Explanation for temporary physical appearance changes?

[AwakenedOne]

This thread is building off of a previous related thread.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=226746.0

In the previous thread many members described their ex pwBPD as having dark, dead and hollow looking eyes for example during moments of rage or intensity.

Some quotes of members from the previous thread:

"There was a deadness in her eyes like demonic possession"

"His face Blank, empty, hollow"

"Beady eyes, with nothing behind them but black"

"eyes like black holes"

"the dead eyes"

Those members describe what I also saw many times in my ex.

I have seen this description also in a dozen other random threads. I was wondering why is this? Do you believe it's linked to the disorder such as anger causes a physical appearance change when combined with this disorder? Or what is happening? Is there a scientific explanation? I see members mention this but I haven't see anyone ask what is really happening. So I will pose this question.

I welcome any and all responses whether based on facts or just a guess.

[Inside]

Interesting question, let’s see if I can recall (after 7 months NC with my exuBPDgf)…

When she’d rage, if I dared look close enough, I saw fear.  As if she were bluffing.  :)idn’t need to be afraid of me, I’d never hit her and she seemed to realized that.  

…don’t know if you’re looking for this side, but when ... openly exposing herself sexually she looked like a naughty child – knowingly caught in the cookie jar.  Very weird, to the point of creepy.  One time I failed to respond …I was so creeped out.  So, a childish appearance.

Then there were the distant stares…  as if she were somewhere else, and likely was.  Those actually turned me on … though if I’d really known what (if anything) was going through her mind it may have terrified me!

Anger, ‘true anger,’ if looking close appeared like depression.  As though she just knew everything was going to hell, couldn’t help it, and just gave up.

‘Fear’ was quickly transformed into a ‘determined toughness.’  They’re such Chameleons, I guess it would ‘make sense’ that every feeling would be instantly twisted into something else, if likely the opposite.  

Sadness also looked like fear … as if she feared someone learning that she had emotions?    

[AG]

Thats a good question my friend I would say theyre eyes go black because of the pupils expanding so wide it covers theyre entire eyeball. On a spiritual level not a fact of course but just my interpretation is that they are people who embrace negative energy on mass levels. When u embrace all that dark energy u simply are evil at that point in time. Again not fact just my thoughts on it. They drink the poison of vengence,anger,malice,and all other types of negative ___ery that I think contributes to this.

[Aussie JJ]

I have different veiws on this... .

When they are in a rage or dsyregulayed the 'mask' is down.  What you are seeing is the real not false self.  Remember mirroring etc where they are copying what you and society around them sees as acceptable.  This is their false self that they show to the outside world to be accepted and loved.   When BPD's are not in control and putting forward this projection that they want you to see their is a 3 year old having a tantrum.  No control exists, its primal.  

When you are seeing that rage, that is when you are seeing all of the defense mechanisms being put down for acceptance, all that is their is the defense mechanism of 'get away before you hurt me'.  Hurt to them is togetherness/attachment opening up seeing that inner child.  

What you are seeing at that point in time if you remove the words, the physical abuse and everything else is their real self.  

I have started to call it the parkinsons look.  No control but totally blank as their is no real emotion their but just primitive defense mechanisms to stop you getting to that real emotion.  

[corraline]

Emotions are directly related to feelings and thoughts, yet there is also a connection between the physical reactions and the emotions we experience. Think about the times you have felt your pulse race or your mouth go dry. These physical changes probably occurred while you were experiencing a strong emotion, such as anger. There are definite physical responses caused by anger.

All human beings have a nervous system that automatically reacts to strong emotions such as anger or fear. Think of anger as an emergency signal for the body. To meet this emergency, the nervous system activates and prepares the body. Think of something in the past that angered you and then try thinking of how your body responded to that anger.

Usually the body’s first response to anger is an increased breathing rate. This is the body’s way of taking in more oxygen. When you breathe faster, your heart pumps faster. This increases the pressure on your arteries. When you are angry, you might break into a sweat. This helps cool your body. If you look into a mirror, you may find your pupils are dilated.

