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Question: I ostr in this thread and I have been no contact for... (please update regularily)
Less than a week - 4 (11.1%)
1 week - 1 (2.8%)
2 weeks - 3 (8.3%)
3 weeks - 1 (2.8%)
4 weeks - 2 (5.6%)
5 weeks - 2 (5.6%)
6 weeks - 2 (5.6%)
7 weeks - 2 (5.6%)
8 weeks - 2 (5.6%)
9 weeks - 0 (0%)
1 weeks - 0 (0%)
10 weeks or more - 17 (47.2%)
Total Voters: 36

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Author Topic: Re: "No Contact" Members Daily  (Read 5145 times)
kc sunshine
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« Reply #60 on: August 20, 2014, 06:58:08 AM »

"From what I have read (and experienced), if we try to contact them (for closure or because we miss them... ) we do not get in contact with the person that once loved us, and that can give us what we seek."

"But, I truly have realized the person I loved is not the real person who exists everyday."

These both seem so true. Learning about the illness has been very helpful to me in the detachment process. I knew my ex had it (she was in treatment for it), and knew a little about it, but not nearly enough for me to understand what was going on with us. I had really hoped/thought that we could "contain" the episodes, but didn't realize that it was progressive, and the BPD relationships follow a pattern (which ours was doing). So whether we break up or not, we would lose the person we fell in love with anyway (the idealizer), no matter what.

Here goes NC day 3 for me!
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Suspicious1
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« Reply #61 on: August 20, 2014, 09:21:55 AM »

Just jumping on board this one. I split up with my ex nearly three months ago and my NC pattern has gone like this (not that I was trying to do NC at the start but anyway... .

2 days

5 days

9 days

5 days

10 days

5 days

7 days

and finally

29 days and counting.

So ok, a lot of false starts as I worked out returning possessions, trying to be amicable, reaching out in case reconciliation was a possibility. Now I'm in acceptance mode and trying to move on. Trying to make him part of my past. Today I'm feeling pretty calm and positive, but yesterday I was on the verge of breaking NC again. Can't wait for the roller coaster to stop... .
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Caredverymuch
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« Reply #62 on: August 20, 2014, 09:43:46 AM »

Just jumping on board this one. I split up with my ex nearly three months ago and my NC pattern has gone like this (not that I was trying to do NC at the start but anyway... .

2 days

5 days

9 days

5 days

10 days

5 days

7 days

and finally

29 days and counting.

So ok, a lot of false starts as I worked out returning possessions, trying to be amicable, reaching out in case reconciliation was a possibility. Now I'm in acceptance mode and trying to move on. Trying to make him part of my past. Today I'm feeling pretty calm and positive, but yesterday I was on the verge of breaking NC again. Can't wait for the roller coaster to stop... .

Susp and others here. You are doing a GREAT job!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) You are strong. And you are all worth everything you are applying to learn, to self soothe and self love and self protect, to remain NC in order to heal yourself from the torture, chaos, and manipulations.  Give the disorder back to the person in which it belongs. 

Every time I yearned to break NC or merely just to try to see him from afar, I stopped. And asked myself this: why? Why do this to myself? Why apply more hurt or accept more hurt when I know better.  When I know how it will turn out if I do.  So, I did what I had to do to keep moving ahead, which often includes just to sit for a bit and cry.  But, the tears get less drawn out. Just a release and acknowledgment of the loss.  Then, I keep moving ahead.  Time for me now.  Thankful to be rid of ALL that pain that r/s was causing me. The pain now, I understand.  And I can redirect. Appropriately.

Time for you ALL now  too!    Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Narellan
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« Reply #63 on: August 20, 2014, 10:52:11 PM »

I'm trapped in a situation where I have to periodically check what my exBPD is posting on his website... .Is that still considered contact? It's unfortunate but necessary and has really delayed my detachment/ healing process. There's no communication going on between us though. One text I sent last week, first message between us in 5 months. So am I 5 months nc or not even a day because I just looked at his web page?
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #64 on: August 21, 2014, 03:13:36 AM »

Excerpt
I'm trapped in a situation where I have to periodically check what my exBPD is posting on his website... .Is that still considered contact?

