 10:30:39 PM »

I think this was one of the most painful experiences of my connection to "B"--that huge, show-stopping grin that seemed to come at the most inappropriate times---the worst possible times.  Absolutely gutted me.

I first got a taste of it when she professed all of this undying love and passion for me, and then seconds later decided she needed to turn of the "switch."  I can still see her slapping her knees, standing up, and grinning this enormous, bizarre grin and exclaiming "Aren't feelings great!"  It seemed as though she was just brimming with delirious joy that she was able to turn her feelings off at will as I sat there stunned and reeling.

Another time:  I tried to be strong and send her on her way, but she got a scared look and asked me to walk her to a pathway.  When I gave in, she realised she had the upper hand, and seeing my tears as I said, "This hurts so much.  You're like the sun, and I don't want to turn away from it and go back into the shadows again"  she put on that big smile and exclaimed like little Orphan Annie, "The sun always comes out again!"  Then rode off on her bike smiling all the way home.

Sometimes the smile would be accompanied by humming and singing songs in German.  This often happened when we were intimate, and then she decided she was done with me, so would send me home at all hours of the night or early morning hours. 

The worst experience with this was when she decided she was moving across country, on to bigger and better things.  After a week of avoiding me, using me, and devaluing me at every chance she got, I came by to say goodbye.  She cried for a little bit, then instantly stopped and said in a flat, "stoner" sounding voice, "Yeah, it's gonna suck not seeing you anymore."

Then she smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen---I am surprised it didn't crack her face in half.  She announced in a loud, circus-announcer-type voice, complete with a little theatrical jiggle of her head, "Everything is going to be great!"

I shuffled out the door, tears streaming down my face.

Went N/C for a month, then she sent me a letter in March.  Should have never responded.  She suckered me into letting her see me for 1.5 days this month on a big whirlwind music tour out west---I was squeezed in for sex, then promptly discarded as she moved onwards to her next exploit, a nameless, faceless woman I would only ever know as "my friend in S_____"

In her drunken states, she would smirk with undisguised satisfaction over how she had hurt and dropped lovers left and right.  I can remember he smiling to herself with obvious pride and giggly amusement when she quoted one of her ex's departing words, "You're a musician.  You're going to do whatever the hell you want to anyway."  She found that to be so hilarious.  She enjoyed gloating over how entitled she was to shredding people's souls to bits---because of her artistic genius.

I have no idea why I am grieving so much over someone so ruthless.  I have read so many stories on here---amazed that the depth of the pain and anguish is described so similarly across the board.

This disorder is hideous.  I would never wish this kind of person on anyone.  I feel like I have been murdered, but I am still somehow walking around.



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« Reply #21 on: July 01, 2014, 12:17:09 AM »

" I feel like I have been murdered, but I am still somehow walking around."

That describes it. PERFECTLY! You are a damaged genius. That is what makes it so devastating to us. It's the totally unexpected viciousness of their complete enjoyment in the pain that they inflict with their words and actions. That is the most damaging part of their psychotic behavior.
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« Reply #22 on: July 01, 2014, 12:24:36 AM »

Seaofwounds  I feel the same. You describe things so amazingly similar to my situation.

I really like your last comment. I feel like I've been murdered and I'm just walking around too. It's the most brutal and devastating experience.

I can say that things will get easier for you. Time does help. It's been 4 months NC  for me and I am feeling better but that said I still cry every day at some stage. Just not all the time anymore.

The most hurtful thing that happened with my ex was after he abruptly ditched me and moved on with my best friend he sent her an intimate photo of he and I kissing and under the photo in capital letters he'd typed " hahahahaha ha"

I wish I'd never seen that. I have no idea why he was laughing... . At the photo? At me? It just crushes me. Laughing that he'd conned me?

Destroyed my friendship with her too.

It's the worst experience of my life and I've had a few really bad things happen.

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« Reply #23 on: July 01, 2014, 01:01:46 AM »

That little, nearly imperceptible smirk. I saw it a few times, mostly after the devaluation started. In idealization I never saw it, or was  more likely blind to it. There was a deadness in her eyes like demonic possession, an altered tone to her voice and the smirk. She seemed to feed off of my pain during devaluation. Very unsettling. Seaofwounds... . very poignant. Being murdered and walking around in the aftermath is a pretty sound description of what this feels like.

In the last showdown between us, I cried my soul out through my eyes. It felt as if I'd just collapse and die on the spot. I was trembling, asking how could she do this to someone who loves her so much, how could she put me through the same situation my ex-wife put me through after I trusted her fully with my pain, my heart and my innermost secrets. And in a brief instant, that demonic look faded away to the face of someone that seemed to actually pause for a moment and reflect on what they'd just achieved. Tears streaming down her pretty face, running nose, pouty lips. She looked at me in the chaos and said, "Can I give you a hug?" I declined and then she absolutely lost it, hysterically crying, rocking back and forth repeating phrases like "I'm a bad person. I'm selfish. I'm a monster." Over and over. I somehow snapped out of my own pain to try and comfort her but she just started screaming uncontrollably "Let me go! You have to let me go!"

I'm pretty sure I'm perma black. I often wonder how things would have been if I'd taken the hug.

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« Reply #24 on: July 01, 2014, 05:58:49 AM »

Narellan... . the story about the photograph is so disturbing I feel for you. That is just evil.

My expwBPD did many, many things that were cruel as well...

I never (except this once, hee hee), ever played get even... . and even in this instance there was no planning or malice on my part. I consider it a gift from the heavens for the suffering that I was put through. I just could not stoop to the level of childish behavior continually exhibited by my ex AND her new Bo.