Your face is likely to either turn pale or flushed. When you are angry, your hands can also turn cold. A lot of energy is used by your body when you are angry. You might find yourself shaking. Physically unfit individuals may experience pains in the chest. It is healthy to blow off steam once in a while, but repeated anger can deplete the energy reserves in the body. Your body’s health is jeopardized when it has the extra stress of anger feelings. Anger can cause stress on the body’s major systems such as the heart, nerves, or respiratory functions.



not my words, just info i looked into.  so really we are witnessing physiological reactions to extreme emotions.  For myself, i was not used to seeing such strong emotions coming my way when he was raging in the end.  So it was frightening to see the changes in his face etc.

[Aussie JJ]

I don't have links to the videos or articles where I read this stuff but their emotions are totally real and consuming to them.  

"Like a full body burns patient, every time you touch them the pain is so consuming, that is their emotional control, it is so consuming compared to having normally developed and healthy skin."

When those emotions that are painful are triggered it takes over everything.  If someone knows where that quote above comes from please help me out, I remember it being a video... .

[AwakenedOne]

Thats a good question my friend I would say theyre eyes go black because of the pupils expanding so wide it covers theyre entire eyeball. On a spiritual level not a fact of course but just my interpretation is that they are people who embrace negative energy on mass levels. When u embrace all that dark energy u simply are evil at that point in time. Again not fact just my thoughts on it. They drink the poison of vengence,anger,malice,and all other types of negative ___ery that I think contributes to this.

I saw the dark eyes many times over 4 years. Your theory of embracing negative energy is a very interesting one. Even being that the person is disordered, it is still embracing dark energy at a given moment such as participating in acts of violence against others and toward material objects. My ex once broke about 1/3 of all our things in the house in a rage. It's interesting how the most prominent thing some members remember at the time are the dark eyes. I understand when a person gets embarrassed their face will turn red, that's common. But the transformation into what others describe as dead, dark and hollow eyes is hard to fathom.

[AwakenedOne]

These are some other threads I found here that talk about the scary eyes.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=212056.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=160487.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114830.msg1129649

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202053.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=93289.0

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=124971.0

[Narellan]

My exBPD referred to an "inward stare" I don't know what that means but he had it a few times. His eyes looked weird but the pupil would be the tiniest pin prick, not black but get blank. I never saw him rage tho.

I saw a recent photo of him and couldn't recognise him. I can't say what it was, but it was like he wasn't there anymore. Dead. Not just his eyes but the way his whole face looked. It was a bit scary but I could still see his dysregulation. He looked full if turmoil. It was a really awful photo and I don't know why he would have made it his prof pic because anyone can see how odd he looks. Me still in a bit of fog felt sad that he looks so damn miserable.

I think I mentioned in the other post, once in bed I got a chill when I looked at him during sex he looked so possessed. Eyes and whole face.

Maybe mine is possessed because often he looked that way...

[enlighten me]

Usually the body’s first response to anger is an increased breathing rate. This is the body’s way of taking in more oxygen. When you breathe faster, your heart pumps faster. This increases the pressure on your arteries. When you are angry, you might break into a sweat. This helps cool your body. If you look into a mirror, you may find your pupils are dilated.

My exgf just posted some selfies on facebook. Spent Saturday morning dolling herself up the full hair and makeup. It seems to me to be the look at what your missing thing. While others replied about how beautiful she looked I thought she looked angry. Her pupils where dilated and she had that tension in her jawline that made me think she was gritting her teeth. Another friend of mine said she looked empty.

[Changingman]

Perhaps the reptilian brain takes over instantly and has one mission, to destroy the threat. No surrender

[Ihope2]

I don't have links to the videos or articles where I read this stuff but their emotions are totally real and consuming to them.  

"Like a full body burns patient, every time you touch them the pain is so consuming, that is their emotional control, it is so consuming compared to having normally developed and healthy skin."

