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Author Topic: Was your replacement "better" than you?  (Read 6202 times)
OutOfEgypt
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« Reply #30 on: September 04, 2014, 04:55:20 PM »

Excerpt
PBPD's never end r/s. They leave a r/s abruptly for another.  This is another result of engulfment where the secondary stages is devaluation and splitting begin. The fear of abandonment. I'll leave you before you leave me. The protection. You're bad and at fault ( pure projection to avoid shame. Why the nons are perplexed).

Soo flippin true, as well as the part about the triangulation.  "I'll leave you before you leave me."  Or as I experienced it... ."I can leave you, but you aren't allowed to leave me."  That's why I never saw any abandonment fears.  However, once I turned the tables and walked away, suddenly I saw them all rise to the surface.  This person who seemed always "one-foot-out", so easy to walk away and replace me with someone else, was suddenly an emotional wreck... .crying, throwing things, depressed, etc. etc.
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« Reply #31 on: September 04, 2014, 05:22:09 PM »

This is such an accurate post! You know this illness well my friend!

"Its often said that you can perhaps tell a pBPD by the ppl they choose bc they are often to different in many ways. An ackward looking couplehood. Big age differences. Backgrounds."

Yep, mine was 19 years younger and way more educated than I am. Not that her education was doing her any good, she had a terrible employment history and couldn't even hold onto part time jobs. We had a mutual love of poetry and literature which is how we met.

"Then they mirror the new supply so fully that they truly believe their new identity. If they never liked milk and the replacement does, they now love milk. They are not faking that. This is how disordered they are in idealization. They have no identity.  Ever. Why they literally mirror and take on the other persons."

Again, yessir! My ex was not supposed to drink coffee because of her anxiety condition, Within weeks she had become a coffee guzzling expert.

"Then the mirror gets too heavy.  About 3-4 months of holding up that mask is all they can handle."

Yep, At about 3 months was when it all started going south!

"Engulfment.

Devalue.

Split.

Triangulate."

Spot on! It's almost like you were watching our relationship LOL

I've often thought of contacting the replacement, which was the guy before me, to tell him "You know she has BPD, here are some links you might like to read" But that would invite her contacting me which I don't want.

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Loveofhislife
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« Reply #32 on: September 04, 2014, 08:45:14 PM »

This raises a question for me. Great thread, by the way. My exbfBPD does NOT have a replacement: that I know of. And what I've read is that "supply" can be things other than r/s such as job, family, money, etc: anything that is an extension and enhancement of their false self. This guy does not seem like a womanizer type--he loves to manipulate women for money, favors, things--he is a BPD waif, so I'm wondering if that changes their need of an r/s; in the end, I think he just wants a mommy: one with money is even better!
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Caredverymuch
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« Reply #33 on: September 04, 2014, 09:12:10 PM »

This raises a question for me. Great thread, by the way. My exbfBPD does NOT have a replacement: that I know of. And what I've read is that "supply" can be things other than r/s such as job, family, money, etc: anything that is an extension and enhancement of their false self. This guy does not seem like a womanizer type--he loves to manipulate women for money, favors, things--he is a BPD waif, so I'm wondering if that changes their need of an r/s; in the end, I think he just wants a mommy: one with money is even better!

Loveofhislife,  pBPDs self soothe with the things you mention, in attempt to fill their feelings of emptiness, that never goes away. Compulsive behaviors,  such as over indulgence in things like over spending to obtain more "things", perhaps gambling, over eating, throwing themselves fully into their jobs and indulgence in keeping themselves always busy, etc.  They also fear abandonment, real or perceived.  I was in a r/s with a waif BPD. He could never be alone. It was terrifying to him.
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myself
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« Reply #34 on: September 04, 2014, 09:41:34 PM »

I hope the replacement is better than me.

Otherwise it was an even bigger waste. She hurt many people.

And she's only made it worse for herself, if not.
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« Reply #35 on: September 04, 2014, 10:35:38 PM »

Mine went back to her ex who was a guy with chronically low self esteem. He believed that he was not worthy of anyones attention so is able to put up with her crap no matter what. She used to tell me that "he would never leave me" Imagine being in a relationship where you knew that the reason he stayed was because he didn't think he could ever get anyone else! Talk about crazy land!