Now this is 2 years after she left me for the guy she was cheating on me with during or 5-yr. live-in relationship. 1 year total NC, enforced by me, not her.

Me cautiously dating, on my way to a restaurant in my car, beautiful, date following in hers. It's dark out, I pull up to a traffic light, me in the right lane of a 4-lane highway, date in my rear view, minding my own dime business, when yes... . all of a sudden I sense the evil energy. I look to my left and there is my ex, sitting next to me, by herself in her car at the traffic light. Her dome light is on, and she is leaning into the empty passenger side of the car and striking a pose under the light, while looking up and out the windshield to the distance. Yes, striking a pose, I kid you not.  Like, as if to say, "here is the candy, and you can't have any." How sick and childish is this? She never looks at me?... . the light changes and she zooms in front of me like the psychopath that she is, and for some unknown reason I know at that moment that she is headed to the shopping center that our restaurant is in (we are not near our homes and I have no idea how I know this?). Anyway, sure enough, she pulls into the plaza having no idea that that is where I am headed along with my (unbeknownst to her, beautiful date in tow). Ya just can't make this stuff up. She parks (to go to the nail salon), and she has the wonderful joy of thinking she has soo much power of causing me to follow her into the parking lot like a little sad puppy... . NOT! (She must be just reveling in her delicious, cruel power). So I park across the isle from her, facing her and my date parks two cars over from her on that side, so that when she gets out of the car and I get out of mine we meet up in the middle of the isle, where my date slips her arm in mine, right in front of my ex's windshield! I really did nothing to make this happen... . but OOHHHHHH, was I enjoying the ride. (This was totally unfair to my date, I felt bad about that, truly, but it just happened, of course it was  brought on by my ex).

I think the torpedo was a dead hit, because when we came out of the restaurant, my ex's car was sitting there, empty, with the dome light still on! Hee Hee!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I really do not understand what goes on inside the head of a BPD? I had done nothing in the relationship to cause any need for revenge, etc. She was cheating on me, she lied and ran off a week before Christmas?  I was totally blind-sided and completely devastated.  I just will never understand what makes these people tick? There is no way to rationally explain their self-centered evil behavior.
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« Reply #25 on: July 01, 2014, 06:36:36 AM »

Hollow emptiness, blank.

A lot of eye rolling, wadded up face (to show disgust), hollow blank empty stare.

When (rarely) there was eye contact, it was a piercing stare (intimidation).

For years, he would stare at the tv or the wall, and not communicate with me at all.

All he would say is "I don't know" or "maybe" or "kinda" or "I'm not sure".

In the last 10 years it became a game of twisting and manipulating my words.

Lots of gas lighting.

In the last 3 years, yelling and twisting/manipulating.

But his face?

Blank, empty, hollow.

Beady eyes, with nothing behind them but black.

I had a gf who lives in Israel ask to see a photo of him... . she said he was 'berriff', Hebrew for 'empty, without a soul essentially (I know we all have a soul, but that was the gist of what the Hebrew word meant). She told me there was nothing I would ever be able to do... . that this was a 100% God project.

Man, was she right.

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« Reply #26 on: July 01, 2014, 10:24:48 AM »

Years ago I once had sleep paralysis with the "old hag" it has a different name in different cultures.  Basically, in my dream I felt the character I was talking to was lying to me and its face was just a mask.  behind the mask was a pitch black face with only eyes like black holes and an evil smirk. I looked down and saw black hands reaching into my chest sucking out my life force. I awoke from the dream and was still looking into the face of the demon hands still in my chest it was laughing I was paralyzed. I struggle and yelled "F*** you" and started to get up the demon got up and walked out the door and evaporated.  It was the same smirk the same feeling of being drained of life force as I experienced with my BPD ex.
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« Reply #27 on: July 01, 2014, 12:15:45 PM »

Yes, creepy smile with corners of mouth twitching.  Saw this whenever he would make his insidious threats such as, "If you leave, I will disappear with the kids and you will never see them again." 

My adult children saw this a lot after we split when he was coming up with schemes that he thought would hurt me.  It makes me nauseated to think of it now, even.
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« Reply #28 on: July 01, 2014, 02:47:56 PM »

I have photos of this smirk and dark soulless eyes we all speak of.

Funny thing is, uBPDw often brings up my "frowning angry eyebrows, blank stair and smirk"  as I sit there and take the abuse.

So I reply with "ever heard of medium chill?", on the inside of course.
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« Reply #29 on: July 01, 2014, 02:53:16 PM »

I think the look may be the satisfied "angry child" persecuting the projected "punitive parent"
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« Reply #30 on: July 01, 2014, 03:08:26 PM »

I think my xBPDgf got off on hurting me when she was raging... .I really do, but she always felt bad after she came down from it.  My buddy's ex?  He and I were discussing her.  She doesn't really fit the profile of BPD, Bipolar etc... .I said "I think her problem is that she's just a mean-@ss b___".  

Turns out I think I was right.  Some people are just mean and spiteful.  My ex generally wasn't, but when raging?  I've never known anyone more cruel than her... .EVER... .There was nothing she wouldn't do... .or say... .no matter how below the belt it was.  Her cruelty was really unreal to me... .that someone could really be that mean and hateful.