When those emotions that are painful are triggered it takes over everything.  If someone knows where that quote above comes from please help me out, I remember it being a video... .

I think I remember once reading that quote and it originated from Marsha Linehan, the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy founder.

[Ihope2]

I once took a selfie of the two of our heads together, my head touching the side of his head.  I was smiling, and when I saw the photo, he had the most miserable look on his face.  Like a prisoner on death row.  Just a look of such misery on his face. 

I did not have any photos of him smiling.  Just a man staring at a camera.  But that particular photo was the most miserable facial expression I have yet seen.

[Narellan]

The selfies my exBPD posts of himself all look like he's in turmoil if just off with the fairies ... .Or demons ... .

I just was thinking about the pupils... .Possibly some of his weirder photos he may have been high which would explain the tiny pupils and off look. No idea why he posts such awful photos of himself.

[RecycledNoMore]

Type detatched protector into the searchbox,there is a wealth of relevant information on this subject.

[enlighten me]

The selfies my exBPD posts of himself all look like he's in turmoil if just off with the fairies ... .Or demons ... .

I just was thinking about the pupils... .Possibly some of his weirder photos he may have been high which would explain the tiny pupils and off look. No idea why he posts such awful photos of himself.

Normally if high the pupis dilate and get bigger. Opiates do this.

The pin point pupils are more associated with anger.

Ive been looking at the link between the hormone cortisol which is the fight or flight hormone and oxytocin the bonding hormone because of this thread.

When scared the body produces cortisol to prepare us to run or fight. This elevates our senses and reflexes. The release of cortisol should then trigger oxytocin which calms us down after the stress has passed.

It seems to be relevant with BPD as from what ive read so far high levels of cortisol that aren't countered by oxytocin will affect memory and keep people agitated. Also the fact that oxytocin is the hormone that causes people to form a bond would explain why a person with BPD doesn't do well in relationships.

Oxytocin also produces the wide pupil effect that people here talk about.

I would be interested if people could remember the state their partner was in at the time of the photos and what the eyes were doing. i.e. did they have large pupils and were quite euphoric due to a celebration or pin point pupils and were fairly sullen.

[Narellan]

The photos we are in together smiling his eyes look normal and pupils are normal. The pin prick weird photos were after we split and he was on his own travelling. He looks scared witless. Some of his photos his eyes are bloodshot and the whites are really red but still small pupils. I look at these photos and can see turmoil even though he's posting how great his life is and how happy he is, the photos betray the words. Interesting about the drugs tho. He used to smoke weed because it calmed him.

If I look at the photos where we were on holidays together and laughing having fun, compared to the pin prick eye weird one he really looks like 2 different people. He's not recognisable to me in the latter photo. I was so shocked I showed a friend a few days back the difference and he said $hit! Two different people. It makes me sad for him and I know he is battling with that flight mechanism that caused him to run when we were at our closest ever.

[AwakenedOne]

My exgf just posted some selfies on facebook. Spent Saturday morning dolling herself up the full hair and makeup. While others replied about how beautiful she looked I thought she looked angry. Her pupils where dilated and she had that tension in her jawline that made me think she was gritting her teeth.

Hairspray can dilate pupils.

[enlighten me]

My exgf just posted some selfies on facebook. Spent Saturday morning dolling herself up the full hair and makeup. While others replied about how beautiful she looked I thought she looked angry. Her pupils where dilated and she had that tension in her jawline that made me think she was gritting her teeth.

Hairspray can dilate pupils.

Sorry I misquoted. Her pupils weren't dilated they were pin pointed.

Always get tham the wrong way round.

[Lights843]

I didn't ever see the dead black eyes or the emptiness until the last two months of our marriage or our 14th year together.

What could have created this monster after 14 years? Her alcoholism and drug use started during the 14th year which in turn made her seemingly depressed. Has anybody else experienced this sudden shift after more than a decade?

[screwedfriend]

It is either total rage or an ambivalent look almost blank. If not rage quite often she looks away and their seems no emotion present. It an emotionless blank and empty expression.