what were YOU accused of?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I got some great ones.

"You proved you couldn't be there for me" : when I went lc for a few days when she begun constantly flaking and was already "with" some other guy.

"You lied and manipulated me" : Er what? I was ALWAYS honest with her and never manipulated, I encouraged her to do what made her happy if that was being with me or not "I just want you to be happy,  if that means not being with me then I can understand"

"You said horrible things to me": again, what? I put up with so much from her and I never once lashed out. I mean I was a complete push over. I was terrified she'd hurt herself and had been treated so bad so I had the patience of a saint. Even though she would belittle me constantly.

"He stalked me": he being me. Even though I requested NC about 8 times and she ALWAYS broke it asking for help and playing on my sympathy and protective instincts. She asked for NC once which I respected until she broke it after 2 days.

"You got me in trouble at work" : because she called me 37 times on her work phone.

there's more but you get the point

[Infern0]

I got some great ones.

"You proved you couldn't be there for me" : when I went lc for a few days when she begun constantly flaking and was already "with" some other guy.

"You lied and manipulated me" : Er what? I was ALWAYS honest with her and never manipulated, I encouraged her to do what made her happy if that was being with me or not "I just want you to be happy,  if that means not being with me then I can understand"

"You said horrible things to me": again, what? I put up with so much from her and I never once lashed out. I mean I was a complete push over. I was terrified she'd hurt herself and had been treated so bad so I had the patience of a saint. Even though she would belittle me constantly.

"He stalked me": he being me. Even though I requested NC about 8 times and she ALWAYS broke it asking for help and playing on my sympathy and protective instincts. She asked for NC once which I respected until she broke it after 2 days.

"You got me in trouble at work" : because she called me 37 times on her work phone.

there's more but you get the point

[Suspicious1]

Here are some direct quotes:

"You have always been jealous of me having things to do with other women but happy to have conversations with men and lead them on for fun"

"I think those issues will mean you will never settle with anyone if I am honest. You will need to find someone very selfless. And someone with such a small ego that they will live with being made to feel second to anyone you take a shine to. I don't think you will ever be satisfied with anyone or anything in your life and I find that heartbreaking."

"You might find someone who is cuckold. That would suit you I think. Someone not worried about any personal pride or need to be recognised. Actually that's probably right for you!. You would not need to as they do not matter. They are just there to host. They are seen as lower than the bulls"

"I am like a neutered cat when you rule the roost"

"I never trusted you - I didn't honestly I didn't. I never trusted you honestly. I was always embarrassed by you. Of course I was. Look at how we were with others I clung to you and you pulled away. I loved being seen with you every time until you decided to flirt with whoever else was around."

"You are still very much in a relationship with your ex. I'm speechless that the only person who doesn't see this is you".

[Dog biscuit]

Ah, the accusations! Yeah, i've got them too.

I was accused of neglecting him several times by not giving him enough attention, whenever he needed reassurance. ( and that was all the time)

I was accused of being overly jelauos and therefor he just had to sleep with other woman behind my back.

I was accused of being the one to make conflicts escalete all the time

I was accused for faking love towards him, and not really caring for him

I was accused of cheating

I was accused of not being able to stand critism

I was accused of not being there for him when his exgf died ( I nurtured him, provide shelter when he was in crises, supported him seeking help with this loss, comforted him when he was devasted, supported him when he was having meltdowns over her death, during our whole r/s we hardly talked about anything else but the dead of his exgf, I was there all the time without pause)

I was accused of being overly controlling

Blegh... .what a monster I was huh?

[Visitor]

"I hope you get the help you need to stop pushing people out of your life"

[Suspicious1]

"I hope you get the help you need to stop pushing people out of your life"

Oooh, projection, much?

[brokenbutalive]

"Everyone at work hates you"

"It's impossible for me stay in a good mood with you. I've tried and I can't do it. You're a permanent annoyance to me"

"You never listen to me and I'm just going to stop talking to you"

"Nobody in life has ever annoyed me the way you do"

"I could kill you. You should be put up against a wall and shot."

"I can't even look at you. You make me sick."

"You're retarded. You're the stupidest person I've ever met. I think part of your brain just never grew."

"You're a mess. You're a walking disaster. I'm so far out of your league."