Technically no, but it is important to look at your motivation for doing it; it's an extension of ruminating, and you're doing it because you're getting something out of it, maybe preservation of hope?  Letting go entirely is the death of hope, which can be very painful.

Excerpt
It's unfortunate but necessary and has really delayed my detachment/ healing process.



Or maybe it's part of the process?  It's said that someone doesn't leave our heads until the lessons they're there to teach have been learned.  Any truth to that?

Excerpt
There's no communication going on between us though. One text I sent last week, first message between us in 5 months. So am I 5 months nc or not even a day because I just looked at his web page?

No contact is just a tool we can use to detach, since, at least in my case, having any kind of contact was damaging to my mental health, seriously crazymaking.  Focusing on the terminology and the exact times is less important than shifting the focus from him to you and from the past to the future; how are you doing with that?
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enlighten me
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« Reply #65 on: August 21, 2014, 03:32:21 AM »

NC is a useful tool. It allows us the time to reflect on how the relationship really was. If we are willing we can then move on. NC isnt completely necessary as long as you have strong boundaries in place and are strong enough not to slip back. I saw both my exs two days ago and had no feelings of wanting to get back with either of them.

In the begining though I would say NC is a must just to get out of the fog and have time to see the relationship for what it really was. It also gives time to regain your self respect.
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« Reply #66 on: August 21, 2014, 05:42:49 AM »

I'm trapped in a situation where I have to periodically check what my exBPD is posting on his website... .Is that still considered contact?

Technically no, but it is important to look at your motivation for doing it; it's an extension of ruminating, and you're doing it because you're getting something out of it, maybe preservation of hope?  Letting go entirely is the death of hope, which can be very painful.

It's unfortunate but necessary and has really delayed my detachment/ healing process.

Or maybe it's part of the process?  It's said that someone doesn't leave our heads until the lessons they're there to teach have been learned.  Any truth to that?

There's no communication going on between us though. One text I sent last week, first message between us in 5 months. So am I 5 months nc or not even a day because I just looked at his web page?

No contact is just a tool we can use to detach, since, at least in my case, having any kind of contact was damaging to my mental health, seriously crazymaking.  Focusing on the terminology and the exact times is less important than shifting the focus from him to you and from the past to the future; how are you doing with that?

"Focusing on the terminology and the exact times is less important than shifting the focus from him to you and from the past to the future; how are you doing with that?"

How about the present moment?
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Narellan
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« Reply #67 on: August 21, 2014, 05:49:10 AM »

Fromheeltoheal. Thanks for that reply.

It's fear that keeps me checking. I'm terrified of what photos he may post of me. Last week he posted 2 nudes, and I sent a brief text to remove them or I'd take legal action. He removed one, I coped with one being left on. Then yesterday he put the more revealing one back on. Then 5 hours later deleted them both. All gone for now. But he's just as likely to repost anything he feels like at the time.

I've spoken to a lawyer re sending a letter forbidding him from publishing my photos, but I know it will escalate him if I take action. I've so far ignored every attempt he's made to contact me, but he knows I don't want anyone to see nude photos of me, and he has posted a few every month or so since we split. And he gets a reaction each time. My T has contacted the police who said they can charge him with stalking... .

My opinion is just to keep trying to ignore and keep checking almost daily what he posts.

But I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I feel tied to him and this disorder.

Sometimes too I'm pleased I'm still on his mind.

It's so sick I know... .
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #68 on: August 21, 2014, 05:51:54 AM »

Excerpt
I'm trapped in a situation where I have to periodically check what my exBPD is posting on his website... .Is that still considered contact?

Technically no, but it is important to look at your motivation for doing it; it's an extension of ruminating, and you're doing it because you're getting something out of it, maybe preservation of hope?  Letting go entirely is the death of hope, which can be very painful.

