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Author Topic: Did you notice a smile or a creepy look of satisfaction?  (Read 8536 times)
BlackHoleSun
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« Reply #60 on: September 26, 2014, 07:56:38 PM »

Yep, there were a couple of times my ex had a truly evil and sinister smile on her face. It was pretty disturbing.

Odd though! She was raging at me once, saying the most hurtful stuff she could come up with. Afterwards she broke down in tears and started hitting herself in the head screaming "WHY! WHY! WHY!". She then wanted me to hit and punish her and cried out "i'm evil". Of course i told her, i'd never hurt her, that i loved her then hugged her and she eventually calmed down.

A few months later she raged at me again saying the same things, only this time she did it with the evil, sinister smile on her face and didn't show any remorse at all.

Another time she split up with me, then asked me to go back to her... .so I did. When i got there, she threw me straight back out of the house. I asked her "why are you doing this? I love you"! She replied "i don't care" and the evil, sinister smile spread across her lips. I could see her trying to hold it back.

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!

The 2 scariest things i've seen in my life, probably the 2 scariest things i'll EVER see in my life -

1. The evil smile

but most of all

2. The totally dead eyes and expressionless face... .she didn't even seem human or alive. She was like a mannequin. No lights on and nobody home. Happened a couple of times when i told her i loved her.

Sad though, as she has the most beautiful eyes and the most beautiful smile i've ever seen.

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Penumbra66
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« Reply #61 on: September 26, 2014, 08:35:18 PM »

When I confronted my ex after finding texts from a guy she'd been cheating on me with, she dumped me. This was a two weeks after she told me the cheating had stopped and she was supposedly committed to rebuilding our relationship.

Six days after dumping me, she sent me an email telling me she had made the right decision, with no apology for the weeks of lying, broken promises, cheating, and abandonment. I was so ill that my therapist suggested that I check into an overnight "calm" unit, because I was losing my mind. Before checkin, I made the mistake of having a brief video chat, and I was a total mess--crying, yelling at her, telling her that I had lost 12 lbs in six days. And she started laughing at me, $hit eating grin on her face afterwards, as though it was all so amusing to her. I'm losing my mind, and she's laughing at me. I ask her if she finds this funny, and replies "kind of," before then saying, unconvincingly, that she has to laugh so not to cry. And that little smile never left her face. Never any look of concern.

The whole thing still makes me ill.
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Gloria_Patch
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« Reply #62 on: September 26, 2014, 09:59:25 PM »

I don't remember if he had that smile. I don't show pain, so that may be why I don't get to see it often...

Here's the odd thing: After about 2 weeks into our relationships (Me + Him and Me + Sid Vicious/O.J. Simpson/Slim Shady/Joan Crawford), I had a nightmare as clear as reality, where he had his arm around a girl and turned and smirked this evil smirk at me.

The odd thing is that I don't believe he had showed any bad side at that point. It was definitely still in the honeymoon phase.

That nightmare. That smirk. As clear as day though.
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Aussie0zborn
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« Reply #63 on: September 27, 2014, 12:02:30 AM »

Do BPD's get some sick joy, entertainment or a satisfaction out of cheating, lying and physical violence on us? I keep reading comments from members here that seem to express that they do.

Did you notice a smile when hit, a smile when lied too, a look of enjoyment of getting even with you/revenge or a smile in delight as they demeaned you in an attempt to mentally break you or a look of satisfaction that you found out they cheated?

Oh yes - yes to all of the above. In addition, my stbx uBPDw's mouth would lean to one side when she was lying to manipulate or trying to justify the unjustifiable - as easy to read as an open book. She got her joy in the final day of devaluation with that smile. They are very sick people and knowing that she can't ever have a functional relationship confirms  that I missed out on nothing as there was nothing genuine there in the first place. It's best just leave them to it.
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freedom33
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« Reply #64 on: September 27, 2014, 02:09:56 AM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!

Same thing with me. She would shapeshift during sex. It was scary (and exciting).
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Take2
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« Reply #65 on: September 27, 2014, 06:25:51 AM »

Yes.  On more than one occasion.  The look of a totally different person on his face.  The behavior of a totally different person.  And the look of true hatred and satisfaction.  Very disturbing - the look and the fact that it changes back.  The face/expression changes depending on whether he was in psychotic mode or not.  No exaggeration.  He looks like a different person when in that mode. 

