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Author Topic: What was the worst/nastiest thing your ex said?  (Read 5055 times)
Eric1
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« on: July 23, 2014, 05:33:36 PM »

Mine said many on many occasions. But, the worst had to be the last & probably the worst drunken rage.

"Cheating on you was the best thing I ever done" then if that didn't hurt enough she followed up with " (Name) gave me the best orgasms ever"

Safe to say that was completely soul destroying.
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« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2014, 05:41:07 PM »

Wow.  Its amazing how hurtful people who supposedly "love" you can be.  These people hurt so much... .they have no concept on how to make that pain go away... .all they can do is lash out at others in order to make themselves feel better... .even if for just a fleeting moment.

My first ex ten years ago, actually my first girlfriend, who is more of a NPD said to me two weeks after my father passed away from lung cancer (out of the blue), "You Ive been thinking... .I think, the only reason that you started dating me is because you didnt want your father to know you are a homosexual before he died."

Those words were designed to hurt... .and I still to this day have no idea how someone is capable of saying something like that.

I immediately dropped her off at her house, she called me crying saying she was sorry and would never say anything like that again.  She did again and again, and like a fool I was with her for four years... .she left for another guy who she is married to to this day.  Poor ass.
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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2014, 05:56:59 PM »

The most harmful thing she ever said to me was

Hello, my name is J****
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refusetosuccumb
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« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2014, 06:08:05 PM »

My ex accused me of "trapping" him by getting pregnant with our oldest.  And that the only reason he married me was because I was pregnant.  He said I ruined his life.

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Emelie Emelie
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« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2014, 06:11:50 PM »

There were so many nasty things.  The worst, most hurtful:  "I'm done."
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neverloveagain
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« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2014, 06:13:28 PM »

Mine told me over a beer at my local pub that she had never loved me and she was glad she didnt have too lie anymore after being together for 10 years so calm so cold makes me shiver just posting that.
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Karmachameleon
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« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2014, 06:16:31 PM »

Although this is not a game I wish to win, I think I'm going to.  Here goes:  I had once shared with my ex my feelings about my father leaving when I was a year old.  :)uring our last big argument he got an inch away from my face and screamed, "Your family hates you, you ___ing orphan!"  And then he literally spit in my face.  I calmly stood up and walked out and that was the last time I have seen him.  He has since said that spitting in my face was an accident... . It most certainly was not.
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« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2014, 06:20:55 PM »

I am a relatively conservative Christian.  When I filed for divorce, my wife used scripture to call me an adulterer, not based on anything I did during marriage,  but on the premise that any relationship that I had in the future would be adultery.  It was deeply wounding.  She had no problem going out on the town and getting drunk without me and hanging out with other guys, while I let go of all my female friendships to protect myself from trying to fill the emotional void in my own marriage.

It was more than a month ago, but her words still haunt me to this day.
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blissful_camper
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« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2014, 06:34:24 PM »

The list is long, and it was all pretty darn hurtful.  The one that I can't forget (because no one had said anything like this to me before) was: somebody should knock you off your chair

Pretty nasty. 
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seeking balance
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« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2014, 06:43:04 PM »

When I asked, "why are you trying to destroy our lives"

Answer:

"I want you to hurt as much as I do"

And I still went to MC another 8 months and didn't file for divorce until about a year later... .

Besides venting, these types of threads can be helpful when we look at ourselves, why we stayed, why didn't we believe what they said?  I mean, most of us believed the good stuff they said 100%, right?
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HopefulDad
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« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2014, 06:47:51 PM »

I've been called cold, uncaring, selfish, told that she wished she never married me and heard countless other things in private at various decibels.  But none of these compare to what she has said to me in front of our 3 daughters:

"(6yr old daughter's name), don't listen to your father right now.  He's being a (female dog)!"

"Girls, I hope you never marry a jerk like your father!"