Excerpt
It's unfortunate but necessary and has really delayed my detachment/ healing process.



Or maybe it's part of the process?  It's said that someone doesn't leave our heads until the lessons they're there to teach have been learned.  Any truth to that?

Excerpt
There's no communication going on between us though. One text I sent last week, first message between us in 5 months. So am I 5 months nc or not even a day because I just looked at his web page?

No contact is just a tool we can use to detach, since, at least in my case, having any kind of contact was damaging to my mental health, seriously crazymaking.  Focusing on the terminology and the exact times is less important than shifting the focus from him to you and from the past to the future; how are you doing with that?

"Focusing on the terminology and the exact times is less important than shifting the focus from him to you and from the past to the future; how are you doing with that?"

How about the present moment?

Yes, we are always in the perpetually reproducing present moment; the past and the future are imaginary.  And happiness is created by progress; change is automatic, progress is not, it takes a vision to compare to for reference, which requires an imagining of the future, a direction.  Blissing out in the present moment is beneficial, as is moving forward.
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #69 on: August 21, 2014, 06:08:46 AM »

Fromheeltoheal. Thanks for that reply.

It's fear that keeps me checking. I'm terrified of what photos he may post of me. Last week he posted 2 nudes, and I sent a brief text to remove them or I'd take legal action. He removed one, I coped with one being left on. Then yesterday he put the more revealing one back on. Then 5 hours later deleted them both. All gone for now. But he's just as likely to repost anything he feels like at the time.

I've spoken to a lawyer re sending a letter forbidding him from publishing my photos, but I know it will escalate him if I take action. I've so far ignored every attempt he's made to contact me, but he knows I don't want anyone to see nude photos of me, and he has posted a few every month or so since we split. And he gets a reaction each time. My T has contacted the police who said they can charge him with stalking... .

My opinion is just to keep trying to ignore and keep checking almost daily what he posts.

But I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I feel tied to him and this disorder.

Sometimes too I'm pleased I'm still on his mind.

It's so sick I know... .

Well, that is a unique way for a borderline to test an attachment to see if it's still there.  I guess the thing to do is what you're doing, getting cops involved and protecting yourself, and staying out of direct contact.

I have no idea if I'm ever on my ex's mind, but there is a part of me that would feel good if I found out I was, I understand.  Maybe an inkling that I do matter to her after all, after all the bullsht, maybe a little validation, maybe that pesky hope is still hanging around.  Forward... .
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Narellan
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« Reply #70 on: August 21, 2014, 06:25:54 AM »

Yes to everything you said. My exBPD is extremely calculating and intelligent. He knows which buttons to push to get a reaction from me. Mind you he still has been direct by just showing up at my door and by calling a few times, but when he failed to make contact doing this, he is pulling out the big guns.

Funny tho he did not reply when I sent " remove the photos or I will take legal action" not a single reply. And he didn't remove them til several days later. Wanted to see if I would take it further? Or wanted me to stew over it?

I have no idea if I'm black or white at the moment. Posting photos because he thinks I'm beautiful or because he wants to destroy me...

I feel like ill be enmeshed forever in this. He still posts photos of his exgf from years ago!

What lesson have I learned here? Never trust a photographer no matter how reputable they seem?
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« Reply #71 on: August 21, 2014, 11:12:00 AM »

Excerpt
Funny tho he did not reply when I sent " remove the photos or I will take legal action" not a single reply. And he didn't remove them til several days later. Wanted to see if I would take it further? Or wanted me to stew over it?



Or maybe, with your formal and stern message, he felt the attachment slipping, that abandonment terror showed up, the worst thing that can happen to a borderline, and he was reduced to a fetal position, rocking back and forth until the pain stopped.  That literally happened with mine, until she'd had enough of it and started raging at any and every thing.

Excerpt
I have no idea if I'm black or white at the moment.