Our CrazyLand = BPD's Perfectly LogicalLand

A BPD'S biggest fear is abandonment... .so... hook up with a person whose self esteem is so low he thinks that he can't have anyone else... .PROBLEM SOLVED!  

(NOT!)

My replacement is 15 yrs younger, taller and stronger and good looking... .AND he's an active alcoholic! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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freedom33
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« Reply #36 on: September 05, 2014, 03:05:25 AM »

A BPD'S biggest fear is abandonment... .so... hook up with a person whose self esteem is so low he thinks that he can't have anyone else... .PROBLEM SOLVED!  

When I met mine, I had relatively recently broken up with my long-term partner of 8 years. It was nothing abrupt and we both had saw it coming so when it happened I wasnt shocked or anything but for a good few months I was low. I suffered from low level depression. When we met the xBPDgf I thought she was a cool girl and we kissed one night but I told her that I wasn't into anything serious because I had recently broken up. She said 'what is is with me and threesomes?' I didn't quite get that... .She explained that she usually ends up with guys that have recenty broken up. Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post). It looks like she was either consciously or unconsciously picking up guys whose self-esteem had taken a hit... .the recently wounded, the easy vulnerable prey. Oy... .The image that coes to my mind when I think of my situation is of one already wounded on the side of the road (from my long-term break-up), slightly limping and trying to cross the road to get some help on the other side and gets run over by a truck (the BPD).
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« Reply #37 on: September 05, 2014, 05:17:55 AM »

This raises a question for me. Great thread, by the way. My exbfBPD does NOT have a replacement: that I know of. And what I've read is that "supply" can be things other than r/s such as job, family, money, etc: anything that is an extension and enhancement of their false self. This guy does not seem like a womanizer type--he loves to manipulate women for money, favors, things--he is a BPD waif, so I'm wondering if that changes their need of an r/s; in the end, I think he just wants a mommy: one with money is even better!

Thanks for this reminder Loveofhislife.  I posted wondering what the outcome of having 'no supply' would be.  The first time I ended things with the BPD he was straight into rebound relationships and trying his hardest to make sure I knew about them (I was relieved, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)).

This time his circumstances are a little different and it wouldn't be quite so easy to throw himself straight into a rebound relationship, unless it was the last one before he came back to me.

But your post has reminded me, his current 'supply' may actually be his daughter who he will have been spending more & more time with over the school holidays, and he's probably swapped his car/bought a new laptop etc.  So I should be prepared for the fact that he may well try and contact me now the school holidays are coming to a close and his daughter wont be around so much as he cannot be relied on to get her to school.

Mine was a waif type who needed a mummy/carer too.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

But in answer to the OP, no, my replacement wasn't 'better than me' as she was distorted enough to stay for a year, then beg for him to keep up a FWB relationship, even offering to pay him to have sex with her. I never saw her, but regardless of whether she was taller/slimmer/prettier/richer I couldn't view her as being 'better.'  There were a few things the BPD said on his return that may have been an attempt to make me feel like she was better, but if she was then why did he abandon her due to boredom?
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« Reply #38 on: September 05, 2014, 05:38:44 AM »

My replacements were "better" than me when I was split black, but obviously when I was back to white I was pedestalled again. It was bizarre to me the first time round - he was angry at me for befriending a VERY good looking guy (seriously - I wasn't interested in him romantically but he had filmstar looks), and so he befriending this woman who had a gorgeous body and was a webcam model. Blonde, bronzed, very fit, had that soft-porn look. We were chalk and cheese - my style is totally totally different, so it was really bizarre to be compared. I'm very brunette and my (very brief) modelling days were in black & white artnude stuff. Yet he was taunting me by telling me he was with a webcam model who had thousands of followers so was better than me. Eh? I've never wanted to do webcam work. How was that rubbing my nose in it?

