Out of a ten year relationship

[walksoftly]

Hi everyone,

So pleased to be a part of this discussion.

Its been almost two years since my ex left me for another man; a man that is twelve years her senior, is overweight and not very attractive. I used to work with him and his personality is flat- and he is going through his third messy divorce and has three children under 16 from two different marriages.

My ex wife is physically fit, and very attractive. She suffers from bulimia, is obsessed with her weight, very competitive with other women and has a water enema every morning. She came from one of the richest family's in Canada but was kicked out of the house at 14 and she lived on the streets of Toronto until she was ordered by the courts to go to alcohol and drug treatment.

This was where she fell in love with the head of the program and as she puts it- she thought he was Jesus Christ, she truly believed it. They lasted ten years until she devalued him and left him. Then she meets the next love of her life, and she found out he was cheating on her. Rather than leave and grieve she stayed with him for five months- borrowing money from him, using his car, credit cards, etc. She then cheated on him, called his employer and basically ruined him. He had to leave his nometown and she felt justified.

Then me... .she said she loved me in the first two weeks- she was with her boyfriend at the time but she told me it was nothing and she would drop him. I believed it was nothing but realize now it was serious to him.

Over the last ten years she has hit me three times in front of my daughter, threw things at me, hit me several times when we were alone and constantly nagged at me- nothing was ever good enough. The separation was high conflict- she refused to honor child visitation, reported me to children and family services, attempted to obtain a restraining order... .nothing came to fruition.

I now ask her to honor my relationship with my daughter and she textx back " hey dummy, your an idiot.Go ___ yourself"

I am now with a loving beautiful partner who has empathy and has no desire for chaos creation. God! The chaos manufacture- its out of my life! 

[Contradancer]

So sorry for what you've been through. Though my marriage to a BPD didn't end as chaos-filled as your's, my partner's did. You've been in a train wreck.

What have you been doing to heal both yourself and your daughter from the damage done? A lot of us have PTSD, for example.

Please keep sharing and learning. Best wishes.

[tired-of-it-all]

I am glad that you only wasted 10 years on her.  I have wasted over 30.  Sounds like she and the new man deserve each other.  Too bad there are so many kids in their collective wakes.  I know for a fact that when one parent is mentally healthy, it makes the children healthy.  You are a safe haven for your daughter even if she is influenced by her mother.  She will see the way you live your life and it will be good for her.  It may take time and there may be rough spots but she will see that you are happy and healthy and serene.

Best wishes to you.

[Traumatized]

It's kind of like, "I had a ten year relationship with someone with BPD and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." 

No wait, even that's been taken away!