I say we only have a color when there's an attachment in place, when we're stuck in the borderline spin cycle.  A borderline attachment is a fusing of psyches, and when that ceases to exist, along with the lack of object constancy, we cease to exist in their heads entirely; handy that, if only I could have gotten her to cease to exist in my head a little faster, but it takes what it takes.  Maybe at that point we're colored clear?
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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #72 on: August 21, 2014, 11:16:01 AM »

Yes to everything you said. My exBPD is extremely calculating and intelligent. He knows which buttons to push to get a reaction from me. Mind you he still has been direct by just showing up at my door and by calling a few times, but when he failed to make contact doing this, he is pulling out the big guns.

Funny tho he did not reply when I sent " remove the photos or I will take legal action" not a single reply. And he didn't remove them til several days later. Wanted to see if I would take it further? Or wanted me to stew over it?

I have no idea if I'm black or white at the moment. Posting photos because he thinks I'm beautiful or because he wants to destroy me...

I feel like ill be enmeshed forever in this. He still posts photos of his exgf from years ago!

What lesson have I learned here? Never trust a photographer no matter how reputable they seem?

Narellan,

From the previous, yes escalation would probably occur, almost definitely.  Its a no-win situation.  How very borderline... .

Most likely, in his head, going between the "If I give to much I loose control / If I don't give enough she wont love me"  thought process.  This is very perverted in nature as its polar opposites, black/white.  Taking down one picture shows I will give a little bit but I am still in control, IE: he isn't capitulating.  Their is also probaly a hope for more contact from only taking one down.  Posting them again shows, "I am in control, I am taking it back, I am winning".  Again, he wants more contact.  For him this probably also confirms the thought in his head that there is still an attachment/relationship possibility.  This is confirmed as your still looking it up and checking, sucks but yea it is what it is.  

One thing pwBPD hate, from what I'm reading, is loosing control, huge fear for them.  Amongst everything else loosing control is the one thing they cant handle as the emotions start coming to the surface and the pain starts.  They loose control then they have nothing, this sort of falls back to the no sense of self thing from what I have been reading.  Hard to explain but your pwBPD (there are so many but I am making sure he isn't your exBPD here, how very detached   still has some 'traits' or attributes that he has assumed from you, sure he is mirroring the new object however he knows he buggered it up with you, he is at fault.  Feels great shame (I'm a bad person) and still wants to control you on a subconscious level even though your split black, insecure attachment style.  A normal person moves on to the next relationship and doesn't play these games after the grieving process, pwBPD never grieves.  

All I would say, sure it sucks, be thankful that he is controlling you with photo's and not a child.  

One thing I would do, if it occurs again, you have the different units in the Police.  (I'm dealing with the SOCA unit - Sexual Offences Child Abuse, you would deal with the local  CIU - Criminal Investigation Unit)  When you get in contact, make sure its Sergeant level and above, preferably the Senior Sergeant in charge.  These units have a e-mail that sends to all the detectives in the unit it will be city-ciu@police.blahblah.com.au.  (dont get a individual members e-mail get the unit e-mail, very important) When he pops the images up again, send the warning text.  24 hours later send an e-mail to him and CC the e-mail for the local CIU and CC your lawyer.  

If escalation does occur Police are aware of it and the paper trail is in place.  You would be amazed how fast the local cops act when you send it to the "unit" e-mail address as if it's to an individual they drag there feet.  If everyone has it it gets actioned a lot faster and EVERYONE be it on duty or off duty becomes aware of it.  This will make any follow up easier.  

Also, e-mails and make sure you have 'confirm receipt' activated... .

WOW, I have just been able to put my experience in the security industry to use.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)


AJJ.  
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #73 on: August 21, 2014, 11:32:39 AM »

Excerpt
One thing pwBPD hate, from what I'm reading, is loosing control, huge fear for them.  Amongst everything else loosing control is the one thing they cant handle as the emotions start coming to the surface and the pain starts.