When he split me white again (coincidentally when it became obvious the webcam model didn't want to date him), he tried to flatter me by saying "how does it feel to know I prefer you to a webcam model with thousand of followers?". Like I was supposed to be grateful. Idiot.

Second time he discarded me he told me that his life had opened up and he had so many avenues open to him now that he was finally free. Turned out the avenues were a couple of dates that didn't work out. After that he was back to idealising me, saying they didn't work out because those people weren't me.

This time I don't think he has a replacement, but I do believe he was grooming one when we split. How did I know? He was on messenger but not talking to me, and when we had a political discussion he had suddenly totally reversed his normal political stance. In the beginning he mirrored me - my beliefs were his beliefs. Suddenly his beliefs were the absolute opposite. And I thought "aha. You're grooming someone who supports *that* political party". It was so obvious. From his Facebook "likes" immediately after we split, I also know that whoever it was was into gardening and jewellery making, because, oh, all of a sudden, so was he.

I'm sure these days EVERYONE is better than me. Lucky I have the self esteem to see it for the BS it is.
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freedom33
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« Reply #39 on: September 05, 2014, 05:45:54 AM »

I'm very brunette and my (very brief) modelling days were in black & white artnude stuff.

Sounds like my type of rebound hehehe 
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« Reply #40 on: September 05, 2014, 05:48:58 AM »

Hahahaha, oh god - maybe all the members of this board should only ever date each other from now on. We might all be co-dependent, OCD, PTSD, FOO types with a tendency to low-level cyber stalk our exes, but at least we don't have BPD.  What could possibly go wrong?
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« Reply #41 on: September 05, 2014, 05:54:19 AM »

Honestly I dont think its a matter of better or worse... .

My replacement is EXACTLY like me! Different face, different body... .Yes (she may be chubbier, shorter... .Beauty is in the eye of the beholder) but I believe she is just like me.

I met my dBPDexf when he was still married. He was married 8-9 months, and he told me all about how crappy their marriage was. How she abused him, belittled him, hit him... .Etc. I fell for it... .Poor him! We triangulated for quite some time, fought for him... .He eventually got divorced and we planned to live our lives together. His ex-wife remained painted black... .(Poor woman)

8-9 months into our (highly dysfunctional) relationship he hooked up with my replacement. I figure he probably told her what a b*tch I was... .Same script, different casting!

She was there for the rescue! He came back to me, ditched her in a terrible way (told me really bad stories about her). But after a few weeks, still went back to her for a fix... .

Now he's with her, not even 2 weeks after break up.

And in 8-9 months another woman will be victimized.

My replacement is not better or worse... .She is the same. Overly nice person that it horrified over how he was treated (all lies, but she wont realize till her time is up)

This woman is very caring, christian, has a history in abusive relationships. Let him move in 3 weeks after they met (he was still with me) bc he said he was out on the streets not able to make rent bc of me! (I paid his rent) he told me he found a new cheaper place he was able to afford himself... .

We are the same woman, his exwife, me and his replacement, we just look different thats all.

Now I have the opportunity to become a different "true" me, like his exwife has done. She has gone totally NC on him, i didnt understand then, thought she was a total b*tch, now I understand... .
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« Reply #42 on: September 05, 2014, 05:58:45 AM »

Excerpt
We are the same woman, his exwife, me and his replacement, we just look different thats all.

Now I have the opportunity to become a different "true" me, like his exwife has done. She has gone totally NC on him, i didnt understand then, thought she was a total b*tch, now I understand... .

Same here. My ex's ex-wife banned him from the house. Now I understand why. I remember during one of his rages, my ex said that he felt sorry for my ex-husband because I treated him so badly and that he saw his own future in that. Now I see that for the projection that it was - my future was what I'd seen happen to his ex-wife. We are all one and the same.
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« Reply #43 on: September 05, 2014, 06:05:26 AM »

We could set up a dating site for BPD survivors. Anyone wanting to join would have to fill out a detailed questionnaire to screen out BPDs because it would attract them like flies Smiling (click to insert in post)

Hahahaha, oh god - maybe all the members of this board should only ever date each other from now on. We might all be co-dependent, OCD, PTSD, FOO types with a tendency to low-level cyber stalk our exes, but at least we don't have BPD.  What could possibly go wrong?