"You are an A55HOLE!"
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« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2014, 07:22:38 PM »

just like another post here, my ex told me in the nastiest tone post-breakup (and this was the only apology i ever got from her):  "actually you know what? i'm sorry. i made a mistake. i should have never ever stayed with you. i never loved you and i shouldn't have acted like i did. i'm such an idiot for staying with you all of this time. i was never in love with you. and i will *never* make that mistake again... ."

six months later she tells me she thinks of me every day, has dreams of me sitting next to her on her bed, she remembered the way i smelled and missed waking up next to me. she loved me always and wanted to try again  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  Being cool (click to insert in post) cray cray
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.cup.car
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« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2014, 07:53:39 PM »

"How does it feel to be friendzoned by the same girl for three years?"

A week earlier she'd called my mom and introduced herself as my ex-girlfriend and wanted to know where I lived, among other things... .
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amigo
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« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2014, 08:37:55 PM »

Mine said (after I took him out to a nice dinner during our vacation which I mostly paid for) "you are nothing, you have nothing. Your life is meaningless, you don't even have children or a family. A woman has no worth if she has no children"

This I have to paraphrase (I mentioned it in a previous post): " I give you this, you still look good when you are done up. But in the morning it was hard to look at your haggard, old face. It was much easier to ... .you from behind so I didn't have to look at you. Know that every guy you will ever be with will be thinking the same"

"Why don't you get a few more cats" - (I have one) - " embrace your cat lady existence"

Ah the memories... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) - of course all of these statements were later exchanged for extreme expressions of love and compliments or denied.
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2014, 09:46:22 PM »

"My legs are only spread for you babe", which would have been only slightly tacky if her spread legs weren't overpopulated.  And yet, I chose to believe her for a while after that.  The reasons behind that denial have been fertile field for growth.
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Infared
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« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2014, 11:13:07 PM »

I can't repeat it. it hurts too much.
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AwakenedOne
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« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2014, 11:26:38 PM »

She told me that my recently deceased family member who I loved very much had always secretly hated me. She informed me of this after she sucker punched me right there at their grave while visting the cemetery.
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Aussie JJ
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« Reply #17 on: July 23, 2014, 11:29:17 PM »

I think we all have to acknowledge the most hurtful thing said however the thing that caused the most damage was the first time they said HI!^*!

If they never initiated this contact then we would never have been through the hell that is BPD. 
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hergestridge
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« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2014, 01:41:02 AM »

Mine was not big on saying hurtful things as she was being quite polite most of the time and didn't rage a lot.

But that doesn't mean the things she said didn't hurt.

I dread the days when "we needed to talk". When all of a sudden everything about me was a problem that needed to be fixed. It was serious. She was worried. We could not go to bed before we had talked this through.

Just a few days earlier things were OK and I was living in happyland.

It would have been less hurtful if it would have been ridiculous insults that I could have laughed of or ridiculed her for. But it was nasty stuff. Weaknesses and shortages of mine that she had agreed to accept as they were that she suddenly could not accept. Agreements made in confidence that suddenly felt unconfortable with (or worse) no longer remembered because she was overwhelmed by the cold feelings towards me.

This terror for twenty years.
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Eric1
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« Reply #19 on: July 24, 2014, 01:55:47 AM »

Mine was not big on saying hurtful things as she was being quite polite most of the time and didn't rage a lot.

But that doesn't mean the things she said didn't hurt.

I dread the days when "we needed to talk". When all of a sudden everything about me was a problem that needed to be fixed. It was serious. She was worried. We could not go to bed before we had talked this through.

Just a few days earlier things were OK and I was living in happyland.

It would have been less hurtful if it would have been ridiculous insults that I could have laughed of or ridiculed her for. But it was nasty stuff. Weaknesses and shortages of mine that she had agreed to accept as they were that she suddenly could not accept. Agreements made in confidence that suddenly felt unconfortable with (or worse) no longer remembered because she was overwhelmed by the cold feelings towards me.

This terror for twenty years.

She did exactly the same with me. One day we would be in love, then the next day I would be useless, a complete pr*ck, can't do anything right etc She would sit me down and tell me off, point out all my flaws and insecurities. At times I would be sat there & all I wanted to do was walk out and cry.

Her big line was "I can't do this anymore, you make my so miserable & unhappy"

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LettingGo14
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« Reply #20 on: July 24, 2014, 02:11:02 AM »

I agree that sharing pain is helpful, and I also think it's a huge relief to see that each of us is not alone in our trauma.