I remember looking at her... .towards the end of our relationship... .And we weren't even fighting.  And I saw an ugliness in her I'd chosen to ignore... .but it was there.  It was dark... .despicable.  I will never forget it.  
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« Reply #31 on: July 01, 2014, 03:20:43 PM »

Man, kind of triggering now that I look back and think about it. Whenever I caught her in a lie or doing something or admitting to something she knew would hurt me, there was his bizarre satisfactory smirk she'd get which would only increase the level of hurt it caused me.

When she had outbursts and I first realized she was off, I would also notice this vacancy in her eyes, and it would happen like a switch was flicked; it also happened during sex often, she would just completely disappear, like there was no one there behind her glassy stare.

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« Reply #32 on: July 01, 2014, 03:23:13 PM »

Man, kind of triggering now that I look back and think about it. Whenever I caught her in a lie or doing something or admitting to something she knew would hurt me, there was his bizarre satisfactory smirk she'd get which would only increase the level of hurt it caused me.

When she had outbursts and I first realized she was off, I would also notice this vacancy in her eyes, and it would happen like a switch was flicked; it also happened during sex often, she would just completely disappear, like there was no one there behind her glassy stare.

Ever get accused of think of other women during sex?  That's a lot fun there... .
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« Reply #33 on: July 01, 2014, 03:31:57 PM »

That little, nearly imperceptible smirk. I saw it a few times, mostly after the devaluation started. In idealization I never saw it, or was  more likely blind to it. There was a deadness in her eyes like demonic possession, an altered tone to her voice and the smirk. She seemed to feed off of my pain during devaluation. Very unsettling. Seaofwounds... . very poignant. Being murdered and walking around in the aftermath is a pretty sound description of what this feels like.

Know too well what you're describing. It's really weird how we've all pretty much experienced the same thing with these people. It really is like they are all possessed or obsessed by the same demonic entity. If only that were true, maybe things would make a little more sense.
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« Reply #34 on: July 01, 2014, 03:44:38 PM »

Mine had a maniacal laugh... .so unusual and weird that we were recognised overseas in a bar that we'd visited once a year before. The bartender said, 'Hey , I remember the laugh.'

She would take delight in the misfortune of others, if someone tripped and fell etc, it wasn't  the normal response of a normal person. It was real delight. Childlike delight.

When she started to try to destroy me at the end, with explicit sexual revelations about her and my replacement, she had The Smirk. It really is the kind of smirk a child get when they are in trouble. But watching woman approaching 40 displaying it... .scary...

I'm glad she is drinking and smoking too much, I'm glad she is carrying weight and can't shift it. Her fading beauty will make manipulation of others harder... .Maybe that's why she chose a replacement that's almost 20 years older... .
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« Reply #35 on: July 01, 2014, 03:56:04 PM »

This is something I most definitely did not experience.  No "satisfaction".  Just anger.  And his anger came from hurt and insecurity.  I don't think he took a any "joy" in hurting me.  When I was visibly hurt it just made him angrier.  Probably some shame coming up for him, but I think it was mostly anger and frustration. 
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« Reply #36 on: July 01, 2014, 03:59:06 PM »

When she started to try to destroy me at the end, with explicit sexual revelations about her and my replacement, she had The Smirk. It really is the kind of smirk a child get when they are in trouble. But watching woman approaching 40 displaying it... .scary...

I'm glad she is drinking and smoking too much, I'm glad she is carrying weight and can't shift it. Her fading beauty will make manipulation of others harder... .Maybe that's why she chose a replacement that's almost 20 years older... .

Mine totally manipulated me with sex... .she's damn good at it.  She came over to my house wasted drunk wanting "closure" after one of our many break-ups... .telling me all about how she "___ed two other guys!" while we were apart.   Asked me, "how does that make you feel?"  All said smiling away with her evil b___ grin... .knowing how deep she was stabbing my heart with words... .and actually enjoying the pain she was causing me.

Aside from her bedroom prowess, she has little to offer in anything... .Not even her looks these days... .Pushing 40 and looking 50+.  That's what that lifestyle will do for you. 

What a b___... .
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« Reply #37 on: July 02, 2014, 04:49:20 AM »

Once we realize how sick they are it is our responsibility to ourselves to not give them any more opportunities to harm us.

Easy to say, but hard to do. it's called self love.
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« Reply #38 on: July 02, 2014, 11:33:56 AM »

Duper's delight... . from my pwBPD you bet, many times.

My NPD father was worse person I have seen about doing it. When his mother died, he turned and grinned a big grin at his family... truly sick.

Didn't mention he caused her death... that was what made it so sick.
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« Reply #39 on: July 02, 2014, 11:51:55 AM »

Yes! My uBPDh does this. He gets a smirk or look of satisfaction when he says something to deliberately wound me. He also does what I call his "blank look, angry face".  His face when he becomes angered, even if he  isn't currently raging, is a scary thing. He looks like he could murder someone. I hate that face. I'd have never in a million years think the guy I dated was hiding this "evil twin". It's like he is two different people, but the real one, the angry one, is always just beneath the surface.

I used to think that the "real him" was the nice guy, but now I think it's the opposite. The "real" him is the angry, blaming, rage filled man who enjoys hurting me, and others in the past. If he didn't enjoy it, he'd own it, and get help. His ex(who was a mess herself), is a therapist, and my husband's son had literature in his room about BPD, so I guess maybe I'm the only one that was left in the dark.