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« Reply #44 on: September 05, 2014, 06:08:42 AM »

[We could set up a dating site for BPD survivors. Anyone wanting to join would have to fill out a detailed questionnaire to screen out BPDs because it would attract them like flies]

Either that, or just set up a dating site purely for people with personality disorders. That would attract all the co-dependents like flies though. And the NPDs would never join anyway as it wouldn't be elite enough. No, there's no way to win.
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« Reply #45 on: September 05, 2014, 06:18:02 AM »

Damn, I broke my no stalking policy and looked at the replacement instagram and something very sinister is going on... .

His hair cut is like mine (he always had long hair) and he is dressing like me when his style was nothing like mine... .

The creepiness factor is just unreal
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« Reply #46 on: September 05, 2014, 06:23:14 AM »

Either that, or just set up a dating site purely for people with personality disorders.

they already have one. it's called okcupid   Smiling (click to insert in post) (just kidding)
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« Reply #47 on: September 05, 2014, 06:30:35 AM »

Dating or anything in relationship to a relationship right now makes me want to 

I think I might adopt a dog and stick with that.
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« Reply #48 on: September 05, 2014, 06:54:56 AM »

My replacement was, I would use the phrase "lower standard" than me by any conventional standards. I honestly was angry, ashame, and worry to the BPD, becos the replacement in my eyes is indeed a loser.

Why? The replacement is fat, poor looking, devious, no stable job, would see herself as a salve and please the BPD in exchange for "love", had a partner of 11 years (since age 19) when they met. I really do think if someone who only have one relationship from 19-30 have some kind of issues, come on we are not living in the 50's with one life one partner mentality! In todays society you really need to encounter a few relationship to learn and grow.

I am open minded and fair and normally dont use strong words to describe people. Ego damage is one thing, but more importantly, was what the replacement n BPD did strongly against my values that made me sick. Close to the end of our relationship, I found out my ex and the replacement were already in a date, and their daily chat conversation 70% involved the ex complaining and degrade me to the replacement. It was like the ex sold our private matters and my dignity to the replacement in exchange for boast up energy to her dark thoughts heading more to one sided perception. Needless to say I was shocked becos the ex seem still cared of me during the few months. More importantly, this lead me to look down on the replacement, becos her function was like a rubbish bin to hold up the negative emotions of my ex of the main person (me)? What are true quality and values do you have apart from being like a dark though validation machine. To make me even sick, my ex praise the replacement to me that (which obviously attempt to generate some kind jealousy) she thought the replacement were so excellent on both arts and athletes. In reality, someone without a stable job n fat like that you call that a sporty person? I couldnt even argue back or told any friends becos I knew so well it was her to provoke jealousy should I fight back their distorted perception and will myself sound like a jealous in the eyes of our mutual friends (should added that she already plaint me a jealous person in the smear campaign) and waiting me to fall into the trap and act in the role in front of audience.

As everyone knows, post break up drama follows. The triangulation drama game took place mainly on her fb. All those subtle devious comments were aimed at tear down my reputation, my ego and self esteem. She was not alone in there, the replacement joined (again ex sold my ego to the replacement boast some energy there so she can torture the replacement longer in later stages). I enjoy free mind and never ever would want to imagine such ugly power game in my family and pure friend/love relationship. I hate my ex put such anger and install such negative perspective in my mindset.

Now she and the replacement was enjoying their pure innocent love dreamland with no enemy (me) and power game.  Oh really, switch identity. I am the one who suppose to have innocent and positive perspective! She finished offload her dark soul to me. The few times she contact me, she comment I have such power game mentality when judging whatever she says and she says she is just an easy going person. Oh yes, because I am conscious, put the ___ to surface; while you just suppress it to your subconscious but so many things you say the true meaning is not on the content but the context. Even now, the times she contact me I still feel the subtle message in her sayings (despising, break my ego wall, challenge my thoughts > to change my perception). I cannot even complain to my friends becos i will degrade my value even more as overly sensitive or somekind of crazy mind.