Yes, and that need for control is just a tool to avoid abandonment; it's all about abandonment for a borderline, who are terrified of it, and it's a constant focus.  So if we can be isolated from other people in our lives and devalued to the point where we don't have the balls to leave, we're held captive, so a borderline can't 'lose' us.

It took me a while to realize that when I left her the first time I wounded her to her core, that was the worst thing I could have done, and why things were never the same once we reconciled; the facade she painted made it 'seem' like we went back to 'normal', but there were cracks in it, things were never the same, and it ended shortly thereafter.
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« Reply #74 on: August 22, 2014, 10:32:59 AM »

Day 21. I'm doing really well! I'm happy and confident again. Last two days i caught her looking at me a lot. Colleagues noticed it as well. Noticed her laughing at jokes i made as well. She is nervous to be around me/doesn't want to talk to me though.

I think she finally realized what she threw away... .
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« Reply #75 on: August 22, 2014, 02:58:52 PM »

What are the thoughts on mementos/photos?

I have put all photos in a folder out of the way on my computer - I don't want to see them, they make me very sad. But I'm not sure whether to delete them forever.

I have got rid of virtually everything connected to her, but still have 3 very nice items of clothing she bought me, and a picture she painted "for me" (although probably because she enjoyed painting it, and then gave it to me, as opposed to wanting to make me happy). I can't decide whether to sell the clothes, and throw out the picture. For now I've put the painting in the garage, but I'm not sure if I'll regret not having any evidence of the relationship years down the line.

What do you think?
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« Reply #76 on: August 22, 2014, 03:08:58 PM »

What are the thoughts on mementos/photos?

I have put all photos in a folder out of the way on my computer - I don't want to see them, they make me very sad. But I'm not sure whether to delete them forever.

I have got rid of virtually everything connected to her, but still have 3 very nice items of clothing she bought me, and a picture she painted "for me" (although probably because she enjoyed painting it, and then gave it to me, as opposed to wanting to make me happy). I can't decide whether to sell the clothes, and throw out the picture. For now I've put the painting in the garage, but I'm not sure if I'll regret not having any evidence of the relationship years down the line.

What do you think?

Depends on you. I never throw or delete anything. In 2006, I put any college related materials regarding her in a couple of folders and stored them in a box and never opened then till she returned in late 2010. All photos/electronic stuff/emails are in a folder named after her. By summer 2006 I stopped opening it and didn't look at it till late 2010 either. Now I have done the same thing. I don't want to delete because these are memories of my life. And I always believe human beings deserve a chance, especially ill people. If we are 70 years old and come in contact, would she be BPD? Wouldn't we have a smile towards the end of our lives looking at photos when we were 19 or 29? Maybe I am too sentimental... .but I am allergic towards discarding memories. If/when I start dating again, I wonder what will my future partner think... .
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Caredverymuch
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« Reply #77 on: August 22, 2014, 04:53:25 PM »

What are the thoughts on mementos/photos?

I have put all photos in a folder out of the way on my computer - I don't want to see them, they make me very sad. But I'm not sure whether to delete them forever.

I have got rid of virtually everything connected to her, but still have 3 very nice items of clothing she bought me, and a picture she painted "for me" (although probably because she enjoyed painting it, and then gave it to me, as opposed to wanting to make me happy). I can't decide whether to sell the clothes, and throw out the picture. For now I've put the painting in the garage, but I'm not sure if I'll regret not having any evidence of the relationship years down the line.

What do you think?

I still have all packed away. I deleted the obvious, Email contact, Cell phone, etc. But the tangible stuff is too hard. It really makes it feel as if none of it was real by getting rid of everything tangible. Bc they act like we are not/were not real, it's hard enough. For me, one of the most difficult things still is knowing I've been erased by him.  So easily.

I don't open the box to read the notes or see the tangibles although I did for a very good many incredibly heartbreaking months.  Sometimes I would just run my hand over his handwriting to try to feel him again.

