I think she painted me white

[Bak86]

My ex who works together with me, started talking to me after 3 weeks of no contact at work. She even smiled. She's also overdressing to impress me(thats the feeling i have) and she's always looking at me from a distance. How do i proceed with this? I think if i try to make a move she will back off again, if i don't she will only pursue me more and make my mind crazy.

Man... .i was getting over her and now this... .

[trappedinlove]

It is likely to be part of a push / pull cycle. Be the master of your own destiny.

TIL

[Mutt]

TIL is right be the master of your own destiny. Hot and cold behavior. Push / pull. Are you done with the r/s?

[Bak86]

Well... .it's been almost 3 months now. I'm not IN love anymore, but i do still love her. I've tried to reconcile a couple of times now, but she would say it's over and i had to deal with it and we would NEVER get back together. So i'm not sure if i approach her, she will want to get back together... .And i was done with the drama as well, but you all know how good a pwBPD can make you feel, so it's tempting to try it again. Blah, confused.

[BacknthSaddle]

I think it would benefit you to try to elaborate on what you mean by "I'm not in love with her, but I still love her."  What exactly does this mean?

[Bak86]

I think it would benefit you to try to elaborate on what you mean by "I'm not in love with her, but I still love her."  What exactly does this mean?

I care for her(A LOT). I really do. But i'm not really in love anymore. Those feelings are gone. If i wanted to go back to her, then we would have to start all over again.

[BacknthSaddle]

So clarify for me... .if you're not in love with this person, why would you consider being in a romantic relationship with her?

[Bak86]

So clarify for me... .if you're not in love with this person, why would you consider being in a romantic relationship with her?

Because i believe the feelings can come back.

[seeking balance]

And i was done with the drama as well, but you all know how good a pwBPD can make you feel, so it's tempting to try it again. Blah, confused.

Keep in mind - your feelings are not facts; facts are facts.

BPD = drama and push/pull

If you are done with drama, focus on the facts and make your actions aligned with this rather than confused feelings.

Peace,

SB

[myself]

So clarify for me... .if you're not in love with this person, why would you consider being in a romantic relationship with her?

Because i believe the feelings can come back.

They could come back. They could leave again.

What were the patterns you went through when with her?

Have any of them changed since then? On her side or yours?

The 'Ten Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck' list helps when standing at a crossroads:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

No matter what she might be offering, what are you looking for?

[Tolou]

I work with mine as well,

I have been N.C. for over a year haven't said a word to her, eventually I ignored so much, she started doing the same.  However, my intention wasn't to be cruel or punish her, she literally could have cost me my sanity and my job, she painted me out to be this animal around all of our co-workers and herself a victim. Crying to people saying "how I did this and that".  She was also suicidal and still threatening it, so I stayed away for me, and for her because there was no way I wanted to go through that again, it literally was not worth the pain.

You say You love her but are not in love? I get it, but she attempted to flirt with me, and look all nice too, but I stayed away because I remembered why I walked away.  It wasn't because I didn't care, it wasn't because she isn't beautiful, it was because I triggered her in the worse and her for me.  You have to ask yourself what would be your real intentions?  If you truely know this person is " " whatever your labeling them to be, and that they have the emotianl maturity of a child, what will get from this relationship if you revisit it, that you haven't got already?

Be careful, for me I walked away and ended, I kept no contact, my one attemtp to break it, set me back, that was over a year ago.  best of luck, for me i took the advice of friend, dont shi" where you eat, I need my job, she has no boundaries.

[Bak86]

Yeah i think it's best if just stay the hell away... .

It's just annoying that she got into my head again 

[nolisan]

Oh boy ... .the cycles! For me they got more painful.

The last "painted white" cycle: she had lost her house and moved in with me. I was the best, our love was forever, etc, etc, etc.

I bought in. She moved in.

Then BAM - she splits (psychologically and physically).

It felt like my heart had been torn out. My head and gut knew the r/s was futile but my heart lagged behind.

Live and learn.

[Bak86]

Oh boy ... .the cycles! For me they got more painful.

The last "painted white" cycle: she had lost her house and moved in with me. I was the best, our love was forever, etc, etc, etc.

I bought in. She moved in.

Then BAM - she splits (psychologically and physically).

It felt like my heart had been torn out. My head and gut knew the r/s was futile but my heart lagged behind.



Live and learn.

What annoys me is that she told me we would never try again, that she was done with the drama, done with me and was VERY angry at me and after a few weeks of no contact everything seems to be fine. It's just so weird.

[Bak86]

I came to the realization that i'm still very much in love with her and that i miss her so much. UGH, why can't she stop giving mixed signals. One day she's all happy towards me and other days she's cold as ice.

I feel disgusted with myself to be so obsessed with her.  

[trappedinlove]

I came to the realization that i'm still very much in love with her and that i miss her so much. UGH, why can't she stop giving mixed signals. One day she's all happy towards me and other days she's cold as ice.

I feel disgusted with myself to be so obsessed with her.  

Don't be hard on yourself.  I think this is one way we naturally react to the push/pull paradox.

We can't comprehend it therefore we obsess and feel madly in love.

Sort of desperately feeling "why can't you just love me?"