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« Reply #49 on: September 05, 2014, 07:09:26 AM »

Totally agree with the "she's just like me"; he has three ex wives, but the one who I have met is EXACTLY like me: looks like me too! I swear I think the initial WOW factor for him was our very similar appearance, very similar FOO, and VERY similar occupations and professional experience. Our names are almost identical (except for one letter)--all four of us have names beginning with the letter K, as does his daughter by the first wife. I have so wanted to reach out to his ex primarily to say I'm so sorry for what she went through for 17 years; I know some of it must have been worse than I got. She stood by him (not how he characterized it) while he racked up multiple charges for financial fraud and eventually left her with two little boys while his entitled ___ went to federal prison from where she divorced him--but not until after he was two years into his sentence. She lost nearly everything but her two sons who are impressive young men--they will never understand what a blessing it was to be without him for three formative years. She has taken her life back and seems to be in a MUCH better place. I really just want to say, "You go girl!" And I pray she does not get lured back in. So judging from the past, he'll find someone from an affluent family who has serious FOO issues and self esteem problems. He will find a codependent who wants to help people to her detriment, and how will he lure her? He just wants to HELP her aka needs her to need him!

We are the same woman, his exwife, me and his replacement, we just look different thats all. Now I have the opportunity to become a different "true" me, like his exwife has done. She has gone totally NC on him, i didnt understand then, thought she was a total b*tch, now I understand... .
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« Reply #50 on: September 05, 2014, 07:22:39 AM »

SC91, i can tell you are so very hurt by these events. having your ex use someone else to degrade you and join in their abuse is horrible to endure.

i have a couple suggestions though--do you think you can be grateful that you can see your replacement as "lower standard"? what i mean is, i was in a similar situation. in that as you say by any conventional standards my replacement just wasn't on the same level. it wasn't just my opinion but everyone was kind of shocked at who she was with. however i could see it for what it was. she wanted and needed to be with someone who she could control and deceive. and i actually felt sorry for the guy. i knew on the outside that my ex was way out of his league and that she was just using him to try and embarrass me and soothe her own tumultuous emotions. you are dealing with the extra drama since your ex has recruited the replacement to make negative comments about you and play the game. but you also have to see that the replacement is being lied to and used, to hurt you--take pity on this person. because after your ex is tired of attacking you and using the replacement to do so, they are going to completely trash the replacement.

for me the most painful part of seeing my ex with the replacement was that i was forced to see my ex in a different light. i always looked at her with a lot of respect, but then when she was with this corny guy within weeks... .i mean, it was embarrassing. i was like, ok, *this* is the woman i thought was so attractive? she gives it up to a guy like this and is completely in love? and it hurt, a *lot*.

i learned, brutally, that my ex wasn't worth so much at all. yet i never allowed myself to demonize the replacement. i think often times demonizing the replacement is a way that we, the non, avoid devaluing our exes. we talk about how horrible the replacement is, so that we can avoid the even more painful realization that our exes are actually sleeping with this person. and if they are with this person and idealizing them so much, then what does that say about us? well, it says nothing about us. but it doesn't feel this way all the time. my suggestion is to take the energy you are directing towards devaluing the replacement (who is really only a victim) and devalue your ex and the false person they show to the world. this is harder to do but closer to the truth, and will help push you closer to detachment.
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« Reply #51 on: September 05, 2014, 08:19:35 AM »

i learned, brutally, that my ex wasn't worth so much at all. yet i never allowed myself to demonize the replacement. i think often times demonizing the replacement is a way that we, the non, avoid devaluing our exes. we talk about how horrible the replacement is, so that we can avoid the even more painful realization that our exes are actually sleeping with this person. and if they are with this person and idealizing them so much, then what does that say about us? well, it says nothing about us. but it doesn't feel this way all the time. my suggestion is to take the energy you are directing towards devaluing the replacement (who is really only a victim) and devalue your ex and the false person they show to the world. this is harder to do but closer to the truth, and will help push you closer to detachment.