But I don't think the look was his satisfaction for cheating or abusing me, it was more showing that he was satisfied that he'd gotten even (for delusions which never happened!)   To this day, it's still very difficult to wrap my head around the fact that anyone could truly be cruel like this... .
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Indyan
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« Reply #66 on: September 27, 2014, 07:07:59 AM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!



Wasn't that a BIG turnoff? 
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RisingSun
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« Reply #67 on: September 27, 2014, 09:25:37 AM »

I'll never forget this;

I was being raked over the coals.

My xw was telling me all about her deep and amazing connection to her new man she was having an affair with.

I was devastated with grief and balled up in front of her crying my eyes out and feeling deeply traumatized by what I had just heard.

I looked up at her for a moment and she was smiling with a look of satisfaction. It seemed my grief was giving her power and she was

sucking in all up with enjoyment. That's when I knew I had to get out. This was my lightbulb moment. The next day I left for good.
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freedom33
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« Reply #68 on: September 27, 2014, 09:41:59 AM »

I'll never forget this;

I was being raked over the coals.

My xw was telling me all about her deep and amazing connection to her new man she was having an affair with.

I was devastated with grief and balled up in front of her crying my eyes out and feeling deeply traumatized by what I had just heard.

I looked up at her for a moment and she was smiling with a look of satisfaction. It seemed my grief was giving her power and she was

sucking in all up with enjoyment. That's when I knew I had to get out. This was my lightbulb moment. The next day I left for good.

Similar lighbulb moment here. Unfortunately I did nto have to endure such an ordeal as yours. I am really sorry to hear about your situation. This is heavy stuff that must have marked you. My situation it was a bit lighter but the principle behind it was the same - She was baiting me all morning trying to get me angry, we were going through power struggles. I wasn't able to contain myself well that day. In addition to all this I had to do some work and something unfortunate happened to me due to partially being agitated which caused me a considerable delay and I got desperate. Beyond angry, desperate and I was about to cry. I saw her smiling about my misfortune and said something ironic can't even remember what it was. But I did feel deeply at that moment that this person does not care for me at all. I also left the next day for good.
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BlackHoleSun
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« Reply #69 on: September 27, 2014, 05:35:51 PM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!



Wasn't that a BIG turnoff? 

It REALLY freaked me out!

We were getting down to it then, all of a sudden the evil, sinister smile appeared on her face. This quickly transformed into the most horrible twisted grin you can possibly imagine. Her eyes were totally wild. She genuinely looked possessed. She pushed me off her laughing and taunting me, saying "only if you hurt me". I refused and backed off. She laughed, taunted me some more, even her voice changed "HURT ME... .or you're not screwing me"... .then it was like the demon left and she was suddenly back in control. She then started sobbing and became incredibly paranoid, ranting and talking about the devil.

Months later she told me how she'd once slept with a devout Christian, which had left him broken and praying to god in front of her. She thought it was hilarious. 
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Arminius
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« Reply #70 on: September 27, 2014, 06:20:49 PM »

I still remember the look of satisfaction on my first BPD gf's face when she sensed she'd hurt me. It was full of glee. As if she'd come alive by the knowledge that she'd managed to inflict emotional pain on me. Even if it's 15 years ago no I still haven't forgotten it. Utterly sadistic.

I can't forget the look of pleasure on my exes face when he told me about the replacement.  I think he'd wanted to hurt me for a long time and this was when he finally got what he wanted.  I thought at the time that he was a very sick man and I still think that now.

Yeah, mine had The Smirk when telling me, in graphic and quite unnecessary detail, all about her exotic sexual practices with the man she'd just met, almost 2 decades her senior, and by any standards a step down the food chain. Nice.

I wish her every unhappiness Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Arminius
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« Reply #71 on: September 27, 2014, 06:22:11 PM »

During one of my ExBPD's gas lighting episodes I stood up for myself and she went straight to the she's moving out mode. (which at the time I did not want) So I went right out and bought a dozen roses. When I got back and gave them to her there was a brief smirk on her face, like woohoo I won, then went right back to acting pissed for a few hours to save face.

With hindsight, I can see that the 'moving out' threats were always in response to me setting boundaries. And I always crumbled.