After I tell her I love her... ."I don't want to hear that crap. You're a broken record".

:'(

[workinprogress]

Hmm... .

I was accused of cheating for years.  Meanwhile, I discovered she was chatting on line with men on some speed date site.  I also heard she would sexually come onto other guys, when I confronted her on this, she said, "I was only joking."

I was accused of not loving her.

I was accused of stealing my own money from our checking account.  I still remember that morning.  She starts yelling at me at 6 am saying there is money missing out of our checking account.  I had no clue.

The odd thing that ended up happening later concerning finances... .I am paid direct deposit.  I got a little bonus check that I wasn't aware of and didn't even realize it until I was looking up some pay info for my wife.  I asked her about the bonus and said we need to mark it in our checkbook.  She got nervous and said, "don't mark it.  Well, I don't remember it.  It's best not to put it in there."  So, somehow my $900 got spent.  

[Recooperating]

"You want me dead, you would even morn if I die"

"Your friendship with your friend is sick. You are a lesbian and having an affair with her."

"You are cold and distant, you never loved me. You just want to leave me to get revenge."

"You have sex with all your friends"

"You need to be locked in a mental institution wit padded walls."

"You are cold and distant, I didnt want to cheat and move in with another woman, you made me."

"You and your whole family are sick."

And lots more of this crap... .

[Lion Fire]

I was accused of being a conman, a criminal, an abuser, liar, gay, a cheat, a womanizer, a charlatan, psychopath... .all of these were sparked by her either not getting her own way ("needs met" or the numerous times she randomly flipped out in a paranoid disordered state and did not stop flipping for days at a time 

The crazy thing about all of these accusations is that she had worn me down to the point in the end where I started to believe some of it!

[workinprogress]

I was accused of being a conman, a criminal, an abuser, liar, gay, a cheat, a womanizer, a charlatan, psychopath... .all of these were sparked by her either not getting her own way ("needs met" or the numerous times she randomly flipped out in a paranoid disordered state and did not stop flipping for days at a time 

The crazy thing about all of these accusations is that she had worn me down to the point in the end where I started to believe some of it!

Lion Fire, I was accused of being gay also!

She didn't even like to be touched and I tried to touch her all of the time.  Then she comes out and says that I'm gay and even said I was asexual one time.

Go figure.

[Infared]

Many times a pwBPD will do something inappropriate, deceptive or dishonest. Then they knowingly will demonize their partner and make massive drama, etc. in an effort to divert, take the attention off of their wrong doing. Why do they do this? It works and has worked for them in the past.  The effectiveness of their 8-yr-0ld ploy is usually directly proportional to there amount of physical beauty they emanate.  

Sick stuff.

[Caramel]

"You don't love me. I mean nothing to you. You are a cheat. You are gonna go back to your ex. You are comparing me with your ex's all the time. You are smearing my name. You are selfish. You are a lier... "

[Popcorn71]

I was accused of kissing a male friend, in the middle of a busy bar, when my ex went to the toilet.

I was also accused of having somebody in my bed with me at night while my ex wasn't with me.

I later realised that these accusations were made at the time his affair started with the replacement!  Guilty conscience on his part I think!

[pieceofme]

Many times a pwBPD will do something inappropriate, deceptive or dishonest. Then they knowingly will demonize their partner and make massive drama, etc. in an effort to divert, take the attention off of their wrong doing. Why do they do this? It works and has worked for them in the past.

after he repeatedly cheated and lied and walked out, my ex told me, "i will always care no matter what you do to me." 

[willtimeheal]

I was accused of cheating on her... .while she was busy cheating on me.

Spending too much time at the hospital when my dad was sick and not spending enough time with her.

Apparently according to her I am a raging pill popper and addict... .She is a raging alcoholic

I been accused of not buying her nice enough gifts on special days... .mind you I get nothing cuz she is so broke

I am told my childhood was too nice and therefore I am a spoiled brat. She doesn't  a clue about my childhood because she never asked about it. She has painted her own picture of what it looks like

I am a brown noser at work because I am well respected and liked.

[Infared]

Hmm... .

I was accused of cheating for years.  Meanwhile, I discovered she was chatting on line with men on some speed date site.  I also heard she would sexually come onto other guys, when I confronted her on this, she said, "I was only joking."