I realize they use denial, but he's currently at odd with three of his four kids(he blames ME, of course), our marriage is a nightmare due to his blame and rages and abuse, and his past marriage ended due to his actions(and hers I'm sure). What more will it take for him to see, it's HIM who is making all his relationships suffer? By either not standing up and having boundaries with his more than likely personality disordered kids(he's afraid of losing them, so he is a doormat with them), and he is horrid to me. He is the common denominator. He'll do anything, deny anything, to have his grown kids in his life, but he refuses to see they control him. I get accused of controlling him, but I have ZERO control of anything, not even really my own actions, because I back down to him. He always gets his way or he threatens divorce.

I get that you can't make someone want to get help, and I'm making peace with that, but how do you come to terms with THAT SMIRK? It's knowing that they enjoy it on some level, that they realize what they are doing, that is making me crazy.
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« Reply #40 on: July 02, 2014, 12:01:03 PM »

The worst experience with this was when she decided she was moving across country, on to bigger and better things.  After a week of avoiding me, using me, and devaluing me at every chance she got, I came by to say goodbye.  She cried for a little bit, then instantly stopped and said in a flat, "stoner" sounding voice, "Yeah, it's gonna suck not seeing you anymore."

Then she smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen---I am surprised it didn't crack her face in half.  She announced in a loud, circus-announcer-type voice, complete with a little theatrical jiggle of her head, "Everything is going to be great!"

I shuffled out the door, tears streaming down my face.

Went N/C for a month, then she sent me a letter in March.  Should have never responded.  She suckered me into letting her see me for 1.5 days this month on a big whirlwind music tour out west---I was squeezed in for sex, then promptly discarded as she moved onwards to her next exploit, a nameless, faceless woman I would only ever know as "my friend in S_____"

Good grief Sea of Wounds.  I basically played out that exact same scene, except neither of us cried (because I wasn't going to play into his expectation that I would try to stop him from going, and he wasn't in touch enough with his own feelings to even say "it's going to suck not seeing you".

I'm sending you a PM (private message) because the details aren't something I want to post, but ... .thanks for sharing this story.  It's good to have the company.

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« Reply #41 on: July 02, 2014, 02:01:36 PM »

This is all so accurate.  I was so confused at first when I saw the smirk on her face.  It first happened when she felt hurt by me about something relatively minor but then decided she would punish me by openly checking out other women while I was talking to her and crying.  She had a smirk on her face then, to make sure I would see how much she was enjoying punishing me back.

I am actually wondering if tears make BPD's less sensitive to us.  She always seemed more annoyed when I cried and was upset, she couldn't empathize with it (it wasn't her pain after all) and it just seemed to annoy her.  I think showing strength and detachment in the face of their cruelty is more powerful.  Does anyone have this experience?

But that kind of sociopathic behavior would come back every time she wanted to hurt me.  I will never forget how cold and inexpressive her face looked when she once told me how she kissed someone else.  That was because she wanted to punish me for abandoning her once (I tried to leave her once before). 

But a month after a break-up and almost no contact, I feel much better.  I am surrounding myself with good friends, and choosing to be in the company of people who are happy, strong and healthy.  I feel better each day.  You have to allow the pain to go through you and it's hard to explain to people why this kind of a break-up causes more pain than others, but we are not the "broken" ones.  So I want to give you all more strength and hope that things do get better. 
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« Reply #42 on: July 02, 2014, 03:20:23 PM »

Isabella, the cold and inexpressive look... .I called it ' the dead eyes' . She'd use them so easily. Killed all expression.

I'm seeing someone nice and normal now, who was a bit worried that my ex might approach her. She's never seen my ex, so asked to see a picture.

I showed her some. Her response? 'She is good looking... .but dead eyes. And her thighs are fat! '

I did chuckle at the accuracy of both observations, but it was funny that in the pictures she saw, I didn't see dead eyes. Guess I got used to them... .

I also chuckled at how the new girl zoomed right in on the biggest insecurity of my ex... .the thighs, and I didn't notice them either...
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« Reply #43 on: July 02, 2014, 04:55:52 PM »

Isabelle8,

I can confirm that for my own situation as eel. All the problems and devaluation started when I shed some tears in front of her. The normal reaction is empathy but her facial response to my tears was more like, "Crying? Why is he crying? I don't get it. Only I have pain."

I had a friend commit suicide shortly after his wife died from cancer and when I was crying about that, no hugs of comfort offered or anything. Just a flat, "Oh? Well, are you going to be alright?" Never asked me how was I doing even once after the initial response.

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« Reply #44 on: July 03, 2014, 05:30:40 AM »

My very first post here!

The first time I saw the smirk was when we sat at her kitchen table after our first night and she received a text message on her phone. As she read it, I saw a "smile" - more like an evil smirk - for just a second. I asked her, what's up and then she realized that I was in front of her. She rolled her eyes, sighed and said it was some random guy who was "stalking" her for weeks. I asked why she wouldn't block his number - no real answer.

About a year later our "relationship" was "over" (silent treatment for weeks) and I'm certain that she told my replacement that I was a creepy "stalker"... .

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« Reply #45 on: July 03, 2014, 06:24:56 AM »

My very first post here!

The first time I saw the smirk was when we sat at her kitchen table after our first night and she received a text message on her phone. As she read it, I saw a "smile" - more like an evil smirk - for just a second. I asked her, what's up and then she realized that I was in front of her. She rolled her eyes, sighed and said it was some random guy who was "stalking" her for weeks. I asked why she wouldn't block his number - no real answer.

About a year later our "relationship" was "over" (silent treatment for weeks) and I'm certain that she told my replacement that I was a creepy "stalker"... .