I was there as well. Couldn't understand why she would want a bottom feeder like him around. I saw him as someone who had been sniffing around her while pushing and manipulating and for that I wanted to break his jaw. Maybe he did manipulate but all I can know for sure is that I don't care anymore. There were times I wanted to hurt him badly but I am indifferent to him now. Whatever he is he will soon walk through the same warzone I did if he isn't already. I imagine them having sex - I feel nothing. I imagine them crawling into bed together for the night and falling asleep embracing each other like she and I used to do - I feel no jealousy. I accept that it was she who played me and quite beautifully so. My hatred has been firmly transferred to her and her alone.
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« Reply #52 on: September 05, 2014, 08:20:57 AM »

SC91, i can tell you are so very hurt by these events. having your ex use someone else to degrade you and join in their abuse is horrible to endure.

i have a couple suggestions though--do you think you can be grateful that you can see your replacement as "lower standard"? what i mean is, i was in a similar situation. in that as you say by any conventional standards my replacement just wasn't on the same level. it wasn't just my opinion but everyone was kind of shocked at who she was with. however i could see it for what it was. she wanted and needed to be with someone who she could control and deceive. and i actually felt sorry for the guy. i knew on the outside that my ex was way out of his league and that she was just using him to try and embarrass me and soothe her own tumultuous emotions. you are dealing with the extra drama since your ex has recruited the replacement to make negative comments about you and play the game. but you also have to see that the replacement is being lied to and used, to hurt you--take pity on this person. because after your ex is tired of attacking you and using the replacement to do so, they are going to completely trash the replacement.

for me the most painful part of seeing my ex with the replacement was that i was forced to see my ex in a different light. i always looked at her with a lot of respect, but then when she was with this corny guy within weeks... .i mean, it was embarrassing. i was like, ok, *this* is the woman i thought was so attractive? she gives it up to a guy like this and is completely in love? and it hurt, a *lot*.

i learned, brutally, that my ex wasn't worth so much at all. yet i never allowed myself to demonize the replacement. i think often times demonizing the replacement is a way that we, the non, avoid devaluing our exes. we talk about how horrible the replacement is, so that we can avoid the even more painful realization that our exes are actually sleeping with this person. and if they are with this person and idealizing them so much, then what does that say about us? well, it says nothing about us. but it doesn't feel this way all the time. my suggestion is to take the energy you are directing towards devaluing the replacement (who is really only a victim) and devalue your ex and the false person they show to the world. this is harder to do but closer to the truth, and will help push you closer to detachment.

Mine used her replacement to degrade me in public repeatedly and he played along, too... .HOW SICK IS THAT?  Are we in 7th grade?

It was effective, it really hurt... .but what made me rally was that "I" don't treat people that way... .EVER!  When she is alone she will try to walk up to me like everything is like it always was... .I always just put my head down in disgust and walk around her. Not a word, no engagement.  How can I love myself and interact with that? (No fake conversations for me, thanks!)... . They are really sick... It is pathetic, really. It makes it so much easier to love you and keep them OUT of your life!  I just would rather be alone and enjoying the things in my life that I love than be in that psycho drama.
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Lolster
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« Reply #53 on: September 05, 2014, 08:28:33 AM »

I think I might adopt a dog and stick with that.

That's what I did, it's working well as the dog doesn't like most men and is uber protective.  He is my BS detector, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Recooperating
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« Reply #54 on: September 05, 2014, 08:32:51 AM »

So so true Infrared!

I had the same experience! As soon as my exBPD cycles back to me and I took him back (STUPID!) the replacement and the exwife teamed up together to harras and stalk me.

They sent me pictures with my ex and her in bed together... .Did a nice smear campaign on FB, even threathn my life. I NEVER reacted to it, stood above the high school drama.

In retrospect I cant be sure how much me ex had to do with that and instigated that... .He must have loved the female war around him... .Cause eventhough it was negative... .It all revolved around him. I dont blame these women, i dont agree with their actions at all, but I dont know what they have been told about me. The ex wife went out of her way to tell me he was NPD, in a really spitefull ___ed up way.