I imagine one day I will be able to get rid of it all. For now, it's packed away.

All very sad, isn't it?

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« Reply #78 on: August 22, 2014, 05:55:51 PM »

Yes, it's tragic.

There seems little point hanging onto any memories, now I know it was all an illusion.

In some pictures, I am blissfully happy - blissfully ignorant, ignorant of the manipulation and abuse taking place, and the utter hell to follow.
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« Reply #79 on: August 22, 2014, 06:05:05 PM »

I found a bunch of photos of her on my computer, months after I left her, forgot they were there, and the thing that jumped out at me was how different she looked.  Some of them were with me, some at work, some with other people, and some posed glamour shots; she looked like a different person in each one, not just different hair, make up or facial expression, a totally different person.  I'd detached a bunch and learned about the disorder by then, and looking at the pics just drove home what a chameleon she could be, how she could be who she needed to be in any situation, and more importantly, who she was changed on the fly in reaction to who she was with because she has no self of her own.  It was validating and sad at the same time.  So I deleted all but one, and that one went in the folder of pics of people I used to know.  I'm good with that.
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« Reply #80 on: August 22, 2014, 07:06:38 PM »

I went 2.5 years with no contact and seemingly no interest from either party and she just e-mailed me twice about my home and some forms she had to turn in regarding it. Mind you, a real estate attorney, my Realtor, AND her sister have all be in correspondence with her and have been handling this for me so that I can retain no contact. I have her blocked on everything and she low and behold decided to e-mail me. It was nice, cordial, but had no meaning. She was totally trying to initiate contact.

I guess her honeymoon with her drug dealer boyfriend is getting stale after 2.5 years. She seemed totally sober in the e-mail. I quickly deleted both emails but feel bad for not acknowledging her. I know I did the right thing though.
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« Reply #81 on: August 22, 2014, 07:58:12 PM »

I say we only have a color when there's an attachment in place, when we're stuck in the borderline spin cycle.  A borderline attachment is a fusing of psyches, and when that ceases to exist, along with the lack of object constancy, we cease to exist in their heads entirely

In my case, and many others I've read here, we're not entirely gone at all. They move on to new and shiny, but the old and dented still exist. My then-gf talked about some of her exes frequently enough that I grew weary of it. Which to her meant I was jealous, but to me it was why bring up other people you used to be with when you're supposedly so with the person you're with now? This wasn't just a few times, it was thousands. Obsessive, and I was only seeing what she showed. Those people and stories kept rattling around inside her. Now I'm another one she'll be talking about. Struggling with. Repeating to herself and whoever else while running from.
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #82 on: August 22, 2014, 08:32:09 PM »

I say we only have a color when there's an attachment in place, when we're stuck in the borderline spin cycle.  A borderline attachment is a fusing of psyches, and when that ceases to exist, along with the lack of object constancy, we cease to exist in their heads entirely

In my case, and many others I've read here, we're not entirely gone at all. They move on to new and shiny, but the old and dented still exist. My then-gf talked about some of her exes frequently enough that I grew weary of it. Which to her meant I was jealous, but to me it was why bring up other people you used to be with when you're supposedly so with the person you're with now? This wasn't just a few times, it was thousands. Obsessive, and I was only seeing what she showed. Those people and stories kept rattling around inside her. Now I'm another one she'll be talking about. Struggling with. Repeating to herself and whoever else while running from.

Yeah, you're right myself, a borderline never lets go of an attachment, and my ex still had emotional memories in her consciousness of relationships that had been over for more than a decade.  And I got to hear about them too.

I guess for me the whole painted white/black thing occurs when we're actually in a relationship, or at least in contact, with a borderline; we aren't 'painted' one way or the other if we've left, the brush doesn't reach that far?  Although we're probably one color, or both, between those borderline ears.
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Vatz
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #83 on: August 22, 2014, 09:15:02 PM »

Right now, I think just over six weeks. Feels like longer, and yet it doesn't.