My exBPDgf... same smile smirk when my daughter broke a bone... then she had to pull herself together and get a concerned look.
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« Reply #46 on: September 25, 2014, 01:07:26 PM »

Yup, after she painted me black, and got her new supply, i met her. She had her iphone, made a childish smile of revenge, she just had a new boytoy she could make use of in record time,  and she managed to get it before me, I can only feel sorry for her.


Walking around proud with her uncombed hair, just like kid , shes 40 pluss years old.
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« Reply #47 on: September 25, 2014, 01:33:44 PM »

She would have that evil smile when she was scheming something - some revenge, retaliation. She was by far the most vindictive and sadistic person I met in my life. Once she did something really cruel over facebook (long story to tell) and I told her 'Here come the consequences you sadistic piece of crap!' and defriended her on fb. It's not SET - I know... .

Coming back to the smile - Once she couldn't hold her cruelty and laughed at my desperation after she had been baiting me a whole morning. That was pure evil and cruel - I felt it in my heart, gut, lungs everywhere. I dumped her the next day. NC 6 weeks almost. Feeling great. I can slowly start feeling my balls here... .
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« Reply #48 on: September 25, 2014, 02:12:08 PM »

Hollow emptiness, blank.

A lot of eye rolling, wadded up face (to show disgust), hollow blank empty stare.

When (rarely) there was eye contact, it was a piercing stare (intimidation).

For years, he would stare at the tv or the wall, and not communicate with me at all.

All he would say is "I don't know" or "maybe" or "kinda" or "I'm not sure".

In the last 10 years it became a game of twisting and manipulating my words.

Lots of gas lighting.

In the last 3 years, yelling and twisting/manipulating.

But his face?

Blank, empty, hollow.

Beady eyes, with nothing behind them but black.

I had a gf who lives in Israel ask to see a photo of him... . she said he was 'berriff', Hebrew for 'empty, without a soul essentially (I know we all have a soul, but that was the gist of what the Hebrew word meant). She told me there was nothing I would ever be able to do... . that this was a 100% God project.

Man, was she right.

Dang... .I'm here right now with this type of behavior but it's not all the time... .It goes back and forth between the staring at the phone/tv with short, devaluing answers and no eye contact, easily frustrated rolling eyes at any and everything I do that peaves him scrunching up his face in disgust, mimicking my words, etc... .  to over the top affectionate, smiling eyes, soft loving face... .up and down up and down up and down... .driving me perpetually crazy... .I can't even feel my own feelings anymore enough to make a logical decision about what to do!
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« Reply #49 on: September 25, 2014, 03:03:22 PM »

I always took these moments of intentional hurt as him trying to make me leave voluntarily so that he could absolve himself of a certain amount of guilt due to the fact that I would have been leaving on my own accord, not because he had done anything wrong. Does that make sense? His self-fulfilling prophecy of everyone he loves leaving him would always be intact, especially if they left willingly. It's almost as though his fears of abandonment had to be true or he had nothing else... . So he always made sure it happened.

Brilliant! He can continue to play the victim--no need for self introspection, no need for guilt and shame... .she left me!  I was abandoned yet again... .
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« Reply #50 on: September 25, 2014, 03:09:47 PM »

I am actually wondering if tears make BPD's less sensitive to us.  She always seemed more annoyed when I cried and was upset, she couldn't empathize with it (it wasn't her pain after all) and it just seemed to annoy her.  I think showing strength and detachment in the face of their cruelty is more powerful.  Does anyone have this experience?

I initiated a post in July about how do they feel when we cry?  I believe the answer here is ANNOYED--perhaps to the degree that they discard us.  It is their cue that we are all used up--because what were we in the first place?  We were their light into their darkness--now our crying rains on their parade.
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« Reply #51 on: September 25, 2014, 03:17:51 PM »

I think the look may be the satisfied "angry child" persecuting the projected "punitive parent"

This makes perfect sense to me, Blim--because Lord knows, nothing else makes sense about them.  I think I got more of a deer in the headlights look--not fear, but, like what the heck is going on here?  This is not supposed to be happening! Loveofhislife is supposed to be the strong and happy one; why is she manipulating me this way?
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« Reply #52 on: September 25, 2014, 03:22:07 PM »

The last situation i was in. Ended up me defending myself.

However, before it escalated, she showed a creepy " devillish " look on her face. As if she was very satisfied with the situation.

( That was her reaction before turning violent )

I explained the look on her face to my family friends. I rarely describe something as " not from this world " or " devillish " .

But yeah, it was rather creepy. Like she had a out of body experience and saw the white light. Full of satisfaction.

Disturbed me quite alot.
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« Reply #53 on: September 25, 2014, 03:26:25 PM »

I still remember the look of satisfaction on my first BPD gf's face when she sensed she'd hurt me. It was full of glee. As if she'd come alive by the knowledge that she'd managed to inflict emotional pain on me. Even if it's 15 years ago no I still haven't forgotten it. Utterly sadistic.
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« Reply #54 on: September 25, 2014, 07:33:04 PM »

My very first post here!

The first time I saw the smirk was when we sat at her kitchen table after our first night and she received a text message on her phone. As she read it, I saw a "smile" - more like an evil smirk - for just a second. I asked her, what's up and then she realized that I was in front of her. She rolled her eyes, sighed and said it was some random guy who was "stalking" her for weeks. I asked why she wouldn't block his number - no real answer.

About a year later our "relationship" was "over" (silent treatment for weeks) and I'm certain that she told my replacement that I was a creepy "stalker"... .

My exBPDgf... same smile smirk when my daughter broke a bone... then she had to pull herself together and get a concerned look.