But, like Seeking Balance noted, we want recognize that the hurtful things said/done are not what define us.  

We survived the trauma -- and here we are. We are perhaps wounded, but we are definitely not alone.   And we are here to heal, and not marinate in our pain (at least for too long!)   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

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Vinnie
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« Reply #21 on: July 24, 2014, 03:18:12 AM »

1. Explaining the reason she picked a fight with me:  "You look like hell."

2. Complaining about my body when I dropped 25 lbs in two months due to stress after my business failed: : "If you lose any more, I won't be attracted to you."

PS, it's now two years later, I'm single (as of today!), one pound lighter than the day she made that threat, and get compliments from my daughter's friends on my hot looks!
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Eric1
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« Reply #22 on: July 24, 2014, 03:35:50 AM »

I find it helps knowing that people have experienced the same & it wasn't just me.

It also helps when I have the urge to contact.
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hergestridge
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« Reply #23 on: July 24, 2014, 03:37:02 AM »

1. Explaining the reason she picked a fight with me:  "You look like hell."

2. Complaining about my body when I dropped 25 lbs in two months due to stress after my business failed: : "If you lose any more, I won't be attracted to you."

PS, it's now two years later, I'm single (as of today!), one pound lighter than the day she made that threat, and get compliments from my daughter's friends on my hot looks!

That's another mind___ you just reminded me of - the endless externalizing. One day my wife was into sex and the next day she wasn't. No big deal, but she couldn't just say that she didn't feel like it. It would turn into our sex life being fantastic one day and that our sex life (and my body/looks/our relationship) being insufficient the next. So much better to crush your partner's confidence than to postpone sex a day or two.
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MommaBear
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« Reply #24 on: July 24, 2014, 05:27:00 AM »

During MC, the T was zoning in on some of his issues. We began to realize that he was incapable of genuine love.

So I asked him to talk about it. He then tells me that the 7 years of our marriage were just him "faking it" until he "made it" and that he never really loved me, he was just going through the motions because it's what he was "expected" to do at that stage in his life.

To make matters worse, he then went on FB and added the bimbo he had the affair with on his friends list, after not speaking to her for about 3 years (as far as I knew).

When I told him how incredibly insensitive and hurtful these actions were, he said he had no idea it would bother me to hear and to see these things.

A few days later, I lost it and told him MC was a waste of time and money, and that I wanted a divorce.

So, while it was the most hurtful thing he had ever done to me, it kind of set me free at the same time.
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Caramel
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« Reply #25 on: July 24, 2014, 06:53:40 AM »

Lots to chose from!

Once while we were being intimate I said to him that I loved him a few times.  All of a sudden he withdrew in anger, said to me that he knew everything about my games and that I was only telling him I loved him to get him to say the same!

I lied down on the corner of the bed, tears quietly rolling down my face wondering what I had done wrong.

An hour later he rolled back, hugged me and started having sex with me as if nothing had happened. When he noticed that I was sad he threw my leg to the side, said it was the most uncooperative sex he had ever had and started masturbating watching a porn movie on his iPad!

I was scared. I almost begged him to stop.He said "It's none of your business".

It was a painful scary sad lonely night.

Next day he dumped me coz I was a manipulative deceitful person.

He said ":)o you know what it's like to be rejected?"

Still up to this day I don't understand what happened that night. All I wanted to do was to show him my love.

I never want to go back to those days again when nothing made sense and I was constantly being punished for whatever I did.

Thank you Eric for bringing up this topic. I had a good cry and a good run after reading this thread. I am feeling much better now. Ready to enjoy the rest of my day free from drama and fear.

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asher2
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« Reply #26 on: July 24, 2014, 08:39:24 AM »

She told me that I was the only person in the world who could make her feel as awful as she did. That made me feel bad and I had no idea what I did to make her feel that way. After learning about BPD, I realized it wasn't anything I did and had everything to do with the living hell that is her mind.

But man, that was hard to hear because at the time I had no idea what I did to make her feel so bad.
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amigo
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« Reply #27 on: July 24, 2014, 09:39:47 AM »

Hi Caramel,

reading your post gave me that anxious, painful feeling I get when I think about the horrible things my ex said and did. He didn't do/say the exact things you described, but it still sounds exactly like him. His BPD traits were often triggered by sex and intimacy.