She's with a replacement, and it gives me peace of mind for two reasons.

1) She's not in the streets, starving or worse. I never wanted any harm to come to her. Her seeing a replacement alleviates the guilt. The key I find is not to think too much on what they're up to. Just a sick person I no longer have to take care of.

2) She's going to spend all her time with the replacement, and probably won't contact me for at least a year. Hopefully by then I'll change my email, phone, and mostly everything else. Who knows, she may not recognize me on the street by then.

I just want to put all this behind me and laugh about it someday. Which if things go well, I probably will.

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myself
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #84 on: August 22, 2014, 10:09:56 PM »

I guess for me the whole painted white/black thing occurs when we're actually in a relationship, or at least in contact, with a borderline; we aren't 'painted' one way or the other if we've left, the brush doesn't reach that far?  Although we're probably one color, or both, between those borderline ears.

It shifts around, but I'd say we're more often seen as bad so they can see themselves as good. Twisting things to their disordered view. We're banished, but still clung to. When we're seen as good, it twists again. While facing the facts, I've been honestly trying to see what's mine and what's hers. Without FOG. She's not my scapegoat. She has been all of the colors to me. She keeps perpetuating problems, though, and I've had to stay NC.
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #85 on: August 23, 2014, 06:32:55 AM »

I went 2.5 years with no contact and seemingly no interest from either party and she just e-mailed me twice about my home and some forms she had to turn in regarding it. Mind you, a real estate attorney, my Realtor, AND her sister have all be in correspondence with her and have been handling this for me so that I can retain no contact. I have her blocked on everything and she low and behold decided to e-mail me. It was nice, cordial, but had no meaning. She was totally trying to initiate contact.

I guess her honeymoon with her drug dealer boyfriend is getting stale after 2.5 years. She seemed totally sober in the e-mail. I quickly deleted both emails but feel bad for not acknowledging her. I know I did the right thing though.

Yes you did!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Don't feel bad... .I did that once, (felt bad about ignoring her contact) acted on it and it caused me a ton of emotional pain.
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Bak86
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« Reply #86 on: August 24, 2014, 07:39:12 AM »

Day 23. Allthough i feel really good, i had a breakdown today. I kept thinking about her, felt lonely etc. It always seems if the weekends when i have time for my self i break down  
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« Reply #87 on: August 24, 2014, 07:46:04 AM »

Day 23. Allthough i feel really good, i had a breakdown today. I kept thinking about her, felt lonely etc. It always seems if the weekends when i have time for my self i break down  

I know... .It comes in waves! Feel your feelings, but I did whatever I could to stay busy in a positive way.
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Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #88 on: September 03, 2014, 05:24:34 PM »

I was re-engaged and having sex with mine up till the day I left... .so many recycles I lost count. And even during a recycle she would tell me she wasnt really into me. Then we would have sex... .If I had things to do for a day or two Im 100 percent sure she was with someone else.

I left the area a couple of weeks ago. Maybe a bit longer. On my road trip south she was telling me she loved me now that I was gone and how much she was going to miss me. She was on her way to the cape. I started settling in. Contacted her a week later via text to see how she was doing... .she said great. How great her trip was... .and then I said do you remember what you texted me? She denied it.So I sent her the text, forwarded it. She said why are you sending me old texts! Then she got nasty. Said I was wierd and the time she spent with me she was stressed out ( no doubt juggling 4 guys)... .and that she didn't miss me... .then she said she was off to enjoy the day but not before calling me a weirdo and then a big BYE. Haven't initiated and haven't heard. Im thousands of miles away... too far in her mind to be used for anything.

The fog is clearing nicely. I think about her just a bit here and there. Nothing intense. It passes. Im happy to be in my new digs. Life is good. Fresh and clean... .and if my relationship doesn't work out with my ex. Illl move down the beach. There is so much action here its crazy. 

Its all good. Im glad to be de-toxing.
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