She would laugh whenever someone hurt themselves. I remember once I walked in to a low bollard, hit me where it hurts and she laughed to the point that we had a huge argument about it. She really couldn't see that some assistance or sympathy would have been more appropriate...
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« Reply #55 on: September 25, 2014, 08:40:23 PM »

Do BPD's get some sick joy, entertainment or a satisfaction out of cheating, lying and physical violence on us? I keep reading comments from members here that seem to express that they do.

Did you notice a smile when hit, a smile when lied too, a look of enjoyment of getting even with you/revenge or a smile in delight as they demeaned you in an attempt to mentally break you or a look of satisfaction that you found out they cheated?

In my case I noticed many times my (uBPDstbxw) went out of her way to try to break me (for example: saying my dead family members who I loved actually hated me when they were alive etc... . and while doing this she seemed so relaxed (It was a look like a person would have if they just ate a nice dinner and had a relaxed smile on their face) while verbally abusing me and telling me I am a worthless speck of dust. I looked in her eyes and saw what I believe to be what I would call a relaxed enjoyment.

I noticed she seemed at some points to get some form of satisfaction and relief/enjoyment(?) out of hitting me.

I noticed when she got caught in lies she would have this smile, it wasn't a deer in the headlights or hand in cookie jar being caught smile, it was weirder, like a relaxed satisfaction smile.

It wasn't over the top obvious but I feel it was really there.

Any of you all experience anything like this?

Peace,

AO

Yes, I have seen that smile. I am very sorry you saw such after physical abuse and I do hope you are safe in your detachment journey.

This thread, like so many others, awoke something that felt very odd and brought forth recall given I have been out of the r/s for over a year.

My expBPD waif smiled when he spoke of conversations with his (then) ex. I had no idea about BPD back them. 

He would say things like " We were talking about xyz, and I could tell that hurt her" then a smile would appear, indicating a sense of satisfaction, rather than concern or shame or fault or anything but... .satisfaction.

Not meanness. Rather, the kind of smile one might have while star gazing.

I found it odd.

It is odd.

I agree with other posters here in that, the moment I showed any emotion or sense of need, my ex was stone gone.

I am not a crier. I cried more tears in that r/s than my entire life before. I am not a crier. This in alone shocked me.

They exhaust and emotionally deplete you.

They annilate any attempt for alone time. 

Then split, devalue, and pour hurt on if you show any sense of your own wounding. Your own need.

Indeed. The ONLY interaction and resultant actions moving on must be about them.

Their daily aches and pains including that headache that is not real, yet daily.

Their feelings. Their fears. Their availability. Their missing of you.

Their idea of love.

When I did shed tears bc I was so very depleted and confused, and my strength bare none. The Detached Protector arrived.

That smile.

I was then split. Immediately.

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« Reply #56 on: September 26, 2014, 03:26:34 PM »

No, I can't recall any.

He's done a lot of bad stuff to me, but looking satisfied when I was hurt, no.

In fact he can't cope with his own feeling of guilt and shame, and seeing me cry makes him feel bad.

He often says "stop treating me like a monster" when HE IS behaving as one.

Isn't this "satisfaction" feeling, a sign of NPD rather than BPD?
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« Reply #57 on: September 26, 2014, 03:59:25 PM »

I still remember the look of satisfaction on my first BPD gf's face when she sensed she'd hurt me. It was full of glee. As if she'd come alive by the knowledge that she'd managed to inflict emotional pain on me. Even if it's 15 years ago no I still haven't forgotten it. Utterly sadistic.

I can't forget the look of pleasure on my exes face when he told me about the replacement.  I think he'd wanted to hurt me for a long time and this was when he finally got what he wanted.  I thought at the time that he was a very sick man and I still think that now.
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« Reply #58 on: September 26, 2014, 04:05:58 PM »

Mine did get creepy smile while she was making me angry. I could not understand why making someone angry and even crying would make you smile.
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« Reply #59 on: September 26, 2014, 07:43:34 PM »

During one of my ExBPD's gas lighting episodes I stood up for myself and she went straight to the she's moving out mode. (which at the time I did not want) So I went right out and bought a dozen roses. When I got back and gave them to her there was a brief smirk on her face, like woohoo I won, then went right back to acting pissed for a few hours to save face.
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« Reply #60 on: September 26, 2014, 07:56:38 PM »

Yep, there were a couple of times my ex had a truly evil and sinister smile on her face. It was pretty disturbing.

Odd though! She was raging at me once, saying the most hurtful stuff she could come up with. Afterwards she broke down in tears and started hitting herself in the head screaming "WHY! WHY! WHY!". She then wanted me to hit and punish her and cried out "i'm evil". Of course i told her, i'd never hurt her, that i loved her then hugged her and she eventually calmed down.

A few months later she raged at me again saying the same things, only this time she did it with the evil, sinister smile on her face and didn't show any remorse at all.

Another time she split up with me, then asked me to go back to her... .so I did. When i got there, she threw me straight back out of the house. I asked her "why are you doing this? I love you"! She replied "i don't care" and the evil, sinister smile spread across her lips. I could see her trying to hold it back.

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!

The 2 scariest things i've seen in my life, probably the 2 scariest things i'll EVER see in my life -

1. The evil smile

but most of all

2. The totally dead eyes and expressionless face... .she didn't even seem human or alive. She was like a mannequin. No lights on and nobody home. Happened a couple of times when i told her i loved her.

Sad though, as she has the most beautiful eyes and the most beautiful smile i've ever seen.