I am really curious how the ex wife and replacement co-excist now. They were best friends when I was the scapegoat, now the replacement is back with him... .Must suck for the ex wife!

I just dont bother myself with the drama. They can all do and think what they want. I dont hate these women, i dont know what they were told... .

Im just glad im out of the kindergarten drama!
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topknot
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« Reply #55 on: September 05, 2014, 10:24:45 AM »

Hey,  Suspicious1, I love your post! I have often thought that! We are intelligent,  articulate, and there are some awesome people on this forum!  We should do a post BPD dating group Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Artisan
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« Reply #56 on: September 05, 2014, 11:08:47 AM »

Why the hell would any of us want to date again?

Can you really trust love or somebody who claims they love you ever again ?

I don't think I can.

I've lost the trust.

Lost the faith.

And realize that there is only one person in this world that has my best interest at heart ... .and that is myself.

Thank you BPD for helping me realize how Eff'ed up I have been in trying to be kind, loving, warm, caring and loyal.
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« Reply #57 on: September 05, 2014, 02:05:15 PM »

I can say no she did not improve. the first time she left me she ran back to her ex. after six months she came running back to me.  she was still seeing the ex behind my back . after about two months of living together she would tell me that she was seeing the ex again and I put up with it . so she left me again for the ex. we went two years with out seeing each other nc. then one day we ran into each other . she told me that the ex was cheating on her and kicked her out .so like a dumb butt I took her back . we lived together for a year and a half . guess what?  she was still seeing the ex. so we broke again and this the last time because I kicked her out this time.

now she is seeing a friend of mine . I told her why are you doing this? all you will do is hurt her . just like u have everybody else.

every one of her partner have been to the mental hospital .

every one of her partners she has left just to come back too.

everyone of them she has broke.

everyone of them has ptsd

she allows her son to abuse everyone of us.

we are all very addict to her.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones because I no all of the exs because we was friends before lovers.

so no they are not any better. and if they are with them they are going to go through the same hell as every one of us went through. just wait you will here about it soon enough.
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« Reply #58 on: September 05, 2014, 02:46:08 PM »

My uBPD ex gf showed me pictures of him on Facebook during their "friendship" phase so that I wouldn't be jealous of him. He's not a great looking guy. At age 33, he had only been with two women and his life, including his wife.

Two weeks after she left me for him I had been standing on the street, talking to a drop out of the same PhD program that I knew he was in. I had met this guy a few times, but this was a completely random occurrence, bumping into him on the street like that. As we are talking, up walks this little troll of a man and the two of them greet each other. I would have never known my replacement if I had simply passed him on the street, but when I realize they knew each other, I felt my heart sink. Here was my replacement.

I was so stunned but I did manage to ask if he knew my ex by name. He smiled and said "oh yeah, I know ____."  I told him that until two weeks ago, she had been my girlfriend. I also told him I should knock his teeth out. He simply said "I hope you don't," and then walked away.

Really? This guy? She must either think he is brilliant, or a degenerate, drug addicted screw up like her. Or maybe both. It just seems awfully strange to see a really cute woman with this ogre of a man. It's a beauty and the beast type thing. Me, on the other hand? I was "boring" --but no, really, in a good way.

I talked to her a couple of weeks ago, and now she spends half of her day in bed, sleeping off the drugs she took the night before. She is also suffering from very high anxiety and depression, although she could be working the pity angle. Funny how a depressive would have never been concerned about causing her former significant other to lapse into a depression from her lying, gaslighting, cheating, and two month long recycling between the two of us. But I guess she's "happy" now.
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« Reply #59 on: September 05, 2014, 02:49:12 PM »

Last time I saw my exgf she was complaining about her ex husband being an A hole. He is in a relationship with an exgf of his and they seem very happy. I guess this is why as he wants nothing to do with her. Maybe she was wanting to recycle him and he rejected her.

I felt sorry for him as he ended up with depression before she left him. They were together for 6 years and it has made me wonder how they lasted so long.

After reading this post I now realise that he was probably more guilable than me and more easily manipulated. Im a fairly intelligent guy and she had me tied up in knots so I guess with him it was a lot easier.
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