Nevermore!
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Arminius
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« Reply #72 on: September 27, 2014, 06:27:40 PM »

The totally dead eyes and expressionless face... .she didn't even seem human or alive. She was like a mannequin. No lights on and nobody home. Happened a couple of times when i told her i loved her.

Sad though, as she has the most beautiful eyes and the most beautiful smile i've ever seen.

The Dead Eyes. That's what I called it, and I told her so. She knew. It was obvious she knew when her eyes were dead. It's a choice.

And like you, I found mine had the most beautiful eyes and smile which was once on the hardest losses to bear, which makes me sound shallow but if you'd seen them... .

Amazing how much crap one will tolerate for a pretty smile... .
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Loveofhislife
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« Reply #73 on: September 27, 2014, 07:21:59 PM »

In another post I wrote that sometimes when I expected him to be dysthymic and depressed (like when he lost two jobs), he seemed ecstatic, and I began to understand why an MD psych had diagnosed him as bipolar--pwBPD are FREQUENTLY misdiagnosed as bipolar, and often they are co-occurring diagnoses--anyway, he was grinning from ear to ear. When I cried (one time when I was wailing over the phone and one time when I was wailing in person) a calm seemed to come over him  .  I think the punitive parent took over--he would stoicly say, "Go wipe your face." It was really weird:  definitely disassociative.  I could be saying, "The house is burning down," and he would say, "Go wipe your face."  Most of the time his countenance looked confused and ready to snap--not unlike my German Shepherd.  But, oh... .when he smiled--the grin of a happy little boy... .he was so beautiful; his face lit up like the sun. Idea
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Gloria_Patch
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« Reply #74 on: September 27, 2014, 10:05:31 PM »

Then there was the time during sex where her entire face changed! She looked like a different person, like she was possessed by a demon - the evil smile, horrible grin, wild eyes. Scary stuff!



Wasn't that a BIG turnoff? 

It REALLY freaked me out!

We were getting down to it then, all of a sudden the evil, sinister smile appeared on her face. This quickly transformed into the most horrible twisted grin you can possibly imagine. Her eyes were totally wild. She genuinely looked possessed. She pushed me off her laughing and taunting me, saying "only if you hurt me". I refused and backed off. She laughed, taunted me some more, even her voice changed "HURT ME... .oryou're not screwing me"... .then it was like the demon left and she was suddenly back in control. She then started sobbing and became incredibly paranoid, ranting and talking about the devil.

Months later she told me how she'd once slept with a devout Christian, which had left him broken and praying to god in front of her. She thought it was hilarious. 

I had posted once about how I thought my husband was possessed, but then it got flagged and the post was taken down.

So, I won't say definitively that my husband is possessed, but I know that "look". His borderline behavior was relatively mild when he was sober (It was still there). But when he drank, he was evil. He's an alcoholic. But he would change only after 2 or 3 drinks. And we would have a nice day and buy wine. We were like best friends. So we would be chatting away. And I would be chatting about something and he would remark something like, "Yea, right, Gloria." And the tone would just stop me dead. Because I knew that tone. That tone signaled he had SPLIT. And then, I'd look at him. And his whole face had a different expression. Same physical features - different look. Eyebrows are different. A calm, taunting, glare - like he wants to burn my soul. And I felt that I was no longer sitting with my husband, but with Hate Incarnate. A man that wants to destroy me. And he would start the berating and he won't stop until something or someone breaks.

In the beginning, he'd snap out the next morning and apologize. Then, he got sober for a year. And it was great. He'd still have the borderline mood swings, but only like every 2 weeks. It was liveable. Then I had a baby. He relapsed around a week before the baby's birth.

Again, with the demon thing, there was a part in one of the gospels, where Jesus said a demon leaves a person. He finds nowhere to go. He goes back to that person and finds their body clean. So then he comes back to that person and brings 7 of his friends.

My husband was about 7 times worse this time around. I don't know. Who knows? I read a book called Halfway Heaven, written by a Harvard professor about a mentally ill student she had. The author said many psychiatrist at the end of the day say they believe in evil. I don't believe all or most borderlines are possessed. Nothing is black and white like that.
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Loveofhislife
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« Reply #75 on: September 27, 2014, 10:16:17 PM »

Check out Scott Peck's book, "People of the Lie"; I haven't read it, but I have a number of T friends and an older brother who found it insightful and terrifying at the same time.
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Turkish
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« Reply #76 on: September 28, 2014, 10:34:48 AM »

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