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« Reply #61 on: September 26, 2014, 08:35:18 PM »

When I confronted my ex after finding texts from a guy she'd been cheating on me with, she dumped me. This was a two weeks after she told me the cheating had stopped and she was supposedly committed to rebuilding our relationship.

Six days after dumping me, she sent me an email telling me she had made the right decision, with no apology for the weeks of lying, broken promises, cheating, and abandonment. I was so ill that my therapist suggested that I check into an overnight "calm" unit, because I was losing my mind. Before checkin, I made the mistake of having a brief video chat, and I was a total mess--crying, yelling at her, telling her that I had lost 12 lbs in six days. And she started laughing at me, $hit eating grin on her face afterwards, as though it was all so amusing to her. I'm losing my mind, and she's laughing at me. I ask her if she finds this funny, and replies "kind of," before then saying, unconvincingly, that she has to laugh so not to cry. And that little smile never left her face. Never any look of concern.

The whole thing still makes me ill.
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« Reply #62 on: September 26, 2014, 09:59:25 PM »

I don't remember if he had that smile. I don't show pain, so that may be why I don't get to see it often...

Here's the odd thing: After about 2 weeks into our relationships (Me + Him and Me + Sid Vicious/O.J. Simpson/Slim Shady/Joan Crawford), I had a nightmare as clear as reality, where he had his arm around a girl and turned and smirked this evil smirk at me.

The odd thing is that I don't believe he had showed any bad side at that point. It was definitely still in the honeymoon phase.

That nightmare. That smirk. As clear as day though.
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« Reply #63 on: September 27, 2014, 12:02:30 AM »

Do BPD's get some sick joy, entertainment or a satisfaction out of cheating, lying and physical violence on us? I keep reading comments from members here that seem to express that they do.

Did you notice a smile when hit, a smile when lied too, a look of enjoyment of getting even with you/revenge or a smile in delight as they demeaned you in an attempt to mentally break you or a look of satisfaction that you found out they cheated?

Oh yes - yes to all of the above. In addition, my stbx uBPDw's mouth would lean to one side when she was lying to manipulate or trying to justify the unjustifiable - as easy to read as an open book. She got her joy in the final day of devaluation with that smile. They are very sick people and knowing that she can't ever have a functional relationship confirms  that I missed out on nothing as there was nothing genuine there in the first place. It's best just leave them to it.
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« Reply #64 on: September 27, 2014, 02:09:56 AM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!

Same thing with me. She would shapeshift during sex. It was scary (and exciting).
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« Reply #65 on: September 27, 2014, 06:25:51 AM »

Yes.  On more than one occasion.  The look of a totally different person on his face.  The behavior of a totally different person.  And the look of true hatred and satisfaction.  Very disturbing - the look and the fact that it changes back.  The face/expression changes depending on whether he was in psychotic mode or not.  No exaggeration.  He looks like a different person when in that mode. 

But I don't think the look was his satisfaction for cheating or abusing me, it was more showing that he was satisfied that he'd gotten even (for delusions which never happened!)   To this day, it's still very difficult to wrap my head around the fact that anyone could truly be cruel like this... .
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« Reply #66 on: September 27, 2014, 07:07:59 AM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!



Wasn't that a BIG turnoff? 
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« Reply #67 on: September 27, 2014, 09:25:37 AM »

I'll never forget this;

I was being raked over the coals.

My xw was telling me all about her deep and amazing connection to her new man she was having an affair with.

I was devastated with grief and balled up in front of her crying my eyes out and feeling deeply traumatized by what I had just heard.

I looked up at her for a moment and she was smiling with a look of satisfaction. It seemed my grief was giving her power and she was

sucking in all up with enjoyment. That's when I knew I had to get out. This was my lightbulb moment. The next day I left for good.
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« Reply #68 on: September 27, 2014, 09:41:59 AM »

I'll never forget this;

I was being raked over the coals.

My xw was telling me all about her deep and amazing connection to her new man she was having an affair with.

I was devastated with grief and balled up in front of her crying my eyes out and feeling deeply traumatized by what I had just heard.

I looked up at her for a moment and she was smiling with a look of satisfaction. It seemed my grief was giving her power and she was

sucking in all up with enjoyment. That's when I knew I had to get out. This was my lightbulb moment. The next day I left for good.

Similar lighbulb moment here. Unfortunately I did nto have to endure such an ordeal as yours. I am really sorry to hear about your situation. This is heavy stuff that must have marked you. My situation it was a bit lighter but the principle behind it was the same - She was baiting me all morning trying to get me angry, we were going through power struggles. I wasn't able to contain myself well that day. In addition to all this I had to do some work and something unfortunate happened to me due to partially being agitated which caused me a considerable delay and I got desperate. Beyond angry, desperate and I was about to cry. I saw her smiling about my misfortune and said something ironic can't even remember what it was. But I did feel deeply at that moment that this person does not care for me at all. I also left the next day for good.
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« Reply #69 on: September 27, 2014, 05:35:51 PM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!



Wasn't that a BIG turnoff? 

It REALLY freaked me out!

We were getting down to it then, all of a sudden the evil, sinister smile appeared on her face. This quickly transformed into the most horrible twisted grin you can possibly imagine. Her eyes were totally wild. She genuinely looked possessed. She pushed me off her laughing and taunting me, saying "only if you hurt me". I refused and backed off. She laughed, taunted me some more, even her voice changed "HURT ME... .or you're not screwing me"... .then it was like the demon left and she was suddenly back in control. She then started sobbing and became incredibly paranoid, ranting and talking about the devil.