I was accused of not loving her.

I was accused of stealing my own money from our checking account.  I still remember that morning.  She starts yelling at me at 6 am saying there is money missing out of our checking account.  I had no clue.

The odd thing that ended up happening later concerning finances... .I am paid direct deposit.  I got a little bonus check that I wasn't aware of and didn't even realize it until I was looking up some pay info for my wife.  I asked her about the bonus and said we need to mark it in our checkbook.  She got nervous and said, "don't mark it.  Well, I don't remember it.  It's best not to put it in there."  So, somehow my $900 got spent.  

The story about the $900 is so spot on 8-yr-old behavior.

[pavilion]

What I don't understand is that they tell us how awful we are, how inattentive, unloving, selfish, controlling etc. yet they still want to be with us. Surely if we were as terrible as they say we are they should run for the hills! In the end I just used to agree with him and suggest that he might be better off with someone else then.

[Visitor]

Many times a pwBPD will do something inappropriate, deceptive or dishonest. Then they knowingly will demonize their partner and make massive drama, etc. in an effort to divert, take the attention off of their wrong doing. Why do they do this? It works and has worked for them in the past.

after he repeatedly cheated and lied and walked out, my ex told me, "i will always care no matter what you do to me." 

This made me chuckle 

[centralflarduh]

I was accused of cheating in my dreams. You can't make some of this stuff up. 

[Visitor]

What I don't understand is that they tell us how awful we are, how inattentive, unloving, selfish, controlling etc. yet they still want to be with us. Surely if we were as terrible as they say we are they should run for the hills! In the end I just used to agree with him and suggest that he might be better off with someone else then.

We can sum up BPD in one sentence "I hate you, please don't leave me"

[Visitor]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

[workinprogress]

Hmm... .

I was accused of cheating for years.  Meanwhile, I discovered she was chatting on line with men on some speed date site.  I also heard she would sexually come onto other guys, when I confronted her on this, she said, "I was only joking."

I was accused of not loving her.

I was accused of stealing my own money from our checking account.  I still remember that morning.  She starts yelling at me at 6 am saying there is money missing out of our checking account.  I had no clue.

The odd thing that ended up happening later concerning finances... .I am paid direct deposit.  I got a little bonus check that I wasn't aware of and didn't even realize it until I was looking up some pay info for my wife.  I asked her about the bonus and said we need to mark it in our checkbook.  She got nervous and said, "don't mark it.  Well, I don't remember it.  It's best not to put it in there."  So, somehow my $900 got spent.  

The story about the $900 is so spot on 8-yr-old behavior.

The thing is, I never would have known about it if I hadn't been looking up some other information on my paychecks.

[pieceofme]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

[workinprogress]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

I got that stuff, too.  If she was wrong on something I had to agree with her regardless.  If I didn't support everything she said I wasn't supporting her and I would get the silent treatment.

[pieceofme]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

I got that stuff, too.  If she was wrong on something I had to agree with her regardless.  If I didn't support everything she said I wasn't supporting her and I would get the silent treatment.

at first i would just get the silent treatment. during this past month of recycling, i am now subjected to his rages (the most hateful words anyone has ever spoken to me in my life), followed by the silent treatment.

[Visitor]

I love this thread haha

Ok I'm going to come out with one I bet 90% of you can relate to (as if you cant with all the others  )

"you say things just to start an argument with me"

"if you loved me, you wouldn't disagree and argue with me."

(After making a negative statement about me that I disagree with)... "why do you always have to argue, just drop it"

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I was accused of logging onto and using the dating site that we originally met on.  This was complete rubbish - I had cancelled the subscription and my profile was removed. Her accusation was a complete projection - in fact at the time she was active on another dating site and met my replacement on it. hmmm... .

[Infared]

I know it's messed up... .but this thread has me laughing REALLY hard right now... .THANKS EVERYONE!

[Visitor]

"I'm never speaking to you again... .I'm cutting all negativity out of my life"

hahaha... .I'm so glad I can see the funny side of BPD

[Caramel]

"You are competing with me! Stop competing! Be a friend"  

"Have you been raped? I was wondeting maybe that's why you are so weired!"