See my post above. How he said he couldn't look at my ugly face. He was often brutal and selfish during sex, but in subtle ways, if that makes any sense.

But then there were times when he would sincerely, lovingly stare into my eyes and hold me close during sex and make the intimacy feel like I always wanted it to feel and rarely have with others... .Or he would watch me get ready for work in the morning, and say in unsolicited admiration: "you are so beautiful"

It helps to remember those horrible things they said, and it helps with staying away. Yet I do not want to forget the really wonderful moments and the nice things he said, because - at the time - I believe they were genuine, and if it wasn't for those moments and words, I would think I am completely crazy myself for ever having been with that person.
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Jb101
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« Reply #28 on: July 24, 2014, 09:51:40 AM »

Lots to chose from!

Once while we were being intimate I said to him that I loved him a few times.  All of a sudden he withdrew in anger, said to me that he knew everything about my games and that I was only telling him I loved him to get him to say the same!

I lied down on the corner of the bed, tears quietly rolling down my face wondering what I had done wrong.

An hour later he rolled back, hugged me and started having sex with me as if nothing had happened. When he noticed that I was sad he threw my leg to the side, said it was the most uncooperative sex he had ever had and started masturbating watching a porn movie on his iPad!

I was scared. I almost begged him to stop.He said "It's none of your business".

It was a painful scary sad lonely night.

Next day he dumped me coz I was a manipulative deceitful person.

He said ":)o you know what it's like to be rejected?"

Still up to this day I don't understand what happened that night. All I wanted to do was to show him my love.

I never want to go back to those days again when nothing made sense and I was constantly being punished for whatever I did.

Thank you Eric for bringing up this topic. I had a good cry and a good run after reading this thread. I am feeling much better now. Ready to enjoy the rest of my day free from drama and fear.

Not exactly the same, but once just before  we'd gone to bed she'd been drinking and made some nasty comments about me not being a real man or good enough for her... .then suddenly she wants sex... .Cue a violent reaction to me not being in the mood. Started ranting about how my dick wasn't big enough anyway and she'd had much better sex with her ex... .followed by storming off to the bathroom with a vibrator for half an hour... .

Fun times! And the best bit was how she made it out the next day as I was just weak for not writing off as a drunken incident and, gotta love this line, I now know it as a big red flag... .'wasn't strong enough for her' it's like a favourite excuse she had for her behaviour and she actually used to say she was just high strung and anybody good enough for her would have to deal with it... .
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Caredverymuch
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« Reply #29 on: July 24, 2014, 10:05:45 AM »

Hi Caramel,

reading your post gave me that anxious, painful feeling I get when I think about the horrible things my ex said and did. He didn't do/say the exact things you described, but it still sounds exactly like him. His BPD traits were often triggered by sex and intimacy.

See my post above. How he said he couldn't look at my ugly face. He was often brutal and selfish during sex, but in subtle ways, if that makes any sense.

But then there were times when he would sincerely, lovingly stare into my eyes and hold me close during sex and make the intimacy feel like I always wanted it to feel and rarely have with others... .Or he would watch me get ready for work in the morning, and say in unsolicited admiration: "you are so beautiful"

It helps to remember those horrible things they said, and it helps with staying away. Yet I do not want to forget the really wonderful moments and the nice things he said, because - at the time - I believe they were genuine, and if it wasn't for those moments and words, I would think I am completely crazy myself for ever having been with that person.

Absolutely! Triggered greatly by intimacy.  Shared the exact experiences as you Amigo. 

Those moments of the looking deeply in your eyes during intimacy while holding you so close ( btw that seems to be almost unanimously a BPD trait unsure exactly why maybe they read it somewhere in their learning manual).  Saying the most sincere compliments out of nowhere as you were dressing that were so heartfelt. Then entirely split thereafter.

Its as if the afterglow of our closest most cherished moments of just us foreshadowed the most hurtful split thereafter. And it got worst every time.   

Really just so incredibly sad isn't it?
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