Months later she told me how she'd once slept with a devout Christian, which had left him broken and praying to god in front of her. She thought it was hilarious. 
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« Reply #70 on: September 27, 2014, 06:20:49 PM »

I still remember the look of satisfaction on my first BPD gf's face when she sensed she'd hurt me. It was full of glee. As if she'd come alive by the knowledge that she'd managed to inflict emotional pain on me. Even if it's 15 years ago no I still haven't forgotten it. Utterly sadistic.

I can't forget the look of pleasure on my exes face when he told me about the replacement.  I think he'd wanted to hurt me for a long time and this was when he finally got what he wanted.  I thought at the time that he was a very sick man and I still think that now.

Yeah, mine had The Smirk when telling me, in graphic and quite unnecessary detail, all about her exotic sexual practices with the man she'd just met, almost 2 decades her senior, and by any standards a step down the food chain. Nice.

I wish her every unhappiness Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #71 on: September 27, 2014, 06:22:11 PM »

During one of my ExBPD's gas lighting episodes I stood up for myself and she went straight to the she's moving out mode. (which at the time I did not want) So I went right out and bought a dozen roses. When I got back and gave them to her there was a brief smirk on her face, like woohoo I won, then went right back to acting pissed for a few hours to save face.

With hindsight, I can see that the 'moving out' threats were always in response to me setting boundaries. And I always crumbled.

Nevermore!
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« Reply #72 on: September 27, 2014, 06:27:40 PM »

The totally dead eyes and expressionless face... .she didn't even seem human or alive. She was like a mannequin. No lights on and nobody home. Happened a couple of times when i told her i loved her.

Sad though, as she has the most beautiful eyes and the most beautiful smile i've ever seen.

The Dead Eyes. That's what I called it, and I told her so. She knew. It was obvious she knew when her eyes were dead. It's a choice.

And like you, I found mine had the most beautiful eyes and smile which was once on the hardest losses to bear, which makes me sound shallow but if you'd seen them... .

Amazing how much crap one will tolerate for a pretty smile... .
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« Reply #73 on: September 27, 2014, 07:21:59 PM »

In another post I wrote that sometimes when I expected him to be dysthymic and depressed (like when he lost two jobs), he seemed ecstatic, and I began to understand why an MD psych had diagnosed him as bipolar--pwBPD are FREQUENTLY misdiagnosed as bipolar, and often they are co-occurring diagnoses--anyway, he was grinning from ear to ear. When I cried (one time when I was wailing over the phone and one time when I was wailing in person) a calm seemed to come over him  .  I think the punitive parent took over--he would stoicly say, "Go wipe your face." It was really weird:  definitely disassociative.  I could be saying, "The house is burning down," and he would say, "Go wipe your face."  Most of the time his countenance looked confused and ready to snap--not unlike my German Shepherd.  But, oh... .when he smiled--the grin of a happy little boy... .he was so beautiful; his face lit up like the sun. Idea
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Gloria_Patch
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« Reply #74 on: September 27, 2014, 10:05:31 PM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!



Wasn't that a BIG turnoff? 

It REALLY freaked me out!

We were getting down to it then, all of a sudden the evil, sinister smile appeared on her face. This quickly transformed into the most horrible twisted grin you can possibly imagine. Her eyes were totally wild. She genuinely looked possessed. She pushed me off her laughing and taunting me, saying "only if you hurt me". I refused and backed off. She laughed, taunted me some more, even her voice changed "HURT ME... .oryou're not screwing me"... .then it was like the demon left and she was suddenly back in control. She then started sobbing and became incredibly paranoid, ranting and talking about the devil.

Months later she told me how she'd once slept with a devout Christian, which had left him broken and praying to god in front of her. She thought it was hilarious. 

I had posted once about how I thought my husband was possessed, but then it got flagged and the post was taken down.

So, I won't say definitively that my husband is possessed, but I know that "look". His borderline behavior was relatively mild when he was sober (It was still there). But when he drank, he was evil. He's an alcoholic. But he would change only after 2 or 3 drinks. And we would have a nice day and buy wine. We were like best friends. So we would be chatting away. And I would be chatting about something and he would remark something like, "Yea, right, Gloria." And the tone would just stop me dead. Because I knew that tone. That tone signaled he had SPLIT. And then, I'd look at him. And his whole face had a different expression. Same physical features - different look. Eyebrows are different. A calm, taunting, glare - like he wants to burn my soul. And I felt that I was no longer sitting with my husband, but with Hate Incarnate. A man that wants to destroy me. And he would start the berating and he won't stop until something or someone breaks.

In the beginning, he'd snap out the next morning and apologize. Then, he got sober for a year. And it was great. He'd still have the borderline mood swings, but only like every 2 weeks. It was liveable. Then I had a baby. He relapsed around a week before the baby's birth.

Again, with the demon thing, there was a part in one of the gospels, where Jesus said a demon leaves a person. He finds nowhere to go. He goes back to that person and finds their body clean. So then he comes back to that person and brings 7 of his friends.

My husband was about 7 times worse this time around. I don't know. Who knows? I read a book called Halfway Heaven, written by a Harvard professor about a mentally ill student she had. The author said many psychiatrist at the end of the day say they believe in evil. I don't believe all or most borderlines are possessed. Nothing is black and white like that.
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« Reply #75 on: September 27, 2014, 10:16:17 PM »

Check out Scott Peck's book, "People of the Lie"; I haven't read it, but I have a number of T friends and an older brother who found it insightful and terrifying at the same time.
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« Reply #76 on: September 28, 2014, 10:34:48 AM »

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